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CRITIC TE AROHI
Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. One student has reported the pamphlets to Critic Te Arohi twice. Both times, the pamphlets were put up on the Hunter Centre noticeboard. On May 12 they said “we noticed some rather gross propaganda protesting against the upcoming bill aroundsex
HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE Cut the stem off the mushroom, as close to the cap as possible. Put the cap (top up) on a piece of white paper. Put a glass over the top to keep air away. Leave the cap overnight to let spores drop. The next day, check out the colour of the spore print on the paper. If your mushroom has purple-brown to black spores, AND the flesh turns bluish MOANINGFUL CONFESSIONS Queenstown. 2017. One woman. Three boys. After a long day on the slopes, it seemed only right to indulge in a little après ski. The weather was hot for September and so were my hormones. We started the night as any fresher on a ski trip would, with a few cheeky bevvies inour
HOW TO: GET YOURSELF OFF Step Two: Become aroused. There are many ways to get yourself hot and heavy. Some people like to watch videos of other people having sex; others like to read poetry, or enjoy a nice cup of tea. For some, having someone stand on your genitals while they are wearing high heels is the answer. Whatever it is that gets you going. WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Labour Party Leader Jacinda Ardern said, “every single suicide is simply unacceptable,” and proposed a review into the reasons for this rise in suicide statistics, which she says likely include growing inequality, overstretched health services, increased societal pressures, and population growth. People aged 18-24 are considered anat-risk
ROTUMAN LANGUAGE WEEK: TIME TO LEARN ABOUT ROTUMA Rotuma is a group of volcanic islands, made up of Rotuma Island and nearby islets (tiny baby islands), and is a self-governing Fijian dependency. Rotuma Island is 13km long and 4km wide, and is located about 465km North of Fiji. Rotuma is unique from Fiji, but continues to be thoroughly integrated with the rest of Fiji politically,socially
WOODSTOCK IS THE BIGGEST BITCH DRINK IN NEW ZEALAND Woodstock a sick ly sweet syrupy concoction with a harsh aftertaste that I swear can’t be real bourbon. There’s almost as much sugar in a 12 pack of Woodstock 5% as in four litres of Talleys Ice Cream. There’s more sugar per can in these than in Vodka Cruisers, meaning Woodstock wins the honourable title of the biggest Bitch Drink in NewZealand.
LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to NEW BAKED POTATO TAKEAWAY OUTLET OPENING IN DUNEDIN A new takeaway outlet will soon be opening on George Street, dedicated to that unsung hero of foods: Baked potatoes. Facebook and Instagram pages for Patate were launched last Thursday, with owner Aysu Shahin announcing they will “open very soon” at 420 George Street (nice), formerly the home of sushi place Maki Mono. ESCAPING THE CULT OF ACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) is an American educational program for students from New Entrant level to the end of high school, founded in 1970 by Dr Donald R. Howard. ACE is taught in over 6,000 schools in 145 countries worldwide. ACE is also utilised as a homeschooling program - because it does not require any actualteaching on the
CRITIC TE AROHI
Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. One student has reported the pamphlets to Critic Te Arohi twice. Both times, the pamphlets were put up on the Hunter Centre noticeboard. On May 12 they said “we noticed some rather gross propaganda protesting against the upcoming bill aroundsex
HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE Cut the stem off the mushroom, as close to the cap as possible. Put the cap (top up) on a piece of white paper. Put a glass over the top to keep air away. Leave the cap overnight to let spores drop. The next day, check out the colour of the spore print on the paper. If your mushroom has purple-brown to black spores, AND the flesh turns bluish MOANINGFUL CONFESSIONS Queenstown. 2017. One woman. Three boys. After a long day on the slopes, it seemed only right to indulge in a little après ski. The weather was hot for September and so were my hormones. We started the night as any fresher on a ski trip would, with a few cheeky bevvies inour
HOW TO: GET YOURSELF OFF Step Two: Become aroused. There are many ways to get yourself hot and heavy. Some people like to watch videos of other people having sex; others like to read poetry, or enjoy a nice cup of tea. For some, having someone stand on your genitals while they are wearing high heels is the answer. Whatever it is that gets you going. WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Labour Party Leader Jacinda Ardern said, “every single suicide is simply unacceptable,” and proposed a review into the reasons for this rise in suicide statistics, which she says likely include growing inequality, overstretched health services, increased societal pressures, and population growth. People aged 18-24 are considered anat-risk
ROTUMAN LANGUAGE WEEK: TIME TO LEARN ABOUT ROTUMA Rotuma is a group of volcanic islands, made up of Rotuma Island and nearby islets (tiny baby islands), and is a self-governing Fijian dependency. Rotuma Island is 13km long and 4km wide, and is located about 465km North of Fiji. Rotuma is unique from Fiji, but continues to be thoroughly integrated with the rest of Fiji politically,socially
WOODSTOCK IS THE BIGGEST BITCH DRINK IN NEW ZEALAND Woodstock a sick ly sweet syrupy concoction with a harsh aftertaste that I swear can’t be real bourbon. There’s almost as much sugar in a 12 pack of Woodstock 5% as in four litres of Talleys Ice Cream. There’s more sugar per can in these than in Vodka Cruisers, meaning Woodstock wins the honourable title of the biggest Bitch Drink in NewZealand.
LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to NEW BAKED POTATO TAKEAWAY OUTLET OPENING IN DUNEDIN A new takeaway outlet will soon be opening on George Street, dedicated to that unsung hero of foods: Baked potatoes. Facebook and Instagram pages for Patate were launched last Thursday, with owner Aysu Shahin announcing they will “open very soon” at 420 George Street (nice), formerly the home of sushi place Maki Mono. ESCAPING THE CULT OF ACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) is an American educational program for students from New Entrant level to the end of high school, founded in 1970 by Dr Donald R. Howard. ACE is taught in over 6,000 schools in 145 countries worldwide. ACE is also utilised as a homeschooling program - because it does not require any actualteaching on the
CRITIC TE AROHI
Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. One student has reported the pamphlets to Critic Te Arohi twice. Both times, the pamphlets were put up on the Hunter Centre noticeboard. On May 12 they said “we noticed some rather gross propaganda protesting against the upcoming bill aroundsex
MUSIC - NEWS
Music Ty Segall – Manipulator. Posted 11:52pm Sunday 7th September 2014 by Adrian Ng. Rating: A - I've been a follower of Ty Segall's work since 2011, which was around the time heMUSIC - NEWS
Music Ha the Unclear - Bacterium, look at your motor go. Posted 2:58pm Sunday 28th September 2014 by Adrian Ng. Rating: A- After releasing a handful of lo-fi pop albums, EPs and singles under the moniker Brown, no one suspected that the Dunedin/Auckland quartet was gearing up fora drastic makeover.
ARTICLE ARCHIVE
Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Students' Association. Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). MOANINGFUL CONFESSIONS Back in the innocent days of my youth (i.e. early 2020, before the world went to shit) I decided that I was going to spend my year overseas. However, I had one last conquest to tick off before I did so. Under the ruse of coming back to see my friends for one last hoorah, I arrived in Dunedin with a TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI Period Pain: The best drugs for combatting that time of the month . Posted 12:42am Monday 24th May 2021 by Runze Liu. Period pains, medically referred to as dysmenorrhoea, are annoyingly painful and are an all too real struggle for people who menstruate. CRITIC SAVED AN AUCKLAND UNI STUDENT FROM A “CULT” Unclear if cults respect social distancing. Last week, an Auckland Uni student claimed to have been approached by two girls from Elohim Academy. Elohim Academy is a sub-group of the World Mission Society Church of God (WMSCOG), which is known for its aggressive recruitment strategy, and has been labeled by some as a cult. HOW TO MAKE THE STRONGEST EDIBLES POSSIBLE 1/4 cup cocoa. 1 cup sugar. 1/2 cup flour. 2 eggs beaten. Melt the butter in a pot. Finely chop the weed, and add it to the melted butter. You want to keep the butter at a simmer (not a boil) to further decarboxylate the weed. You don't want to burn it, so watch the butter and stir often. I like to keep it simmering for around 30minutes.
