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Fauci and will seek
FAUCI NOW RECOMMENDS FACE MASKS OVER YOUR EYES SO YOU CAN WASHINGTON, DC—A treasure trove of emails from National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) Director Dr. Anthony Fauci’s were made public this week by Genesius Times after a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request. The emails lend insight into the thought processes of the unsci LOCAL COP CALLS LEBRON JAMES TO TELL HIM WHAT HE SHOULD'VE 1 day ago · SAN BERNADINO, CA—A local police officer Bernie Jambles spoke to NBA star LeBron James earlier to tell him exactly what he should have done in his team's first round NBA Playoffs loss to the Phoenix Suns. "I'm tired of the Lakers losing and you need to do better," Jambles told James. "Specificall BREAKING: GUATAMALA DEPORTS KAMALA HARRIS • GENESIUS TIMES GUATAMALA CITY—Immigration authorities in Guatamala have deported an annoying American named Kamala Harris. She will be extradited to Mexico, where arrangements have been made to send her back to the United States. After holding Harris in a detention facility overnight, she was processed and sent CDC ANNOUNCES IF YOU WEAR TWO SWIM SUITS YOU CAN PEE IN ATLANTA—US health officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have issued new guidelines for swimming in the pool just in time for summer. "If you wear two bathing suits, you can pee pee in the pool all you like," CDC Dr. Rochelle Walensky said. The Centers for Disease C WHITE HOUSE STAFF CONFUSED ABOUT WHO'S STILL PEEING ON THE WASHINGTON, DC—White House cleaning staff are flummoxed about who is still peeing all over the floors of the Oval Office after President Joe Biden's dogs were removed for the bad behavior. "This is a big mystery. We're sure we got rid of all the animals who would do such a thing. But without fail BIDEN CANCELS APRIL FOOL'S DAY BECAUSE IT MARGINALIZES WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has officially cancelled April Fool's Day because it promotes the continued marginalization of his voters. "April Fool's Day makes Jim Crow look like Sam Eagle," Biden said. "This soft bigotry of 'smart supremacists' has got to go!" The holiday has been know BREAKING: PRINCE PHILLIP HAS INFORMATION THAT WILL LEAD TO LONDON—Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, has information that will lead to the arrest and conviction of Hillary Clinton, sources close to the Crown say. Prince Phillip, who is 99 years old and lives primarily on oatmeal and adrenochrome, has been sitting on serious revelationsabout the former U
BREAKING: GEORGE FLOYD CELEBRATES 1 YEAR OF SOBRIETY MINNEAPOLIS, MN—George Floyd, patron saint of fentanyl, celebrated 365 consecutive drug-free days today. Mr. Floyd famously quit taking drugs following his arrest for allegedly paying a convenience store with a counterfeit $20 bill. At the time, he SERIOUSLY. SHAREABLE. SATIRE. • GENESIUS TIMESNEWSBEAT EXCLUSIVEPOLITICSBUSINESSSCIENCEWORLDCULTURE Seriously. Shareable. Satire. Genesius Times is the most reliable source of fake news on the planet. Period. BREAKING: BIDEN DECLARES FAUCIISM OFFICIAL STATE RELIGION WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden, in conjunction with the future President* Kamala Harris, has declared that Fauciism is the new state religion. The decree also specifies persecution of non-believers. "I'm here to say that I absolutely believe and trust Doctor-Saint AnthonyFauci and will seek
FAUCI NOW RECOMMENDS FACE MASKS OVER YOUR EYES SO YOU CAN WASHINGTON, DC—A treasure trove of emails from National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) Director Dr. Anthony Fauci’s were made public this week by Genesius Times after a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request. The emails lend insight into the thought processes of the unsci LOCAL COP CALLS LEBRON JAMES TO TELL HIM WHAT HE SHOULD'VE 1 day ago · SAN BERNADINO, CA—A local police officer Bernie Jambles spoke to NBA star LeBron James earlier to tell him exactly what he should have done in his team's first round NBA Playoffs loss to the Phoenix Suns. "I'm tired of the Lakers losing and you need to do better," Jambles told James. "Specificall BREAKING: GUATAMALA DEPORTS KAMALA HARRIS • GENESIUS TIMES GUATAMALA CITY—Immigration authorities in Guatamala have deported an annoying American named Kamala Harris. She will be extradited to Mexico, where arrangements have been made to send her back to the United States. After holding Harris in a detention facility overnight, she was processed and sent CDC ANNOUNCES IF YOU WEAR TWO SWIM SUITS YOU CAN PEE IN ATLANTA—US health officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have issued new guidelines for swimming in the pool just in time for summer. "If you wear two bathing suits, you can pee pee in the pool all you like," CDC Dr. Rochelle Walensky said. The Centers for Disease C WHITE HOUSE STAFF CONFUSED ABOUT WHO'S STILL PEEING ON THE WASHINGTON, DC—White House cleaning staff are flummoxed about who is still peeing all over the floors of the Oval Office after President Joe Biden's dogs were removed for the bad behavior. "This is a big mystery. We're sure we got rid of all the animals who would do such a thing. But without fail BIDEN CANCELS APRIL FOOL'S DAY BECAUSE IT MARGINALIZES WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has officially cancelled April Fool's Day because it promotes the continued marginalization of his voters. "April Fool's Day makes Jim Crow look like Sam Eagle," Biden said. "This soft bigotry of 'smart supremacists' has got to go!" The holiday has been know BREAKING: PRINCE PHILLIP HAS INFORMATION THAT WILL LEAD TO LONDON—Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, has information that will lead to the arrest and conviction of Hillary Clinton, sources close to the Crown say. Prince Phillip, who is 99 years old and lives primarily on oatmeal and adrenochrome, has been sitting on serious revelationsabout the former U
