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THE 3 C'S RULE
"I didn't Cause it, I can't Cure it, and I can't Control it.". At first, these ideas may seem limiting to a Non-Personality-Disordered individual in terms of reducing how much power they have to change the personality-disordered individual in their lives, these rules are far more liberating to a Non-PD who remembers them and discovers that they are no longer responsible for another personLEAVING CHECKLIST
The Leaving Checklist is a list of things to prepare and things to consider before, during and after separating from a person who suffers from a personality disorder. BEFORE YOU LEAVE : Start a private bank account in a bank that your SO doesn't use and put money in it. Rent apost office box a
ENABLING — OUT OF THE FOG Enabling - Enabling is a pattern of behavior, often adopted by abuse victims, which seeks to avoid confrontation and conflict by absorbing the abuse without challenging it or setting boundaries.The perpetrator of the abuse is thus "enabled" to continue their pattern of behavior. Enabling is a strategy often adopted by victims of abuse in an effort to try to placate the abuser by giving them BELITTLING, CONDESCENDING AND PATRONIZING Definition: Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness. Masked Nastiness Many people with Personality Disorders suffer fromlow
FLEAS — OUT OF THE FOG Fleas - When a non-personality-disordered individual (Non-PD) begins imitating or emulating some of the disordered behavior of a loved one or family member with a personality disorder this is sometimes referred to as "getting fleas".. Fleas comes from the adage “Lie down with dogs and you are bound to get fleas”. Sometimes, when a person has been exposed to an abusive situation for a IDENTITY DISTURBANCE Definition: Identity Disturbance - A psychological term used to describe a distorted or inconsistent self-view Who Are You Today? Identity disturbances involve an illogical or incoherent, inconsistent pattern of thoughts and feelings which go beyond logical pessimism,low self-image or
TRIANGULATION / DIVIDE & CONQUER Definition: Triangulation - Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other. Description: Some people who suffer from personality disorders, particularly the Cluster B disorders Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder have a tendency to view or judge FATHERS WHO HURT THEIR CHILDREN OUT OF THE FOGTYPESTOP 100 TRAITSWHAT TO DOWHAT IT FEELS LIKEABOUTPERSONALITY DISORDERS Helping family members & loved-ones of people who suffer from personality disorders. BORDERLINE MOTHER TYPES Clinician Christine Ann Lawson, Ph.D. developed four distinct types of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in her book Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship (2000). Dr. Lawson's book categorizes borderTHE 3 C'S RULE
"I didn't Cause it, I can't Cure it, and I can't Control it.". At first, these ideas may seem limiting to a Non-Personality-Disordered individual in terms of reducing how much power they have to change the personality-disordered individual in their lives, these rules are far more liberating to a Non-PD who remembers them and discovers that they are no longer responsible for another personLEAVING CHECKLIST
The Leaving Checklist is a list of things to prepare and things to consider before, during and after separating from a person who suffers from a personality disorder. BEFORE YOU LEAVE : Start a private bank account in a bank that your SO doesn't use and put money in it. Rent apost office box a
ENABLING — OUT OF THE FOG Enabling - Enabling is a pattern of behavior, often adopted by abuse victims, which seeks to avoid confrontation and conflict by absorbing the abuse without challenging it or setting boundaries.The perpetrator of the abuse is thus "enabled" to continue their pattern of behavior. Enabling is a strategy often adopted by victims of abuse in an effort to try to placate the abuser by giving them BELITTLING, CONDESCENDING AND PATRONIZING Definition: Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness. Masked Nastiness Many people with Personality Disorders suffer fromlow
FLEAS — OUT OF THE FOG Fleas - When a non-personality-disordered individual (Non-PD) begins imitating or emulating some of the disordered behavior of a loved one or family member with a personality disorder this is sometimes referred to as "getting fleas".. Fleas comes from the adage “Lie down with dogs and you are bound to get fleas”. Sometimes, when a person has been exposed to an abusive situation for a IDENTITY DISTURBANCE Definition: Identity Disturbance - A psychological term used to describe a distorted or inconsistent self-view Who Are You Today? Identity disturbances involve an illogical or incoherent, inconsistent pattern of thoughts and feelings which go beyond logical pessimism,low self-image or
TRIANGULATION / DIVIDE & CONQUER Definition: Triangulation - Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other. Description: Some people who suffer from personality disorders, particularly the Cluster B disorders Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder have a tendency to view or judge FATHERS WHO HURT THEIR CHILDRENPARENTIFICATION
Definition: Parentification - A form of role reversal, in which a child is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the family’s other children. Leaning on Little People Some parents with Personality Disorders attempt to delegate part of theSHAME & SHAMING
