WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY 9:05am Feed and change Geordie at the base of the hike. This is easier to do in my car than on a tree stump halfway up the mountain, so I always try to do a “top up” feed and last minute diaper change right before I start. Gives me the best chance of making it through the hike without having to stop. 9:30-10:50am Hike. RESTAURANT | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY I’ve seen a number of blogs and posts lately about the various types of customers that servers hate. There’s even a Facebook Page dedicated to the pet peeves of bar and restaurant staff. Having worked front-of-house in bars or restaurants from the ages 14 until 22, I get it. I’ve seen every type of shitty customer mentioned in those “Why Servers Hate You” posts, and yes, I hated each SQUATS | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY The Squats obviously won’t do much for my chest, but I needed something to break up Pushup sets, and figured you can never do too many squats! I start at two sets of 12 Squats and 5 Pushups, and work my way to (hopefully) three sets of 50 Squats and 30 Pushups. Looking at that last day from where I currently stand, it seems overly

ambitious.

TIL THE SAD STORY BEHIND THE ACTRESS WHO VOICED DUCKY, IN The girl who voiced Ducky in “ The Land Before Time “, also voiced Ann-Marie in “ All Dogs Go To Heaven “, another childhood movie favourite of mine. The actress’ name was Judith Eva Barsi, and she was shot and killed by her own father at the tragic age of 10.. By the age of 7, Judith was making about $100,000 a year, and was able to bring her mother and father off of welfare. ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR Posts about Anti-social behaviour written by incendiaryblonde. Now, if there are any introverts reading this and thinking, “Ah, if only knew this”, I highly encourage you to show it to them.This knowledge has drastically change the way I view the actions of the introverts in my life, and I try very hard to respect that we respond to things differently (#12, damn it! HOUSE | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about house written by incendiaryblonde. On January 23rd, 2013, my beloved 9-year-old dog, SquirBo, was diagnosed with inoperable transitional cell carcinoma and given a 6-month life expectancy. For about a week, I cried every time I thought about it.

LANGLEY FOOT CLINIC

Posts about Langley Foot Clinic written by incendiaryblonde. Basically, my toe was shot up with enough anesthetic to freeze hell, and then, after some poking tests to make sure it was sufficiently numb, a scalpel was used to cut back the skin surrounding the nail. WHY YOU DON’T DESERVE A TIP So, from a former server, to the tip-entitled generation, here’s Why You Don’t Deserve A Tip: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HATE YOUR JOB. You’re not an Ethiopian child in a commercial with a Sarah McLaughlin soundtrack. There is a great deal of acting involved in serving, and if you can’t leave your problems at the door and muster a smile,

then

COMA | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about coma written by incendiaryblonde. Being the exaggerated extrovert that I am, if I go any stretch of a day without someone to talk to, I come home jabbering away like a sideshow parrot. MUSCULAR WOMEN ARE GROSS "Muscular women are gross". That seems to be the consensus of average women when they see a picture of a female bodybuilder. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to workout until my traps bulge or my biceps don't fit into my shirt sleeves, but there's a two-fold reason for

that: It's not an

WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY 9:05am Feed and change Geordie at the base of the hike. This is easier to do in my car than on a tree stump halfway up the mountain, so I always try to do a “top up” feed and last minute diaper change right before I start. Gives me the best chance of making it through the hike without having to stop. 9:30-10:50am Hike. RESTAURANT | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY I’ve seen a number of blogs and posts lately about the various types of customers that servers hate. There’s even a Facebook Page dedicated to the pet peeves of bar and restaurant staff. Having worked front-of-house in bars or restaurants from the ages 14 until 22, I get it. I’ve seen every type of shitty customer mentioned in those “Why Servers Hate You” posts, and yes, I hated each SQUATS | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY The Squats obviously won’t do much for my chest, but I needed something to break up Pushup sets, and figured you can never do too many squats! I start at two sets of 12 Squats and 5 Pushups, and work my way to (hopefully) three sets of 50 Squats and 30 Pushups. Looking at that last day from where I currently stand, it seems overly

ambitious.