BREAKING: GEORGE FLOYD CELEBRATES 1 YEAR OF SOBRIETY MINNEAPOLIS, MN—George Floyd, patron saint of fentanyl, celebrated 365 consecutive drug-free days today. Mr. Floyd famously quit taking drugs following his arrest for allegedly paying a convenience store with a counterfeit $20 bill. At the time, he BREAKING: BIDEN DECLARES FAUCIISM OFFICIAL STATE RELIGION WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden, in conjunction with the future President* Kamala Harris, has declared that Fauciism is the new state religion. The decree also specifies persecution of non-believers. "I'm here to say that I absolutely believe and trust Doctor-Saint AnthonyFauci and will seek
LOCAL COP CALLS LEBRON JAMES TO TELL HIM WHAT HE SHOULD'VE 1 day ago · SAN BERNADINO, CA—A local police officer Bernie Jambles spoke to NBA star LeBron James earlier to tell him exactly what he should have done in his team's first round NBA Playoffs loss to the Phoenix Suns. "I'm tired of the Lakers losing and you need to do better," Jambles told James. "Specificall YOUTUBE BANS YOUTUBE FOR SHOWING VIDEOS OF DR. FAUCI YouTube bans YouTube for showing videos of Dr. Fauci contradicting Dr. Fauci. MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Google’s media giant YouTube has been banned indefinitely from its own video streaming service for violating its community standards of not allowing anyone to contradict Dr. Anthony Fauci, the resident expert of all health related issues. BREAKING: GUATAMALA DEPORTS KAMALA HARRIS • GENESIUS TIMES GUATAMALA CITY—Immigration authorities in Guatamala have deported an annoying American named Kamala Harris. She will be extradited to Mexico, where arrangements have been made to send her back to the United States. After holding Harris in a detention facility overnight, she was processed and sent CNN REHIRES JEFFREY TOOBIN AS CHIEF ONLYFANS CORRESPONDENT In a touching story of redemption, Jeffrey Toobin returned to CNN following his embarrassing departure when the former Chief Legal Analyst masterbated on a conference call last October. With television ratings in the toilet, CNN President Jeff Zucker announced the brand's expansion into OnlyFans. In BREAKING: PENTAGON CONFIRMS ALIEN SIGHTINGS IN AND AROUND WASHINGTON, DC—The Pentagon confirmed today that there have been legitimate sightings of aliens in and around the Chicago area. Residents are warned to stay in their homes until the threat level is assessed. The aliens appear with big heads and bug eyes with fish mouths and appear to only want to CDC: 'YOU MUST TRUST THE SCIENCE THAT WILL BE COMPLETELY ATLANTA—The nation's top health expert, CDC Director Rochelle Walensky said on Genesius Times's "This Week's BS," that Americans must "trust the science that will be completely different two weeks from now." "e now have science that has really just evolved even in the last two weeks," Walensky BIDEN CANCELS APRIL FOOL'S DAY BECAUSE IT MARGINALIZES WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden has officially cancelled April Fool's Day because it promotes the continued marginalization of his voters. "April Fool's Day makes Jim Crow look like Sam Eagle," Biden said. "This soft bigotry of 'smart supremacists' has got to go!" The holiday has been know BREAKING: GEORGE FLOYD CELEBRATES 1 YEAR OF SOBRIETY MINNEAPOLIS, MN—George Floyd, patron saint of fentanyl, celebrated 365 consecutive drug-free days today. Mr. Floyd famously quit taking drugs following his arrest for allegedly paying a convenience store with a counterfeit $20 bill. At the time, he BREAKING: JILL BIDEN ARRESTED FOR ELDERLY ABUSE • GENESIUS WILMINGTON, DE—After months of forcing her senior-citizen husband Joe Biden into the public spotlight despite his declining cognitive inabilities, Jill Biden has been arrested for elderly abuse. An interview with Joe Biden revealed Jill forcing her husband to answer questions with a cattle prod. Imm SERIOUSLY. SHAREABLE. SATIRE. • GENESIUS TIMESNEWSBEAT EXCLUSIVEPOLITICSBUSINESSSCIENCEWORLDCULTURE Seriously. Shareable. Satire. Genesius Times is the most reliable source of fake news on the planet. Period. CDC ANNOUNCES IF YOU WEAR TWO SWIM SUITS YOU CAN PEE IN ATLANTA—US health officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have issued new guidelines for swimming in the pool just in time for summer. "If you wear two bathing suits, you can pee pee in the pool all you like," CDC Dr. Rochelle Walensky said. The Centers for Disease C BREAKING: TEXAS ISSUES 'STAY AT HOME' ORDER FOR ENTIRE AUSTIN—Amid the current rampant pandemic, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued an urgent "stay at home" order to all of California. "We urge all Californians to, please, consider the lives of other people, and just stay in California. We don't want you here. You've made your horribly uncomfortab VELVET ROPES AWARDED MEDAL OF FREEDOM FOR SAVING DEMOCRACY WASHINGTON DC- Following its brave defense of freedom during history's darkest moment, the January 6 insurrection, Resident Joe Biden awarded Velvet Ropes the United States' highest honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom. In front of a live audience, Joe Biden draped the medalover the ropes an
