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THE BLOGGESS
And it was a wonderful day until I completely threw out my back and ended up in incredible pain, which would have been bad enough but then my body was like, “we can make this worse” because I have this thing that I call Vincent Vega Syndrome because I can never remember the real name for it (vasovagal syncope) but basically it causes your body to SUPER overreact and faint when you see JUNE 2021 – THE BLOGGESS June 2021. Hey you. You need a laugh. This week has been full of days of no electricity and internet problems and work craziness and it’s just fucking Wednesday. If this week was a slide: View this post on Instagram A post shared by @retweeeets So I think we all need a break to look at the ridiculous things I saved for you Continue reading. TMS IS PAINFUL BUT NOT AS PAINFUL AS DEPRESSION Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good. Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery. The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes THE BEST MOTHER’S DAY GIFT. The best Mother’s Day gift. May 6, 2021 in Random Crap. So as of today we are all fully vaccinated and so are my parents and that means that my parents are on the way to my house right now so I can see them in person for the first time since 2019. I LITERALLY FORGOT TO POST THIS AND THAT JUST PROVES THIS So I’m going to share with you day-in-the-life post that I wrote about the bullshit of living with ADD that I wrote it for The Cut but then they cut it down to just a few sentences and that makes sense because it’s right there in the name but I still wanted to share the whole thing here and then I completely forgot about it because I haveADD.
THE WORLD IS VERY WEIRD. BUT SO ARE WE. The world is very weird. But so are we. So between my immune-compromised body and the fact that the injections I take for my RA make me very susceptible to infections that means Victor, Hailey and I are now four months into very strict social distancing. We’ve learned to cut each other’s hair and we wave to the grocery deliveryperson
BROKEN ORACLE DECK
Tomorrow (Saturday) is Independent Bookstore Day and that means lots of bookstores all over America will be giving out free Broken Oracle Decks (inspired by Broken and illustrated by Katie Gamb). Here’s a map of participating indie book stores. They each have their own sort of celebration and have lots of different offerings and Continuereading.
AND THAT’S WHY YOU SHOULD LEARN TO PICK YOUR BATTLES And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles. June 21, 2011 in Random Crap. This morning I had a fight with Victor about towels. I can’t tell you the details because it wasn’t interesting enough to document at the time, but it was basically me telling Victor I needed to buy new bath towels, and Victor insisting that I NOT buy PEPPA PIG IS KIND OF A BITCH, Y’ALL Peppa Pig is kind of a bitch, y’all. April 12, 2021 in Random Crap. Since we’re still stuck in the plague years we’ve started doing a lot of virtual escape rooms and murder mystery boxes and recently I bought Hailey, Victor and I all copies of this book that’s filled with trivia and brain teasers and when we’re bored we pull them outBUTTHOLE SUNBATHING
Butthole sunbathing. December 17, 2019 in Random Crap. me: On Instagram I’ve been seeing these people doing “ perineum sunbathing “. It’s literally tanning your butthole. Supposedly 30 seconds of sunlight in your butthole is equivalent to a full day’s worth of sun so allegedly you supercharge yourself. Through yourbutthole.
THE BLOGGESS
And it was a wonderful day until I completely threw out my back and ended up in incredible pain, which would have been bad enough but then my body was like, “we can make this worse” because I have this thing that I call Vincent Vega Syndrome because I can never remember the real name for it (vasovagal syncope) but basically it causes your body to SUPER overreact and faint when you see JUNE 2021 – THE BLOGGESS June 2021. Hey you. You need a laugh. This week has been full of days of no electricity and internet problems and work craziness and it’s just fucking Wednesday. If this week was a slide: View this post on Instagram A post shared by @retweeeets So I think we all need a break to look at the ridiculous things I saved for you Continue reading. TMS IS PAINFUL BUT NOT AS PAINFUL AS DEPRESSION Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good. Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery. The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes THE BEST MOTHER’S DAY GIFT. The best Mother’s Day gift. May 6, 2021 in Random Crap. So as of today we are all fully vaccinated and so are my parents and that means that my parents are on the way to my house right now so I can see them in person for the first time since 2019. I LITERALLY FORGOT TO POST THIS AND THAT JUST PROVES THIS So I’m going to share with you day-in-the-life post that I wrote about the bullshit of living with ADD that I wrote it for The Cut but then they cut it down to just a few sentences and that makes sense because it’s right there in the name but I still wanted to share the whole thing here and then I completely forgot about it because I haveADD.
