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10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN’T FIX NINE. JAUNDICE GREEN. Normal jaundice is yellow, but when too much embalming fluid is pumped into a body that yellow turns to a Gamora colored green. Once you go Gamora, you don’t go back. We’ve created a problem we can only fix with opaque cosmetics that can CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » EIGHT PHOTOS OF THE WARNING: This post contains photos of the embalming process. If you are sensitive to photos of deceased persons and bodily fluids, please do not continue reading. The purpose of this post isn’t to salaciously satisfy your morbid appetite. My hope is that it can create a better (albeit fundamental) understanding of the process ofembalming.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » AS A FUNERAL DIRECTOR One. Can I ask you a weird question?THERE ARE NO WEIRD QUESTIONS. Dying, death and death care are clouded in a sense of mystery. After our loved ones die, they're whisked away CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS BODIES CAN 10 Things Bodies Can Do After Death. 1. Dead bodies can APPEAR to have hair and finger/toe nail growth. This is moreso a technicality. The hair and nails don’t actually grow, but when the body begins to shrivel away (after decomposition), the skin shrinks back, exposing more hair and more finger/toe nails. 2. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » WORKING AT THEABOUTTHE BOOKSPEAKING INQUIRIESGUEST POSTSMY PODCASTEMBALMING VS. CREMATION And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SUICIDE The one’s funeral directors hate from a technical basis. The shot-gun to the head kind. Often while drunk. Because for most of the “break-up suicides” your mind is feeling utterly overwhelmed and the emotions are so strong, so difficult that you don’t always think. You feel trapped. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SEVEN REASONS YOU Secondly, World Vision isn’t evangelical in the sense that they evangelize. They are a Christian group attempting to practice the words of Jesus. This attempt involves more than words and food, it involves education, health care, economic development, spiritual care, agriculture and clean water. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN’T FIX NINE. JAUNDICE GREEN. Normal jaundice is yellow, but when too much embalming fluid is pumped into a body that yellow turns to a Gamora colored green. Once you go Gamora, you don’t go back. We’ve created a problem we can only fix with opaque cosmetics that can CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » EIGHT PHOTOS OF THE WARNING: This post contains photos of the embalming process. If you are sensitive to photos of deceased persons and bodily fluids, please do not continue reading. The purpose of this post isn’t to salaciously satisfy your morbid appetite. My hope is that it can create a better (albeit fundamental) understanding of the process ofembalming.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » AS A FUNERAL DIRECTOR One. Can I ask you a weird question?THERE ARE NO WEIRD QUESTIONS. Dying, death and death care are clouded in a sense of mystery. After our loved ones die, they're whisked away CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS BODIES CAN 10 Things Bodies Can Do After Death. 1. Dead bodies can APPEAR to have hair and finger/toe nail growth. This is moreso a technicality. The hair and nails don’t actually grow, but when the body begins to shrivel away (after decomposition), the skin shrinks back, exposing more hair and more finger/toe nails. 2. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL Here’s 10 coping methods I’ve seen funeral directors use. The first five are coping methods that are negative techniques.. The last five are positive coping methods. One or more of these methods MUST be used if a person is to stay in this profession AND maintain a healthy personal and family life. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 11 WORST AND BEST The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had the right words, just know I care. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in anyway I can. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers. I have a ton of bacon in my car with your name on it. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS CHILDREN CAN There’s a concept called “disenfranchised grief.” The idea is that there’s certain types of grief relationships that society either downplays as less important or outright ignores.. For example, the grief over a pet’s death; the death of an ex-spouse; and — a big one — miscarriages and stillbirths. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 PIECES OF ADVICE Over the course of my career as a funeral director, there have been a handful of times when I've had to call on my friends to help me with a removal. All but one of my friends have answered my call with a, "Yes,I'll help you.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS BODIES CAN 10 Things Bodies Can Do After Death. 1. Dead bodies can APPEAR to have hair and finger/toe nail growth. This is moreso a technicality. The hair and nails don’t actually grow, but when the body begins to shrivel away (after decomposition), the skin shrinks back, exposing more hair and more finger/toe nails. 2. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » AS A FUNERAL DIRECTOR One. Can I ask you a weird question?THERE ARE NO WEIRD QUESTIONS. Dying, death and death care are clouded in a sense of mystery. After our loved ones die, they're whisked away CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DO FUNERAL HOMES In fact, three out of four deaths in the United States occur in a hospital or nursing home, outside of our home surrounding and outside of the comfort of our family. The professionalization of death has removed death from home and family. The Amish hire the funeral director to embalm the body and produce the legal paper work, but theydo the rest.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » WORKING AT THEABOUTTHE BOOKSPEAKING INQUIRIESGUEST POSTSMY PODCASTEMBALMING VS. CREMATION And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SUICIDE The one’s funeral directors hate from a technical basis. The shot-gun to the head kind. Often while drunk. Because for most of the “break-up suicides” your mind is feeling utterly overwhelmed and the emotions are so strong, so difficult that you don’t always think. You feel trapped. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SEVEN REASONS YOU Secondly, World Vision isn’t evangelical in the sense that they evangelize. They are a Christian group attempting to practice the words of Jesus. This attempt involves more than words and food, it involves education, health care, economic development, spiritual care, agriculture and clean water. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN’T FIX NINE. JAUNDICE GREEN. Normal jaundice is yellow, but when too much embalming fluid is pumped into a body that yellow turns to a Gamora colored green. Once you go Gamora, you don’t go back. We’ve created a problem we can only fix with opaque cosmetics that can CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » EIGHT PHOTOS OF THE WARNING: This post contains photos of the embalming process. If you are sensitive to photos of deceased persons and bodily fluids, please do not continue reading. The purpose of this post isn’t to salaciously satisfy your morbid appetite. My hope is that it can create a better (albeit fundamental) understanding of the process ofembalming.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » AS A FUNERAL DIRECTOR One. Can I ask you a weird question?THERE ARE NO WEIRD QUESTIONS. Dying, death and death care are clouded in a sense of mystery. After our loved ones die, they're whisked away CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS BODIES CAN 10 Things Bodies Can Do After Death. 1. Dead bodies can APPEAR to have hair and finger/toe nail growth. This is moreso a technicality. The hair and nails don’t actually grow, but when the body begins to shrivel away (after decomposition), the skin shrinks back, exposing more hair and more finger/toe nails. 2. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » WORKING AT THEABOUTTHE BOOKSPEAKING INQUIRIESGUEST POSTSMY PODCASTEMBALMING VS. CREMATION And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SUICIDE The one’s funeral directors hate from a technical basis. The shot-gun to the head kind. Often while drunk. Because for most of the “break-up suicides” your mind is feeling utterly overwhelmed and the emotions are so strong, so difficult that you don’t always think. You feel trapped. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SEVEN REASONS YOU Secondly, World Vision isn’t evangelical in the sense that they evangelize. They are a Christian group attempting to practice the words of Jesus. This attempt involves more than words and food, it involves education, health care, economic development, spiritual care, agriculture and clean water. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN’T FIX NINE. JAUNDICE GREEN. Normal jaundice is yellow, but when too much embalming fluid is pumped into a body that yellow turns to a Gamora colored green. Once you go Gamora, you don’t go back. We’ve created a problem we can only fix with opaque cosmetics that can CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » EIGHT PHOTOS OF THE WARNING: This post contains photos of the embalming process. If you are sensitive to photos of deceased persons and bodily fluids, please do not continue reading. The purpose of this post isn’t to salaciously satisfy your morbid appetite. My hope is that it can create a better (albeit fundamental) understanding of the process ofembalming.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » AS A FUNERAL DIRECTOR One. Can I ask you a weird question?THERE ARE NO WEIRD QUESTIONS. Dying, death and death care are clouded in a sense of mystery. After our loved ones die, they're whisked away CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS BODIES CAN 10 Things Bodies Can Do After Death. 1. Dead bodies can APPEAR to have hair and finger/toe nail growth. This is moreso a technicality. The hair and nails don’t actually grow, but when the body begins to shrivel away (after decomposition), the skin shrinks back, exposing more hair and more finger/toe nails. 2. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL Here’s 10 coping methods I’ve seen funeral directors use. The first five are coping methods that are negative techniques.. The last five are positive coping methods. One or more of these methods MUST be used if a person is to stay in this profession AND maintain a healthy personal and family life. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 11 WORST AND BEST The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had the right words, just know I care. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in anyway I can. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers. I have a ton of bacon in my car with your name on it. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS CHILDREN CAN There’s a concept called “disenfranchised grief.” The idea is that there’s certain types of grief relationships that society either downplays as less important or outright ignores.. For example, the grief over a pet’s death; the death of an ex-spouse; and — a big one — miscarriages and stillbirths. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 PIECES OF ADVICE Over the course of my career as a funeral director, there have been a handful of times when I've had to call on my friends to help me with a removal. All but one of my friends have answered my call with a, "Yes,I'll help you.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS BODIES CAN 10 Things Bodies Can Do After Death. 1. Dead bodies can APPEAR to have hair and finger/toe nail growth. This is moreso a technicality. The hair and nails don’t actually grow, but when the body begins to shrivel away (after decomposition), the skin shrinks back, exposing more hair and more finger/toe nails. 2. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » AS A FUNERAL DIRECTOR One. Can I ask you a weird question?THERE ARE NO WEIRD QUESTIONS. Dying, death and death care are clouded in a sense of mystery. After our loved ones die, they're whisked away CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DO FUNERAL HOMES In fact, three out of four deaths in the United States occur in a hospital or nursing home, outside of our home surrounding and outside of the comfort of our family. The professionalization of death has removed death from home and family. The Amish hire the funeral director to embalm the body and produce the legal paper work, but theydo the rest.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » WORKING AT THEABOUTTHE BOOKSPEAKING INQUIRIESGUEST POSTSMY PODCASTEMBALMING VS. CREMATION And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS CHILDREN CAN It’s a very positive and fulfilling role for the children. 4. Artwork. 5. Sing Some Songs. 6. Hand Out Flowers at the Graveside. Sometimes flowers will be handed out at the graveside as a “final token of remembrance.”. It’s a beautiful thing when children handout the flowers.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DRUG OVERDOSE The picture below is of 20 year old Jeramie who died from an overdose. The photo was taken by Jeramie’s father Mike. And Mike is using this photo to show how devastating drugs and drug addiction can be. He posted the photo and message on his facebook page and it has sincegone viral.
10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN FIX Two. BAD GAS. If you die after a huge meal at Taco Bell, and you’re full of horrific gas, our trocar can fix that. Three. AUTOPSIES. Usually, the people that are autopsied are people that have died suddenly without their family and friends being able to say “good-bye”. Autopsies are usually performed when there isn’t anapparent cause
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » NINE THINGS ABOUT Four. Adipocere Can Slow Decomposition. “Grave wax, or adipocere, is a crumbly white, waxy substance that accumulates on those parts of the body that contain fat – the cheeks, breasts, abdomen and buttocks. It is the product of a chemical reaction in which fats react with water and hydrogen in the presence of bacterial enzymes, breaking CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SEVEN REASONS YOU Secondly, World Vision isn’t evangelical in the sense that they evangelize. They are a Christian group attempting to practice the words of Jesus. This attempt involves more than words and food, it involves education, health care, economic development, spiritual care, agriculture and clean water. 23 AMUSING FUNERAL HOME NAMES One.Two.Three.Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven.Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Twenty-One. Twenty CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “THIS IS HOW WE DIE On Tuesday morning all I knew was that I was setting up an O’Connor table at the Heartland Hospice event that we were co-hosting. I got the table cloth & brochures all set out, greeted the attendees, and sat down in the back intending to “work” on my computer when the speaker, Barbara Karnes, a hospice nurse of 32 years, began speaking. She said, “I don’t want to pretend that this is CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DO FUNERAL HOMES In fact, three out of four deaths in the United States occur in a hospital or nursing home, outside of our home surrounding and outside of the comfort of our family. The professionalization of death has removed death from home and family. The Amish hire the funeral director to embalm the body and produce the legal paper work, but theydo the rest.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » WORKING AT THEABOUTTHE BOOKSPEAKING INQUIRIESGUEST POSTSMY PODCASTEMBALMING VS. CREMATION And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS CHILDREN CAN It’s a very positive and fulfilling role for the children. 4. Artwork. 5. Sing Some Songs. 6. Hand Out Flowers at the Graveside. Sometimes flowers will be handed out at the graveside as a “final token of remembrance.”. It’s a beautiful thing when children handout the flowers.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DRUG OVERDOSE The picture below is of 20 year old Jeramie who died from an overdose. The photo was taken by Jeramie’s father Mike. And Mike is using this photo to show how devastating drugs and drug addiction can be. He posted the photo and message on his facebook page and it has sincegone viral.