BREAKING: PRINCE PHILLIP HAS INFORMATION THAT WILL LEAD TO LONDON—Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, has information that will lead to the arrest and conviction of Hillary Clinton, sources close to the Crown say. Prince Phillip, who is 99 years old and lives primarily on oatmeal and adrenochrome, has been sitting on serious revelationsabout the former U
DEMOCRATS WIN RIGHTS TO USE 'DEATH TO AMERICA' AS 2020 The Democratic National Committee has won the rights to use "Death to America" (D2America) as their 2020 Presidential campaign slogan from the sovereign state of Iran, which has previously held the rights. The lawsuit, which includes the right to use "America is the great Satan(even though we do
BREAKING: EPSTEIN ISLAND SOLD TO WEALTHY MIDDLE EASTERNJEFFREY EPSTEIN ISLAND FOR SALEWHO BOUGHT EPSTEIN ISLANDWHO OWNS EPSTEIN ISLAND NOW A wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef has purchased Jeffrey Epstein‘s pedophile island for $56 million. The purchase comes months after the controversial financier committed suicide while on suicide watch in a New York jail.. Not much is known about Muhssef except that he has many ties to the same people that Jeffrey Epstein did. WHITE HOUSE STAFF CONFUSED ABOUT WHO'S STILL PEEING ON THE WASHINGTON, DC—White House cleaning staff are flummoxed about who is still peeing all over the floors of the Oval Office after President Joe Biden's dogs were removed for the bad behavior. "This is a big mystery. We're sure we got rid of all the animals who would do such a thing. But without fail BREAKING: LAST KNOWN VISITOR TO SEE JEFFREY EPSTEIN ALIVE I have been reliably informed that we now know the name of the last person to visit Jeffrey Epstein before his untimely death. Bellary Clanton is his name. Clanton claimed to be a distant relative of Epstein’s and said he is “shocked and distraught over news of his suicide.” Clanton, not to be BREAKING: SHOTS FIRED AT NAKATOMI PLAZA IN LOS ANGELESSHOTS FIRED AT NAKATOMI PLAZA LOS ANGELESNAKATOMI PLAZA 1988NAKATOMI PLAZA BUILDING CENTURY CITY, CA--LAPD, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD officer was reportedly fired upon. The officer, Sergeant Al Powell had stopped by the building after receiving what was initially reported as a false fire alarm on the 32nd floor. There was an office hol SERIOUSLY. SHAREABLE. SATIRE. • GENESIUS TIMESNEWSBEAT EXCLUSIVEPOLITICSBUSINESSSCIENCEWORLDCULTURE Seriously. Shareable. Satire. Genesius Times is the most reliable source of fake news on the planet. Period. CDC ANNOUNCES IF YOU WEAR TWO SWIM SUITS YOU CAN PEE IN ATLANTA—US health officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have issued new guidelines for swimming in the pool just in time for summer. "If you wear two bathing suits, you can pee pee in the pool all you like," CDC Dr. Rochelle Walensky said. The Centers for Disease C BREAKING: TEXAS ISSUES 'STAY AT HOME' ORDER FOR ENTIRE AUSTIN—Amid the current rampant pandemic, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued an urgent "stay at home" order to all of California. "We urge all Californians to, please, consider the lives of other people, and just stay in California. We don't want you here. You've made your horribly uncomfortab VELVET ROPES AWARDED MEDAL OF FREEDOM FOR SAVING DEMOCRACY WASHINGTON DC- Following its brave defense of freedom during history's darkest moment, the January 6 insurrection, Resident Joe Biden awarded Velvet Ropes the United States' highest honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom. In front of a live audience, Joe Biden draped the medalover the ropes an
BREAKING: PRINCE PHILLIP HAS INFORMATION THAT WILL LEAD TO LONDON—Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, has information that will lead to the arrest and conviction of Hillary Clinton, sources close to the Crown say. Prince Phillip, who is 99 years old and lives primarily on oatmeal and adrenochrome, has been sitting on serious revelationsabout the former U
DEMOCRATS WIN RIGHTS TO USE 'DEATH TO AMERICA' AS 2020 The Democratic National Committee has won the rights to use "Death to America" (D2America) as their 2020 Presidential campaign slogan from the sovereign state of Iran, which has previously held the rights. The lawsuit, which includes the right to use "America is the great Satan(even though we do