HOW TO GET THROUGH UNIVERSITY DOING AS LITTLE WORK AS EASIEST PAPERS TO PASS. (in order as voted) 1. MAOR102: Māori Society. (Also voted Easiest A) “They basically give you the exam questions in an online multiple choice bank two weeks before the exam.”. “Did nothing all semester, showed up to the exam stoned and still came out with an A+.”. “Exam is multichoice andquestions are the
WAKACHANGI IS NEW ZEALAND'S FINEST CRAFT BEER ‘Wakachangi’ is an amalgamation of the Māori word for canoe and the Georgian word for a 17th century Ottoman harp. The brainchild of one of New Zealand’s greatest New Zealanders, Leigh Hart, this fresh drop goes down easier than the Blackcaps middle orderCRITIC TE AROHI
Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Student Association. HOROSCOPE | COLUMNS | CRITIC TE AROHI Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Vape juice isn’t a substitute for serotonin. Coping mechanism: Therapy Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep having low standards, it’s only up from here. Coping mechanism: Maladaptive daydreaming Aries Mar 21 - Apr ROTUMAN LANGUAGE WEEK: TIME TO LEARN ABOUT ROTUMA Noa’ia (hello), baddies! This week, from Sunday 9 May to Saturday 15 May, is Rotuman language week. Some of y’all might be thinking, “what the heck and where the heck is Rotuma?” Read on rockstars. Rotuma is a group of volcanic islands, made up of Rotuma Island andnearby
OG LIME VS. LIME GEN4 VS. NEURON Gone are the simple days when Lime scooters ruled the streets. Scootering in Dunedin is no longer a one-horse race, with Neuron entering the fray in early January and forcing the humble Lime to upgrade, Incredibles-style, to compete. Critic’s self-proclaimed scooter expert took it upon himself WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Content warning: contains discussion of suicide Our country has one of the highest suicide rates in the Western world, and the highest youth (15-24 years old) suicide rate in the OECD. The latest suicide statistics, released by the Chief Coroner in late August, showed thatthe number of
WOODSTOCK IS THE BIGGEST BITCH DRINK IN NEW ZEALAND Woodstock a sick ly sweet syrupy concoction with a harsh aftertaste that I swear can’t be real bourbon. There’s almost as much sugar in a 12 pack of Woodstock 5% as in four litres of Talleys Ice Cream. There’s more sugar per can in these than in Vodka Cruisers, meaning Woodstock wins the honourable title of the biggest Bitch Drink in NewZealand.
HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE So, the weather’s getting cold, you’ve already failed two of your semester one papers and life’s looking pretty dusty. What’s a student to do? Well, if you’ve attended any parties lately, you’d know that at this time of year the breathers like to turn some LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to HOW TO TAKE FEET PICS For those of you whose casual employment is drying up and who are thinking about ways to make money from home by selling pictures of your feet, Critic has you covered. The feet: Literally any feet will do. The more natural, the better - leave those beautiful little toehairs alone.
HOW TO FUCK A MOOSE
You’ve done it all. You’ve grasped a Drysdale ram by the horns and hammered away like a road worker. You’ve dropped trou and done the nasty with squirrels, chipmunks, gophers, marmots, rabbits, hamsters - if it squeaks, you’ve been there. You even got funky with an aardvark once when you hadCRITIC TE AROHI
Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Student Association. HOROSCOPE | COLUMNS | CRITIC TE AROHI Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Vape juice isn’t a substitute for serotonin. Coping mechanism: Therapy Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep having low standards, it’s only up from here. Coping mechanism: Maladaptive daydreaming Aries Mar 21 - Apr ROTUMAN LANGUAGE WEEK: TIME TO LEARN ABOUT ROTUMA Noa’ia (hello), baddies! This week, from Sunday 9 May to Saturday 15 May, is Rotuman language week. Some of y’all might be thinking, “what the heck and where the heck is Rotuma?” Read on rockstars. Rotuma is a group of volcanic islands, made up of Rotuma Island andnearby
OG LIME VS. LIME GEN4 VS. NEURON Gone are the simple days when Lime scooters ruled the streets. Scootering in Dunedin is no longer a one-horse race, with Neuron entering the fray in early January and forcing the humble Lime to upgrade, Incredibles-style, to compete. Critic’s self-proclaimed scooter expert took it upon himself WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Content warning: contains discussion of suicide Our country has one of the highest suicide rates in the Western world, and the highest youth (15-24 years old) suicide rate in the OECD. The latest suicide statistics, released by the Chief Coroner in late August, showed thatthe number of
WOODSTOCK IS THE BIGGEST BITCH DRINK IN NEW ZEALAND Woodstock a sick ly sweet syrupy concoction with a harsh aftertaste that I swear can’t be real bourbon. There’s almost as much sugar in a 12 pack of Woodstock 5% as in four litres of Talleys Ice Cream. There’s more sugar per can in these than in Vodka Cruisers, meaning Woodstock wins the honourable title of the biggest Bitch Drink in NewZealand.
HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE So, the weather’s getting cold, you’ve already failed two of your semester one papers and life’s looking pretty dusty. What’s a student to do? Well, if you’ve attended any parties lately, you’d know that at this time of year the breathers like to turn some LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to HOW TO TAKE FEET PICS For those of you whose casual employment is drying up and who are thinking about ways to make money from home by selling pictures of your feet, Critic has you covered. The feet: Literally any feet will do. The more natural, the better - leave those beautiful little toehairs alone.
HOW TO FUCK A MOOSE
You’ve done it all. You’ve grasped a Drysdale ram by the horns and hammered away like a road worker. You’ve dropped trou and done the nasty with squirrels, chipmunks, gophers, marmots, rabbits, hamsters - if it squeaks, you’ve been there. You even got funky with an aardvark once when you hadMUSIC - NEWS
Music Ha the Unclear - Bacterium, look at your motor go. Posted 2:58pm Sunday 28th September 2014 by Adrian Ng. Rating: A- After releasing a handful of lo-fi pop albums, EPs and singles under the moniker Brown, no one suspected that the Dunedin/Auckland quartet was gearing up fora drastic makeover.