Definition: Shaming - The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.. Feeling Deeply Stained. Shaming is a technique used by abusive people to divert attention away from their own behavior and issues by putting pressure on a victim so they can maintain control. HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDER (HPD) HPD Introduction Histrionic Personality Disorder is characterized by an extreme interest in drawing the attentions of others, favorable or unfavorable, to oneself. HPD is estimated to affect up to 1% of the population. People who suffer from HPD are sometimes accused of beinga "drama queen&
FAVORITISM & SCAPEGOATING Definition: Favoritism - Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment to one child, subordinate or associate among a family or group of peers. ‘Golden Child’ syndrome Everyone has favorites. No two relationships in this world are identical. Every relations CHEATING — OUT OF THE FOG Definition: Cheating - Sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else. Outside ‘Interests’ According to researchers, as many as one in five married people will commit adultery at some stage, and the odds aINVALIDATION
Definition: Invalidation - The creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic or worthless. The Distorted Mirror Abusive people will often use invalidation as a meansPARALLEL PARENTING
Parallel Parenting is a form of parenting in which a divorced couple assume or are assigned specific parental duties while minimizing or eliminating contact with each other, thus minimizing exposure of the children to potential conflict. NARCISSISM — OUT OF THE FOG Definition: Narcissism - A set of behaviors characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration for others. When the Self Drowns Out All Else The term Narcissism comes from the Greekmythological char
JADE - DON'T JUSTIFY, ARGUE, DEFEND, EXPLAIN To avoid circular conversations, don't JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. Many Non-PD's are, by nature, consensus-builders. They can be notorious for having an over-developed need to explain themselves. They will talk and debate and rationalize until they are exhausted.This trait is usefu
CHRONIC BROKEN PROMISES Definition: Chronic Broken Promises - Repeatedly making and then breaking commitments and promises is a common trait among people who suffer from personality disorders. Description: People with Personality Disorders often make promises or accept commitments and responsibilities, then fail to f OUT OF THE FOGTYPESTOP 100 TRAITSWHAT TO DOWHAT IT FEELS LIKEABOUTPERSONALITY DISORDERS Helping family members & loved-ones. Personality Disorders are serious mental-health conditions which affect millions of people. They are often misunderstood and undiagnosed. MOVIES — OUT OF THE FOG The Wizard of Oz - The Wizard of Oz is a 1944 movie starring Judy Garland which is sometimes used as a metaphor to describe the disconnect between the dissociated reality of the personality-disordered individual (Oz) and the real world experienced by the Non-PD (Kansas). The metaphor is based on the iconic phrase: "Toto - I've a feeling we're FLEAS — OUT OF THE FOG Fleas - When a non-personality-disordered individual (Non-PD) begins imitating or emulating some of the disordered behavior of a loved one or family member with a personality disorder this is sometimes referred to as "getting fleas".. Fleas comes from the adage “Lie down with dogs and you are bound to get fleas”. Sometimes, when a person has been exposed to an abusive situation for a BORDERLINE MOTHER TYPES Clinician Christine Ann Lawson, Ph.D. developed four distinct types of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in her book Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship (2000). Dr. Lawson's book categorizes border ENABLING — OUT OF THE FOG Enabling - Enabling is a pattern of behavior, often adopted by abuse victims, which seeks to avoid confrontation and conflict by absorbing the abuse without challenging it or setting boundaries.The perpetrator of the abuse is thus "enabled" to continue their pattern of behavior. Enabling is a strategy often adopted by victims of abuse in an effort to try to placate the abuser by giving themTHE 3 C'S RULE
Additionally, people who abuse others often look for justification for their behavior and a convenient excuse can usually be found in the imperfections of the hapless victim. Here at Out of the FOG, we believe everyone is responsible for their own actions and must be held accountable for their own behavior. This includes people who sufferform
BELITTLING, CONDESCENDING AND PATRONIZING Definition: Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness. Masked Nastiness Many people with Personality Disorders suffer fromlow
LEAVING CHECKLIST
The Leaving Checklist is a list of things to prepare and things to consider before, during and after separating from a person who suffers from a personality disorder. BEFORE YOU LEAVE : Start a private bank account in a bank that your SO doesn't use and put money in it. Rent apost office box a
NO CONTACT — OUT OF THE FOG No Contact. December 04, 2015 / Tariq Thowfeek. Going "No Contact" means cutting off all forms of correspondence, communication and personal contact with a person who suffers from a personality disorder in order to protect yourself from recurring abuse. There aren't many long term solutions for dealing with a person with a personalitydisorder.