TIL THE SAD STORY BEHIND THE ACTRESS WHO VOICED DUCKY, IN The girl who voiced Ducky in “ The Land Before Time “, also voiced Ann-Marie in “ All Dogs Go To Heaven “, another childhood movie favourite of mine. The actress’ name was Judith Eva Barsi, and she was shot and killed by her own father at the tragic age of 10.. By the age of 7, Judith was making about $100,000 a year, and was able to bring her mother and father off of welfare. ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR Posts about Anti-social behaviour written by incendiaryblonde. Now, if there are any introverts reading this and thinking, “Ah, if only knew this”, I highly encourage you to show it to them.This knowledge has drastically change the way I view the actions of the introverts in my life, and I try very hard to respect that we respond to things differently (#12, damn it! HOUSE | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about house written by incendiaryblonde. On January 23rd, 2013, my beloved 9-year-old dog, SquirBo, was diagnosed with inoperable transitional cell carcinoma and given a 6-month life expectancy. For about a week, I cried every time I thought about it.

LANGLEY FOOT CLINIC

Posts about Langley Foot Clinic written by incendiaryblonde. Basically, my toe was shot up with enough anesthetic to freeze hell, and then, after some poking tests to make sure it was sufficiently numb, a scalpel was used to cut back the skin surrounding the nail. WHY YOU DON’T DESERVE A TIP So, from a former server, to the tip-entitled generation, here’s Why You Don’t Deserve A Tip: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HATE YOUR JOB. You’re not an Ethiopian child in a commercial with a Sarah McLaughlin soundtrack. There is a great deal of acting involved in serving, and if you can’t leave your problems at the door and muster a smile,

then

COMA | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about coma written by incendiaryblonde. Being the exaggerated extrovert that I am, if I go any stretch of a day without someone to talk to, I come home jabbering away like a sideshow parrot. MUSCULAR WOMEN ARE GROSS "Muscular women are gross". That seems to be the consensus of average women when they see a picture of a female bodybuilder. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to workout until my traps bulge or my biceps don't fit into my shirt sleeves, but there's a two-fold reason for

that: It's not an

ABOUT | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY I'm a proud Canadian of Scottish heritage, and I live in British Columbia, Canada with my boyfriend fiance husband and our dogs, Wee Dingwall (aka "Dinger") and Nacho. I have a BA in English with an Associate of Arts in Media & Communications, as well as a certificate of fluency in Spanish and a smattering of

/TODAYILEARNED

After reading some comments on a Reddit Thread last night, Boyfriend and I downloaded a game called SpaceTeam. You need this app. SpaceTeam is a multiplayer game available for iOS and Android devices, which uses Bluetooth/Wifi to connect players within the same room onto a team of up to 4 people (“a SpaceTeam!”). Together, they must work together to repair a failing spaceship as it WOMEN | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about Women written by incendiaryblonde. The facility seemed small to me, but that was perhaps only because I’m used to going to Gold’s Gym, which is a roomy 40,000 sq. ft. Regardless, while the 7,000 sq. ft. Hybrid Athletics facility was much smaller than Gold’s, it certainly didn’t feel crowded.. Upon arriving, I was put in a group with three other Groupon purchasers and we LINK | FORMATS | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY The Author Follow Waffles and Telepathy on WordPress.com Recent Posts. A Day in the Life of Maternity Leave; This Little Piggy Can’t Get