10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN FIX Two. BAD GAS. If you die after a huge meal at Taco Bell, and you’re full of horrific gas, our trocar can fix that. Three. AUTOPSIES. Usually, the people that are autopsied are people that have died suddenly without their family and friends being able to say “good-bye”. Autopsies are usually performed when there isn’t anapparent cause
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » NINE THINGS ABOUT Four. Adipocere Can Slow Decomposition. “Grave wax, or adipocere, is a crumbly white, waxy substance that accumulates on those parts of the body that contain fat – the cheeks, breasts, abdomen and buttocks. It is the product of a chemical reaction in which fats react with water and hydrogen in the presence of bacterial enzymes, breaking CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SEVEN REASONS YOU Secondly, World Vision isn’t evangelical in the sense that they evangelize. They are a Christian group attempting to practice the words of Jesus. This attempt involves more than words and food, it involves education, health care, economic development, spiritual care, agriculture and clean water. 23 AMUSING FUNERAL HOME NAMES One.Two.Three.Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven.Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Twenty-One. Twenty CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “THIS IS HOW WE DIE On Tuesday morning all I knew was that I was setting up an O’Connor table at the Heartland Hospice event that we were co-hosting. I got the table cloth & brochures all set out, greeted the attendees, and sat down in the back intending to “work” on my computer when the speaker, Barbara Karnes, a hospice nurse of 32 years, began speaking. She said, “I don’t want to pretend that this is CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DO FUNERAL HOMES In fact, three out of four deaths in the United States occur in a hospital or nursing home, outside of our home surrounding and outside of the comfort of our family. The professionalization of death has removed death from home and family. The Amish hire the funeral director to embalm the body and produce the legal paper work, but theydo the rest.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL Here’s 10 coping methods I’ve seen funeral directors use. The first five are coping methods that are negative techniques.. The last five are positive coping methods. One or more of these methods MUST be used if a person is to stay in this profession AND maintain a healthy personal and family life. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 23 PHOTOS OF THE WARNING: Some of these photos are disturbing. Please do not view if you are sensitive to grotesque images.These photos are sourced from a YouTube video on cremation. 10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN’T FIX NINE. JAUNDICE GREEN. Normal jaundice is yellow, but when too much embalming fluid is pumped into a body that yellow turns to a Gamora colored green. Once you go Gamora, you don’t go back. We’ve created a problem we can only fix with opaque cosmetics that can CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “WOODLAND BURIAL… Where the dust of ancient bones has spread a dryness over all, Lay me in some leafy loam where, sheltered from the cold. Little seeds investigate and tender leaves unfold. There kindly and affectionately, plant a native tree. To grow resplendent before God and hold some part of me. The roots will not disturb me as they wend their peaceful way. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE VERY, VERY BAD From Foucault’s Discipline and Punish: ***This account of Damien’s death — to say the least — is very disturbing.*** On 1 March 1757 Damiens the regicide was condemned “to make the amende honorable before the main door of the Church of Paris”, where he was to be “taken and conveyed in a cart, wearing nothing but a shirt, holding a torch of burning wax weighing two pounds”; then CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. 10 THINGS FUNERAL DIRECTORS HATE Some are things that are universally hated (i.e. tissue gas) by those of us in funeral homes. While others are things that industry funeral directors love to hate (and when I use the term “industry funeral director” I’m talking about the sycophantic, uptight company men and women of “the industry”). One. Tissue Gas: CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 REQUESTS FUNERAL The other day someone emailed me and asked, “What are some odd requests that families have asked funeral directors to perform?” Honestly, it seems like every other day we’re asked to do something “odd.” These “odd requests” are a burden that every funeral director has to bear. And yet, there are some odd requests that areexceptional.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » HISTORICAL QUICKIE ON The end of the rubber tube is where the arterial tube is inserted. Once the incision on the deceased is made and the desired artery is raised (usually the carotid), the arterial tube is placed into the artery, the Porti-Boy is turned on and the fluid pushes out the blood via an open vein, replacing the blood with embalming fluid. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » WORKING AT THEABOUTTHE BOOKSPEAKING INQUIRIESGUEST POSTSMY PODCASTEMBALMING VS. CREMATION And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS CHILDREN CAN It’s a very positive and fulfilling role for the children. 4. Artwork. 5. Sing Some Songs. 6. Hand Out Flowers at the Graveside. Sometimes flowers will be handed out at the graveside as a “final token of remembrance.”. It’s a beautiful thing when children handout the flowers.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DRUG OVERDOSE The picture below is of 20 year old Jeramie who died from an overdose. The photo was taken by Jeramie’s father Mike. And Mike is using this photo to show how devastating drugs and drug addiction can be. He posted the photo and message on his facebook page and it has sincegone viral.
10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN FIX Two. BAD GAS. If you die after a huge meal at Taco Bell, and you’re full of horrific gas, our trocar can fix that. Three. AUTOPSIES. Usually, the people that are autopsied are people that have died suddenly without their family and friends being able to say “good-bye”. Autopsies are usually performed when there isn’t anapparent cause
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » NINE THINGS ABOUT Four. Adipocere Can Slow Decomposition. “Grave wax, or adipocere, is a crumbly white, waxy substance that accumulates on those parts of the body that contain fat – the cheeks, breasts, abdomen and buttocks. It is the product of a chemical reaction in which fats react with water and hydrogen in the presence of bacterial enzymes, breaking CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SEVEN REASONS YOU Secondly, World Vision isn’t evangelical in the sense that they evangelize. They are a Christian group attempting to practice the words of Jesus. This attempt involves more than words and food, it involves education, health care, economic development, spiritual care, agriculture and clean water. 23 AMUSING FUNERAL HOME NAMES One.Two.Three.Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven.Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Twenty-One. Twenty CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “THIS IS HOW WE DIE On Tuesday morning all I knew was that I was setting up an O’Connor table at the Heartland Hospice event that we were co-hosting. I got the table cloth & brochures all set out, greeted the attendees, and sat down in the back intending to “work” on my computer when the speaker, Barbara Karnes, a hospice nurse of 32 years, began speaking. She said, “I don’t want to pretend that this is CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DO FUNERAL HOMES In fact, three out of four deaths in the United States occur in a hospital or nursing home, outside of our home surrounding and outside of the comfort of our family. The professionalization of death has removed death from home and family. The Amish hire the funeral director to embalm the body and produce the legal paper work, but theydo the rest.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » WORKING AT THEABOUTTHE BOOKSPEAKING INQUIRIESGUEST POSTSMY PODCASTEMBALMING VS. CREMATION And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS CHILDREN CAN It’s a very positive and fulfilling role for the children. 4. Artwork. 5. Sing Some Songs. 6. Hand Out Flowers at the Graveside. Sometimes flowers will be handed out at the graveside as a “final token of remembrance.”. It’s a beautiful thing when children handout the flowers.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DRUG OVERDOSE The picture below is of 20 year old Jeramie who died from an overdose. The photo was taken by Jeramie’s father Mike. And Mike is using this photo to show how devastating drugs and drug addiction can be. He posted the photo and message on his facebook page and it has sincegone viral.
10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN FIX Two. BAD GAS. If you die after a huge meal at Taco Bell, and you’re full of horrific gas, our trocar can fix that. Three. AUTOPSIES. Usually, the people that are autopsied are people that have died suddenly without their family and friends being able to say “good-bye”. Autopsies are usually performed when there isn’t anapparent cause