FATHERS WHO HURT THEIR CHILDREN OUT OF THE FOGTYPESTOP 100 TRAITSWHAT TO DOWHAT IT FEELS LIKEABOUTPERSONALITY DISORDERS Helping family members & loved-ones. Personality Disorders are serious mental-health conditions which affect millions of people. They are often misunderstood and undiagnosed. MOVIES — OUT OF THE FOG The Wizard of Oz - The Wizard of Oz is a 1944 movie starring Judy Garland which is sometimes used as a metaphor to describe the disconnect between the dissociated reality of the personality-disordered individual (Oz) and the real world experienced by the Non-PD (Kansas). The metaphor is based on the iconic phrase: "Toto - I've a feeling we're FLEAS — OUT OF THE FOG Fleas - When a non-personality-disordered individual (Non-PD) begins imitating or emulating some of the disordered behavior of a loved one or family member with a personality disorder this is sometimes referred to as "getting fleas".. Fleas comes from the adage “Lie down with dogs and you are bound to get fleas”. Sometimes, when a person has been exposed to an abusive situation for a BORDERLINE MOTHER TYPES Clinician Christine Ann Lawson, Ph.D. developed four distinct types of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in her book Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship (2000). Dr. Lawson's book categorizes border ENABLING — OUT OF THE FOG Enabling - Enabling is a pattern of behavior, often adopted by abuse victims, which seeks to avoid confrontation and conflict by absorbing the abuse without challenging it or setting boundaries.The perpetrator of the abuse is thus "enabled" to continue their pattern of behavior. Enabling is a strategy often adopted by victims of abuse in an effort to try to placate the abuser by giving themTHE 3 C'S RULE
Additionally, people who abuse others often look for justification for their behavior and a convenient excuse can usually be found in the imperfections of the hapless victim. Here at Out of the FOG, we believe everyone is responsible for their own actions and must be held accountable for their own behavior. This includes people who sufferform
BELITTLING, CONDESCENDING AND PATRONIZING Definition: Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness. Masked Nastiness Many people with Personality Disorders suffer fromlow
LEAVING CHECKLIST
The Leaving Checklist is a list of things to prepare and things to consider before, during and after separating from a person who suffers from a personality disorder. BEFORE YOU LEAVE : Start a private bank account in a bank that your SO doesn't use and put money in it. Rent apost office box a
NO CONTACT — OUT OF THE FOG No Contact. December 04, 2015 / Tariq Thowfeek. Going "No Contact" means cutting off all forms of correspondence, communication and personal contact with a person who suffers from a personality disorder in order to protect yourself from recurring abuse. There aren't many long term solutions for dealing with a person with a personalitydisorder.