ARTICLE ARCHIVE
Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Students' Association. Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI Period Pain: The best drugs for combatting that time of the month . Posted 12:42am Monday 24th May 2021 by Runze Liu. Period pains, medically referred to as dysmenorrhoea, are annoyingly painful and are an all too real struggle for people who menstruate. HOROSCOPE | COLUMNS | CRITIC TE AROHI Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Vape juice isn’t a substitute for serotonin. Coping mechanism: Therapy Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep having low standards, it’s only up from here. Coping mechanism: Maladaptive daydreaming Aries Mar 21 - AprARTICLE ARCHIVE
Archive Sexing It up in Shark Week. Posted 6:10pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Maddie Grant. Considering lesbians probably have this shit down - this one is for the cis heteros who for some reason are still queasy when it comes to periods and sex. THERE WILL BE BLOOD: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE MESSY OF Most humans swap a lot of bodily fluids to show that we’re attracted to each other, but for some reason we don’t put period blood in that category. There’s a longstanding belief that periods are unclean or gross, with no evidence to back that up. And contrary to what a lot ofNUDITY & RUDITY
After spending some time in a nude sauna in Finland, Kirsty Gordge explores public nudity in New Zealand, asking the big question: Why don’t Kiwis get naked more often? Boobs: perky, droopy, and wrinkled. Nipples: dark, pink and small. Bums: tight, big, and saggy.Hair: thick, black
THE SLINKS: KINGS OF FLAT PARTIES The Slinks are an up and coming band on the Dunedin scene. Starting out in 2019, they’ve worked their way up from playing at the humble Crown Hotel to playing gigs as far out of town as Queenstown. They have two EPs out on Spotify: The Slinks and Come On Now. We checked inwith them to see
CRITIC BOOZE REVIEWS Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Students' Association. Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). DUNEDIN’S PUB QUIZZES, RANKED Considering a cheeky quiz night? Here’s what to expect from your local pubs. Dunedin has enough pub quizzes to have something for everyone. From hardcore quizzes to pissups with a side of trivia, there’s plenty to be found. The scores I’ve given are just apersonal rating, so
CRITIC TE AROHI
Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. One student has reported the pamphlets to Critic Te Arohi twice. Both times, the pamphlets were put up on the Hunter Centre noticeboard. On May 12 they said “we noticed some rather gross propaganda protesting against the upcoming bill aroundsex
HOROSCOPE | COLUMNS | CRITIC TE AROHI Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Vape juice isn’t a substitute for serotonin. Coping mechanism: Therapy Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep having low standards, it’s only up from here. Coping mechanism: Maladaptive daydreaming Aries Mar 21 - Apr HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE Cut the stem off the mushroom, as close to the cap as possible. Put the cap (top up) on a piece of white paper. Put a glass over the top to keep air away. Leave the cap overnight to let spores drop. The next day, check out the colour of the spore print on the paper. If your mushroom has purple-brown to black spores, AND the flesh turns bluish OG LIME VS. LIME GEN4 VS. NEURON Speed - 4/5. Acceleration - 5/5. Handling - 4/5. Aesthetic - 3/5. Affordability- 4/5. As an avowed fan of the classic Lime, I was ready to nitpick any flaw that I could find with Neuron. Instead, what I found was an impressive evolution of the e-scooter. While substantially bigger than the Lime-S and on par with the Gen4, thatsize adds
ROTUMAN LANGUAGE WEEK: TIME TO LEARN ABOUT ROTUMA Rotuma is a group of volcanic islands, made up of Rotuma Island and nearby islets (tiny baby islands), and is a self-governing Fijian dependency. Rotuma Island is 13km long and 4km wide, and is located about 465km North of Fiji. Rotuma is unique from Fiji, but continues to be thoroughly integrated with the rest of Fiji politically,socially
WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Labour Party Leader Jacinda Ardern said, “every single suicide is simply unacceptable,” and proposed a review into the reasons for this rise in suicide statistics, which she says likely include growing inequality, overstretched health services, increased societal pressures, and population growth. People aged 18-24 are considered anat-risk
HOW TO FUCK A MOOSE
Remember, there is only one way to thumb-wrestle, and that is to crush your opponent’s entire goddamn fist into a bloody mash of bone and gristle. Train your mind. Train your spirit. Train your flea circus. Visualise moose. Dream moose. For practice, fuck a deer. Moose are kind of like big deer. LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to WOODSTOCK IS THE BIGGEST BITCH DRINK IN NEW ZEALAND Woodstock a sick ly sweet syrupy concoction with a harsh aftertaste that I swear can’t be real bourbon. There’s almost as much sugar in a 12 pack of Woodstock 5% as in four litres of Talleys Ice Cream. There’s more sugar per can in these than in Vodka Cruisers, meaning Woodstock wins the honourable title of the biggest Bitch Drink in NewZealand.
HOW TO TAKE FEET PICS The shot: Composition is the most important part of photography. You can have all the right pieces, but a shit shot will mess the whole thing up. Critic’s photographer Aiman suggests to play with as many different angles as you can, regardless of setting, props, and lighting: every new angle makes for a completely different (but sexy)foot
CRITIC TE AROHI
Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. One student has reported the pamphlets to Critic Te Arohi twice. Both times, the pamphlets were put up on the Hunter Centre noticeboard. On May 12 they said “we noticed some rather gross propaganda protesting against the upcoming bill aroundsex
HOROSCOPE | COLUMNS | CRITIC TE AROHI Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Vape juice isn’t a substitute for serotonin. Coping mechanism: Therapy Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep having low standards, it’s only up from here. Coping mechanism: Maladaptive daydreaming Aries Mar 21 - Apr HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE Cut the stem off the mushroom, as close to the cap as possible. Put the cap (top up) on a piece of white paper. Put a glass over the top to keep air away. Leave the cap overnight to let spores drop. The next day, check out the colour of the spore print on the paper. If your mushroom has purple-brown to black spores, AND the flesh turns bluish OG LIME VS. LIME GEN4 VS. NEURON Speed - 4/5. Acceleration - 5/5. Handling - 4/5. Aesthetic - 3/5. Affordability- 4/5. As an avowed fan of the classic Lime, I was ready to nitpick any flaw that I could find with Neuron. Instead, what I found was an impressive evolution of the e-scooter. While substantially bigger than the Lime-S and on par with the Gen4, thatsize adds
ROTUMAN LANGUAGE WEEK: TIME TO LEARN ABOUT ROTUMA Rotuma is a group of volcanic islands, made up of Rotuma Island and nearby islets (tiny baby islands), and is a self-governing Fijian dependency. Rotuma Island is 13km long and 4km wide, and is located about 465km North of Fiji. Rotuma is unique from Fiji, but continues to be thoroughly integrated with the rest of Fiji politically,socially
WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Labour Party Leader Jacinda Ardern said, “every single suicide is simply unacceptable,” and proposed a review into the reasons for this rise in suicide statistics, which she says likely include growing inequality, overstretched health services, increased societal pressures, and population growth. People aged 18-24 are considered anat-risk
HOW TO FUCK A MOOSE
Remember, there is only one way to thumb-wrestle, and that is to crush your opponent’s entire goddamn fist into a bloody mash of bone and gristle. Train your mind. Train your spirit. Train your flea circus. Visualise moose. Dream moose. For practice, fuck a deer. Moose are kind of like big deer. LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to WOODSTOCK IS THE BIGGEST BITCH DRINK IN NEW ZEALAND Woodstock a sick ly sweet syrupy concoction with a harsh aftertaste that I swear can’t be real bourbon. There’s almost as much sugar in a 12 pack of Woodstock 5% as in four litres of Talleys Ice Cream. There’s more sugar per can in these than in Vodka Cruisers, meaning Woodstock wins the honourable title of the biggest Bitch Drink in NewZealand.
HOW TO TAKE FEET PICS The shot: Composition is the most important part of photography. You can have all the right pieces, but a shit shot will mess the whole thing up. Critic’s photographer Aiman suggests to play with as many different angles as you can, regardless of setting, props, and lighting: every new angle makes for a completely different (but sexy)foot
MUSIC - NEWS
Music Ha the Unclear - Bacterium, look at your motor go. Posted 2:58pm Sunday 28th September 2014 by Adrian Ng. Rating: A- After releasing a handful of lo-fi pop albums, EPs and singles under the moniker Brown, no one suspected that the Dunedin/Auckland quartet was gearing up fora drastic makeover.