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » NINE THINGS ABOUT Four. Adipocere Can Slow Decomposition. “Grave wax, or adipocere, is a crumbly white, waxy substance that accumulates on those parts of the body that contain fat – the cheeks, breasts, abdomen and buttocks. It is the product of a chemical reaction in which fats react with water and hydrogen in the presence of bacterial enzymes, breaking CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SEVEN REASONS YOU Secondly, World Vision isn’t evangelical in the sense that they evangelize. They are a Christian group attempting to practice the words of Jesus. This attempt involves more than words and food, it involves education, health care, economic development, spiritual care, agriculture and clean water. 23 AMUSING FUNERAL HOME NAMES One.Two.Three.Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven.Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Twenty-One. Twenty CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “THIS IS HOW WE DIE On Tuesday morning all I knew was that I was setting up an O’Connor table at the Heartland Hospice event that we were co-hosting. I got the table cloth & brochures all set out, greeted the attendees, and sat down in the back intending to “work” on my computer when the speaker, Barbara Karnes, a hospice nurse of 32 years, began speaking. She said, “I don’t want to pretend that this is CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DO FUNERAL HOMES In fact, three out of four deaths in the United States occur in a hospital or nursing home, outside of our home surrounding and outside of the comfort of our family. The professionalization of death has removed death from home and family. The Amish hire the funeral director to embalm the body and produce the legal paper work, but theydo the rest.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL Here’s 10 coping methods I’ve seen funeral directors use. The first five are coping methods that are negative techniques.. The last five are positive coping methods. One or more of these methods MUST be used if a person is to stay in this profession AND maintain a healthy personal and family life. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 23 PHOTOS OF THE WARNING: Some of these photos are disturbing. Please do not view if you are sensitive to grotesque images.These photos are sourced from a YouTube video on cremation. 10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN’T FIX NINE. JAUNDICE GREEN. Normal jaundice is yellow, but when too much embalming fluid is pumped into a body that yellow turns to a Gamora colored green. Once you go Gamora, you don’t go back. We’ve created a problem we can only fix with opaque cosmetics that can CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “WOODLAND BURIAL… Where the dust of ancient bones has spread a dryness over all, Lay me in some leafy loam where, sheltered from the cold. Little seeds investigate and tender leaves unfold. There kindly and affectionately, plant a native tree. To grow resplendent before God and hold some part of me. The roots will not disturb me as they wend their peaceful way. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE VERY, VERY BAD From Foucault’s Discipline and Punish: ***This account of Damien’s death — to say the least — is very disturbing.*** On 1 March 1757 Damiens the regicide was condemned “to make the amende honorable before the main door of the Church of Paris”, where he was to be “taken and conveyed in a cart, wearing nothing but a shirt, holding a torch of burning wax weighing two pounds”; then CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. 10 THINGS FUNERAL DIRECTORS HATE Some are things that are universally hated (i.e. tissue gas) by those of us in funeral homes. While others are things that industry funeral directors love to hate (and when I use the term “industry funeral director” I’m talking about the sycophantic, uptight company men and women of “the industry”). One. Tissue Gas: CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 REQUESTS FUNERAL The other day someone emailed me and asked, “What are some odd requests that families have asked funeral directors to perform?” Honestly, it seems like every other day we’re asked to do something “odd.” These “odd requests” are a burden that every funeral director has to bear. And yet, there are some odd requests that areexceptional.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » HISTORICAL QUICKIE ON The end of the rubber tube is where the arterial tube is inserted. Once the incision on the deceased is made and the desired artery is raised (usually the carotid), the arterial tube is placed into the artery, the Porti-Boy is turned on and the fluid pushes out the blood via an open vein, replacing the blood with embalming fluid. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » WORKING AT THEABOUTTHE BOOKSPEAKING INQUIRIESGUEST POSTSMY PODCASTEMBALMING VS. CREMATION And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SUICIDE The one’s funeral directors hate from a technical basis. The shot-gun to the head kind. Often while drunk. Because for most of the “break-up suicides” your mind is feeling utterly overwhelmed and the emotions are so strong, so difficult that you don’t always think. You feel trapped. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SEVEN REASONS YOU Secondly, World Vision isn’t evangelical in the sense that they evangelize. They are a Christian group attempting to practice the words of Jesus. This attempt involves more than words and food, it involves education, health care, economic development, spiritual care, agriculture and clean water. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DRUG OVERDOSE The picture below is of 20 year old Jeramie who died from an overdose. The photo was taken by Jeramie’s father Mike. And Mike is using this photo to show how devastating drugs and drug addiction can be. He posted the photo and message on his facebook page and it has sincegone viral.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS CHILDREN CAN It’s a very positive and fulfilling role for the children. 4. Artwork. 5. Sing Some Songs. 6. Hand Out Flowers at the Graveside. Sometimes flowers will be handed out at the graveside as a “final token of remembrance.”. It’s a beautiful thing when children handout the flowers.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » NINE THINGS ABOUT Four. Adipocere Can Slow Decomposition. “Grave wax, or adipocere, is a crumbly white, waxy substance that accumulates on those parts of the body that contain fat – the cheeks, breasts, abdomen and buttocks. It is the product of a chemical reaction in which fats react with water and hydrogen in the presence of bacterial enzymes, breaking CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “THIS IS HOW WE DIE On Tuesday morning all I knew was that I was setting up an O’Connor table at the Heartland Hospice event that we were co-hosting. I got the table cloth & brochures all set out, greeted the attendees, and sat down in the back intending to “work” on my computer when the speaker, Barbara Karnes, a hospice nurse of 32 years, began speaking. She said, “I don’t want to pretend that this is CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » WORKING AT THEABOUTTHE BOOKSPEAKING INQUIRIESGUEST POSTSMY PODCASTEMBALMING VS. CREMATION And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SUICIDE The one’s funeral directors hate from a technical basis. The shot-gun to the head kind. Often while drunk. Because for most of the “break-up suicides” your mind is feeling utterly overwhelmed and the emotions are so strong, so difficult that you don’t always think. You feel trapped. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SEVEN REASONS YOU Secondly, World Vision isn’t evangelical in the sense that they evangelize. They are a Christian group attempting to practice the words of Jesus. This attempt involves more than words and food, it involves education, health care, economic development, spiritual care, agriculture and clean water. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DRUG OVERDOSE The picture below is of 20 year old Jeramie who died from an overdose. The photo was taken by Jeramie’s father Mike. And Mike is using this photo to show how devastating drugs and drug addiction can be. He posted the photo and message on his facebook page and it has sincegone viral.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS CHILDREN CAN It’s a very positive and fulfilling role for the children. 4. Artwork. 5. Sing Some Songs. 6. Hand Out Flowers at the Graveside. Sometimes flowers will be handed out at the graveside as a “final token of remembrance.”. It’s a beautiful thing when children handout the flowers.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » NINE THINGS ABOUT Four. Adipocere Can Slow Decomposition. “Grave wax, or adipocere, is a crumbly white, waxy substance that accumulates on those parts of the body that contain fat – the cheeks, breasts, abdomen and buttocks. It is the product of a chemical reaction in which fats react with water and hydrogen in the presence of bacterial enzymes, breaking CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “THIS IS HOW WE DIE On Tuesday morning all I knew was that I was setting up an O’Connor table at the Heartland Hospice event that we were co-hosting. I got the table cloth & brochures all set out, greeted the attendees, and sat down in the back intending to “work” on my computer when the speaker, Barbara Karnes, a hospice nurse of 32 years, began speaking. She said, “I don’t want to pretend that this is CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SUICIDE The one’s funeral directors hate from a technical basis. The shot-gun to the head kind. Often while drunk. Because for most of the “break-up suicides” your mind is feeling utterly overwhelmed and the emotions are so strong, so difficult that you don’t always think. You feel trapped. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL Here’s 10 coping methods I’ve seen funeral directors use. The first five are coping methods that are negative techniques.. The last five are positive coping methods. One or more of these methods MUST be used if a person is to stay in this profession AND maintain a healthy personal and family life. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » CONSUMER RIGHTS 5. “Protective” caskets help to preserve the body. While gasketed caskets may keep out air, water, and other outside elements for a while, the body will decompose regardless. In fact, a gasketed or “sealer” casket interferes with the natural dehydration that wouldotherwise occur.
23 AMUSING FUNERAL HOME NAMES One.Two.Three.Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven.Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Twenty-One. Twenty CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 PIECES OF ADVICE Over the course of my career as a funeral director, there have been a handful of times when I've had to call on my friends to help me with a removal. All but one of my friends have answered my call with a, "Yes,I'll help you.