BREAKING: EPSTEIN ISLAND SOLD TO WEALTHY MIDDLE EASTERNJEFFREY EPSTEIN ISLAND FOR SALEWHO BOUGHT EPSTEIN ISLANDWHO OWNS EPSTEIN ISLAND NOW A wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef has purchased Jeffrey Epstein‘s pedophile island for $56 million. The purchase comes months after the controversial financier committed suicide while on suicide watch in a New York jail.. Not much is known about Muhssef except that he has many ties to the same people that Jeffrey Epstein did. WHITE HOUSE STAFF CONFUSED ABOUT WHO'S STILL PEEING ON THE WASHINGTON, DC—White House cleaning staff are flummoxed about who is still peeing all over the floors of the Oval Office after President Joe Biden's dogs were removed for the bad behavior. "This is a big mystery. We're sure we got rid of all the animals who would do such a thing. But without fail BREAKING: LAST KNOWN VISITOR TO SEE JEFFREY EPSTEIN ALIVE I have been reliably informed that we now know the name of the last person to visit Jeffrey Epstein before his untimely death. Bellary Clanton is his name. Clanton claimed to be a distant relative of Epstein’s and said he is “shocked and distraught over news of his suicide.” Clanton, not to be BREAKING: SHOTS FIRED AT NAKATOMI PLAZA IN LOS ANGELESSHOTS FIRED AT NAKATOMI PLAZA LOS ANGELESNAKATOMI PLAZA 1988NAKATOMI PLAZA BUILDING CENTURY CITY, CA--LAPD, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD officer was reportedly fired upon. The officer, Sergeant Al Powell had stopped by the building after receiving what was initially reported as a false fire alarm on the 32nd floor. There was an office hol FACEBOOK FACT-CHECKERS HAVE INVESTIGATED THEMSELVES AND 20 hours ago · MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Officials at the various Facebook fact-checking services have investigated themselves over several allegations that they promoted misinformation during the COVID-19 pandemic, which led to millions of deaths. They have concluded NEWSBEAT ARCHIVES • GENESIUS TIMES AOC applauds Biden’s gas lines; demands breadlines too. 3 weeks ago GENESIUS TIMES: Exavier Saskagoochie. WASHINGTON, DC—Democratic socialist Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) applauded President* Biden on his dramatic push toward. Newsbeat. POLITICS ARCHIVES • GENESIUS TIMES Biden finally finishes reading governing instruction manual 1984. 2 weeks ago GENESIUS TIMES: Exavier Saskagoochie. WASHINGTON, DC—President-elect Joe Biden has finally finished reading the bestselling governing how-to manual “Nineteen Eighty-Four”. Health. Politics. World. SUBSCRIBE TO GENESIUS TIMES • GENESIUS TIMES Subscribe to Genesius Times below and get alerts for all the great content on the site directly to your inbox! Other ways to follow us: BREAKING: NASHVILLE BOMBER DIED FROM COVID-19 SHORTLY NASHVILLE--Authorities on the scene of the Nashville Christmas Day bombing said that the perpetrator died from COVID shortly after blowing himself up. "We've come to the conclusion that an individual named Anthony Warner is the bomber. He was present when the bomb went off and then he perished fr WHITE HOUSE STAFF CONFUSED ABOUT WHO'S STILL PEEING ON THE WASHINGTON, DC—White House cleaning staff are flummoxed about who is still peeing all over the floors of the Oval Office after President Joe Biden's dogs were removed for the bad behavior. "This is a big mystery. We're sure we got rid of all the animals who would do such a thing. But without fail BREAKING: NYC MAYOR DE BLASIO HAS ORDERED POLICE TO START In an official tweet, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has ordered police to start rounding up the Jews in violation of his safer-at-home order amid the COVID-19 panic. “My message to the Jewish community is this simple: the time for warnings has passed. I have instructed the NYPD to proceed immediately to summons or even arrest those who gather in large groups,” Mayor De Blasio tweeted. EXAVIER SASKAGOOCHIE, AUTHOR AT GENESIUS TIMES Exavier Saskagoochie. Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider buying him a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link! BREAKING: JILL BIDEN ARRESTED FOR ELDERLY ABUSE • GENESIUS WILMINGTON, DE—After months of forcing her senior-citizen husband Joe Biden into the public spotlight despite his declining cognitive inabilities, Jill Biden has been arrested for elderly abuse. An interview with Joe Biden revealed Jill forcing her husband to answer questions with a cattle prod. Imm FOR JUST $600 ($1.64 A DAY) YOU CAN SPONSOR AN AMERICAN For just $600, or $1.64 a day, you can sponsor an American family put into destitution by their government for their own good. The Celebrities for Forgotten Americans charity is spearheading the effort. "It's not much, about the cost of a cup of coffee a day," CFA Chair Sarah McLaughlin said. SERIOUSLY. SHAREABLE. SATIRE. • GENESIUS TIMESNEWSBEAT EXCLUSIVEPOLITICSBUSINESSSCIENCEWORLDCULTURE Seriously. Shareable. Satire. Genesius Times is the most reliable source of fake news on the planet. Period. CDC ANNOUNCES IF YOU WEAR TWO SWIM SUITS YOU CAN PEE IN ATLANTA—US health officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have issued new guidelines for swimming in the pool just in time for summer. "If you wear two bathing suits, you can pee pee in the pool all you like," CDC Dr. Rochelle Walensky said. The Centers for Disease C BREAKING: TEXAS ISSUES 'STAY AT HOME' ORDER FOR ENTIRE AUSTIN—Amid the current rampant pandemic, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued an urgent "stay at home" order to all of California. "We urge all Californians to, please, consider the lives of other people, and just stay in California. We don't want you here. You've made your horribly uncomfortab VELVET ROPES AWARDED MEDAL OF FREEDOM FOR SAVING DEMOCRACY WASHINGTON DC- Following its brave defense of freedom during history's darkest moment, the January 6 insurrection, Resident Joe Biden awarded Velvet Ropes the United States' highest honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom. In front of a live audience, Joe Biden draped the medalover the ropes an