HOROSCOPE | COLUMNS | CRITIC TE AROHI Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Vape juice isn’t a substitute for serotonin. Coping mechanism: Therapy Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep having low standards, it’s only up from here. Coping mechanism: Maladaptive daydreaming Aries Mar 21 - Apr TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI Period Pain: The best drugs for combatting that time of the month . Posted 12:42am Monday 24th May 2021 by Runze Liu. Period pains, medically referred to as dysmenorrhoea, are annoyingly painful and are an all too real struggle for people who menstruate. THERE WILL BE BLOOD: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE MESSY OF Most humans swap a lot of bodily fluids to show that we’re attracted to each other, but for some reason we don’t put period blood in that category. There’s a longstanding belief that periods are unclean or gross, with no evidence to back that up. And contrary to what a lot ofARTICLE ARCHIVE
Archive Sexing It up in Shark Week. Posted 6:10pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Maddie Grant. Considering lesbians probably have this shit down - this one is for the cis heteros who for some reason are still queasy when it comes to periods and sex. CRITIC SAVED AN AUCKLAND UNI STUDENT FROM A “CULT” Unclear if cults respect social distancing. Last week, an Auckland Uni student claimed to have been approached by two girls from Elohim Academy. Elohim Academy is a sub-group of the World Mission Society Church of God (WMSCOG), which is known for its aggressive recruitment strategy, and has been labeled by some as a cult.NUDITY & RUDITY
Nudity & Rudity. After spending some time in a nude sauna in Finland, Kirsty Gordge explores public nudity in New Zealand, asking the big question: Why don’t Kiwis get naked more often? Boobs: perky, droopy, and wrinkled. Nipples: dark, pink and small. Bums: tight,HOW TO FUCK A MOOSE
Remember, there is only one way to thumb-wrestle, and that is to crush your opponent’s entire goddamn fist into a bloody mash of bone and gristle. Train your mind. Train your spirit. Train your flea circus. Visualise moose. Dream moose. For practice, fuck a deer. Moose are kind of like big deer. DUNEDIN’S PUB QUIZZES, RANKED Dog With Two Tails. Dog’s quiz is six rounds of six questions, always finishing with a music round. The questions are homegrown by Jamie Green of Radio 1, so props for keeping it original. It’s a very laid back atmosphere, but you still have to get there an hour early to get a good seat. It feels a bit more like a café than a pub,and you
THE SLINKS: KINGS OF FLAT PARTIES The Slinks: Kings of Flat Parties. The Slinks are an up and coming band on the Dunedin scene. Starting out in 2019, they’ve worked their way up from playing at the humble Crown Hotel to playing gigs as far out of town as Queenstown. They have two EPs out on Spotify: The Slinks and Come On Now.CRITIC TE AROHI
Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Student Association. HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE So, the weather’s getting cold, you’ve already failed two of your semester one papers and life’s looking pretty dusty. What’s a student to do? Well, if you’ve attended any parties lately, you’d know that at this time of year the breathers like to turn some ROTUMAN LANGUAGE WEEK: TIME TO LEARN ABOUT ROTUMA Noa’ia (hello), baddies! This week, from Sunday 9 May to Saturday 15 May, is Rotuman language week. Some of y’all might be thinking, “what the heck and where the heck is Rotuma?” Read on rockstars. Rotuma is a group of volcanic islands, made up of Rotuma Island andnearby
WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Content warning: contains discussion of suicide Our country has one of the highest suicide rates in the Western world, and the highest youth (15-24 years old) suicide rate in the OECD. The latest suicide statistics, released by the Chief Coroner in late August, showed thatthe number of
HOW TO: GET YOURSELF OFF You don’t have to have a partner in order to get off: Hours of pleasure are available at the end of your fingertips literally. The desperate hours spent trawling the d-floor at Metro or Monkey can all be avoided if you simply take things in hand, and claim responsibility for your own good times. LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to WOODSTOCK IS THE BIGGEST BITCH DRINK IN NEW ZEALAND Woodstock a sick ly sweet syrupy concoction with a harsh aftertaste that I swear can’t be real bourbon. There’s almost as much sugar in a 12 pack of Woodstock 5% as in four litres of Talleys Ice Cream. There’s more sugar per can in these than in Vodka Cruisers, meaning Woodstock wins the honourable title of the biggest Bitch Drink in NewZealand.
HOW TO MAKE THE STRONGEST EDIBLES POSSIBLE Before actually making edibles, you have to decarboxylate, or ‘activate’ your weed by heating it; this transforms the non-psychoactive THC-A into psychoactive THC. When activating your weed you’ve got to be careful to heat it up enough so it properly activates, but also be careful A REVIEW OF LEE VANDERVIS’S BOOK DCC Councillor Lee Vandervis has recently released a “book” (his words). The full title is The Hitch-hikers Guide to the Mayoralty Part 1: Invaluable for understanding the DCC and reading between the lines of local print-media monopoly. The title is only a fraction of thistruly bizarre
DUNEDIN’S PUB QUIZZES, RANKEDCRITIC TE AROHI
Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Student Association. HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE So, the weather’s getting cold, you’ve already failed two of your semester one papers and life’s looking pretty dusty. What’s a student to do? Well, if you’ve attended any parties lately, you’d know that at this time of year the breathers like to turn some ROTUMAN LANGUAGE WEEK: TIME TO LEARN ABOUT ROTUMA Noa’ia (hello), baddies! This week, from Sunday 9 May to Saturday 15 May, is Rotuman language week. Some of y’all might be thinking, “what the heck and where the heck is Rotuma?” Read on rockstars. Rotuma is a group of volcanic islands, made up of Rotuma Island andnearby
WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Content warning: contains discussion of suicide Our country has one of the highest suicide rates in the Western world, and the highest youth (15-24 years old) suicide rate in the OECD. The latest suicide statistics, released by the Chief Coroner in late August, showed thatthe number of
HOW TO: GET YOURSELF OFF You don’t have to have a partner in order to get off: Hours of pleasure are available at the end of your fingertips literally. The desperate hours spent trawling the d-floor at Metro or Monkey can all be avoided if you simply take things in hand, and claim responsibility for your own good times. LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to WOODSTOCK IS THE BIGGEST BITCH DRINK IN NEW ZEALAND Woodstock a sick ly sweet syrupy concoction with a harsh aftertaste that I swear can’t be real bourbon. There’s almost as much sugar in a 12 pack of Woodstock 5% as in four litres of Talleys Ice Cream. There’s more sugar per can in these than in Vodka Cruisers, meaning Woodstock wins the honourable title of the biggest Bitch Drink in NewZealand.
HOW TO MAKE THE STRONGEST EDIBLES POSSIBLE Before actually making edibles, you have to decarboxylate, or ‘activate’ your weed by heating it; this transforms the non-psychoactive THC-A into psychoactive THC. When activating your weed you’ve got to be careful to heat it up enough so it properly activates, but also be careful A REVIEW OF LEE VANDERVIS’S BOOK DCC Councillor Lee Vandervis has recently released a “book” (his words). The full title is The Hitch-hikers Guide to the Mayoralty Part 1: Invaluable for understanding the DCC and reading between the lines of local print-media monopoly. The title is only a fraction of thistruly bizarre
DUNEDIN’S PUB QUIZZES, RANKEDMUSIC - NEWS
Music Ha the Unclear - Bacterium, look at your motor go. Posted 2:58pm Sunday 28th September 2014 by Adrian Ng. Rating: A- After releasing a handful of lo-fi pop albums, EPs and singles under the moniker Brown, no one suspected that the Dunedin/Auckland quartet was gearing up fora drastic makeover.