10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN’T FIX NINE. JAUNDICE GREEN. Normal jaundice is yellow, but when too much embalming fluid is pumped into a body that yellow turns to a Gamora colored green. Once you go Gamora, you don’t go back. We’ve created a problem we can only fix with opaque cosmetics that can CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “THIS IS HOW WE DIE On Tuesday morning all I knew was that I was setting up an O’Connor table at the Heartland Hospice event that we were co-hosting. I got the table cloth & brochures all set out, greeted the attendees, and sat down in the back intending to “work” on my computer when the speaker, Barbara Karnes, a hospice nurse of 32 years, began speaking. She said, “I don’t want to pretend that this is CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 REQUESTS FUNERAL The other day someone emailed me and asked, “What are some odd requests that families have asked funeral directors to perform?” Honestly, it seems like every other day we’re asked to do something “odd.” These “odd requests” are a burden that every funeral director has to bear. And yet, there are some odd requests that areexceptional.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » WORKING AT THEABOUTTHE BOOKSPEAKING INQUIRIESGUEST POSTSMY PODCASTEMBALMING VS. CREMATIONFUNERAL DIRECTOR BLOGWILDE FUNERALWILDE FUNERAL HOMEWILDE FUNERAL HOME PAWILDE FUNERAL HOME PARKESBURG PA And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SUICIDEFUNERAL DIRECTOR BLOGWILDE FUNERALWILDE FUNERAL HOMEWILDE FUNERAL HOME PAWILDE FUNERAL HOMEPARKESBURG PA
The one’s funeral directors hate from a technical basis. The shot-gun to the head kind. Often while drunk. Because for most of the “break-up suicides” your mind is feeling utterly overwhelmed and the emotions are so strong, so difficult that you don’t always think. You feel trapped. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SEVEN REASONS YOU Secondly, World Vision isn’t evangelical in the sense that they evangelize. They are a Christian group attempting to practice the words of Jesus. This attempt involves more than words and food, it involves education, health care, economic development, spiritual care, agriculture and clean water. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULDGRUBBS FUNERAL HOME TROY ALABAMASAMPLE FUNERAL ORDER OF SERVICEWARD HOLLOWAY FUNERAL HOMEWEST COBB FUNERAL HOME MARIETTA GA OBITUA… Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DRUG OVERDOSE The picture below is of 20 year old Jeramie who died from an overdose. The photo was taken by Jeramie’s father Mike. And Mike is using this photo to show how devastating drugs and drug addiction can be. He posted the photo and message on his facebook page and it has sincegone viral.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS CHILDREN CAN It’s a very positive and fulfilling role for the children. 4. Artwork. 5. Sing Some Songs. 6. Hand Out Flowers at the Graveside. Sometimes flowers will be handed out at the graveside as a “final token of remembrance.”. It’s a beautiful thing when children handout the flowers.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » NINE THINGS ABOUT Four. Adipocere Can Slow Decomposition. “Grave wax, or adipocere, is a crumbly white, waxy substance that accumulates on those parts of the body that contain fat – the cheeks, breasts, abdomen and buttocks. It is the product of a chemical reaction in which fats react with water and hydrogen in the presence of bacterial enzymes, breaking CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “THIS IS HOW WE DIEHOW WE DIESUMMARY
On Tuesday morning all I knew was that I was setting up an O’Connor table at the Heartland Hospice event that we were co-hosting. I got the table cloth & brochures all set out, greeted the attendees, and sat down in the back intending to “work” on my computer when the speaker, Barbara Karnes, a hospice nurse of 32 years, began speaking. She said, “I don’t want to pretend that this is CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » WORKING AT THEABOUTTHE BOOKSPEAKING INQUIRIESGUEST POSTSMY PODCASTEMBALMING VS. CREMATIONFUNERAL DIRECTOR BLOGWILDE FUNERALWILDE FUNERAL HOMEWILDE FUNERAL HOME PAWILDE FUNERAL HOME PARKESBURG PA And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SUICIDEFUNERAL DIRECTOR BLOGWILDE FUNERALWILDE FUNERAL HOMEWILDE FUNERAL HOME PAWILDE FUNERAL HOMEPARKESBURG PA
The one’s funeral directors hate from a technical basis. The shot-gun to the head kind. Often while drunk. Because for most of the “break-up suicides” your mind is feeling utterly overwhelmed and the emotions are so strong, so difficult that you don’t always think. You feel trapped. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SEVEN REASONS YOU Secondly, World Vision isn’t evangelical in the sense that they evangelize. They are a Christian group attempting to practice the words of Jesus. This attempt involves more than words and food, it involves education, health care, economic development, spiritual care, agriculture and clean water. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULDGRUBBS FUNERAL HOME TROY ALABAMASAMPLE FUNERAL ORDER OF SERVICEWARD HOLLOWAY FUNERAL HOMEWEST COBB FUNERAL HOME MARIETTA GA OBITUA… Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL There's been an overwhelmingly positive response to my article "10 Burdens Funeral Directors Carry". We funeral directors carry a unique set of burdens. And there's ways -- both positive and negative -- that we cope with our burdens. Here's 10 coping methods funeral directorsuse.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » DRUG OVERDOSE The picture below is of 20 year old Jeramie who died from an overdose. The photo was taken by Jeramie’s father Mike. And Mike is using this photo to show how devastating drugs and drug addiction can be. He posted the photo and message on his facebook page and it has sincegone viral.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS CHILDREN CAN It’s a very positive and fulfilling role for the children. 4. Artwork. 5. Sing Some Songs. 6. Hand Out Flowers at the Graveside. Sometimes flowers will be handed out at the graveside as a “final token of remembrance.”. It’s a beautiful thing when children handout the flowers.
CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » NINE THINGS ABOUT Four. Adipocere Can Slow Decomposition. “Grave wax, or adipocere, is a crumbly white, waxy substance that accumulates on those parts of the body that contain fat – the cheeks, breasts, abdomen and buttocks. It is the product of a chemical reaction in which fats react with water and hydrogen in the presence of bacterial enzymes, breaking CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “THIS IS HOW WE DIEHOW WE DIESUMMARY
On Tuesday morning all I knew was that I was setting up an O’Connor table at the Heartland Hospice event that we were co-hosting. I got the table cloth & brochures all set out, greeted the attendees, and sat down in the back intending to “work” on my computer when the speaker, Barbara Karnes, a hospice nurse of 32 years, began speaking. She said, “I don’t want to pretend that this is CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » SUICIDE The one’s funeral directors hate from a technical basis. The shot-gun to the head kind. Often while drunk. Because for most of the “break-up suicides” your mind is feeling utterly overwhelmed and the emotions are so strong, so difficult that you don’t always think. You feel trapped. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 THINGS YOU SHOULD Time for a Top Ten list from your local funeral professionals! Now I am by no means a “Miss Manners” of funeral etiquette, but some things should be non-negotiable when attending a funeral service:One. Silence your phone. Seriously that means you.Two. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 WAYS FUNERAL Here’s 10 coping methods I’ve seen funeral directors use. The first five are coping methods that are negative techniques.. The last five are positive coping methods. One or more of these methods MUST be used if a person is to stay in this profession AND maintain a healthy personal and family life. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » THE 20 MOST The iPod's plugged into the sound system. The crowd that has gathered for the funeral settles down into their chairs for the solemn event that's about to take place. The sound guy hits "play" on the iPod and mistakenly plays the wrong song. It happens. CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » CONSUMER RIGHTS 5. “Protective” caskets help to preserve the body. While gasketed caskets may keep out air, water, and other outside elements for a while, the body will decompose regardless. In fact, a gasketed or “sealer” casket interferes with the natural dehydration that wouldotherwise occur.
23 AMUSING FUNERAL HOME NAMES One.Two.Three.Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven.Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Twenty-One. Twenty CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 PIECES OF ADVICE Over the course of my career as a funeral director, there have been a handful of times when I've had to call on my friends to help me with a removal. All but one of my friends have answered my call with a, "Yes,I'll help you.