His S#*T Together

ETC. | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about Etc. written by incendiaryblonde. Basically, my toe was shot up with enough anesthetic to freeze hell, and then, after some poking tests to make sure it was sufficiently numb, a scalpel was used to cut back the skin surrounding the nail. WHY YOU DON’T DESERVE A TIP I’ve seen a number of blogs and posts lately about the various types of customers that servers hate. There’s even a Facebook Page dedicated to the pet peeves of bar and restaurant staff. Having worked front-of-house in bars or restaurants from the ages 14 until 22, I get it. I’ve seen every type of shitty customer mentioned in those “Why Servers Hate You” posts, and yes, I hated each GYM | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about gym written by incendiaryblonde. On January 23rd, 2013, my beloved 9-year-old dog, SquirBo, was diagnosed with inoperable transitional cell carcinoma and given a 6-month life expectancy. For about a week, I cried every time I thought about it. FEMINISM | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY “Muscular women are gross”. That seems to be the consensus of average women when they see a picture of a female bodybuilder. Don’t get me wrong, I have no desire to workout until my traps bulge or my biceps don’t fit into my shirt sleeves, but there’s a two-fold

reason for that:

MUSCULAR WOMEN ARE GROSS "Muscular women are gross". That seems to be the consensus of average women when they see a picture of a female bodybuilder. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to workout until my traps bulge or my biceps don't fit into my shirt sleeves, but there's a two-fold reason for

that: It's not an

RELIGION | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about Religion written by incendiaryblonde. As someone who grew up watching, and loving, Bill Nye the Science Guy (“BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!”), I get pretty excited every time his name pops up in

the media.

WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Now with 20% less arsenic! Basically, my toe was shot up with enough anesthetic to freeze hell, and then, after some poking tests to make sure it was sufficiently numb, a scalpel was used to cut back the skin surrounding the nail.

/TODAYILEARNED

After reading some comments on a Reddit Thread last night, Boyfriend and I downloaded a game called SpaceTeam. You need this app. SpaceTeam is a multiplayer game available for iOS and Android devices, which uses Bluetooth/Wifi to connect players within the same room onto a team of up to 4 people (“a SpaceTeam!”). Together, they must work together to repair a failing spaceship as it ETC. | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY | PAGE 2 Botryoidal (BOT-ree-oid-el) – shaped like a bunch of grapes. I just love that there is a word for something as specific as this. I’m not sure how often I’ll encounter something that I can describe as being botryoidal, but you can be sure I’ll have a word for it when I do! CORE | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY While I didn’t necessarily set a specific New Year’s Resolution this year, fitness is still a major focus for me. I’m in the gym 4-5 days per week, and usually focus on high-rep lifting. TIL THE SAD STORY BEHIND THE ACTRESS WHO VOICED DUCKY, INDUCKY VOICE

ACTRESS

The girl who voiced Ducky in “ The Land Before Time “, also voiced Ann-Marie in “ All Dogs Go To Heaven “, another childhood movie favourite of mine. The actress’ name was Judith Eva Barsi, and she was shot and killed by her own father at the tragic age of 10.. By the age of 7, Judith was making about $100,000 a year, and was able to bring her mother and father off of welfare. ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR Posts about Anti-social behaviour written by incendiaryblonde. Now, if there are any introverts reading this and thinking, “Ah, if only knew this”, I highly encourage you to show it to them.This knowledge has drastically change the way I view the actions of the introverts in my life, and I try very hard to respect that we respond to things differently (#12, damn it! PODIATRIST | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about podiatrist written by incendiaryblonde. Basically, my toe was shot up with enough anesthetic to freeze hell, and then, after some poking tests to make sure it was sufficiently numb, a scalpel was used to cut back the skin surrounding the nail. RAPE | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about Rape written by incendiaryblonde. Before I share what I just read, know that I’m Canadian and have NEVER been a fan of American gun laws– I’ve always opposed the idea that the average citizen should be able to carry a gun. LANGLEY | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about Langley written by incendiaryblonde. Being the exaggerated extrovert that I am, if I go any stretch of a day without someone to talk to, I come home jabbering away like a sideshow parrot. BOYFRIEND | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about Boyfriend written by incendiaryblonde. On January 23rd, 2013, my beloved 9-year-old dog, SquirBo, was diagnosed with inoperable transitional cell carcinoma and given a 6-month life expectancy. For about a week, I cried every time I thought about it. WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Now with 20% less arsenic! Basically, my toe was shot up with enough anesthetic to freeze hell, and then, after some poking tests to make sure it was sufficiently numb, a scalpel was used to cut back the skin surrounding the nail.