MUSIC - NEWS
Music Recent Releases. Posted 2:32pm Sunday 15th March 2015 by Basti Menkes. Hot Chip “Huarache Lights” London group, Hot Chip, has been carefully honing its TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI Clocktower SILENT During Super Duper Blood Moon, Panned for Refusing to Take a Stance. Posted 4:14pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Alex Leckie-Zaharic. There was trouble in paradise on Wednesday as the clocktower failed to chime for most of the day. TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI Period Pain: The best drugs for combatting that time of the month . Posted 12:42am Monday 24th May 2021 by Runze Liu. Period pains, medically referred to as dysmenorrhoea, are annoyingly painful and are an all too real struggle for people who menstruate. FEES INCREASE FOR INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS DESPITE PROTEST 70 students showed up to the University Council meeting today in protest of raising international student fees, but the University Council voted to raise their fees anyway. The Council will raise the fees in a new way. For international students returning to Otago,their fees will be
DEPRESSION: THE HIDDEN ILLNESS Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Students' Association. Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). NITRO IS NOT SAFE FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION Nitro is a kick up the arse from a big, heavy boot made of pure methamphetamine. The fact that this drink even exists is evidence enough that the human race is destined to destroy itself. Let’s break it down. At its core, Nitro is a fairly simple cocktail of vodkaand orange soda
ARTICLE ARCHIVE
Archive Sexing It up in Shark Week. Posted 6:10pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Maddie Grant. Considering lesbians probably have this shit down - this one is for the cis heteros who for some reason are still queasy when it comes to periods and sex. A REVIEW OF LEE VANDERVIS’S BOOK DCC Councillor Lee Vandervis has recently released a “book” (his words). The full title is The Hitch-hikers Guide to the Mayoralty Part 1: Invaluable for understanding the DCC and reading between the lines of local print-media monopoly. The title is only a fraction of thistruly bizarre
ARTICLE ARCHIVE
Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Students' Association. Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).CRITIC TE AROHI
Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. One student has reported the pamphlets to Critic Te Arohi twice. Both times, the pamphlets were put up on the Hunter Centre noticeboard. On May 12 they said “we noticed some rather gross propaganda protesting against the upcoming bill aroundsex
HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE Cut the stem off the mushroom, as close to the cap as possible. Put the cap (top up) on a piece of white paper. Put a glass over the top to keep air away. Leave the cap overnight to let spores drop. The next day, check out the colour of the spore print on the paper. If your mushroom has purple-brown to black spores, AND the flesh turns bluish HOW TO: GET YOURSELF OFF Step Two: Become aroused. There are many ways to get yourself hot and heavy. Some people like to watch videos of other people having sex; others like to read poetry, or enjoy a nice cup of tea. For some, having someone stand on your genitals while they are wearing high heels is the answer. Whatever it is that gets you going. WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Labour Party Leader Jacinda Ardern said, “every single suicide is simply unacceptable,” and proposed a review into the reasons for this rise in suicide statistics, which she says likely include growing inequality, overstretched health services, increased societal pressures, and population growth. People aged 18-24 are considered anat-risk
LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to CRITIC SAVED AN AUCKLAND UNI STUDENT FROM A “CULT” Unclear if cults respect social distancing. Last week, an Auckland Uni student claimed to have been approached by two girls from Elohim Academy. Elohim Academy is a sub-group of the World Mission Society Church of God (WMSCOG), which is known for its aggressive recruitment strategy, and has been labeled by some as a cult. HOW TO MAKE THE STRONGEST EDIBLES POSSIBLE 1/4 cup cocoa. 1 cup sugar. 1/2 cup flour. 2 eggs beaten. Melt the butter in a pot. Finely chop the weed, and add it to the melted butter. You want to keep the butter at a simmer (not a boil) to further decarboxylate the weed. You don't want to burn it, so watch the butter and stir often. I like to keep it simmering for around 30minutes.
DUNEDIN’S PUB QUIZZES, RANKEDSCIENCE TANK
The thought experiment involves a cat who is placed in a sealed box with a flask of poison, a radioactive source and a radioactivity monitor. If the monitor detects any radioactivity, it will shatter the flask of poison, killing kitty. Quantum mechanics would imply that, after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead - but when thebox
ESCAPING THE CULT OF ACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATIONACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION CULTACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION STORE Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) is an American educational program for students from New Entrant level to the end of high school, founded in 1970 by Dr Donald R. Howard. ACE is taught in over 6,000 schools in 145 countries worldwide. ACE is also utilised as a homeschooling program - because it does not require any actualteaching on the
CRITIC TE AROHI
Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. One student has reported the pamphlets to Critic Te Arohi twice. Both times, the pamphlets were put up on the Hunter Centre noticeboard. On May 12 they said “we noticed some rather gross propaganda protesting against the upcoming bill aroundsex
HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE Cut the stem off the mushroom, as close to the cap as possible. Put the cap (top up) on a piece of white paper. Put a glass over the top to keep air away. Leave the cap overnight to let spores drop. The next day, check out the colour of the spore print on the paper. If your mushroom has purple-brown to black spores, AND the flesh turns bluish HOW TO: GET YOURSELF OFF Step Two: Become aroused. There are many ways to get yourself hot and heavy. Some people like to watch videos of other people having sex; others like to read poetry, or enjoy a nice cup of tea. For some, having someone stand on your genitals while they are wearing high heels is the answer. Whatever it is that gets you going. WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Labour Party Leader Jacinda Ardern said, “every single suicide is simply unacceptable,” and proposed a review into the reasons for this rise in suicide statistics, which she says likely include growing inequality, overstretched health services, increased societal pressures, and population growth. People aged 18-24 are considered anat-risk
LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to CRITIC SAVED AN AUCKLAND UNI STUDENT FROM A “CULT” Unclear if cults respect social distancing. Last week, an Auckland Uni student claimed to have been approached by two girls from Elohim Academy. Elohim Academy is a sub-group of the World Mission Society Church of God (WMSCOG), which is known for its aggressive recruitment strategy, and has been labeled by some as a cult. HOW TO MAKE THE STRONGEST EDIBLES POSSIBLE 1/4 cup cocoa. 1 cup sugar. 1/2 cup flour. 2 eggs beaten. Melt the butter in a pot. Finely chop the weed, and add it to the melted butter. You want to keep the butter at a simmer (not a boil) to further decarboxylate the weed. You don't want to burn it, so watch the butter and stir often. I like to keep it simmering for around 30minutes.
DUNEDIN’S PUB QUIZZES, RANKEDSCIENCE TANK
The thought experiment involves a cat who is placed in a sealed box with a flask of poison, a radioactive source and a radioactivity monitor. If the monitor detects any radioactivity, it will shatter the flask of poison, killing kitty. Quantum mechanics would imply that, after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead - but when thebox
ESCAPING THE CULT OF ACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATIONACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION CULTACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION STORE Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) is an American educational program for students from New Entrant level to the end of high school, founded in 1970 by Dr Donald R. Howard. ACE is taught in over 6,000 schools in 145 countries worldwide. ACE is also utilised as a homeschooling program - because it does not require any actualteaching on the
COLUMNS | CRITIC TE AROHI Fuck, I Can’t Cook! Time to Potluck I take potlucks so seriously that I do fear that I suck the fun and joy out of the process for everyone else. Tiramisu is the ultimate potluck meal. It is sweet, when most people bring savoury. You can make it in advance. You keep it in the fridge and don’t need to bake or reheat. And it is utterlydelicious.