FATHERS WHO HURT THEIR CHILDREN INTRODUCTION & OVERVIEW A Different Perspective. Here in Out of the FOG, we have compiled a collection of the Top 100 Traits of Personality Disordered Individuals which is written from a Non-PD's perspective and includes ideas for coping which you will not find in the clinical information on personality disorders listed on this page. You are encouraged to review the common behaviors page where you may find examples TOOLBOX — OUT OF THE FOG Every relationship between a Personality-Disordered Individual and a Non Personality-Disordered Individual is as unique as the DNA of the people involved. Nevertheless, there are some common behavior patterns associated with Non-PD's, some of which you may recognize. Some of them are described here. PROJECTION — OUT OF THE FOG Projection. November 04, 2015 / Tariq Thowfeek. The act of attributing one's own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits. Wearing someone else’s stuff. Because people with Personality Disorders have an unstable view of themselves, sometimes they can losetrack of
RESCUER SYNDROME
Rescuer Syndrome - Rescuer Syndrome is when a non-personality-disordered individual assumes that their own strength, skill and knowledge are adequate to compensate for a personality-disordered individual's behavioral issues.. Many Chosen Non-PD’s are fixers, rescuers and well-meaning individuals who try to use their own ability to bring about change in others through thepower of
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Favoritism - Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment to one child, subordinate or associate among a family or group of peers. FOG - Fear, Obligation & Guilt - The acronym FOG, for Fear, Obligation and Guilt, was first coined by Susan Forward & Donna Frazier in Emotional Blackmail anddescribes
IDENTITY DISTURBANCE Identity disturbances involve an illogical or incoherent, inconsistent pattern of thoughts and feelings which go beyond logical pessimism, low self-image or a negative outlook. People with an Identity Disturbance may frequently speak, think or act in ways which are contradictory, even to themselves. They may think they are fabulousone day, and
TRIANGULATION / DIVIDE & CONQUER This is a passive-aggressive “Divide and Conquer” approach, as it makes use of a proxy rather than generating a direct conflict with their target. When it works, the Personality Disordered individual gets a feeling of control, superiority or gratification from gaining control over or lowering the social status of a ‘rival’.INVALIDATION
Invalidation is an aggressive form of emotional abuse. If someone uses invalidation on you it is important to recognize it and to understand that they are not looking for a compromise or a way to meet you in the middle at that particular moment. They are using a power play to win - to suppress your needs in favor of their own. JADE - DON'T JUSTIFY, ARGUE, DEFEND, EXPLAIN To avoid circular conversations, don't JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. Many Non-PD's are, by nature, consensus-builders. They can be notorious for having an over-developed need to explain themselves. They will talk and debate and rationalize until they are exhausted.This trait is usefu
SITUATIONAL ETHICS
Definition: Situational Ethics - A philosophy which promotes the idea that, when dealing with a crisis, the end justifies the means and that a rigid interpretation of rules and laws can be set aside if a greater good or lesser evil is served by doing so. Any Thought in a StormSituati
OUT OF THE FOGTYPESTOP 100 TRAITSWHAT TO DOWHAT IT FEELS LIKEABOUTPERSONALITY DISORDERS Helping family members & loved-ones. Personality Disorders are serious mental-health conditions which affect millions of people. They are often misunderstood and undiagnosed. MOVIES — OUT OF THE FOG The Wizard of Oz - The Wizard of Oz is a 1944 movie starring Judy Garland which is sometimes used as a metaphor to describe the disconnect between the dissociated reality of the personality-disordered individual (Oz) and the real world experienced by the Non-PD (Kansas). The metaphor is based on the iconic phrase: "Toto - I've a feeling we're FLEAS — OUT OF THE FOG Fleas - When a non-personality-disordered individual (Non-PD) begins imitating or emulating some of the disordered behavior of a loved one or family member with a personality disorder this is sometimes referred to as "getting fleas".. Fleas comes from the adage “Lie down with dogs and you are bound to get fleas”. Sometimes, when a person has been exposed to an abusive situation for a BORDERLINE MOTHER TYPES Clinician Christine Ann Lawson, Ph.D. developed four distinct types of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in her book Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship (2000). Dr. Lawson's book categorizes border ENABLING — OUT OF THE FOGENABLING BEHAVIOR ADDICTIONENABLING BEHAVIOR DEFINITIONENABLING BEHAVIORS PDFEXAMPLES OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR Enabling - Enabling is a pattern of behavior, often adopted by abuse victims, which seeks to avoid confrontation and conflict by absorbing the abuse without challenging it or setting boundaries.The perpetrator of the abuse is thus "enabled" to continue their pattern of behavior. Enabling is a strategy often adopted by victims of abuse in an effort to try to placate the abuser by giving themTHE 3 C'S RULE