/TODAYILEARNED

After reading some comments on a Reddit Thread last night, Boyfriend and I downloaded a game called SpaceTeam. You need this app. SpaceTeam is a multiplayer game available for iOS and Android devices, which uses Bluetooth/Wifi to connect players within the same room onto a team of up to 4 people (“a SpaceTeam!”). Together, they must work together to repair a failing spaceship as it ETC. | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY | PAGE 2 Botryoidal (BOT-ree-oid-el) – shaped like a bunch of grapes. I just love that there is a word for something as specific as this. I’m not sure how often I’ll encounter something that I can describe as being botryoidal, but you can be sure I’ll have a word for it when I do! CORE | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY While I didn’t necessarily set a specific New Year’s Resolution this year, fitness is still a major focus for me. I’m in the gym 4-5 days per week, and usually focus on high-rep lifting. TIL THE SAD STORY BEHIND THE ACTRESS WHO VOICED DUCKY, INDUCKY VOICE

ACTRESS

The girl who voiced Ducky in “ The Land Before Time “, also voiced Ann-Marie in “ All Dogs Go To Heaven “, another childhood movie favourite of mine. The actress’ name was Judith Eva Barsi, and she was shot and killed by her own father at the tragic age of 10.. By the age of 7, Judith was making about $100,000 a year, and was able to bring her mother and father off of welfare. ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR Posts about Anti-social behaviour written by incendiaryblonde. Now, if there are any introverts reading this and thinking, “Ah, if only knew this”, I highly encourage you to show it to them.This knowledge has drastically change the way I view the actions of the introverts in my life, and I try very hard to respect that we respond to things differently (#12, damn it! PODIATRIST | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about podiatrist written by incendiaryblonde. Basically, my toe was shot up with enough anesthetic to freeze hell, and then, after some poking tests to make sure it was sufficiently numb, a scalpel was used to cut back the skin surrounding the nail. RAPE | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about Rape written by incendiaryblonde. Before I share what I just read, know that I’m Canadian and have NEVER been a fan of American gun laws– I’ve always opposed the idea that the average citizen should be able to carry a gun. LANGLEY | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about Langley written by incendiaryblonde. Being the exaggerated extrovert that I am, if I go any stretch of a day without someone to talk to, I come home jabbering away like a sideshow parrot. BOYFRIEND | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about Boyfriend written by incendiaryblonde. On January 23rd, 2013, my beloved 9-year-old dog, SquirBo, was diagnosed with inoperable transitional cell carcinoma and given a 6-month life expectancy. For about a week, I cried every time I thought about it. WOMEN | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about Women written by incendiaryblonde. The facility seemed small to me, but that was perhaps only because I’m used to going to Gold’s Gym, which is a roomy 40,000 sq. ft. Regardless, while the 7,000 sq. ft. Hybrid Athletics facility was much smaller than Gold’s, it certainly didn’t feel crowded.. Upon arriving, I was put in a group with three other Groupon purchasers and we TIPS | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about tips written by incendiaryblonde. I’ve seen a number of blogs and posts lately about the various types of customers that servers hate. There’s even a Facebook Page dedicated to the pet peeves of bar and restaurant staff. Having worked front-of-house in

RANTSERPANTS

Posts about Rantserpants written by incendiaryblonde. I’ve seen a number of blogs and posts lately about the various types of customers that servers hate. There’s even a Facebook Page dedicated to the pet peeves of bar and restaurant staff. Having worked front-of STRENGTH | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about strength written by incendiaryblonde. I’ve been keeping up with the January Fitness Challenge which I set for myself, and am proud to say that I completed two sets of 10 PushUps this morning! While it doesn’t sound like much, this is double what I was capable of a week ago, and great progress considering that, this time last year, I couldn’t do a single PushUp.