CULTURE | CRITIC TE AROHI Ever since a manicure-gone-wrong rendered both of his hands useless, Barry has gone through alcoholism, jail, and divorce. And we were there for all of it! Let’s take a look back at some of his greatest achievements and, more importantly, some of his most embarrassing public freak outs. Barry was born to netball champ Patrick BonGloverand
MUSIC - NEWS
Music Recent Releases. Posted 2:32pm Sunday 15th March 2015 by Basti Menkes. Hot Chip “Huarache Lights” London group, Hot Chip, has been carefully honing its WHAT COPING MECHANISM ARE YOU? Your Coping Mechanism: 8 - 12: Oversharing to Strangers. You are known for getting a little too fucked on a Wednesday and justifying your absent relationship with your father to some random in the Pint Night line. Alternatives: Therapy, a sense of self, more vitamins. 13 - 16:Substance Abuse.
TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI Clocktower SILENT During Super Duper Blood Moon, Panned for Refusing to Take a Stance. Posted 4:14pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Alex Leckie-Zaharic. There was trouble in paradise on Wednesday as the clocktower failed to chime for most of the day. TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI Transphobic Leaflets Left by Losers SLAMMED by Literally Everyone Who Isn’t a Twisted Far Right LOONY . Posted 4:33pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Erin Gourley. Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. FEES INCREASE FOR INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS DESPITE PROTEST 70 students showed up to the University Council meeting today in protest of raising international student fees, but the University Council voted to raise their fees anyway. The Council will raise the fees in a new way. For international students returning to Otago,their fees will be
DEPRESSION: THE HIDDEN ILLNESS In addition to mood and activity changes, the following symptoms are often experienced by sufferers: -Weight loss or gain, or appetite loss. -Insomnia or hypersomnia. -Unusual (such as really slow) movements. -Tiredness. -Feelings of worthlessness or guilt. -Difficulty thinking or concentrating.ARTICLE ARCHIVE
Archive Sexing It up in Shark Week. Posted 6:10pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Maddie Grant. Considering lesbians probably have this shit down - this one is for the cis heteros who for some reason are still queasy when it comes to periods and sex.ARTICLE ARCHIVE
Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Students' Association. Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).CRITIC TE AROHI
Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. One student has reported the pamphlets to Critic Te Arohi twice. Both times, the pamphlets were put up on the Hunter Centre noticeboard. On May 12 they said “we noticed some rather gross propaganda protesting against the upcoming bill aroundsex
HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE Cut the stem off the mushroom, as close to the cap as possible. Put the cap (top up) on a piece of white paper. Put a glass over the top to keep air away. Leave the cap overnight to let spores drop. The next day, check out the colour of the spore print on the paper. If your mushroom has purple-brown to black spores, AND the flesh turns bluish HOW TO: GET YOURSELF OFF Step Two: Become aroused. There are many ways to get yourself hot and heavy. Some people like to watch videos of other people having sex; others like to read poetry, or enjoy a nice cup of tea. For some, having someone stand on your genitals while they are wearing high heels is the answer. Whatever it is that gets you going. WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Labour Party Leader Jacinda Ardern said, “every single suicide is simply unacceptable,” and proposed a review into the reasons for this rise in suicide statistics, which she says likely include growing inequality, overstretched health services, increased societal pressures, and population growth. People aged 18-24 are considered anat-risk
LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to CRITIC SAVED AN AUCKLAND UNI STUDENT FROM A “CULT” Unclear if cults respect social distancing. Last week, an Auckland Uni student claimed to have been approached by two girls from Elohim Academy. Elohim Academy is a sub-group of the World Mission Society Church of God (WMSCOG), which is known for its aggressive recruitment strategy, and has been labeled by some as a cult. HOW TO MAKE THE STRONGEST EDIBLES POSSIBLE 1/4 cup cocoa. 1 cup sugar. 1/2 cup flour. 2 eggs beaten. Melt the butter in a pot. Finely chop the weed, and add it to the melted butter. You want to keep the butter at a simmer (not a boil) to further decarboxylate the weed. You don't want to burn it, so watch the butter and stir often. I like to keep it simmering for around 30minutes.
DUNEDIN’S PUB QUIZZES, RANKEDSCIENCE TANK
The thought experiment involves a cat who is placed in a sealed box with a flask of poison, a radioactive source and a radioactivity monitor. If the monitor detects any radioactivity, it will shatter the flask of poison, killing kitty. Quantum mechanics would imply that, after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead - but when thebox
ESCAPING THE CULT OF ACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATIONACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION CULTACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION STORE Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) is an American educational program for students from New Entrant level to the end of high school, founded in 1970 by Dr Donald R. Howard. ACE is taught in over 6,000 schools in 145 countries worldwide. ACE is also utilised as a homeschooling program - because it does not require any actualteaching on the
CRITIC TE AROHI
Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. One student has reported the pamphlets to Critic Te Arohi twice. Both times, the pamphlets were put up on the Hunter Centre noticeboard. On May 12 they said “we noticed some rather gross propaganda protesting against the upcoming bill aroundsex
HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE Cut the stem off the mushroom, as close to the cap as possible. Put the cap (top up) on a piece of white paper. Put a glass over the top to keep air away. Leave the cap overnight to let spores drop. The next day, check out the colour of the spore print on the paper. If your mushroom has purple-brown to black spores, AND the flesh turns bluish HOW TO: GET YOURSELF OFF Step Two: Become aroused. There are many ways to get yourself hot and heavy. Some people like to watch videos of other people having sex; others like to read poetry, or enjoy a nice cup of tea. For some, having someone stand on your genitals while they are wearing high heels is the answer. Whatever it is that gets you going. WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Labour Party Leader Jacinda Ardern said, “every single suicide is simply unacceptable,” and proposed a review into the reasons for this rise in suicide statistics, which she says likely include growing inequality, overstretched health services, increased societal pressures, and population growth. People aged 18-24 are considered anat-risk
LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to CRITIC SAVED AN AUCKLAND UNI STUDENT FROM A “CULT” Unclear if cults respect social distancing. Last week, an Auckland Uni student claimed to have been approached by two girls from Elohim Academy. Elohim Academy is a sub-group of the World Mission Society Church of God (WMSCOG), which is known for its aggressive recruitment strategy, and has been labeled by some as a cult. HOW TO MAKE THE STRONGEST EDIBLES POSSIBLE 1/4 cup cocoa. 1 cup sugar. 1/2 cup flour. 2 eggs beaten. Melt the butter in a pot. Finely chop the weed, and add it to the melted butter. You want to keep the butter at a simmer (not a boil) to further decarboxylate the weed. You don't want to burn it, so watch the butter and stir often. I like to keep it simmering for around 30minutes.
DUNEDIN’S PUB QUIZZES, RANKEDSCIENCE TANK
The thought experiment involves a cat who is placed in a sealed box with a flask of poison, a radioactive source and a radioactivity monitor. If the monitor detects any radioactivity, it will shatter the flask of poison, killing kitty. Quantum mechanics would imply that, after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead - but when thebox
ESCAPING THE CULT OF ACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATIONACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION CULTACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION STORE Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) is an American educational program for students from New Entrant level to the end of high school, founded in 1970 by Dr Donald R. Howard. ACE is taught in over 6,000 schools in 145 countries worldwide. ACE is also utilised as a homeschooling program - because it does not require any actualteaching on the
COLUMNS | CRITIC TE AROHI Fuck, I Can’t Cook! Time to Potluck I take potlucks so seriously that I do fear that I suck the fun and joy out of the process for everyone else. Tiramisu is the ultimate potluck meal. It is sweet, when most people bring savoury. You can make it in advance. You keep it in the fridge and don’t need to bake or reheat. And it is utterlydelicious.