THE WORLD IS VERY WEIRD. BUT SO ARE WE. The world is very weird. But so are we. So between my immune-compromised body and the fact that the injections I take for my RA make me very susceptible to infections that means Victor, Hailey and I are now four months into very strict social distancing. We’ve learned to cut each other’s hair and we wave to the grocery deliveryperson
BROKEN ORACLE DECK
Tomorrow (Saturday) is Independent Bookstore Day and that means lots of bookstores all over America will be giving out free Broken Oracle Decks (inspired by Broken and illustrated by Katie Gamb). Here’s a map of participating indie book stores. They each have their own sort of celebration and have lots of different offerings and Continuereading.
AND THAT’S WHY YOU SHOULD LEARN TO PICK YOUR BATTLES And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles. June 21, 2011 in Random Crap. This morning I had a fight with Victor about towels. I can’t tell you the details because it wasn’t interesting enough to document at the time, but it was basically me telling Victor I needed to buy new bath towels, and Victor insisting that I NOT buy PEPPA PIG IS KIND OF A BITCH, Y’ALL Peppa Pig is kind of a bitch, y’all. April 12, 2021 in Random Crap. Since we’re still stuck in the plague years we’ve started doing a lot of virtual escape rooms and murder mystery boxes and recently I bought Hailey, Victor and I all copies of this book that’s filled with trivia and brain teasers and when we’re bored we pull them outBUTTHOLE SUNBATHING
Butthole sunbathing. December 17, 2019 in Random Crap. me: On Instagram I’ve been seeing these people doing “ perineum sunbathing “. It’s literally tanning your butthole. Supposedly 30 seconds of sunlight in your butthole is equivalent to a full day’s worth of sun so allegedly you supercharge yourself. Through yourbutthole.
HEY YOU. YOU NEED A LAUGH. Hey you. You need a laugh. – The Bloggess. Hey you. You need a laugh. This week has been full of days of no electricity and internet problems and work craziness and it’s just fucking Wednesday. If this week was a slide: So I think we all need a break to look at theridiculous things I
LET’S START 2022 EARLY Let’s start 2022 early. April 28, 2021 in broken oracle deck, Random Crap. Okay, so a ton of you have asked if could get a deck of Broken Oracle Cards because your local bookshop ran out and technically the answer is no because it was just a special free gift for Indie Bookstore Day but I’ve had so many people reach out that I decidedto
APRIL 2021 – THE BLOGGESS Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good. Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery. The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes BEHIND THE SCENES… Slightly relatedWant to hear a story? I’ve loved Omar Rayyan‘s artwork for years and his series of lovely ladies holding terrible beasties has always felt like a perfect symbol of fighting depression or anxiety while living with it so I was ecstatic when he agreed to do my portrait for the book cover. I couldn’t sit for him in real life because we are still living in THE PLAGUE YEARS HOW IS THIS REAL LIFE? How is this real life? April 13, 2021 in book stores are magic, Broken, broken oracle deck, Random Crap. So I’m halfway through with my virtual book tour and it’s been so fantastic that I don’t think I can ever go back to the old ways of traveling on planes and wearing clothes than aren’t pajamas. BROKEN – THE BLOGGESS Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good. Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery. The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes WANNA EXPLORE A HAUNTED BASEMENT WITH ME? 2,871 likes. thebloggess Wanna explore a haunted basement with me? Looking at a possible building for a @nowherebookshop satellite. It was built in the 1800’s and the guy selling it said the basement was the root cellar for the Alamo (which is just feet away) and I’m not sure that’s true but it was creepy as fuck and I thought you’denjoy.