10 THINGS EMBALMERS CAN’T FIX NINE. JAUNDICE GREEN. Normal jaundice is yellow, but when too much embalming fluid is pumped into a body that yellow turns to a Gamora colored green. Once you go Gamora, you don’t go back. We’ve created a problem we can only fix with opaque cosmetics that can CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » “THIS IS HOW WE DIE On Tuesday morning all I knew was that I was setting up an O’Connor table at the Heartland Hospice event that we were co-hosting. I got the table cloth & brochures all set out, greeted the attendees, and sat down in the back intending to “work” on my computer when the speaker, Barbara Karnes, a hospice nurse of 32 years, began speaking. She said, “I don’t want to pretend that this is CONFESSIONS OF A FUNERAL DIRECTOR » 10 REQUESTS FUNERAL The other day someone emailed me and asked, “What are some odd requests that families have asked funeral directors to perform?” Honestly, it seems like every other day we’re asked to do something “odd.” These “odd requests” are a burden that every funeral director has to bear. And yet, there are some odd requests that areexceptional.
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MY BOOK IS FINALLY HERE This book started as a dream some five years ago, right around the birth of my son, Jeremiah. His birth marked a distinct time in my life when I realized that I could find enough beauty in death care and enough beauty in death to sustain me as a father. When I first joined the funeral home — approximately seven years prior toJeremiah ...
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10 SUPERPOWERS FUNERAL DIRECTORS (AND CARETAKERS/SERVICE PERSONNEL)NEED RIGHT NOW
1 year ago
by Caleb Wilde in
Burnout and Compassion Fatigue,
Funeral Directing
175 6 4 194 6 If you’re in death care (or any type of caretaker position, paid or unpaid), you probably already have these superpowers. In fact, most of us only know how to use our superpowers for others, but we hardly ever use them for ourselves. As we all face this pandemic and the unknowns that come with it, we’ll have to focus our superpowers outwardly towards others AND inwardly towards ourselves. Otherwise, we’ll burnout. Or worse.
SELF COMPASSION
We have an abundance of compassion. We practice it every time we walk into a home for a home removal, every time we meet with grieving families, and every time we direct a funeral. But, we’re too often like the five-star chef who makes unimaginably good and healthy food for her customers but will only allow herself to eat the scraps. Just like we give compassion to the bereaved, it’s okay to give it to ourselves because the chef can make wonderful food and eat it too.PAIN VALIDATION
Caregivers often minimize our own pain so that we can focus on the pain of others. Unknowingly and unintentionally, that minimization of our own feelings eventually diminishes our ability to care for thosewho need us.
And just so we’re clear, pain validation isn’t the same as self-pity. Self-pity can too often be self-centered. Whereas pain validation is giving yourself permission to feel and validating that your feelings are okay. It’s saying to ourselves, “I feel anxious and that’s okay. I don’t know what to do and that’s okay. I don’t know what the future holds and that’s okay.” TWO-WAY HONEST COMMUNICATION When we meet with families, we want to hear their honest stories. We invite them to tell us what’s happened so we can feel their feelings, know their thoughts. Yet, we usually hide our own feelings because we’re supposed to be the strong ones. Right now, THERE ARENO STRONG ONES.
When we’re talking with families, don’t try to be the strong one. More than ever, we need to show our own humanity, even if we’ve repressed it for so long in an attempt to serve others. It’s okay if we tell people that we’re afraid for our families too. It’s okay if we make policies at the funeral home that protect us as well. Right now, your superpower isn’t being Superman, it’s being honest. STRESS MANAGEMENT PERSPECTIVES For millennials specifically, transparency and vulnerability with our stress are considered brave. For older generations, keeping our problems and stress private (or ignoring them entirely) is viewed as brave. These two perspectives on stress management aren’t always generational. Some millennials hold to the PRIVACY = GOOD STRESS MANAGEMENT while some gen-xers, boomers and older hold to the TRANSPARENCY = GOOD STRESS MANAGEMENT view. What matters, however, isn’t the generational differences, it’s that we try to understand each other.FAMILY DYNAMICS
I sometimes jokingly tell people that the reason they pay me is because I can navigate and mediate their family disfunction. Even though it’s a joke, it’s often true. Funeral directors are good mediators except … except with it comes to their own work-family. Did you know that a large percentage of stress for funeral service workers is caused by their bosses and co-workers? It’s because we don’t understand our own stress management perspective and we don’t understand the stress management perspective of others. It’s because many of us are burnt out and we transfer our anger, our bitterness, and our pain onto those we deem weaker than us … our employees and our coworkers. Managers and owners … I’m looking at you. This is often your problem. And you need to acknowledge your own shortcomings if you’re going to make it through the next couple ofmonths.
SAFE SPACE CREATION
I work really hard to create an environment at the funeral home to make people feel safe. Safe to share their wants and needs. Safe to cry and express their emotions. And safe to acknowledge their loss. We need to find that space for ourselves too. We need to find people who allow us to talk it out (just so you talk it out with at least six feet of space between you). If we’re the funeral home manager or owner, you need to create such a safe space for your employees. Your business is dependent upon their mental health. So act like it. ACKNOWLEDGING OUR LIMITS This profession exists because people acknowledge their limits. They recognize that they can’t do this whole death thing on their own, so they hire us to help them. Over the next couple of months, you must acknowledge your limits. If you can’t handle the workload, there needs to be a conversation about bringing in more help. If you’ve reached your bandwidth limit, it’s okay to ask for a few days off work. WORK WITH IT, NOT AROUND IT. For most of my career, I’ve been ashamed of my depression, of the thoughts that bombard my mind. Ashamed that I spend SO MUCH energy trying to keep myself upright that I have so little energy left for others. Ashamed that I’m not and will never be entirely stable. But over the last couple of years, I’ve started to make a change in how I approach depression. Grammatically, it’s a simple change in a preposition. Here’s the change: for most of my career, I tried to work AROUND my depression, but recently I’m trying to work WITH it. You may not deal with depression, but these next couple of months may bring you close to it. Don’t try to act like nothing’s wrong. Don’t try to act like everything will be okay. Instead, acknowledge it and work WITH it. Because the greatest superpower you may have in the coming months is being able to empathize with others and you’ll only do that when you acknowledge your own fear, your own depression,and your own worry.
SELF-CARE
Let’s not confuse self-care with selfishness. Let’s not confuse self-care with self-centeredness. Self-care is one of the most loving things you can do moving forward. The person who doesn’t practice self-care is like the chef who not only doesn’t eat their wonderful food, they eat horribly unhealthy food that will eventually cause health problems and the inability to work at all. Self-care is acknowledging that my own health is vital for the health of others. You can be your best at other-care only when you practice self-care.LEAN ON ME
… when you’re not strong. It’s okay to lean on those you love. Please, don’t come home from work all burnt out and yell at your kids and your loved ones. Please, don’t come home from work and isolate yourself from those in your home. Lean on the ones you love. Ask them for help. Tell them what’s happening. Because you can’t do this on your own. No matter how much self-compassion and self-care you practice, we need each other. I need you. We all need you.*
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175 6 4 194 6 DEATH CARE ISN’T ENTIRELY PREPARED FOR COVID-191 year ago
by Caleb Wilde in
Burnout and Compassion Fatigue 320 3 0 325 0 Nearly two weeks ago, our funeral home was notified of the death of a 47-year-old woman named Diane (both the name and circumstances have been changed to protect privacy). After talking with Diane’s daughter, I scheduled the family to come into the funeral home the following day at 2 PM to make funeral arrangements. On cue, Diane’s husband, mother and two high school-aged daughters were standing at our funeral home’s porch at 2 PM waiting for me to openthe door.