CULTURE | CRITIC TE AROHI Ever since a manicure-gone-wrong rendered both of his hands useless, Barry has gone through alcoholism, jail, and divorce. And we were there for all of it! Let’s take a look back at some of his greatest achievements and, more importantly, some of his most embarrassing public freak outs. Barry was born to netball champ Patrick BonGloverand
MUSIC - NEWS
Music Recent Releases. Posted 2:32pm Sunday 15th March 2015 by Basti Menkes. Hot Chip “Huarache Lights” London group, Hot Chip, has been carefully honing its TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI Clocktower SILENT During Super Duper Blood Moon, Panned for Refusing to Take a Stance. Posted 4:14pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Alex Leckie-Zaharic. There was trouble in paradise on Wednesday as the clocktower failed to chime for most of the day. TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI The Royal Treatment. Posted 1:33am Monday 31st May 2021 by Elliot Weir. Critic Te Arohi offered to treat two lucky flats like the British Royal Family. Instead of providing them with billions in inherited wealth and a sense of ownership over entire countries, we followed them like paparazzi for a few days and made wild and problematically intrusive speculations about Read more FEES INCREASE FOR INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS DESPITE PROTEST 70 students showed up to the University Council meeting today in protest of raising international student fees, but the University Council voted to raise their fees anyway. The Council will raise the fees in a new way. For international students returning to Otago,their fees will be
WHAT COPING MECHANISM ARE YOU? Your Coping Mechanism: 8 - 12: Oversharing to Strangers. You are known for getting a little too fucked on a Wednesday and justifying your absent relationship with your father to some random in the Pint Night line. Alternatives: Therapy, a sense of self, more vitamins. 13 - 16:Substance Abuse.
TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI Transphobic Leaflets Left by Losers SLAMMED by Literally Everyone Who Isn’t a Twisted Far Right LOONY . Posted 4:33pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Erin Gourley. Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. DEPRESSION: THE HIDDEN ILLNESS In addition to mood and activity changes, the following symptoms are often experienced by sufferers: -Weight loss or gain, or appetite loss. -Insomnia or hypersomnia. -Unusual (such as really slow) movements. -Tiredness. -Feelings of worthlessness or guilt. -Difficulty thinking or concentrating.ARTICLE ARCHIVE
Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Students' Association. Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).CRITIC TE AROHI
Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. One student has reported the pamphlets to Critic Te Arohi twice. Both times, the pamphlets were put up on the Hunter Centre noticeboard. On May 12 they said “we noticed some rather gross propaganda protesting against the upcoming bill aroundsex
HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE Cut the stem off the mushroom, as close to the cap as possible. Put the cap (top up) on a piece of white paper. Put a glass over the top to keep air away. Leave the cap overnight to let spores drop. The next day, check out the colour of the spore print on the paper. If your mushroom has purple-brown to black spores, AND the flesh turns bluish HOW TO: GET YOURSELF OFF Step Two: Become aroused. There are many ways to get yourself hot and heavy. Some people like to watch videos of other people having sex; others like to read poetry, or enjoy a nice cup of tea. For some, having someone stand on your genitals while they are wearing high heels is the answer. Whatever it is that gets you going. WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Labour Party Leader Jacinda Ardern said, “every single suicide is simply unacceptable,” and proposed a review into the reasons for this rise in suicide statistics, which she says likely include growing inequality, overstretched health services, increased societal pressures, and population growth. People aged 18-24 are considered anat-risk
LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to CRITIC SAVED AN AUCKLAND UNI STUDENT FROM A “CULT” Unclear if cults respect social distancing. Last week, an Auckland Uni student claimed to have been approached by two girls from Elohim Academy. Elohim Academy is a sub-group of the World Mission Society Church of God (WMSCOG), which is known for its aggressive recruitment strategy, and has been labeled by some as a cult. HOW TO MAKE THE STRONGEST EDIBLES POSSIBLE 1/4 cup cocoa. 1 cup sugar. 1/2 cup flour. 2 eggs beaten. Melt the butter in a pot. Finely chop the weed, and add it to the melted butter. You want to keep the butter at a simmer (not a boil) to further decarboxylate the weed. You don't want to burn it, so watch the butter and stir often. I like to keep it simmering for around 30minutes.
DUNEDIN’S PUB QUIZZES, RANKEDSCIENCE TANK
The thought experiment involves a cat who is placed in a sealed box with a flask of poison, a radioactive source and a radioactivity monitor. If the monitor detects any radioactivity, it will shatter the flask of poison, killing kitty. Quantum mechanics would imply that, after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead - but when thebox
ESCAPING THE CULT OF ACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATIONACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION CULTACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION STORE Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) is an American educational program for students from New Entrant level to the end of high school, founded in 1970 by Dr Donald R. Howard. ACE is taught in over 6,000 schools in 145 countries worldwide. ACE is also utilised as a homeschooling program - because it does not require any actualteaching on the
CRITIC TE AROHI
Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. One student has reported the pamphlets to Critic Te Arohi twice. Both times, the pamphlets were put up on the Hunter Centre noticeboard. On May 12 they said “we noticed some rather gross propaganda protesting against the upcoming bill aroundsex
HOW TO TAKE MUSHROOMS AND NOT DIE Cut the stem off the mushroom, as close to the cap as possible. Put the cap (top up) on a piece of white paper. Put a glass over the top to keep air away. Leave the cap overnight to let spores drop. The next day, check out the colour of the spore print on the paper. If your mushroom has purple-brown to black spores, AND the flesh turns bluish HOW TO: GET YOURSELF OFF Step Two: Become aroused. There are many ways to get yourself hot and heavy. Some people like to watch videos of other people having sex; others like to read poetry, or enjoy a nice cup of tea. For some, having someone stand on your genitals while they are wearing high heels is the answer. Whatever it is that gets you going. WHAT IS BEHIND NEW ZEALAND’S HIGH SUICIDE RATE? Labour Party Leader Jacinda Ardern said, “every single suicide is simply unacceptable,” and proposed a review into the reasons for this rise in suicide statistics, which she says likely include growing inequality, overstretched health services, increased societal pressures, and population growth. People aged 18-24 are considered anat-risk
LION BROWN IS THE LEAST INTERESTING BEER IN NEW ZEALAND Lion Brown is the oldest and least interesting beer you’ve ever seen. The Brown Bomber has been around since 1907, and despite existing for 111 years, no one ever thought to adjust the recipe to make it taste good. Despite being mediocre as shit and not being anywhere near strong enough to CRITIC SAVED AN AUCKLAND UNI STUDENT FROM A “CULT” Unclear if cults respect social distancing. Last week, an Auckland Uni student claimed to have been approached by two girls from Elohim Academy. Elohim Academy is a sub-group of the World Mission Society Church of God (WMSCOG), which is known for its aggressive recruitment strategy, and has been labeled by some as a cult. HOW TO MAKE THE STRONGEST EDIBLES POSSIBLE 1/4 cup cocoa. 1 cup sugar. 1/2 cup flour. 2 eggs beaten. Melt the butter in a pot. Finely chop the weed, and add it to the melted butter. You want to keep the butter at a simmer (not a boil) to further decarboxylate the weed. You don't want to burn it, so watch the butter and stir often. I like to keep it simmering for around 30minutes.