DEPRESSION LIES
Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good. Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery. The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes I’M HAVING A LONG-DISTANCE LOVE AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE IN I’m currently ill with The Plague (I wish I could make that have like. A spooky font, but I don’t know how!) and so I am having a long-distance love affair with my own pets because my partner and I moved and we sent the cats to my mother-in-law’s and then Partner went to stay with their mom because she’s just had knee surgery and when I got sick I told Partner to stay there. WATERMELON IS THE SECRET CODE WORD Watermelon is the secret code word. April 6, 2014in I am totally overrated, Random Crap, weekly reruns. Whenever I’m at large events and I’m asked to write my name on those “HELLO, MY NAME IS” stickers I instead write “ Watermelon is the secret code word .”. Most people just look at me like I’m off and avoid me.THE BLOGGESS
And it was a wonderful day until I completely threw out my back and ended up in incredible pain, which would have been bad enough but then my body was like, “we can make this worse” because I have this thing that I call Vincent Vega Syndrome because I can never remember the real name for it (vasovagal syncope) but basically it causes your body to SUPER overreact and faint when you see JUNE 2021 – THE BLOGGESS June 2021. Hey you. You need a laugh. This week has been full of days of no electricity and internet problems and work craziness and it’s just fucking Wednesday. If this week was a slide: View this post on Instagram A post shared by @retweeeets So I think we all need a break to look at the ridiculous things I saved for you Continue reading. TMS IS PAINFUL BUT NOT AS PAINFUL AS DEPRESSION Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good. Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery. The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes THE BEST MOTHER’S DAY GIFT. The best Mother’s Day gift. May 6, 2021 in Random Crap. So as of today we are all fully vaccinated and so are my parents and that means that my parents are on the way to my house right now so I can see them in person for the first time since 2019. I LITERALLY FORGOT TO POST THIS AND THAT JUST PROVES THIS So I’m going to share with you day-in-the-life post that I wrote about the bullshit of living with ADD that I wrote it for The Cut but then they cut it down to just a few sentences and that makes sense because it’s right there in the name but I still wanted to share the whole thing here and then I completely forgot about it because I haveADD.
THE WORLD IS VERY WEIRD. BUT SO ARE WE. The world is very weird. But so are we. So between my immune-compromised body and the fact that the injections I take for my RA make me very susceptible to infections that means Victor, Hailey and I are now four months into very strict social distancing. We’ve learned to cut each other’s hair and we wave to the grocery deliveryperson
BROKEN ORACLE DECK
Tomorrow (Saturday) is Independent Bookstore Day and that means lots of bookstores all over America will be giving out free Broken Oracle Decks (inspired by Broken and illustrated by Katie Gamb). Here’s a map of participating indie book stores. They each have their own sort of celebration and have lots of different offerings and Continuereading.
AND THAT’S WHY YOU SHOULD LEARN TO PICK YOUR BATTLES And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles. June 21, 2011 in Random Crap. This morning I had a fight with Victor about towels. I can’t tell you the details because it wasn’t interesting enough to document at the time, but it was basically me telling Victor I needed to buy new bath towels, and Victor insisting that I NOT buy PEPPA PIG IS KIND OF A BITCH, Y’ALL Peppa Pig is kind of a bitch, y’all. April 12, 2021 in Random Crap. Since we’re still stuck in the plague years we’ve started doing a lot of virtual escape rooms and murder mystery boxes and recently I bought Hailey, Victor and I all copies of this book that’s filled with trivia and brain teasers and when we’re bored we pull them outBUTTHOLE SUNBATHING
Butthole sunbathing. December 17, 2019 in Random Crap. me: On Instagram I’ve been seeing these people doing “ perineum sunbathing “. It’s literally tanning your butthole. Supposedly 30 seconds of sunlight in your butthole is equivalent to a full day’s worth of sun so allegedly you supercharge yourself. Through yourbutthole.