BREAKING: PRINCE PHILLIP HAS INFORMATION THAT WILL LEAD TO LONDON—Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, has information that will lead to the arrest and conviction of Hillary Clinton, sources close to the Crown say. Prince Phillip, who is 99 years old and lives primarily on oatmeal and adrenochrome, has been sitting on serious revelationsabout the former U
DEMOCRATS WIN RIGHTS TO USE 'DEATH TO AMERICA' AS 2020 The Democratic National Committee has won the rights to use "Death to America" (D2America) as their 2020 Presidential campaign slogan from the sovereign state of Iran, which has previously held the rights. The lawsuit, which includes the right to use "America is the great Satan(even though we do
BREAKING: EPSTEIN ISLAND SOLD TO WEALTHY MIDDLE EASTERNJEFFREY EPSTEIN ISLAND FOR SALEWHO BOUGHT EPSTEIN ISLANDWHO OWNS EPSTEIN ISLAND NOW A wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef has purchased Jeffrey Epstein‘s pedophile island for $56 million. The purchase comes months after the controversial financier committed suicide while on suicide watch in a New York jail.. Not much is known about Muhssef except that he has many ties to the same people that Jeffrey Epstein did. WHITE HOUSE STAFF CONFUSED ABOUT WHO'S STILL PEEING ON THE WASHINGTON, DC—White House cleaning staff are flummoxed about who is still peeing all over the floors of the Oval Office after President Joe Biden's dogs were removed for the bad behavior. "This is a big mystery. We're sure we got rid of all the animals who would do such a thing. But without fail BREAKING: LAST KNOWN VISITOR TO SEE JEFFREY EPSTEIN ALIVE I have been reliably informed that we now know the name of the last person to visit Jeffrey Epstein before his untimely death. Bellary Clanton is his name. Clanton claimed to be a distant relative of Epstein’s and said he is “shocked and distraught over news of his suicide.” Clanton, not to be BREAKING: SHOTS FIRED AT NAKATOMI PLAZA IN LOS ANGELESSHOTS FIRED AT NAKATOMI PLAZA LOS ANGELESNAKATOMI PLAZA 1988NAKATOMI PLAZA BUILDING CENTURY CITY, CA--LAPD, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD officer was reportedly fired upon. The officer, Sergeant Al Powell had stopped by the building after receiving what was initially reported as a false fire alarm on the 32nd floor. There was an office hol SERIOUSLY. SHAREABLE. SATIRE. • GENESIUS TIMESNEWSBEAT EXCLUSIVEPOLITICSBUSINESSSCIENCEWORLDCULTURE Seriously. Shareable. Satire. Genesius Times is the most reliable source of fake news on the planet. Period. CDC ANNOUNCES IF YOU WEAR TWO SWIM SUITS YOU CAN PEE IN ATLANTA—US health officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have issued new guidelines for swimming in the pool just in time for summer. "If you wear two bathing suits, you can pee pee in the pool all you like," CDC Dr. Rochelle Walensky said. The Centers for Disease C BREAKING: TEXAS ISSUES 'STAY AT HOME' ORDER FOR ENTIRE AUSTIN—Amid the current rampant pandemic, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued an urgent "stay at home" order to all of California. "We urge all Californians to, please, consider the lives of other people, and just stay in California. We don't want you here. You've made your horribly uncomfortab VELVET ROPES AWARDED MEDAL OF FREEDOM FOR SAVING DEMOCRACY WASHINGTON DC- Following its brave defense of freedom during history's darkest moment, the January 6 insurrection, Resident Joe Biden awarded Velvet Ropes the United States' highest honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom. In front of a live audience, Joe Biden draped the medalover the ropes an
BREAKING: PRINCE PHILLIP HAS INFORMATION THAT WILL LEAD TO LONDON—Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh, has information that will lead to the arrest and conviction of Hillary Clinton, sources close to the Crown say. Prince Phillip, who is 99 years old and lives primarily on oatmeal and adrenochrome, has been sitting on serious revelationsabout the former U
DEMOCRATS WIN RIGHTS TO USE 'DEATH TO AMERICA' AS 2020 The Democratic National Committee has won the rights to use "Death to America" (D2America) as their 2020 Presidential campaign slogan from the sovereign state of Iran, which has previously held the rights. The lawsuit, which includes the right to use "America is the great Satan(even though we do
BREAKING: EPSTEIN ISLAND SOLD TO WEALTHY MIDDLE EASTERNJEFFREY EPSTEIN ISLAND FOR SALEWHO BOUGHT EPSTEIN ISLANDWHO OWNS EPSTEIN ISLAND NOW A wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef has purchased Jeffrey Epstein‘s pedophile island for $56 million. The purchase comes months after the controversial financier committed suicide while on suicide watch in a New York jail.. Not much is known about Muhssef except that he has many ties to the same people that Jeffrey Epstein did. WHITE HOUSE STAFF CONFUSED ABOUT WHO'S STILL PEEING ON THE WASHINGTON, DC—White House cleaning staff are flummoxed about who is still peeing all over the floors of the Oval Office after President Joe Biden's dogs were removed for the bad behavior. "This is a big mystery. We're sure we got rid of all the animals who would do such a thing. But without fail BREAKING: LAST KNOWN VISITOR TO SEE JEFFREY EPSTEIN ALIVE I have been reliably informed that we now know the name of the last person to visit Jeffrey Epstein before his untimely death. Bellary Clanton is his name. Clanton claimed to be a distant relative of Epstein’s and said he is “shocked and distraught over news of his suicide.” Clanton, not to