Additionally, people who abuse others often look for justification for their behavior and a convenient excuse can usually be found in the imperfections of the hapless victim. Here at Out of the FOG, we believe everyone is responsible for their own actions and must be held accountable for their own behavior. This includes people who sufferform
BELITTLING, CONDESCENDING AND PATRONIZING Definition: Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness. Masked Nastiness Many people with Personality Disorders suffer fromlow
LEAVING CHECKLIST
The Leaving Checklist is a list of things to prepare and things to consider before, during and after separating from a person who suffers from a personality disorder. BEFORE YOU LEAVE : Start a private bank account in a bank that your SO doesn't use and put money in it. Rent apost office box a
NO CONTACT — OUT OF THE FOG No Contact. December 04, 2015 / Tariq Thowfeek. Going "No Contact" means cutting off all forms of correspondence, communication and personal contact with a person who suffers from a personality disorder in order to protect yourself from recurring abuse. There aren't many long term solutions for dealing with a person with a personalitydisorder.
FATHERS WHO HURT THEIR CHILDREN OUT OF THE FOGTYPESTOP 100 TRAITSWHAT TO DOWHAT IT FEELS LIKEABOUTPERSONALITY DISORDERS Helping family members & loved-ones. Personality Disorders are serious mental-health conditions which affect millions of people. They are often misunderstood and undiagnosed. MOVIES — OUT OF THE FOG The Wizard of Oz - The Wizard of Oz is a 1944 movie starring Judy Garland which is sometimes used as a metaphor to describe the disconnect between the dissociated reality of the personality-disordered individual (Oz) and the real world experienced by the Non-PD (Kansas). The metaphor is based on the iconic phrase: "Toto - I've a feeling we're FLEAS — OUT OF THE FOG Fleas - When a non-personality-disordered individual (Non-PD) begins imitating or emulating some of the disordered behavior of a loved one or family member with a personality disorder this is sometimes referred to as "getting fleas".. Fleas comes from the adage “Lie down with dogs and you are bound to get fleas”. Sometimes, when a person has been exposed to an abusive situation for a BORDERLINE MOTHER TYPES Clinician Christine Ann Lawson, Ph.D. developed four distinct types of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in her book Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship (2000). Dr. Lawson's book categorizes border ENABLING — OUT OF THE FOGENABLING BEHAVIOR ADDICTIONENABLING BEHAVIOR DEFINITIONENABLING BEHAVIORS PDFEXAMPLES OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR Enabling - Enabling is a pattern of behavior, often adopted by abuse victims, which seeks to avoid confrontation and conflict by absorbing the abuse without challenging it or setting boundaries.The perpetrator of the abuse is thus "enabled" to continue their pattern of behavior. Enabling is a strategy often adopted by victims of abuse in an effort to try to placate the abuser by giving themTHE 3 C'S RULE
Additionally, people who abuse others often look for justification for their behavior and a convenient excuse can usually be found in the imperfections of the hapless victim. Here at Out of the FOG, we believe everyone is responsible for their own actions and must be held accountable for their own behavior. This includes people who sufferform
BELITTLING, CONDESCENDING AND PATRONIZING Definition: Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness. Masked Nastiness Many people with Personality Disorders suffer fromlow
LEAVING CHECKLIST
The Leaving Checklist is a list of things to prepare and things to consider before, during and after separating from a person who suffers from a personality disorder. BEFORE YOU LEAVE : Start a private bank account in a bank that your SO doesn't use and put money in it. Rent apost office box a
NO CONTACT — OUT OF THE FOG No Contact. December 04, 2015 / Tariq Thowfeek. Going "No Contact" means cutting off all forms of correspondence, communication and personal contact with a person who suffers from a personality disorder in order to protect yourself from recurring abuse. There aren't many long term solutions for dealing with a person with a personalitydisorder.