THE BLOGGESS
And it was a wonderful day until I completely threw out my back and ended up in incredible pain, which would have been bad enough but then my body was like, “we can make this worse” because I have this thing that I call Vincent Vega Syndrome because I can never remember the real name for it (vasovagal syncope) but basically it causes your body to SUPER overreact and faint when you see JUNE 2021 – THE BLOGGESS June 2021. Hey you. You need a laugh. This week has been full of days of no electricity and internet problems and work craziness and it’s just fucking Wednesday. If this week was a slide: View this post on Instagram A post shared by @retweeeets So I think we all need a break to look at the ridiculous things I saved for you Continue reading. TMS IS PAINFUL BUT NOT AS PAINFUL AS DEPRESSION Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good. Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery. The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes THE BEST MOTHER’S DAY GIFT. The best Mother’s Day gift. May 6, 2021 in Random Crap. So as of today we are all fully vaccinated and so are my parents and that means that my parents are on the way to my house right now so I can see them in person for the first time since 2019. I LITERALLY FORGOT TO POST THIS AND THAT JUST PROVES THIS So I’m going to share with you day-in-the-life post that I wrote about the bullshit of living with ADD that I wrote it for The Cut but then they cut it down to just a few sentences and that makes sense because it’s right there in the name but I still wanted to share the whole thing here and then I completely forgot about it because I haveADD.
THE WORLD IS VERY WEIRD. BUT SO ARE WE. The world is very weird. But so are we. So between my immune-compromised body and the fact that the injections I take for my RA make me very susceptible to infections that means Victor, Hailey and I are now four months into very strict social distancing. We’ve learned to cut each other’s hair and we wave to the grocery deliveryperson
BROKEN ORACLE DECK
Tomorrow (Saturday) is Independent Bookstore Day and that means lots of bookstores all over America will be giving out free Broken Oracle Decks (inspired by Broken and illustrated by Katie Gamb). Here’s a map of participating indie book stores. They each have their own sort of celebration and have lots of different offerings and Continuereading.
AND THAT’S WHY YOU SHOULD LEARN TO PICK YOUR BATTLES And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles. June 21, 2011 in Random Crap. This morning I had a fight with Victor about towels. I can’t tell you the details because it wasn’t interesting enough to document at the time, but it was basically me telling Victor I needed to buy new bath towels, and Victor insisting that I NOT buy PEPPA PIG IS KIND OF A BITCH, Y’ALL Peppa Pig is kind of a bitch, y’all. April 12, 2021 in Random Crap. Since we’re still stuck in the plague years we’ve started doing a lot of virtual escape rooms and murder mystery boxes and recently I bought Hailey, Victor and I all copies of this book that’s filled with trivia and brain teasers and when we’re bored we pull them outBUTTHOLE SUNBATHING
Butthole sunbathing. December 17, 2019 in Random Crap. me: On Instagram I’ve been seeing these people doing “ perineum sunbathing “. It’s literally tanning your butthole. Supposedly 30 seconds of sunlight in your butthole is equivalent to a full day’s worth of sun so allegedly you supercharge yourself. Through yourbutthole.
HEY YOU. YOU NEED A LAUGH. Hey you. You need a laugh. – The Bloggess. Hey you. You need a laugh. This week has been full of days of no electricity and internet problems and work craziness and it’s just fucking Wednesday. If this week was a slide: So I think we all need a break to look at theridiculous things I
LET’S START 2022 EARLY Let’s start 2022 early. April 28, 2021 in broken oracle deck, Random Crap. Okay, so a ton of you have asked if could get a deck of Broken Oracle Cards because your local bookshop ran out and technically the answer is no because it was just a special free gift for Indie Bookstore Day but I’ve had so many people reach out that I decidedto
APRIL 2021 – THE BLOGGESS Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good. Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery. The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes BEHIND THE SCENES… Slightly relatedWant to hear a story? I’ve loved Omar Rayyan‘s artwork for years and his series of lovely ladies holding terrible beasties has always felt like a perfect symbol of fighting depression or anxiety while living with it so I was ecstatic when he agreed to do my portrait for the book cover. I couldn’t sit for him in real life because we are still living in THE PLAGUE YEARS HOW IS THIS REAL LIFE? How is this real life? April 13, 2021 in book stores are magic, Broken, broken oracle deck, Random Crap. So I’m halfway through with my virtual book tour and it’s been so fantastic that I don’t think I can ever go back to the old ways of traveling on planes and wearing clothes than aren’t pajamas. BROKEN – THE BLOGGESS Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good. Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery. The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes WANNA EXPLORE A HAUNTED BASEMENT WITH ME? 2,871 likes. thebloggess Wanna explore a haunted basement with me? Looking at a possible building for a @nowherebookshop satellite. It was built in the 1800’s and the guy selling it said the basement was the root cellar for the Alamo (which is just feet away) and I’m not sure that’s true but it was creepy as fuck and I thought you’denjoy.
