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clean better.
“I DON’T LIKE MY BOYFRIEND’S DAUGHTER. SHOULD I BREAK UP Should I leave my wonderful boyfriend, “Peter,” (48) because his teenager daughter is so, so difficult? Peter is my best friend and, frankly, the kindest man I have ever met. He’s a fantastic partner who is loving, attentive, very successful, accomplished, MORNING QUICKIE: “MY HUSBAND WANTS TO MOVE, BUT I DON’T” Morning Quickie: “My Husband Wants to Move, But I Don’t”. I have been married twelve years and my husband is the stepfather of my now adult children. I adore my kids. But my husband wants to move up north to a warmer all-year-round climate. He is much older than I am and I am a young person by nature and I love young people. 15 THINGS COUPLES SHOULD DO BEFORE MOVING IN TOGETHER Yesterday, we had a letter from a young woman who had some concerns — mostly financial — about moving in with her boyfriend of a year. For those of you who are also considering a similar move forward in your relationship and hope to avoid some common pitfalls and a potentially disastrous living situation (and even a breakup), here is a list of 15 things you and your significant other “MY WIFE CAN’T REMEMBER IF SHE CHEATED ON ME” My wife then said, “I am sorry, but I don’t remember any of this or what happened.”. Well, I’m sorry, but unless a person has cheated a godly number of times, I think there would be some recollection of at least the early portion of the evening before the booze took its full effect. Now, I will add to this. “MY BOYFRIEND IS ALWAYS NAKED IN HIS MOM’S HOUSE” My boyfriend is 22 and ever since I have known him, he has been very comfortable being naked or semi-naked in front of his family, which consists of his older sister and his mother. We have been dating for two years and I live with my parents. A while back I pointed out howodd
“MY NEIGHBORS KEEP COMPLAINING TO US ABOUT NOISE” From the forums: I live in a two-family home (think two-story row houses) in a big city and I’m having some problems with my upstairs neighbors. My boyfriend and I live in the one-bedroom apartment on the first floor, and a family with two children, 5 DEAR WENDY — A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SITEADVICEABOUTARCHIVESCATEGORIESSUPPORT DWCONTACT It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now.Today we hear from “Not So Transparent,” who wondered whether she should tell her boyfriend that her friend Nick is trans. She wrote: “He doesn’t know that Nick is trans, which doesn’t matter except I feel “I WANT TO MOVE AND MY WIFE DOES NOT. WILL THIS END OUR I read the column, “My Husband and I Can’t Agree on Where to Move”, as it’s applicable to my situation. My wife and I live in the San Francisco Bay area. My daughter and family live less than 45 minutes away (driving time), with the rest of wife’s family about an hour’s drive away. My “CAN I SKIP MY NIECE’S WEDDING?” I am torn about whether to attend my 30-year-old old niece’s wedding. I love her very much and I’ve always figured I would attend all of my niece’s and nephew’s weddings. I’ve always loved children and, since we don’t have any, I’ve tried to spend as much time as possible with them. Some history: When “AFTER 40 YEARS, I CAN’T STAND MY HUSBAND” “domestic science” used to be a real thing! although i like “domestic art”. and fun fact: “domestic science” is the way that women were first allowed into science. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. she was allowed to study chemistry because she was a woman studying how toclean better.