RELATIONSHIPS

Now, if there are any introverts reading this and thinking, “Ah, if only knew this”, I highly encourage you to show it to them.This knowledge has drastically change the way I view the actions of the introverts in my life, and I try very hard to respect that we respond to things differently (#12, damn it!HOWEVER, relationships of any kind are a two-way street. WHY YOU DON’T DESERVE A TIP I’ve seen a number of blogs and posts lately about the various types of customers that servers hate. There’s even a Facebook Page dedicated to the pet peeves of bar and restaurant staff. Having worked front-of-house in bars or restaurants from the ages 14 until 22, I get it. I’ve seen every type of shitty customer mentioned in those “Why Servers Hate You” posts, and yes, I hated each FEMINISM | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY “Muscular women are gross”. That seems to be the consensus of average women when they see a picture of a female bodybuilder. Don’t get me wrong, I have no desire to workout until my traps bulge or my biceps don’t fit into my shirt sleeves, but there’s a two-fold

reason for that:

GYM | WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY Posts about gym written by incendiaryblonde. On January 23rd, 2013, my beloved 9-year-old dog, SquirBo, was diagnosed with inoperable transitional cell carcinoma and given a 6-month life expectancy. For about a week, I cried every time I thought about it. MUSCULAR WOMEN ARE GROSS "Muscular women are gross". That seems to be the consensus of average women when they see a picture of a female bodybuilder. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to workout until my traps bulge or my biceps don't fit into my shirt sleeves, but there's a two-fold reason for

that: It's not an

“THE COPS NEVER SHOWED UP”: A STORY FOR ANYONE WHO’S ANTI Before I share what I just read, know that I'm Canadian and have NEVER been a fan of American gun laws– I've always opposed the idea that the average citizen should be able to carry a gun. That being said, I just read something that made me question my WAFFLES AND TELEPATHY NOW WITH 20% LESS ARSENIC!

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7Oct2018

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF MATERNITY LEAVE

Posted in Etc.

by

incendiaryblonde

A few people have recently asked me what my day is like now that I’m on Maternity Leave. I’ve found it oddly difficult to answer because I know I’m on my feet all day and it seems to fly by, but I struggle to conjure up exactly what I’m doing. For this reason, I decided to document a day and see where my time goes. So, without further ado- here is the unabridged timeline of the average day in the life of looking after Wee Geordie: 1:50-2:10AM  Geordie wakes up so I trudge over to his room and change his diaper, feed him, and put him back to sleep. This is a bit odd because he’s been sleeping through the night lately, but luckily both he and I fall asleep quickly, so this isn’t much of a

disruption.

7:00AM  I wake up, dress, have breakfast, and pack for my hike. I have to be ready to go before Geordie gets up, just in case he cluster feeds or something goes awry and his morning prep takes longer than

expected.

8:00AM  Geordie wakes up (officially now), so I feed him, change him, get him dressed for our hike, and get him loaded into the car. I’ve chosen a cute white set of footy pajamas to keep his feet warm as they dangle out of the carrier. 8:30AM  Depart for Teapot Hill. 8:45AM  Realize I’ve gone the wrong way and have to backtrack. Add 5 minutes to arrival time. 9:05AM  Feed and change Geordie at the base of the hike. This is easier to do in my car than on a tree stump halfway up the mountain, so I always try to do a “top up” feed and last minute diaper change right before I start. Gives me the best chance of making it through the hike without having to stop. 9:30-10:50AM  Hike. 10:55AM  Feed and change Geordie before driving home. Again, easier to do it now than to have him fussing on the drive back. 11:00-11:15AM  Drive home. As I drive, I hear the telltale rumble from the backseat that tells me Geordie will need to be changed again

when I get home.