DEPRESSION LIES
Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good. Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery. The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes I’M HAVING A LONG-DISTANCE LOVE AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE IN I’m currently ill with The Plague (I wish I could make that have like. A spooky font, but I don’t know how!) and so I am having a long-distance love affair with my own pets because my partner and I moved and we sent the cats to my mother-in-law’s and then Partner went to stay with their mom because she’s just had knee surgery and when I got sick I told Partner to stay there. WATERMELON IS THE SECRET CODE WORD Watermelon is the secret code word. April 6, 2014in I am totally overrated, Random Crap, weekly reruns. Whenever I’m at large events and I’m asked to write my name on those “HELLO, MY NAME IS” stickers I instead write “ Watermelon is the secret code word .”. Most people just look at me like I’m off and avoid me. Skip to content Menu + × expanded collapsed* About
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* Let’s Pretend This Never Happened * Wil Wheaton CollatingTHE BLOGGESS
Like Mother Teresa, only better. Y’ALL MADE MY HEART HURT IN SUCH A GOOD WAY.November 23, 2020
in
Random Crap
Remember last week when my GRANNY DIED AND THEN RAISED FROM THE DEADAND THEN DIED AGAIN
?
And we couldn’t have a funeral or gather together because covid is too dangerous so my mom said that in lieu of flowers, just care for one another? And then I suggested DONATING TO PROJECT NIGHT NIGHTbecause
they are an amazing organization that helps displaced children and they were having a hard time meeting the needs of all those who neededhelp?
Well I just opened my mail and found a letter from Project Night Night. They were overwhelmed with how many of you reached out to them. _Over $8,000_ was donated in honor of my sweet granny and I cannot thank you enough. I don’t have the words to tell you how incredibly touched my whole family is. Hundreds of kids in need will be getting a tote bag with a book, a stuffed animal and a security blanket. My granny would be absolutely thrilled. Thank you, you amazing and brilliant people.LIKE THIS:
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IS THIS YOURS?
November 18, 2020
in Random Crap
So this morning I was in the front yard with Dorothy Barker and this guy walked past my house and yelled, “HEY. IS THIS YOURS?” as he pointed at a dead squirrel in the road that had been run over by a car and I was like, “NO. THAT’S…um…THAT’S NOBODY’S, DUDE” and he looked at me like he was trying to decide if I was telling the truth and then nodded and said, “OH, OKAY. JUST CHECKING.” And I honestly don’t know if he thought I was littering dead squirrels or if he wanted the body and was asking if I had dibs but it has been haunting me _all damn day. _ I don’t have an ending to this story but it’s too weird not toshare.
In entirely different news, I did a really lovely (virtual) talk at RICHLAND LIBRARY in South Carolina and if you’re bored you can watch it because I did a small reading from _BROKEN _ thatmight distract you.
PS. If you ordered one of the LIMITED EDITION NOWHERE HOODIES OR SHIRTS they’ll be shipping out at the end of the month. Whoop! (If you want one I think they’re still available for a few more hours.)LIKE THIS:
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WHO *DOESN’T* NEED A BIT OF GOOD NEWS?November 16, 2020
in
Random Crap
Last week I was too overwhelmed to open my mail and get my shit together but today I’m back to work and that’s why I have something special to share with you:Eeeeeeeeek!