Her family was exhausted. I could see it in their faces. As I would come to find out, Diane’s aneurysm was unexpected and sudden. She was standing in the doorway of her home, told her husband she felt weird and collapsed immediately after. The EMTs kept her alive and for a few days and many more tests, they all sat vigilantly by her hospital bed waiting to find out if this was her end or the beginning of a long recovery process. After they received their answer, they were also by her side when the ventilator wasremoved.
When I meet with families that are grieving a sudden and tragic death, I try to prepare myself for the trauma and pain I’m going to witness. Secondary trauma is what EMTs, ER staff, police, and, yes, death care workers experience when we step into someone else’s tragedy. Secondary trauma is never as intense as it is for primary recipients, but over time secondary trauma can build itself into burnout, compassion fatigue, depression, and even PTSD, all of which I and many in my profession hide beneath the suits. _Secondary trauma is the quiet trauma held by caregivers like myself. We often minimize our own pain so that we can focus on the pain of others. Unknowingly and unintentionally, that minimization of our own feelings eventually diminishes our ability to care for those who need us. _ The day before Diane was removed from her ventilator, the CDC issued their recommendation that gatherings of no more than 50 people should take place. Diane’s funeral arrangements were the first I would make since the CDC’s recommendation and I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to address that recommendation when many people in my area still believed COVID-19 to be no worse than the flu. I opened the funeral home’s door and sat them down in our conference area. After I listened to the family tell Diane’s story for over a half an hour, I felt like I had gained enough of their trust to talk about the CDC’s recommendation. I paused. Took a deep breath andsaid,
“I know you guys have been in the hospital for the last couple of days and you may not have been following the news, but the Coronavirus has become a legitimate public threat. The CDC suggests no public gatherings over 50 people.” They all looked at me, trying to decide if I was really brazen enough to follow through with my line of thinking. I continued, “I’m recommending that you have a private service for only your family and intimate friends.” The reaction on their faces was something I’ve never seen in all my years of serving bereaved families. It was a combination of anger and assertiveness, grief and hopelessness. As I had learned from the stories they had just told me, Diane served in the ladies auxiliary for two local fire companies, she was very involved in her church and helped manage all of her daughters’ sports teams. “Diane deserves a big sendoff”, her husband responded instinctually. “She was loved by all of us and I need everyone who loved Diane to come together for a funeral.” I assumed that would be their response and I was prepared to help them have the funeral they wanted. We scheduled it for the following Thursday at Diane’s church. They expected over 500 people to attendthe service.
As the days passed leading up to Diane’s funeral, my anxiety grew as I realized the next couple of months will be unlike anything death care workers have seen in our lifetime. It has that same ominous feeling that those of us in Pennsylvania feel when there’s a Nor’easter churning up the coast, leaving high snowdrifts and power outages in its wake. One day the sky is blue, and the sun is bright and the next day the snow is so blinding you can hardly see. You prepare the best you can by buying rock salt, getting the snowplow ready and checking to make sure the generator still works. And thenyou wait.
Just … wait.
Right now, the COVID-19 Nor’easter is hitting Bergamo, Italy where funeral homes are dealing with five to six times their normal amount of work. They don’t always have room for the bodies. And funerals aren’t even a possibility. There are so many deaths that the obituary section of the Bergamo newspaper has had nine to ten pages compared to their normal one or two. In Spain, the body count is so overwhelming that they’re using an ice rink to help keep the deceased from decomposing. Soon after the Bergamo reports hit the headlines, people within and without the funeral industry started giving us practical guidance on how we should protect ourselves against COVID-19. The DHS and CISA have labeled death care workers “critical infrastructure workers”. Just as we do for holidays, the middle of the night and any other time death happens, we’ll be prepared to work the entire way through thispandemic.
Yesterday, I pulled out our funeral home’s contract book from 100 years ago. Back then, my great grandfather, James Wilde, was serving about 35 bereaved families a year. That average was consistent until 1918 when the Spanish Influenza tripled the average to exactly 100 deceased persons. At the time, 100 bodies maxed out our funeral home’s capacity, but it didn’t overload it. Today, we serve approximately 300 families each year. If that number is tripled like it was in 1918 we will simply have no place to store 900 bodies. Like Italy and now Spain, we will have to improvise. Last week I purchased an extra refrigerated storage unit, a new removal cot, and extra body bags. Like that Nor’easter, however, if the snow is too deep, creates too much damage, and our best-made plans become overwhelmed, we always find a way to get through it. Just like those of us in the northeast who have to deal with unpredictable weather, funeral directors are a creative and resilientgroup of people.
An overwhelming body count isn’t what scares me the most. _THIS IS MORE THAN ONE-DIMENSIONAL PREPARATION. AND BECAUSE OUR PREPARATION IS ONLY ONE-DIMENSIONAL, THAT’S WHY I SAY WE’RE NOT ENTIRELYPREPARED. _
I’ve yet to hear anyone talk about the potential burnout for our industry and for the many others caregivers that will be affected. Burnout can be equally as dangerous and crippling to our health as COVID-19 itself. Many of us are already burnt out and dealing with an unhealthy mental state. I know I myself have dealt with suicidal ideation and major bouts with depression throughout my career. The fact is that caregivers are rarely good at taking care of themselves. We’re like the five-star chef who makes unimaginably good food for her customers but will only allow herself to eat thescraps.
Two days before Diane’s funeral was to take place, her husband called. “I don’t want to, but I’m going to make this funeral private”, he said. “I can’t put the people who loved her at risk. We’re gonna cancel the public service. I don’t want her friends and family to have to choose between honoring Diane and putting their health at risk.” As I listened to him and tried to affirm him, I have to admit that it was hard to hear him grieve over lost grief. It was a foretaste of things to come. We won’t just be witnessing an overwhelming amount of tragic deaths, we’ll be witnessing people who are grieving the loss of communal grieving. My wife and I have been preparing our eight and two-year-old kids for the potentiality that I could contract COVID-19. I told them that this pandemic will likely affect us, maybe even affect those we love who are at most risk. I told them that Daddy is still working and I will do my best to stay healthy, but I could very well be exposed to the sickness. I told them that they’ll need to be leaders going forward, ready to take on some more house responsibilities in case Daddy has to rest a few days. And just like I’ve enlisted my own children to help me in case I need it, I implore funeral homes to start enlisting capable women and men who can help them because wewill need it!
As those of us in funeral service have seen time and again, when things fall apart, people find an untapped capacity for generosity and kindness. That’s what I want from us in death care and health care. The families we work for need the best from us. If we can start a conversation about burnout and self-care now, we can have generosity later. Caregivers can care for others and care for themselves too. We must care for ourselves. It’s very likely that the funeral industry in the United States will be overwhelmed in the coming months, especially if our leaders continue to be so reluctant to take preventative measures. While the industry might be overwhelmed, I’d like to believe if we can talk about the psychological impact this will have on us now, we can find ways to keep ourselves together. While our facilities may be overwhelmed, I’d like to believe that we don’t have to be. 320 3 0 325 0 “I DON’T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW I HAVE CANCER”1 year ago
by Caleb Wilde in
Death
1305 12 6 1337 4 _Every time I write a story, I always change names, circumstances, and any identifying factors. This story — like most others — is less about “Dan” and more about what he taught me._ The funeral home’s business line rang and — in my normal fashion — I answered, “Hello. Wilde Funeral Home. Caleb speaking.” “Hi, Caleb. My name is Dan,” the voice on the other end said, in what sounded like the voice of someone in their mid-forties. “I want to know the cost of cremation”, he said. “Sure, Dan. Let’s make sure we’re on the same page. When you say ‘cremation’, are you thinking about having a memorial service, is there a burial involved? I’m asking these questions because it’ll help me give you a more specific answer.” “Hmmm. Good questions. And I don’t really know to be honest.” “I’ll need to talk to my husband about that”, he said. “Is your husband sick, or dying?” I asked as a way to move our conversation away from a purely business exchange and into something a little more personal. Usually, I try to personalize everything I do in this business. I try to understand relationships, personalities, likes/dislikes, all for the purpose of being able to serve that specific person better. Dan paused to roll his answer around in his head. “It’s for me. I’m dying. I have a very rare form of cancer that’s incurable. Supposedly, I have about two to three years left before …. you know … I’ll need your services.” I could tell by the tone of Dan’s voice that he wasn’t interested in my sympathy, nor did he want me to delve into his personal life. He was interested in talking about cremation pricing. So, that’s whatwe did.