“I DON’T LIKE MY BOYFRIEND’S DAUGHTER. SHOULD I BREAK UP Should I leave my wonderful boyfriend, “Peter,” (48) because his teenager daughter is so, so difficult? Peter is my best friend and, frankly, the kindest man I have ever met. He’s a fantastic partner who is loving, attentive, very successful, accomplished, MORNING QUICKIE: “MY HUSBAND WANTS TO MOVE, BUT I DON’T” Morning Quickie: “My Husband Wants to Move, But I Don’t”. I have been married twelve years and my husband is the stepfather of my now adult children. I adore my kids. But my husband wants to move up north to a warmer all-year-round climate. He is much older than I am and I am a young person by nature and I love young people. 15 THINGS COUPLES SHOULD DO BEFORE MOVING IN TOGETHER Yesterday, we had a letter from a young woman who had some concerns — mostly financial — about moving in with her boyfriend of a year. For those of you who are also considering a similar move forward in your relationship and hope to avoid some common pitfalls and a potentially disastrous living situation (and even a breakup), here is a list of 15 things you and your significant other “MY WIFE CAN’T REMEMBER IF SHE CHEATED ON ME” My wife then said, “I am sorry, but I don’t remember any of this or what happened.”. Well, I’m sorry, but unless a person has cheated a godly number of times, I think there would be some recollection of at least the early portion of the evening before the booze took its full effect. Now, I will add to this. “MY BOYFRIEND IS ALWAYS NAKED IN HIS MOM’S HOUSE” My boyfriend is 22 and ever since I have known him, he has been very comfortable being naked or semi-naked in front of his family, which consists of his older sister and his mother. We have been dating for two years and I live with my parents. A while back I pointed out howodd
“MY NEIGHBORS KEEP COMPLAINING TO US ABOUT NOISE” From the forums: I live in a two-family home (think two-story row houses) in a big city and I’m having some problems with my upstairs neighbors. My boyfriend and I live in the one-bedroom apartment on the first floor, and a family with two children, 5 ARCHIVES - DEAR WENDY Archives. ‘A’ is for Awesome, A-A-Awesome. “A Co-Worker’s Girlfriend Is Telling People I’m the Office Slut”. “A Friend Groped My Wife At a New Year’s Party”. “A Man at Church Told Me I Should Be a Geisha”. “After 40 Years, I Can’t Stand My Husband”. “After My Miscarriages, My HOW FAR WOULD/DID YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE? This column from earlier in the week prompted some thoughts about how far people are going in the first couple of dates. (It also prompted at least one person to leave the site for good, but that’s another story.) The LW didn’t kiss on the first date, and we can assume from her letter and her update, that that’s probably normal for her.. Obviously, she was thrown for a loop when her date “MY BOYFRIEND TREATS HIS DAUGHTER LIKE SHE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND” My partner,”Bob,” has an 18-year-old daughter from his previous marriage. Bob and I are not married, but we are aiming to live together along with with my 12-year-old son with whom Bob has an amazing relationship. The problem here is Bob’s daughter. First of all, Bob and I were in abusive marriages prior to our “MY BOYFRIEND SLEPT WITH A PROSTITUTE AND THE CONDOM BROKE” My boyfriend of six years, the father of our two amazing children, came home and told me that he went to a massage parlor for a “rub-and-tug,” and when the lady/prostitute offered him “more,” he said “yes,” and then the condom broke. I havealways been
“I TOLD HIM I LOVE HIM AND HE SAID HE DOESN’T FEEL THE I told him this past weekend that I loved him, and he said he did not feel the same way back. He acts like he does, and everybody around me was completely shocked that he did not say it in return. What I do know is his ex broke up with him a year and a half ago and that was the only person he had ever been close to/loved. YOUR TURN: “IF HE LOVED ME, HE’D MOVE FOR ME” I’m taking a day off today to enjoy some down time with Drew, so I present this “Your Turn,” without commentary from me: I am in a serious long-distance relationship with someone I met in college. I moved back to my hometown, across the country, a year after we met, and we then started dating “MY NEW BOYFRIEND IS MAD THAT MY MALE ROOMMATES SEE ME NAKED” I’ve lived with my two guy friends for about two and a half years. They’re my best friends in the world, and although we argue and fight sometimes, they’re still my family. We’ve supported each other through everything from broken hearts, to getting fired, to the loss of a parent. When I first moved in “MY BOYFRIEND HAS NAKED PICTURES OF HIS BEST FRIEND’S WIFE!” My boyfriend recently let me borrow his iPad, I snooped, and found forty-seven pictures he took a year ago (before we started dating) of his best friend’s wife. In the pictures she was passed out naked and drunk next to his best friend.They don’t know he took the pictures. I also found a video he YOUR TURN: “HOW CAN I FORGIVE HIM FOR SEXTING OTHER WOMEN?” New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), or submit a question for advice. In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, “I WASN’T INVITED TO MY SISTER-IN-LAW’S PARTY SO MY My husband has been invited to a small 40th birthday dinner for his sister in Chicago (we live in Boston). I have not been invited nor has the absence of my invitation been addressed. My question: is this acceptable? I feel strongly that my husband should decline a family invitation when I am excluded — DEAR WENDY — A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SITEADVICEABOUTARCHIVESCATEGORIESSUPPORT DWCONTACT A relationship advice site. I don’t know about you, but as the season changes, the school year – this awful, stressful school year – finally starts drawing to a close (31 days to go here in NYC), and life once again begins to return to something resembling normal, I feel my mood lift and my energy shift. “AFTER 40 YEARS, I CAN’T STAND MY HUSBAND” “domestic science” used to be a real thing! although i like “domestic art”. and fun fact: “domestic science” is the way that women were first allowed into science. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. she was allowed to study chemistry because she was a woman studying how toclean better.