be BREAKING: SHOTS FIRED AT NAKATOMI PLAZA IN LOS ANGELESSHOTS FIRED AT NAKATOMI PLAZA LOS ANGELESNAKATOMI PLAZA 1988NAKATOMI PLAZA BUILDING CENTURY CITY, CA--LAPD, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after an LAPD officer was reportedly fired upon. The officer, Sergeant Al Powell had stopped by the building after receiving what was initially reported as a false fire alarm on the 32nd floor. There was an office hol FACEBOOK FACT-CHECKERS HAVE INVESTIGATED THEMSELVES AND 13 hours ago · MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Officials at the various Facebook fact-checking services have investigated themselves over several allegations that they promoted misinformation during the COVID-19 pandemic, which led to millions of deaths. They have concluded NEWSBEAT ARCHIVES • GENESIUS TIMES AOC applauds Biden’s gas lines; demands breadlines too. 3 weeks ago GENESIUS TIMES: Exavier Saskagoochie. WASHINGTON, DC—Democratic socialist Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) applauded President* Biden on his dramatic push toward. Newsbeat. POLITICS ARCHIVES • GENESIUS TIMES Biden finally finishes reading governing instruction manual 1984. 2 weeks ago GENESIUS TIMES: Exavier Saskagoochie. WASHINGTON, DC—President-elect Joe Biden has finally finished reading the bestselling governing how-to manual “Nineteen Eighty-Four”. Health. Politics. World. SUBSCRIBE TO GENESIUS TIMES • GENESIUS TIMES Subscribe to Genesius Times below and get alerts for all the great content on the site directly to your inbox! Other ways to follow us: BREAKING: NASHVILLE BOMBER DIED FROM COVID-19 SHORTLY NASHVILLE--Authorities on the scene of the Nashville Christmas Day bombing said that the perpetrator died from COVID shortly after blowing himself up. "We've come to the conclusion that an individual named Anthony Warner is the bomber. He was present when the bomb went off and then he perished fr WHITE HOUSE STAFF CONFUSED ABOUT WHO'S STILL PEEING ON THE WASHINGTON, DC—White House cleaning staff are flummoxed about who is still peeing all over the floors of the Oval Office after President Joe Biden's dogs were removed for the bad behavior. "This is a big mystery. We're sure we got rid of all the animals who would do such a thing. But without fail BREAKING: NYC MAYOR DE BLASIO HAS ORDERED POLICE TO START In an official tweet, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has ordered police to start rounding up the Jews in violation of his safer-at-home order amid the COVID-19 panic. “My message to the Jewish community is this simple: the time for warnings has passed. I have instructed the NYPD to proceed immediately to summons or even arrest those who gather in large groups,” Mayor De Blasio tweeted. EXAVIER SASKAGOOCHIE, AUTHOR AT GENESIUS TIMES Exavier Saskagoochie. Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider buying him a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link! BREAKING: JILL BIDEN ARRESTED FOR ELDERLY ABUSE • GENESIUS WILMINGTON, DE—After months of forcing her senior-citizen husband Joe Biden into the public spotlight despite his declining cognitive inabilities, Jill Biden has been arrested for elderly abuse. An interview with Joe Biden revealed Jill forcing her husband to answer questions with a cattle prod. Imm FOR JUST $600 ($1.64 A DAY) YOU CAN SPONSOR AN AMERICAN For just $600, or $1.64 a day, you can sponsor an American family put into destitution by their government for their own good. The Celebrities for Forgotten Americans charity is spearheading the effort. "It's not much, about the cost of a cup of coffee a day," CFA Chair Sarah McLaughlin said.Skip to content
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FLASH STORY
LeBron James demands ‘more equality’ in NBA after Lakers lose 1st round Playoff match Lightfoot launches ‘shots for shots’ program to increase vaccination among gang bangersIran
scuttles navy ship Kharg after learning it was gay US facing ‘massive shortage’ of conspiracy theories as all of them have come true CNN: It’s ILLEGAL to read emails that make Fauci look like an ass LeBron James demands ‘more equality’ in NBA after Lakers lose 1st round Playoff match Lightfoot launches ‘shots for shots’ program to increase vaccination among gang bangersIran
scuttles navy ship Kharg after learning it was gay US facing ‘massive shortage’ of conspiracy theories as all of them have come true CNN: It’s ILLEGAL to read emails that make Fauci look like an assMAIN STORY
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CNN: IT’S ILLEGAL TO READ EMAILS THAT MAKE FAUCI LOOK LIKE AN ASS __2 days ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Sports
LEBRON JAMES DEMANDS ‘MORE EQUALITY’ IN NBA AFTER LAKERS LOSE 1STROUND PLAYOFF MATCH
__6 hours ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Culture
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LIGHTFOOT LAUNCHES ‘SHOTS FOR SHOTS’ PROGRAM TO INCREASE VACCINATION AMONG GANG BANGERS __11 hours ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Culture
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IRAN SCUTTLES NAVY SHIP KHARG AFTER LEARNING IT WAS GAY __18 hours ago Bubbaken Managua* Business
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US FACING ‘MASSIVE SHORTAGE’ OF CONSPIRACY THEORIES AS ALL OFTHEM HAVE COME TRUE