FATHERS WHO HURT THEIR CHILDREN INTRODUCTION & OVERVIEW A Different Perspective. Here in Out of the FOG, we have compiled a collection of the Top 100 Traits of Personality Disordered Individuals which is written from a Non-PD's perspective and includes ideas for coping which you will not find in the clinical information on personality disorders listed on this page. You are encouraged to review the common behaviors page where you may find examples TOOLBOX — OUT OF THE FOG Every relationship between a Personality-Disordered Individual and a Non Personality-Disordered Individual is as unique as the DNA of the people involved. Nevertheless, there are some common behavior patterns associated with Non-PD's, some of which you may recognize. Some of them are described here.EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Favoritism - Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment to one child, subordinate or associate among a family or group of peers. FOG - Fear, Obligation & Guilt - The acronym FOG, for Fear, Obligation and Guilt, was first coined by Susan Forward & Donna Frazier in Emotional Blackmail anddescribes
RESCUER SYNDROME
Rescuer Syndrome - Rescuer Syndrome is when a non-personality-disordered individual assumes that their own strength, skill and knowledge are adequate to compensate for a personality-disordered individual's behavioral issues.. Many Chosen Non-PD’s are fixers, rescuers and well-meaning individuals who try to use their own ability to bring about change in others through thepower of
PROJECTION — OUT OF THE FOG Projection. November 04, 2015 / Tariq Thowfeek. The act of attributing one's own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits. Wearing someone else’s stuff. Because people with Personality Disorders have an unstable view of themselves, sometimes they can losetrack of
IDENTITY DISTURBANCE Identity disturbances involve an illogical or incoherent, inconsistent pattern of thoughts and feelings which go beyond logical pessimism, low self-image or a negative outlook. People with an Identity Disturbance may frequently speak, think or act in ways which are contradictory, even to themselves. They may think they are fabulousone day, and
TRIANGULATION / DIVIDE & CONQUER This is a passive-aggressive “Divide and Conquer” approach, as it makes use of a proxy rather than generating a direct conflict with their target. When it works, the Personality Disordered individual gets a feeling of control, superiority or gratification from gaining control over or lowering the social status of a ‘rival’. JADE - DON'T JUSTIFY, ARGUE, DEFEND, EXPLAIN To avoid circular conversations, don't JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. Many Non-PD's are, by nature, consensus-builders. They can be notorious for having an over-developed need to explain themselves. They will talk and debate and rationalize until they are exhausted.This trait is usefu
INVALIDATION
Invalidation is an aggressive form of emotional abuse. If someone uses invalidation on you it is important to recognize it and to understand that they are not looking for a compromise or a way to meet you in the middle at that particular moment. They are using a power play to win - to suppress your needs in favor of their own.SITUATIONAL ETHICS
Definition: Situational Ethics - A philosophy which promotes the idea that, when dealing with a crisis, the end justifies the means and that a rigid interpretation of rules and laws can be set aside if a greater good or lesser evil is served by doing so. Any Thought in a StormSituati
OUT OF THE FOGTYPESTOP 100 TRAITSWHAT TO DOWHAT IT FEELS LIKEABOUTPERSONALITY DISORDERS Helping family members & loved-ones. Personality Disorders are serious mental-health conditions which affect millions of people. They are often misunderstood and undiagnosed. MOVIES — OUT OF THE FOG The Wizard of Oz - The Wizard of Oz is a 1944 movie starring Judy Garland which is sometimes used as a metaphor to describe the disconnect between the dissociated reality of the personality-disordered individual (Oz) and the real world experienced by the Non-PD (Kansas). The metaphor is based on the iconic phrase: "Toto - I've a feeling we're FLEAS — OUT OF THE FOG Fleas - When a non-personality-disordered individual (Non-PD) begins imitating or emulating some of the disordered behavior of a loved one or family member with a personality disorder this is sometimes referred to as "getting fleas".. Fleas comes from the adage “Lie down with dogs and you are bound to get fleas”. Sometimes, when a person has been exposed to an abusive situation for a BORDERLINE MOTHER TYPES Clinician Christine Ann Lawson, Ph.D. developed four distinct types of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in her book Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship (2000). Dr. Lawson's book categorizes border ENABLING — OUT OF THE FOGENABLING BEHAVIOR ADDICTIONENABLING BEHAVIOR DEFINITIONENABLING BEHAVIORS PDFEXAMPLES OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR Enabling - Enabling is a pattern of behavior, often adopted by abuse victims, which seeks to avoid confrontation and conflict by absorbing the abuse without challenging it or setting boundaries.The perpetrator of the abuse is thus "enabled" to continue their pattern of behavior. Enabling is a strategy often adopted by victims of abuse in an effort to try to placate the abuser by giving themTHE 3 C'S RULE