HOW FAR WOULD/DID YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE? This column from earlier in the week prompted some thoughts about how far people are going in the first couple of dates. (It also prompted at least one person to leave the site for good, but that’s another story.) The LW didn’t kiss on the first date, and we can assume from her letter and her update, that that’s probably normal for her.. Obviously, she was thrown for a loop when her date “MY BOYFRIEND TREATS HIS DAUGHTER LIKE SHE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND” My partner,”Bob,” has an 18-year-old daughter from his previous marriage. Bob and I are not married, but we are aiming to live together along with with my 12-year-old son with whom Bob has an amazing relationship. The problem here is Bob’s daughter. First of all, Bob and I were in abusive marriages prior to our MORNING QUICKIE: “MY HUSBAND WANTS TO MOVE, BUT I DON’T” I have been married twelve years and my husband is the stepfather of my now adult children. I adore my kids. But my husband wants to move up north to a warmer all-year-round climate. He is much older than I am and I am a young person by nature and I love young people. We “CAN I SKIP MY NIECE’S WEDDING?” I am torn about whether to attend my 30-year-old old niece’s wedding. I love her very much and I’ve always figured I would attend all of my niece’s and nephew’s weddings. I’ve always loved children and, since we don’t have any, I’ve tried to spend as much time as possible with them. Some history: When “MY FRIEND BECAME A LIBERAL AND NOW REFUSES TO TALK TO ME” I’ve been very close friends with both “Molly” and “Sarah” for over fifteen years. Sarah is married to Molly’s brother, so they are both friends and sisters-in-law. We are very close to each other and with each others’ families. About two years ago, Molly movedaway to a
“I HAD SEX WITH HIM AND NOW HE’S GHOSTING ME” I am 30 years old and I met a man close to my age on a dating app as most millennials do now. We matched a couple of months before he moved to my city. We communicated almost every day before he moved and have now been on two dates. At the end of our “MY NEW BOYFRIEND IS MAD THAT MY MALE ROOMMATES SEE ME … I’ve lived with my two guy friends for about two and a half years. They’re my best friends in the world, and although we argue and fight sometimes, they’re still my family. We’ve supported each other through everything from broken hearts, to getting fired, to the loss of a parent. When I first moved in SHORTCUTS: “WHY DOES MY EX STILL HAVE PICTURES OF ME ON It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. I have an ex-girlfriend DEAR WENDY — A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SITEADVICEABOUTARCHIVESCATEGORIESSUPPORT DWCONTACT A relationship advice site. I don’t know about you, but as the season changes, the school year – this awful, stressful school year – finally starts drawing to a close (31 days to go here in NYC), and life once again begins to return to something resembling normal, I feel my mood lift and my energy shift. “AFTER 40 YEARS, I CAN’T STAND MY HUSBAND” “domestic science” used to be a real thing! although i like “domestic art”. and fun fact: “domestic science” is the way that women were first allowed into science. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. she was allowed to study chemistry because she was a woman studying how toclean better.
HOW FAR WOULD/DID YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE? This column from earlier in the week prompted some thoughts about how far people are going in the first couple of dates. (It also prompted at least one person to leave the site for good, but that’s another story.) The LW didn’t kiss on the first date, and we can assume from her letter and her update, that that’s probably normal for her.. Obviously, she was thrown for a loop when her date “MY BOYFRIEND TREATS HIS DAUGHTER LIKE SHE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND” My partner,”Bob,” has an 18-year-old daughter from his previous marriage. Bob and I are not married, but we are aiming to live together along with with my 12-year-old son with whom Bob has an amazing relationship. The problem here is Bob’s daughter. First of all, Bob and I were in abusive marriages prior to our MORNING QUICKIE: “MY HUSBAND WANTS TO MOVE, BUT I DON’T” I have been married twelve years and my husband is the stepfather of my now adult children. I adore my kids. But my husband wants to move up north to a warmer all-year-round climate. He is much older than I am and I am a young person by nature and I love young people. We “CAN I SKIP MY NIECE’S WEDDING?” I am torn about whether to attend my 30-year-old old niece’s wedding. I love her very much and I’ve always figured I would attend all of my niece’s and nephew’s weddings. I’ve always loved children and, since we don’t have any, I’ve tried to spend as much time as possible with them. Some history: When “MY FRIEND BECAME A LIBERAL AND NOW REFUSES TO TALK TO ME” I’ve been very close friends with both “Molly” and “Sarah” for over fifteen years. Sarah is married to Molly’s brother, so they are both friends and sisters-in-law. We are very close to each other and with each others’ families. About two years ago, Molly movedaway to a