__1 day ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Health
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CNN: IT’S ILLEGAL TO READ EMAILS THAT MAKE FAUCI LOOK LIKE AN ASS __2 days ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Sports
LEBRON JAMES DEMANDS ‘MORE EQUALITY’ IN NBA AFTER LAKERS LOSE 1STROUND PLAYOFF MATCH
__6 hours ago Exavier SaskagoochieEDITOR'S PICKS
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BILL GATES WINS OSCAR FOR BEST VILLAIN IN REAL LIFE __1 month ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Featured
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BREAKING: US MILITARY TO ACCEPT PEOPLE WHO IDENTIFY AS GOOD SOLDIERS BUT ARE BIOLOGICALLY NO-SKILL FAT SLOBS __2 months ago Exavier SaskagoochieTRENDING STORY
2
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CNN: IT’S ILLEGAL TO READ EMAILS THAT MAKE FAUCI LOOK LIKE AN ASS3
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FAUCI NOW RECOMMENDS FACE MASKS OVER YOUR EYES SO YOU CAN’T READHIS LEAKED EMAILS
4
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BIDEN WISHES EVERYONE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING; SALUTES ‘ALL THE FALLENTURKEYS’
5
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BREAKING: MOSTLY PEACEFUL GUNFIRE ERUPTS IN GEORGE FLOYD AUTONOMOUS ZONE ON ANNIVERSARY OF DEATH1
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LIGHTFOOT LAUNCHES ‘SHOTS FOR SHOTS’ PROGRAM TO INCREASE VACCINATION AMONG GANG BANGERS2
* Health
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CNN: IT’S ILLEGAL TO READ EMAILS THAT MAKE FAUCI LOOK LIKE AN ASS3
* Culture
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FAUCI NOW RECOMMENDS FACE MASKS OVER YOUR EYES SO YOU CAN’T READHIS LEAKED EMAILS
4
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BIDEN WISHES EVERYONE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING; SALUTES ‘ALL THE FALLENTURKEYS’
5
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BREAKING: MOSTLY PEACEFUL GUNFIRE ERUPTS IN GEORGE FLOYD AUTONOMOUS ZONE ON ANNIVERSARY OF DEATH1
* Culture
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LIGHTFOOT LAUNCHES ‘SHOTS FOR SHOTS’ PROGRAM TO INCREASE VACCINATION AMONG GANG BANGERS2
* Health
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CNN: IT’S ILLEGAL TO READ EMAILS THAT MAKE FAUCI LOOK LIKE AN ASS3
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FAUCI NOW RECOMMENDS FACE MASKS OVER YOUR EYES SO YOU CAN’T READHIS LEAKED EMAILS
4
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BIDEN WISHES EVERYONE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING; SALUTES ‘ALL THE FALLENTURKEYS’
____
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LIGHTFOOT LAUNCHES ‘SHOTS FOR SHOTS’ PROGRAM TO INCREASE VACCINATION AMONG GANG BANGERS __11 hours ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Culture
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IRAN SCUTTLES NAVY SHIP KHARG AFTER LEARNING IT WAS GAY __18 hours ago Bubbaken Managua* Business
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US FACING ‘MASSIVE SHORTAGE’ OF CONSPIRACY THEORIES AS ALL OFTHEM HAVE COME TRUE
__1 day ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Health
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CNN: IT’S ILLEGAL TO READ EMAILS THAT MAKE FAUCI LOOK LIKE AN ASS __2 days ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Newsbeat
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BIDEN WISHES EVERYONE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING; SALUTES ‘ALL THE FALLENTURKEYS’
__5 days ago Exavier SaskagoochieFEATURED
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CLEVELAND INDIANS WIN ’21 WORLD SERIES AFTER CHANGING NAME TO CLEVELAND DOMINION VOTING MACHINES __6 months ago Bubbaken Managua The long lasting name for the movie-star Cleveland Indians baseball team has come to an end. The infamous team were forced to change theirnames...
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BILL GATES WINS OSCAR FOR BEST VILLAIN IN REAL LIFE __1 month ago Exavier Saskagoochie HOLLYWOOD—The 93rd Academy Awards broke a lot of new ground this year including awards for best real-life villain, which went to the totally creepy and...* Featured
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BREAKING: US MILITARY TO ACCEPT PEOPLE WHO IDENTIFY AS GOOD SOLDIERS BUT ARE BIOLOGICALLY NO-SKILL FAT SLOBS __2 months ago Exavier Saskagoochie WASHINGTON, DC—In a brave path forward under the Biden administration, the Pentagon is set to eliminate all discrimination in the US military. Now people who...* Featured
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JOHN KERRY SEEN UNLOADING PRIVATE JET FROM TRANSPORT JET EN ROUTE TOCLIMATE CONFERENCE
__2 months ago Richie Richards President Biden's Climate Czar John Kerry was accused by critics of attempting to stage a photo op on Saturday after a video emerged ofhim...
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DEMS SHOCKED TO FIND THEIR LIVES STILL SUCK AFTER TRUMP IS NO LONGERPRESIDENT
__4 months ago Googly McMooglyface US—Many Democrats are flying high after the culmination of more than four years’ of bipartisan work to end the reign of President DonaldTrump. But...
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CLEVELAND INDIANS WIN ’21 WORLD SERIES AFTER CHANGING NAME TO CLEVELAND DOMINION VOTING MACHINES __6 months ago Bubbaken Managua The long lasting name for the movie-star Cleveland Indians baseball team has come to an end. The infamous team were forced to change theirnames...