Why, yes, that _is_ an advance copy of BROKEN _ thankyouverymuch._ The real ones in April will be bigger and nicer and hardback and will have end pages all that jazz, but having an actual copy of this book in my hands felt like an amazing accomplishment during a time when I often feel like I’m treading in quicksand. I mailed a copy to my mom and one to my sister but I still have one left over and it’s going to you. Just leave me a comment and I’ll randomly pick one of you to send an autographed copy to. (But you have to live in the US because I’m using a pre-paid book mailer so that I don’t have to go to the post office in the middle of the plague. Sorry!) This week I started recording the audiobook of BROKEN and usually that looks like a small but fancy recording studio in New York, but in the age of covid it looks more like my closet. Because it _is_ my closet. They sent me cases filled with equipment and I learned how to set up everything and today I recorded the first few chapters with my lovely team listening in live to direct me and point out when they could hear my stomach growl or Dorothy Barker bark or my wedding dress fall off the hanger onto me. When the door is closed the small space and the soft clothes create the closest replica to a sound studio so this is how recordings are done now. I know a lot of people would think hiding in a closet for hours each day is a step down from New York but I suspect those people don’t have anxiety disorders and it’s kind of a blessing in disguise to be able to have the cats on standby if I need them as I pretend to be an old-fashioned phone operator.“Operator.
How may I direct your call and then listen in on it to blackmailyou?”
Life is weird. But so am I. PS. There have been several scammers on Facebook pretending to be me and sending out friend requests. My Facebook page is public so you don’t need a friend request to be my friend. Please report them (and anyone who asks for your credit card to facebook). THIS IS ME if you want to be friends, but honestly I get overwhelmed on Facebook and am way more of a TWITTER sort of girl.More soon…
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CARE FOR ONE ANOTHERNovember 12, 2020
in Random
Crap
Today is my GRANNY
‘s
burial and in a normal time all of our families would be flying in from all over to celebrate her life, but covid makes the world strange. Her death was one of too many in a Texas hotspot so there will be no funeral and my mom and her brothers will watch (at a careful distance from each other) as she goes into her grave on top of my papa.* I’m sad to not be there but so grateful to have a family that puts the safety of others first. We’ll celebrate her life next year when things are safer. The rules are looser during these moments and it’s easier to give grace and space to others as we all find our way. It’s something I hope we carry on when covid is a memory. My mom wrote THE OBITUARY and it’s very lovely. My sister asked why I didn’t write it but then I reminded her that any obituary I write will inevitably include recriminations of all of my real and imagined enemies, several secret codes, clues to a buried treasure and a video of an otter eating cereal instead of a photo and then she was like, “Oh, right. I forgot.” But my favorite part of granny’s obituary was the ending.Well said, mom.
_In lieu of flowers, care for one another._ So today, since there won’t be a church filled with people celebrating my granny’s life, let’s celebrate out in the world. Today, tell someone how much they mean to you. Do something nice for a friend or a stranger or even yourself. And if you’re not sure where to start, you can check out PROJECT NIGHT NIGHT , which helps displaced or homeless children. A $25 donation gives a child in need a new security blanket, an age-appropriate book, a stuffed animal and a canvas tote bag. Right now the need is greater than they can handle so if you can help I know they’ll be grateful. And if no one has told you yet today, I love you. *As an aside, yes, _on top of my papa._ They didn’t want to waste money with two burial plots so they just bought one and agreed that whoever died first would be on bottom. Granny was like, “I told your papa he better die first because I don’t want him dripping on me. Ew. _I’ll_ be the one dripping on _him_, _thankyouverymuch_” and he laughed because that is totally granny. And my mom and her brothers won’t be alone because I suspect they’ll be there at the burial as well, as granny smugly says, “Well thank goodness _that’s _settled” and papa laughs as he puts an arm around her shoulder. I miss them already. And I’m so glad I had them in my life.LIKE THIS:
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LOSING JOY. FINDING JOY. LITERALLY.November 10, 2020