“I HAD SEX WITH HIM AND NOW HE’S GHOSTING ME” I am 30 years old and I met a man close to my age on a dating app as most millennials do now. We matched a couple of months before he moved to my city. We communicated almost every day before he moved and have now been on two dates. At the end of our “MY NEW BOYFRIEND IS MAD THAT MY MALE ROOMMATES SEE ME … I’ve lived with my two guy friends for about two and a half years. They’re my best friends in the world, and although we argue and fight sometimes, they’re still my family. We’ve supported each other through everything from broken hearts, to getting fired, to the loss of a parent. When I first moved in SHORTCUTS: “WHY DOES MY EX STILL HAVE PICTURES OF ME ON It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. I have an ex-girlfriend ARCHIVES - DEAR WENDY ‘A’ is for Awesome, A-A-Awesome “A Co-Worker’s Girlfriend Is Telling People I’m the Office Slut” “A Friend Groped My Wife At a New Year’s Party” “MY BIRTH DAUGHTER FOUND ME, BUT I DON’T WANT TO MEET HER” Twenty-three years ago when I was 16, I ended up pregnant and was forced by my mother and step-father to give my baby up for adoption. The birth father and I didn’t even have any say as to who would be adopting our baby — all decisions were forced upon us, and, needless to say, that time of my life was deeply emotional for me. “MY HUSBAND SPENDS ALL HIS TIME WITH HIS FRIENDS INSTEAD My husband and I have been married two years this coming November and it’s been great! We rarely fight about the things most couples fight about (money, sex) and we don’t have children to fight over (yet)but we do fight about his friends. We live two hours from any of my friends or family, and, “MY FATHER IS HAVING AN AFFAIR” A few months ago I found out my dad was having an affair with a woman at his work. I’m 19 years old, going to college, living at home, and pursuing my dream career. I grew up in a loving family and was very close to both my parents. They were my best friends and “HE’S SLEEPING WITH ME BUT DATING SOMEONE ELSE” First, I’m sorry about the loss of your husband, and I hope you’ve had a good support system as you grieve and re-build your life. Second, your letter is a good reminder, to those of us who don’t yet have the years of experience and wisdom you’ve surely gained, that many of the feelings we have when single and dating are universal, despite age, circumstances, culture, and lifestyle. “I DON’T LIKE MY BOYFRIEND’S DAUGHTER. SHOULD I BREAK UP Should I leave my wonderful boyfriend, “Peter,” (48) because his teenager daughter is so, so difficult? Peter is my best friend and, frankly, the kindest man I have ever met. He’s a fantastic partner who is loving, attentive, very successful, accomplished, “MY WIFE TOLD ME OUR KIDS AREN’T BIOLOGICALLY MINE” I met my ex-wife when I was 14 (I am now 40) and we became a couple in 1989. In 1999 our relationship stalled, and, as much as I tried to talk to her, she blew me off and neglected me. That in turn made me shut down and pull further into myself. In 2003 “MY NEIGHBORS KEEP COMPLAINING TO US ABOUT NOISE” From the forums: I live in a two-family home (think two-story row houses) in a big city and I’m having some problems with my upstairs neighbors. My boyfriend and I live in the one-bedroom apartment on the first floor, and a family with two children, 5 SHOULD COUPLES CONSULT EACH OTHER WHEN MAKING TRAVEL PLANS? I posted and replied to this letter in the forums from a 23-year-old woman who was pissed that her boyfriend planned a trip to Israel over NYE without consulting her or considering her. She said a NYE kiss wasn’t important to her boyfriend but it was to her, and she wrote: “He didn’t take my DO ALL GUYS GO TO STRIP CLUBS? Jarek: Ah, the strip club debate — one of many in which men and women will never see eye-to-eye, like picking bathroom tiles or the health benefits of beer. Guys don’t go to strip clubs to fulfill some sort of emotional or sexual gap in their lives. We go because we like seeing naked women and it’s a way to see them without beingintimate.