* Culture
* Featured
* Health
BILL GATES WINS OSCAR FOR BEST VILLAIN IN REAL LIFE __1 month ago Exavier Saskagoochie HOLLYWOOD—The 93rd Academy Awards broke a lot of new ground this year including awards for best real-life villain, which went to the totally creepy and...__
NEWSBEAT
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LIGHTFOOT LAUNCHES ‘SHOTS FOR SHOTS’ PROGRAM TO INCREASE VACCINATION AMONG GANG BANGERS __11 hours ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Health
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CNN: IT’S ILLEGAL TO READ EMAILS THAT MAKE FAUCI LOOK LIKE AN ASS __2 days ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Culture
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FAUCI NOW RECOMMENDS FACE MASKS OVER YOUR EYES SO YOU CAN’T READHIS LEAKED EMAILS
__2 days ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Newsbeat
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BIDEN WISHES EVERYONE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING; SALUTES ‘ALL THE FALLENTURKEYS’
__5 days ago Exavier SaskagoochieENTERTAINMENT
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OPED: IT TAKES BALLS FOR JOHN CENA TO LET CHINA CUT THEM OFF LIKE HEDID
__1 week ago Mx. Sandra Chou* Culture
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50 SHADES OF COMMUNISM __1 week ago Jeremy Spoken* Culture
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LEGO ANNOUNCES THAT ALL THEIR MINIFIGURES HAVE HAD SEX CHANGEOPERATIONS
__2 weeks ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Business
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DISNEY OPENS NEW WHITE GUILT RIDE WHERE WHITES CAN PAY $160 TO BESLAVES
__2 weeks ago Jeremy Spoken* Culture
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BREAKING: DEMI LOVATO COMES OUT AS AN ATTENTION WHORE __3 weeks ago Bubbaken ManaguaTECH GRID
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GENESIUS TIMES ISSUES APOLOGY TO CHINA __1 week ago Jeremy Spoken Much has been said about the apology that John Cena made after he accidentally said that Taiwan was a country. We at Genesius Timeswould...
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BREAKING: DEMI LOVATO SELF-IDENTIFIES AS HERNANDO DESOTO I-40 BRIDGE __2 weeks ago Bubbaken Managua Demi Lovato is now more important than attacks on Israel, the attempt to federalize elections, the open border, and even the attempt to jailorange...
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GOOGLE REMOVES KYLE RITTENHOUSE DOODLE AFTER RECEIVING COMPLAINTS __4 weeks ago Exavier Saskagoochie MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Search engine behemoth Google commemorated the Kenosha, WI unrest shooter Kyle Rittenhouse today with a fun doodle illustration on their search page. The...* Business
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BREAKING: BIDEN DENIES HACKING OF ‘MOST SECURE GAS PIPELINE EVER’ __4 weeks ago Exavier Saskagoochie WASHINGTON, DC—Reports came in over the weekend of a potential hacking of the Colonial Pipeline, which carried fuel from Mexico through Texas and to the...* Business
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ELON MUSK BUYS TWITTER FOR $600B AND IMMEDIATELY DELETES IT __2 months ago Exavier Saskagoochie AUSTIN—Business magnate Elon Musk has purchased the legacy social media platform Twitter for $600 billion and promptly deleted in his latest humanitarian venture. "Everyone knew...* Health
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CDC RECOMMENDS EVERYONE NOW WEAR TIN FOIL FACE MASKS WHILE IN PUBLIC __2 months ago Exavier Saskagoochie WASHINGTON — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) readied new guidelines Monday on coronavirus protections including an innovative new tin foil face mask...TRENDING POSTS
*
BREAKING: BIDEN DENIES HACKING OF ‘MOST SECURE GAS PIPELINE EVER’May 10, 2021
By Exavier Saskagoochie WASHINGTON, DC—Reports came in over the weekend of a potential hacking of the Colonial Pipeline, which carried fuel from Mexico...*
BREAKING: GEORGE FLOYD CELEBRATES 1 YEAR OF SOBRIETYMay 24, 2021
By Richie Richards
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—George Floyd, patron saint of fentanyl, celebrated 365 consecutive drug-free days today. Mr. Floyd famously quit takingdrugs following...
*
BIDEN AWARDS AOC THE PURPLE HEART FOR HER BRAVERY IN THE WAR OFJANUARY 6TH
May 24, 2021
By Exavier Saskagoochie WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden awarded Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) the prestigious Purple Heart medal for her military valor in the War...*
FAUCI NOW RECOMMENDS FACE MASKS OVER YOUR EYES SO YOU CAN’T READHIS LEAKED EMAILS
June 3, 2021
By Exavier Saskagoochie WASHINGTON, DC—A treasure trove of emails from National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) Director Dr. AnthonyFauci’s were...
*
TEXAS PUBLISHES HELPFUL MAP FOR CALIFORNIANS LOOKING TO MOVE TO THESTATE
May 7, 2021
By Exavier Saskagoochie AUSTIN—The Texas Board of Californian Resettlement (TBCR) has published a helpful map for all the Californians seeking asylum intheir...
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LEBRON JAMES DEMANDS ‘MORE EQUALITY’ IN NBA AFTER LAKERS LOSE 1STROUND PLAYOFF MATCH
__6 hours ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Culture
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LIGHTFOOT LAUNCHES ‘SHOTS FOR SHOTS’ PROGRAM TO INCREASE VACCINATION AMONG GANG BANGERS __11 hours ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Culture
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IRAN SCUTTLES NAVY SHIP KHARG AFTER LEARNING IT WAS GAY __18 hours ago Bubbaken Managua* Business
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US FACING ‘MASSIVE SHORTAGE’ OF CONSPIRACY THEORIES AS ALL OFTHEM HAVE COME TRUE
__1 day ago Exavier Saskagoochie* Health
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CNN: IT’S ILLEGAL TO READ EMAILS THAT MAKE FAUCI LOOK LIKE AN ASS __2 days ago Exavier SaskagoochieGENESIUS TIMES
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* LeBron James demands ‘more equality’ in NBA after Lakers lose 1st round Playoff match * Lightfoot launches ‘shots for shots’ program to increase vaccination among gang bangers * Iran scuttles navy ship Kharg after learning it was gay * US facing ‘massive shortage’ of conspiracy theories as all ofthem have come true
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