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Okay, get ready for one hell of a story. So a few days ago I told you that my sweet granny was in the hospital with covid and wasn’t expected to make it. This was fraught with complicated feelings because she has dementia and wants her parents and was absolutely ready to go to see them. None of us could be with her because of covid but hospice was there in the hospital and I know that the covid units (while flooded) are still filled with nurses and doctors who care so she wasn’t alone. Yesterday we got the call that she had passed peacefully and it was sad, but it was also a relief. If heaven exists she’s there with her parents and her husband. I talked over the phone to my mom and sister and we alternately laughed and cried together because we look for joy whenever we can. In fact, my grandmother’s name is Joy. It’s a family name. She was Joy Nell. My mom is Nelda Joy. My sister is Lisa Joy. Her daughter is Gabi Joy. And it fits because my granny was the most stubborn, joyful, quietly fascinating person. She was a country girl who sewed all of her own clothes. She was a black-jack dealer in Reno. She was a factory worker in Texas. She was a single mother of three young kids when single mothers were not really a thing. She was a voracious reader and I inherited all of her Stephen King and Ray Bradbury and other dark novels that inspired me growing up. She dumped the serial cheater (sorry Grampa) and never looked back and found my Papa, a wonderful man to spend the rest of her life with. She was amazing and sarcastic and always let you know that she was in charge. My calls with my mom kept getting interrupted bc a million people were calling her about arrangements over the next few hours and I joked with my sister that every time it happened I assumed someone was calling to say granny was alive again because she’d decided she wasn’t ready after all and was too stubborn to stay dead. We laughed. I told my mom the same joke when she called back and she laughed. We made our plans. There will be no funeral because it was too dangerous. Their town is a hotspot and their covid units are full. My mom and her brothers would be there when they put her in the ground. And next year when things are better (please let them be better) we’ll have a memorial and celebrate her life together. I desperately want to go to the burial but it would break my heart even more to see my mom and not be able to hug her or go to her house so I will mourn from here. A few hours later I got a call from my mom. “So…remember when you were joking about granny coming back from the dead?”“Um…yeaaa-“
“Yeah. She’s alive again.”Y’all.
_wtf._
Turns out there are a lot of patients in the covid unit and the hospice worker who’d called my mom got their wires crossed about who was dead, and the reason we even knew she was still alive was because when our funeral home went to pick her body up the regular nurse was like, “_Well you can’t have her because she’s not dead yet_.” The hospice worker was beside herself with apologies but luckily my mom is the kindest person in the world and found herself laughing because this is _exactly_ the kind of story my granny would find fascinating. So mom got off the phone to call everyone to tell them granny wasn’t dead. I waited about an hour so she’d have time to call everyone and then I texted my sister. Turns out mom hadn’t gotten to Lisa yet because she was too busy telling people to stop digging graves and retract death notices and other things you don’t expect to be doing on a weekday so Lisa found out by text that our granny had returned from the dead. And it was an incredibly complicated afternoon of feeling sad yet relieved that granny was dead and then guilty confusion when we found out that she wasn’t dead and also punch drunk hysterics over a story line that granny would have fucking_ LOVED._ My mom had to put a pause on the obit and I mentioned that she _definitely_ needed to put both of granny’s death dates in there when she did eventually die. Lisa and I decided that if granny didn’t have her first and second death date on her tombstone it would be a total waste of a tombstone and we started figuring out how much it would cost for them to add both because we were definitely springing for it. Victor would check from time to time to see how granny was and I’d say, “Oh, she’s still dead” and he’d say, “WHAT?” and I’d be like, “Wait. UNDEAD. She’s still undead. Or ‘not dead’. Fuck. It’s confusing dude.” And then he’d go hide in his office because he didn’t entirely understand the quickly alternating heavy tears and peals of giggles as my sister and I told granny stories to each other as Gabi Joy yelled, “IT WAS JUST A DRESS REHEARSAL” in the background. And then a few hours later mom called me again and was like, “Okay, she did it this time!” and I was like, “Are you sure?” and she was like, “I mean? Pretty sure?” And instead of getting super sobby like the first time granny died that day we were able to laugh and it was the most healing sort of thing. I have no doubt that granny probably planned all of this. It was late so I didn’t call Lisa but this morning I hadn’t heard anything so I texted her just to check: I’m almost certain granny decided to die twice on the same day because she knew Lisa and I were going to buy a new tombstone and she really hated it when you spent money on her. Victor sent me a photo he’d taken of me with granny and papa and my mom on one of the last times we’d all been together. We were looking through her photo album and she was telling me amazing family stories and we’d all laughed until we cried. I wish I could back in time to tell her that she’d created one that will live on forever in ourfamily.