Additionally, people who abuse others often look for justification for their behavior and a convenient excuse can usually be found in the imperfections of the hapless victim. Here at Out of the FOG, we believe everyone is responsible for their own actions and must be held accountable for their own behavior. This includes people who sufferform
BELITTLING, CONDESCENDING AND PATRONIZING Definition: Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness. Masked Nastiness Many people with Personality Disorders suffer fromlow
LEAVING CHECKLIST
The Leaving Checklist is a list of things to prepare and things to consider before, during and after separating from a person who suffers from a personality disorder. BEFORE YOU LEAVE : Start a private bank account in a bank that your SO doesn't use and put money in it. Rent apost office box a
NO CONTACT — OUT OF THE FOG No Contact. December 04, 2015 / Tariq Thowfeek. Going "No Contact" means cutting off all forms of correspondence, communication and personal contact with a person who suffers from a personality disorder in order to protect yourself from recurring abuse. There aren't many long term solutions for dealing with a person with a personalitydisorder.
FATHERS WHO HURT THEIR CHILDREN OUT OF THE FOGTYPESTOP 100 TRAITSWHAT TO DOWHAT IT FEELS LIKEABOUTPERSONALITY DISORDERS Helping family members & loved-ones. Personality Disorders are serious mental-health conditions which affect millions of people. They are often misunderstood and undiagnosed. MOVIES — OUT OF THE FOG The Wizard of Oz - The Wizard of Oz is a 1944 movie starring Judy Garland which is sometimes used as a metaphor to describe the disconnect between the dissociated reality of the personality-disordered individual (Oz) and the real world experienced by the Non-PD (Kansas). The metaphor is based on the iconic phrase: "Toto - I've a feeling we're FLEAS — OUT OF THE FOG Fleas - When a non-personality-disordered individual (Non-PD) begins imitating or emulating some of the disordered behavior of a loved one or family member with a personality disorder this is sometimes referred to as "getting fleas".. Fleas comes from the adage “Lie down with dogs and you are bound to get fleas”. Sometimes, when a person has been exposed to an abusive situation for a BORDERLINE MOTHER TYPES Clinician Christine Ann Lawson, Ph.D. developed four distinct types of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in her book Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship (2000). Dr. Lawson's book categorizes border ENABLING — OUT OF THE FOGENABLING BEHAVIOR ADDICTIONENABLING BEHAVIOR DEFINITIONENABLING BEHAVIORS PDFEXAMPLES OF ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR Enabling - Enabling is a pattern of behavior, often adopted by abuse victims, which seeks to avoid confrontation and conflict by absorbing the abuse without challenging it or setting boundaries.The perpetrator of the abuse is thus "enabled" to continue their pattern of behavior. Enabling is a strategy often adopted by victims of abuse in an effort to try to placate the abuser by giving themTHE 3 C'S RULE
Additionally, people who abuse others often look for justification for their behavior and a convenient excuse can usually be found in the imperfections of the hapless victim. Here at Out of the FOG, we believe everyone is responsible for their own actions and must be held accountable for their own behavior. This includes people who sufferform
BELITTLING, CONDESCENDING AND PATRONIZING Definition: Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness. Masked Nastiness Many people with Personality Disorders suffer fromlow
LEAVING CHECKLIST
The Leaving Checklist is a list of things to prepare and things to consider before, during and after separating from a person who suffers from a personality disorder. BEFORE YOU LEAVE : Start a private bank account in a bank that your SO doesn't use and put money in it. Rent apost office box a
NO CONTACT — OUT OF THE FOG No Contact. December 04, 2015 / Tariq Thowfeek. Going "No Contact" means cutting off all forms of correspondence, communication and personal contact with a person who suffers from a personality disorder in order to protect yourself from recurring abuse. There aren't many long term solutions for dealing with a person with a personalitydisorder.