DUNEDIN’S PUB QUIZZES, RANKEDSCIENCE TANK
The thought experiment involves a cat who is placed in a sealed box with a flask of poison, a radioactive source and a radioactivity monitor. If the monitor detects any radioactivity, it will shatter the flask of poison, killing kitty. Quantum mechanics would imply that, after a while, the cat is simultaneously alive and dead - but when thebox
ESCAPING THE CULT OF ACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATIONACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION CULTACCELERATED CHRISTIAN EDUCATION STORE Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) is an American educational program for students from New Entrant level to the end of high school, founded in 1970 by Dr Donald R. Howard. ACE is taught in over 6,000 schools in 145 countries worldwide. ACE is also utilised as a homeschooling program - because it does not require any actualteaching on the
COLUMNS | CRITIC TE AROHI Fuck, I Can’t Cook! Time to Potluck I take potlucks so seriously that I do fear that I suck the fun and joy out of the process for everyone else. Tiramisu is the ultimate potluck meal. It is sweet, when most people bring savoury. You can make it in advance. You keep it in the fridge and don’t need to bake or reheat. And it is utterlydelicious.
CULTURE | CRITIC TE AROHI Ever since a manicure-gone-wrong rendered both of his hands useless, Barry has gone through alcoholism, jail, and divorce. And we were there for all of it! Let’s take a look back at some of his greatest achievements and, more importantly, some of his most embarrassing public freak outs. Barry was born to netball champ Patrick BonGloverand
MUSIC - NEWS
Music Recent Releases. Posted 2:32pm Sunday 15th March 2015 by Basti Menkes. Hot Chip “Huarache Lights” London group, Hot Chip, has been carefully honing its TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI Clocktower SILENT During Super Duper Blood Moon, Panned for Refusing to Take a Stance. Posted 4:14pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Alex Leckie-Zaharic. There was trouble in paradise on Wednesday as the clocktower failed to chime for most of the day. TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI The Royal Treatment. Posted 1:33am Monday 31st May 2021 by Elliot Weir. Critic Te Arohi offered to treat two lucky flats like the British Royal Family. Instead of providing them with billions in inherited wealth and a sense of ownership over entire countries, we followed them like paparazzi for a few days and made wild and problematically intrusive speculations about Read more FEES INCREASE FOR INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS DESPITE PROTEST 70 students showed up to the University Council meeting today in protest of raising international student fees, but the University Council voted to raise their fees anyway. The Council will raise the fees in a new way. For international students returning to Otago,their fees will be
WHAT COPING MECHANISM ARE YOU? Your Coping Mechanism: 8 - 12: Oversharing to Strangers. You are known for getting a little too fucked on a Wednesday and justifying your absent relationship with your father to some random in the Pint Night line. Alternatives: Therapy, a sense of self, more vitamins. 13 - 16:Substance Abuse.
TAG SEARCH | CRITIC TE AROHI Transphobic Leaflets Left by Losers SLAMMED by Literally Everyone Who Isn’t a Twisted Far Right LOONY . Posted 4:33pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Erin Gourley. Over the past few weeks, transphobic pamphlets have been appearing on noticeboards around campus. DEPRESSION: THE HIDDEN ILLNESS In addition to mood and activity changes, the following symptoms are often experienced by sufferers: -Weight loss or gain, or appetite loss. -Insomnia or hypersomnia. -Unusual (such as really slow) movements. -Tiredness. -Feelings of worthlessness or guilt. -Difficulty thinking or concentrating.ARTICLE ARCHIVE
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CRIME: OUSA ARE ABOUT TO BREACH THEIR CONSTITUTION OUSA have breached their constitution by failing to have their financial statements audited before the semester one referendum. OUSA will acknowledge the breach in its referendum. “Disclosure: due to COVID-19 and the nature of auditing needing to be on sight, we have been unable to have our accounts audit to be passed at this current referenda,” the draft states. The draft referendum questions also notes that the breach... COLONISATION MADE PERIODS GROSS Waiwhero, mate marama, mate wāhine, paheke, te awa atua. There are many ways to describe menstruation for Māori, because it is an important part of life. It is a sign of whakapapa, connection to the land, connection to the gods. Menstruation was power - until colonisation. Colonisation did it’s damn best to erase Māori culture, and unfortunately, it did a pretty good job. It changed how Māori dressed, spoke,... STUDENTS WILL VOTE ON OUSA SUPPORT FOR AGNEW The upcoming OUSA referendum is likely to determine whether OUSA will support the Agnew Street Party. Question 10 of the upcoming OUSA referendum will ask students whether “OUSA investigate co-hosting Agnew Street with the Agnew Street Residents”. The referendum cannot force OUSA to do anything, but it will provide them with student views on the party. “Whatever the results, the important thing here is that... THE FUTURE IS NOW: UNIVERSITY IMPLEMENTS EXAMINATION SOFTWARE FOR UPCOMING COMPETITIVE EXAMS Fresh off announcing their long-awaited exam timetable, the University lobbed a curveball at Accounting students and the massive Health Science First Year cohort on Tuesday afternoon by informing them that their exams would be surveilled. Many students are concerned. Yes, you read that right. In order to preserve the integrity of their competitive entry courses, the University has brought in examination software company ExamSoft to use their... HOW TO GET $50 WORTH FROM A MOON CUP WHEN YOU DON’T BLEED FOUR DAYSA MONTH
Moon cups are great. They’re inconspicuous, reduce plastic waste, and they’re easily distributable to people with uteruses in developing nations. All my female friends were raving about them, and not one to miss out on the latest trend, I decided to invest and see what all the hype was about. Turns out, these nifty bits of silicon are NOT in fact cups from which you’re meant to drink. I was surprised to see that what... GENDER DIVERSE TAKES ON PERIODS There is a lot of stigma around periods. Not as much stigma as there is around gender diversity, though. So what if you were stuck in the middle of both discourses? This would be a shit menstruation...HOW TO FREE BLEED
Periods are rough, messy, and miserable. Sanitary items are no better. Sometimes it’s just too much effort to find one, let alone buy them. Sometimes your flow is so light that a sanitary product just doesn’t seem worth it. Sometimes, you just need... PMDD: PMS’S EVIL TWIN Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, more commonly known as PMDD, is a disorder that affects 1 in 20 people with uteruses but is relatively unknown. The symptoms of PMDD are extensive and can cause serious disruptions in day to day life, that often require... CRITIC BOOZE REVIEWS When esteemed Dunedin South (now Taieri) electorate member of parliament, Clare Curran, came to Critic for an intense debate, she brought wine along with her. She brought Rabbit Ranch, a fruity sav... MOANINGFUL CONFESSIONS Alright lads, I’ve got a problem. I don’t know if it’s something developmental, or if it’s just that I’ve been shacked up for six weeks without a shag, but I’ve had... CRITIC SAVED AN AUCKLAND UNI STUDENT FROM A “CULT” Last week, an Auckland Uni student claimed to have been approached by two girls from Elohim Academy. Elohim Academy is a sub-group of the World Mission Society Church of God (WMSCOG), which is known... OPINION: AS STUDENTS ADAPT, SO MUST STUDENT REPRESENTATION If I were to list all the ways Covid-19 has impacted students, there wouldn’t be enough room for an actual opinion. To name... PERIOD UNDERWEAR: WORTH IT? Try something for me: what do you think of when I tell you to think of period products. You will have, no doubt, had tampons and pads spring to mind, maybe even the more recently popular moon cup, but how many of you thought of underwear itself? Probably very...*
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* How to Get $50 Worth From a Moon Cup Whe... * Period Underwear: Worth it? * PMDD: PMS’s Evil Twin Founded in 1925, Critic is the student magazine of the Otago University Students' Association. Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington. Phone: (03) 479 5335. News Desk: (03) 479 5336. For all enquiries or to volunteer, email critic@critic.co.nz. For advertising enquiries call (03) 479 5361 or visit www.planetmedia.co.nz 2020 Critic | Website built by Core Development | Privacy Policy | Terms &Conditions
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