Toward the end of our conversation, Dan said, “I don’t want anyone to know I have cancer. So let’s pretend this conversation neverhappened.”
Over the past couple of months, we’ve buried four elderly women who died of breast cancer. And they, like Dan, didn’t tell anyone until they were actively dying. Their family didn’t know. Their friends didn’t know. They kept it to themselves. I mentioned this to Dan and his response surprised me: “I don’t think they were quiet because they were ashamed of their cancer. Or because it was so big and bad that they wanted to sweep it under the rug. I think they were quiet because they didn’t want it to shape their entire identity. When I came out as gay, I wasn’t ashamed of being gay, I was more worried that people would stop looking at me as ‘Dan’ and start seeing me as ‘Dan, the gay guy.’ Now, I don’t want people to see me as ‘Dan, the guy with cancer.’ In my last years, I just want to be Dan.” I’ve been processing my conversation with Dan since I spoke with him a few weeks ago. Labels are powerful. Labels like:Republican.
Muslim.
Queer.
Whatever label gets attached to you, it often sticks. Some are stronger than others. Some are so strong, they define you. And — if I learned anything from Dan — it’s that labels that are attached to death and dying might be the strongest. Labels like …Widow.
Suicide.
Bereaved mother.
And cancer.
And maybe why people are often tentative to share those labels … to share their hard stories … is because they want to be enjoyed, notpitied.
I’ve always thought that transparency is an act of bravery. But for some, keeping things to themselves is their own act of bravery. Thanks to Dan, I’ve come to respect both acts. 1305 12 6 1337 4 HOW I TALK ABOUT DEATH WITH JEREMIAH2 years ago
by Caleb Wilde in
Death
661 6 2 678 4 Kids and death. Okay, guys. Here’s how I talk to Jeremiah aboutdeath.
I tell him that I don’t have all the answers. I tell him that it makes me scared too. And when someone we love inevitably dies, I won’t hide my tears fromhim.
Because I want to give him permission to cry (and feel anything he needs to feel). And I’ll give him permission by leading byexample.
I’ll respect the uniqueness of his grief. I won’t project my fears onto him. I won’t project my experience onto his. I’ll let him experience all his feelings, while reassuring him that I’m there for him if he needs me. . . not as an expert on death or grief, but as a brother in his grief because his love and his grief are just as valid as mine. I’ll let him decide whether or not he sees the body of the deceased (but I’ll gently encourage him to see it because tough and hard things aren’t the same as bad things). I talk about death with him now. I’ve let him know that someday I’ll die and his mom will die, but that every time we love each other a piece of us gets embedded in him. And I’ll fight — and fight as hard as I can — for his dreams because we only get one shot at life. I won’t keep his own mortality a secret. I’ll let him know how wonderful and frightening this journey can be, but it’s a journey wecan walk together.
I’ll show my love to him as smartly and as often as I can because I know how fast time flies and how short life is. And I’ll let him move our caskets from our storage garage because pushing caskets down the sidewalk can be weird and fun all at the sametime.
661 6 2 678 4VALIDATING MY PAIN
2 years ago
by Caleb Wilde in
Burnout and Compassion Fatigue 596 55 86 865 5 Anyone else have trouble validating their own pain and problems because “there’s always people who have it worse?”—
So, I’m riding shotgun with @nicwilde while she tries on new jeans at @express. Those of you who have walked through this valley know this particular challenge. I mean, I totally love my wife, even after the 36th pair of jeans we’ve appraised in the trifold mirror. And if I want something other than pure joy, I’m entitled to that feeling even if nearly one billion people in the world areundernourished.
—
Real talk. I actually love shopping with my wife because she’s lovely and I love spending time with her. Also, it REALLY is hard for me to validate my pain and problems when I constantly see people in more pain than I am. Why do we compare ourselves? Maybe it’s some evolutionary function that has us continually sizing up rivals? I don’t know where it comes from, but I know for a fact that it is hardly ever helpful. Maybe it worked for our evolutionary ancestors, but it doesn’t work for us anymore. It makes us jealous and unhappy and unsatisfied and mean and possessive and inhuman.—
I’m starting to allow myself to validate my pain. I know there’s people in more pain than me. Believe me, I know. And there’s a bunch of cliche reasons why I’m taking care of me, like: “in an airplane, put your own mask on first” and “it’s selfless to be selfish.” And all those reasons are good. For me — right now— I’m validating my pain because I know I need to get better. I need to be a better husband, father and funeral director. And I think if I validate my pain, I can be better. Because if I validate my pain, I might be able to go another round of 36 jeans. 596 55 86 865 5Show More
AGGREGATE DEATH: LEVITY, THE FEELS, NEWS, AND FODDER * Death Fact: Part 2 (0) VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED: WORKING AROUND DEATH, IT'S EASY FOR ME TO FORGET THAT WHAT I VIEW AS AN INTERESTING HISTORICAL FACT IS 2 years ago * Death Fact: Part 1 (0) Apparently, this is true. She woke up, was surrounded by sobbing friends and relatives, and started screaming because she didn't want 2 years ago * The Mexican Forensic Dentist Who Revives the Dead (Viewer Discretion Advised) (8) These screenshots are captured from a VICE video on a Mexican Forensic Dentist named Dr. Alejandro Hernández Cárdenas. If you want to 2 years ago * Flowers for Mom (7) By Karen Wyatt MD The email arrived today, just as it always does, 5 days before my mother’s birthday: “It’s time to order flowers for 3 years ago * AUTOGRAPHED BOOK GIVEAWAY! (3) I'm giving away TEN signed copies of my book over at my 'Confessions of a Funeral Director' Facebook page. Here's how you can get one. 3 years ago * Clay Embalming Machines are Awesome (2) I recently stumbled upon a clay crafter named Sherri Evans. Sherri is a funeral director and embalmer with a fantastic ability to custom 4 years ago * The Perfect Funeral (1) By Karen Wyatt, MD As a hospice medical director I’ve been to a lot of funerals, but only one of them has been labeled “perfect” in my 5 years ago * Pat Stocks Obituary is Funny (1) Pat Stocks, 94, passed away peacefully at her home in bed July 1, 2015. It is believed it was caused from carrying her oxygen tank up the 5 years ago * Last Words: Six Things to Say When Someone is Dying (6) TODAYS GUEST POST IS WRITTEN BY CHAPLAIN BERYL SCHEWE You may have heard the statistic: More people are afraid of public speaking than 5years ago
* Twelve Days Straight: Burdens of Funeral Work (2) Today's guest post is written by Katharine Gates: It's my 12th day in a row here at the funeral home. Another day in a dark place 5 years agoShow More
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