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FRIDAY LINKS
By: Dear Wendy March 6, 2020Weekend Open Thread
Hi! This has been a heavy week – how are you all feeling? I’ve been really sad: first about Elizabeth Warren’s Super Tuesday results and then about her suspending her campaign. I’ve supported and even been excited about other candidates in the past, but I’ve never felt as passionately for a candidate as I did – do – for her. She’s so smart and thoughtful and organized and EMPATHETIC, has values that align with my own, exhibits fearless tenacity AND warmth and compassion — she’s the best of everything and I really hoped she would be our first female president. I’m heartbroken I won’t have a chance to vote for her, and I feel so frustrated by the systemic sexism and racism that exists in our country that resulted in the most diverse group of candidates being whittled down to two nearly 80-year-old white men with a lot of baggage. Here’s an interesting piece about how sexism played a role in Elizabeth Warren hitting the Democratic glass ceiling in the presidential race: Maybe Next Time, Ladies This made me a little weepy: Students are leaving personal thank-you notes next to Elizabeth Warren’s photo at Harvard Law So did this one: ‘America Needs Her’: Readers React to ElizabethWarren’s Exit
And, totally unrelated, to lighten the mood: A man brought a llama in a tuxedo to his sister’s wedding, and his sister was not amused14 comments
“MY BOYFRIEND WON’T HELP PAY FOR MY BIRTH CONTROL” By: Dear Wendy March 6, 2020Columns
_I have been with my partner for nearly nine years. We have travelled together and have lived abroad. When we met, he was unemployed and living at home and I was working full-time, which was fine as he was on benefits and living rent-free. When we arrived at our new country, I was employed within two weeks and working 75-hour weeks paying rent and giving him money to drink with his new friends as he kept saying he was out of money, but whenever I didn’t have any to give, all of a sudden he’d have his own. Within a month and a half, he landed a very well-paying job, and since then he has been up and up which is amazing and great for him. The only thing is he makes double what I made at my best income, but he wants to split expenses equally. A lot of my friends’ partners pay more rent or pay bills if they are in the same situation. I am all for being independent, but I just wish he was more generous._
_I have been unemployed (my choice) for the last month, making sure I was at least a little financially secure before I ventured onto a new career path, but I am still expected to pay equally for everything and I get calls to pick things up for him when I’m out and about. In the entire nine years that we have been together, he has refused to help pay for birth control and up until now I let it slide, but now, being unemployed, I find that $110 is a lot to pay in a month. When I brought it up, I got no reply. What do I do? — UNSUPPORTED_9 comments
“MY SISTER IS LEAVING TOWN FOR MY MILESTONE BIRTHDAY!” By: Dear Wendy March 5, 2020Columns
_My 60th birthday is next week and I am feeling sad already. Both of my daughters live out of town, and my husband will be working that day. I just found out that my only sibling in town, my older sister, has made plans to go somewhere on that day and doesn’t have any plans to see me. I admit that when she told me, I was surprised and asked if her plans could be postponed to any other day. She seemed uninterested and basically told me it was what she was doing and she didn’t plan to change anything. What is ironic to me is that her plan that day is to go with her daughter to meet some distant relative that she found through Ancestry.com, all while her closest relative – her sister — is here in town alone on her milestone birthday._
_I know I am really feeling sorry for myself right now, but I am very hurt and can’t help it. My sister and I are close, and I can’t fathom why she would do this. Am I overreacting? Any advice for me please? — IN TEARS_23 comments
WEEKLY FORUM HIGHLIGHTS By: Dear Wendy March 4, 2020Columns
Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums: MARRIED, BUT MISSING FLIRTING “BOYFRIEND LIKES HIS COUSIN’S BIKINI PICS ON INSTAGRAM” NOT ENOUGH PROOF OF WIFE CHEATING I AM FURIOUS AT MY HUSBAND FUTURE FATHER MATERIAL? MY SISTER CLAIMS MY MISCARRIAGE OVERSHADOWED HER SECOND DAUGHTER’SBIRTH
WAS I DATING A NARCISSIST? HOW TO HAVE OPPOSITE GENDER FRIENDS WHEN MARRIED _Follow along on Facebook and._
_If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com._0 comments
“MY HUSBAND WANTS ME TO CANCEL MY TRIP BECAUSE OF THE CORONAVIRUS, BUT I DON’T WANT TO” By: Dear Wendy March 3, 2020Columns
_I have a vacation to Florida planned with my 6-year-old coming up that would involve a short, direct, round-trip flight. I think it’s probably ok to go, with precautions, but my spouse would rather we postpone (he isn’t going). We have elderly relatives in our house, so there is an issue if this results in COVID-19/coronavirus exposure. My kid is REALLY looking forward to the trip, and if we don’t go now, the trip will have to be next year (it seems like the projections are the virus is spreading, so it’s going to take a while to renormalize). My husband and I have very different comfort levels with travel in general and, overall, with risk (he comes from a line of self-proclaimed germaphobes, and I…do not). I’m not sure how to navigate this in a way that won’t leave one of us angry and resentful. This is such a first-world problem, but what would you do? — ASSESSING THE RISK_19 comments
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