But somehow I suspect she already knows.LIKE THIS:
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WELL *THAT* WAS A HELL OF A MORNINGNovember 7, 2020
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So. Wow. This morning was a whirlwind of emotions. I may have cried a little bit when they announced Biden’s win (_our first female Vice President AND our first Black and first South Asian Vice President_??) and then my mom called, I assumed to give me a high-five over the phone, but she was calling because my granny is in the hospital with covid and isn’t expected to make it. I have mixed feelings because I love my granny and I hate that she is alone in the hospital and that we can’t be there and that people still aren’t taking this seriously, but I also am grateful that she’s unconscious and is not suffering. She has dementia and in the last year she’s asked for her parents over and over so we know she’s ready and it will be a blessing if it’s fast and easy. The strange and terribly complicated feelings of living through this time…I dunno. I don’t think I have the right words. The world is complicated. And so am I. And so areyou.
On the FANTASTIC STRANGELINGS Facebook page yesterday I said we’d start discussing _DEADLYEDUCATION _ but
then all this happened and I thought I’d put it off until tomorrow but then I remembered that I’ve already told you THAT THE VERY PERSON WHO INSPIRES THE CHOICES OF BOOKS FOR THIS CLUB? IS MY GRANNY.
And she would be like, “Jenny-girl, get to work and do something fun!” and then she’d swat me outside so that she could get on with her own strange book. And she’s totally right. So let’s start talking. If you don’t use Facebook you can totally leave your thoughts in the comments here. And, as always, no worries if you haven’t read the book yet. There are no rules in book club. The discussion stays open forever. And my thoughts on the book are inthe comments.
PS. Did I tell you what November’s book is? Because it is FABULOUS. And I know it sounds weird but TRUST ME that it is fascinating and smart and oddly funny at times and the discussion we’re going to have will even involve the time I tried to rescue a decapitated head from my work. WHO DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR THAT? Answer: _Probably a lot of people._ But pretty much all of the people who listen to true-crime podcasts will want to hear it and those are my people. It’s _DARK ARCHIVES (A LIBRARIAN’S INVESTIGATION INTO THE SCIENCE AND HISTORY OF BOOKS BOUND IN HUMAN SKIN) BY MEGAN ROSENBLOOM_.
And I _may_ have bought too many for the shop considering we are still not open to the public because of the plague, so if you are an honorary strangeling and buy your books one at a time we totally have some in stock that we can ship to you if you can’t find it at your local bookstore. CLICK HEREfor a summary and
to read all the praise it’s getting because I’m not doing itjustice.
Happy reading!
And take care of each other out there.LIKE THIS:
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MY INSTAGRAM
ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE: I FUCKING LOVE THESE PEOPLE & NOT JUST BECAUSE THEY SUPPORT MYWINE-SLUSHEE HABIT:
Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good. Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom:Amalah’s
week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. Hyperbole and a Half Solutions and Other Problems. Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my nextmystery.
The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”. Often irreverent, always honest. Kieran’s Bullshit Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven. Candid Kay: A heaping pile of steaming good. SNARK HEART: Subversive jewelry for trying times. Specializing in helping you say what you really want to say…in the prettiest way possible. Talking Tatas: For the Love of Your Boobs. Polly Morse Is My Human: Life as seen by Suki the Cat. Laugh until you cry. David Thorne: So fucking awesome it hurts. The Bloggess , Powered by WordPress.com. Maybe they were
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