FATHERS WHO HURT THEIR CHILDREN INTRODUCTION & OVERVIEW A Different Perspective. Here in Out of the FOG, we have compiled a collection of the Top 100 Traits of Personality Disordered Individuals which is written from a Non-PD's perspective and includes ideas for coping which you will not find in the clinical information on personality disorders listed on this page. You are encouraged to review the common behaviors page where you may find examples TOOLBOX — OUT OF THE FOG Every relationship between a Personality-Disordered Individual and a Non Personality-Disordered Individual is as unique as the DNA of the people involved. Nevertheless, there are some common behavior patterns associated with Non-PD's, some of which you may recognize. Some of them are described here.EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Favoritism - Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment to one child, subordinate or associate among a family or group of peers. FOG - Fear, Obligation & Guilt - The acronym FOG, for Fear, Obligation and Guilt, was first coined by Susan Forward & Donna Frazier in Emotional Blackmail anddescribes
RESCUER SYNDROME
Rescuer Syndrome - Rescuer Syndrome is when a non-personality-disordered individual assumes that their own strength, skill and knowledge are adequate to compensate for a personality-disordered individual's behavioral issues.. Many Chosen Non-PD’s are fixers, rescuers and well-meaning individuals who try to use their own ability to bring about change in others through thepower of
PROJECTION — OUT OF THE FOG Projection. November 04, 2015 / Tariq Thowfeek. The act of attributing one's own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits. Wearing someone else’s stuff. Because people with Personality Disorders have an unstable view of themselves, sometimes they can losetrack of
IDENTITY DISTURBANCE Identity disturbances involve an illogical or incoherent, inconsistent pattern of thoughts and feelings which go beyond logical pessimism, low self-image or a negative outlook. People with an Identity Disturbance may frequently speak, think or act in ways which are contradictory, even to themselves. They may think they are fabulousone day, and
TRIANGULATION / DIVIDE & CONQUER This is a passive-aggressive “Divide and Conquer” approach, as it makes use of a proxy rather than generating a direct conflict with their target. When it works, the Personality Disordered individual gets a feeling of control, superiority or gratification from gaining control over or lowering the social status of a ‘rival’. JADE - DON'T JUSTIFY, ARGUE, DEFEND, EXPLAIN To avoid circular conversations, don't JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain. Many Non-PD's are, by nature, consensus-builders. They can be notorious for having an over-developed need to explain themselves. They will talk and debate and rationalize until they are exhausted.This trait is usefu
INVALIDATION
Invalidation is an aggressive form of emotional abuse. If someone uses invalidation on you it is important to recognize it and to understand that they are not looking for a compromise or a way to meet you in the middle at that particular moment. They are using a power play to win - to suppress your needs in favor of their own.SITUATIONAL ETHICS
Definition: Situational Ethics - A philosophy which promotes the idea that, when dealing with a crisis, the end justifies the means and that a rigid interpretation of rules and laws can be set aside if a greater good or lesser evil is served by doing so. Any Thought in a StormSituati
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HELPING FAMILY MEMBERS & LOVED-ONES of people who suffer from personality disorders.* About/
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PERSONALITY DISORDERS ARE SERIOUS MENTAL-HEALTH CONDITIONS WHICH AFFECT MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. THEY ARE OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD ANDUNDIAGNOSED.
------------------------- PERSONALITY DISORDERS Our Personality Disorders Introduction Section contains descriptions of the various personality disordersTOOLBOX
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