11:15AM  Now, Geordie typically poops only once per day, so when it happens it can be pretty epic. In a properly sized diaper, it’s just a slightly more time-consuming change. However, Geordie is not in a properly sized diaper because I’m trying to work through the last of my Size 2 diapers before switching him into Size 3 (FYI This is a horrible idea). This is what escalates his regular poopy diaper into a “poop-splosion”. The diaper is too small, so the chaos spills out the front, out the back, out the legs- you name it. I destroy three wipes in my attempt to clean him and decide it’s no use- I strip him down and rinse him off in the bathtub. And don’t forget- he’s wearing white. I toss the outfit aside to be cleaned once Geordie is asleep. 12:12PM  Feed Geordie and get him down for a nap. 12:25PM  Geordie naps while I go downstairs and empty the dishwasher. After, I decide what to make for dinner and pull out some meat to thaw. Then I rinse and spray his massacred white pajamas with a stain remover and let it soak. 1:12PM  Geordie wakes up. This wasn’t a very long nap, so I make a mental note that he’ll probably be tired again soon. I change his diaper and feed him before bringing him downstairs. 1:25-1:58PM  Geordie plays on his playmat while I load the dishwasher and wash the items in the sink that can’t be machine washed. 1:59PM  Geordie tires of his playmat and looks a bit sleepy, so I take the opportunity to load him into the car and head out to pick up an auction item I won on a Facebook Bidding Wars group. Geordie always falls asleep in the car. We’re barely down the street and he’s

out.

2:56PM  Return home and feed and change Geordie. I woke him up getting him out of the car, so I put him down to continue his nap while I unpack the boxes of Size 3 diapers I’d previously set aside to finish the Size 2 (don’t ever do this). 3:15PM  It becomes clear Geordie is not interested in sleeping any more. I pick him up and lay him on his stomach on the floor (aka “Tummy Time”) as I read him Dr. Seuss’ ABCs book to him. He digs it. After, I help him practice standing up (he’s quite good!). After 45 minutes or so, he starts showing signs of being tired. 4:14PM  Feed & change Geordie, and put him down for a nap. 4:25-5:10PM  Geordie naps while I do laundry (don’t forget the poop-splosion PJs!) and sort through the coupons and samples I got in the doorprize bag at a recent event. 5:20PM  Geordie wakes up and I bring him downstairs to play on his playmat while I cook dinner. Right about the time I finish cooking, he gets bored and demands attention. While I realize that he will not die of neglect in the time it takes me to eat dinner, “crying baby” isn’t exactly my idea of dinner music. I pick him up and eat in peace, albeit one-handed. 6:10PM  Feed and change Geordie. 6:20PM  At this point he’s acting like he might be ready for bed, but I don’t want to start our bedtime routine too early and run the risk of him waking up in the middle of the night (again). I load him into the stroller and leash up the dogs and we all head out for a

walk.

6:40PM  We return home and I run Geordie is bedtime bath. This doesn’t necessarily always involve soap (since he’s not always dirty and that’s hard on baby skin), but the warm water helps soothe him to sleep and tells him its time for bed. 6:50PM  After his bath, Geordie gets an arm and leg massage with moisturizer, and then I get him into his fuzzy PJs. 7:05PM  Geordie’s final feed before bed. 7:30PM  Mommy time! With Geordie asleep, the night is mine. I might watch TV or put on a movie, or work on a cross-stitch project I’ve got going. Tonight, I decide to write this blog post. 8:22PM  Just kidding. Geordie’s awake again. Okay, I guess he didn’t get enough to eat. I feed him again and put him back to bed. 9:10PM  What the shit.. he still hasn’t fallen asleep. I can hear him talking to the animals in his mobile. Go to sleep!! 9:45PM  Okay NOW he’s asleep. That was weird. Time for wine. There you have it. A day in the life of Maternity Leave with baby Geordie. This was a pretty standard day, with the exception of Geordie being a bit fussier than usual at bedtime (he’s typically asleep from 8pm-8am). I also want to point out that there’s a very good chance this is nothing like a day in the life of most women with 3-month olds. Geordie has been nicknamed “Chill Baby” because he is just that- a chill baby. He’s pretty easy going. My hats off to all the mothers who maintain any semblance of sanity while caring for a difficult baby- if Geordie was at all colicky or otherwise difficult, my day would probably look more like this:

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4Oct2014

THIS LITTLE PIGGY CAN’T GET HIS S#*T TOGETHER…

Posted in Etc.

by

incendiaryblonde

It’s now been exactly one week since I had the nail of my big toe surgically removed for the THIRD, and hopefully final, time. Let’s back up a bit, so I can explain…. THIS LITTLE PIGGY STARTS SQUEALING The year was 2010, and I was a bright-eyed undergrad student at the beautiful University of Victoria, working a part-time job at a high-end fashion store where I was, understandably, expected to dress up a bit. As such, I had a decent collection of high-heeled shoes, some of which were less practical comfortable than others. As you can imagine, this lead to many nights after work spent nursing sore

feet on my sofa.

One morning, the big toe of my right foot still hurt from working the day before, especially when I put pressure on the toenail. I figured my shoes were too tight, and made a mental note not to wear those shoes anymore (a mental note which I quickly forgot). This happened on and off for the duration of my time in Victoria, but it never seemed cause for concern. It was only after I moved back home, after University, that things took a turn for the worse… THIS LITTLE PIGGY MEETS DR. ABAO

Ulla

One morning in March of 2011, I awoke to excruciating pain, radiating from the big toe of my right foot. I couldn’t move my toe, I couldn’t stand on that foot, and I sure as hell wasn’t about to attempt putting it into any sort of footwear. My Sherlock-like deductive reasoning concluded that something was most definitely wrong, and I probably needed to get it fixed before going to work that night. I hobbled into my parents’ kitchen and typed “Langley foot doctor” into Google, because I didn’t yet know such a thing was actually called a Podiatrist. The first result was for the “Langley Foot Clinic”, so I called them and made an appointment for that afternoon. The owner of the clinic was Dr. Marissa Abao– a very sweet young woman who didn’t look like she could be beyond her late twenties, but probably was. She had an assistant with a wickedly strong eastern European accent, who always called me, “Pretty Girl” instead of using my name, and spoke in broken sentences that made her sound like Ulla from _The Producers._ I liked her. THIS LITTLE PIGGY GETS BUTCHERED I’m not sure what I expected would fix my problem, but never, and I mean NEVER, did I anticipate that I would leave that walk-in appointment with NO TOENAIL on my big toe! Unfortunately, Dr. Abao’s examination determined that my pain was caused by a build-up of unexplained cartilage _under_ the nail, which was pushing the nail further off my toe as it grew. The only way to immediately relieve the pain, was to surgically remove the toenail. And I’m sure you can imagine what that sort of procedure entails! Oh, you can’t? You mean you’ve never had a toenail surgically removed? Well, lucky for you, I have photos of my fist “nail

avulsion”!

The Lovely Dr. Abao with my troubled toe! The yellow you see is iodine, but I have no excuses for the rest of my complexion- I’m

just that pastey…

Somewhere out there is a factory that makes toe tourniquets… Weird,

eh?

Basically, my toe was shot up with enough anesthetic to freeze hell, and then, after some poking tests to make sure it was sufficiently numb, a scalpel was used to cut back the skin surrounding the nail. A little tool with a spoon-like end on it was (rather forcefully) wedged under said nail and used to pry it from it’s cozy little bed. Once up, Dr. Abao traded in the little spoon thing for some more plier-like equipment, and proceeded to yank my nail from the cuticle

of my toe.

Behold! My toenail, sans to Afterwards, as I sat in the waiting room while my mom filled out some paperwork, I became aware of a dull throbbing in my now nail-less toe, indicating that the anesthetic was wearing off. When I voiced this observation, Dr. Abao hurried my mom’s completion of the paperwork and handed her a prescription for Tylenol3. It’s no mystery why she did this, since by the time we got to the car, the dull throbbing had escalated into something much much worse. Are you familiar with the Hyperbole & a Half Pain Chart

below?

In the time it took to walk hobble from Dr. Abao’s office to my mother’s car, I shot from Pain 4 to Pain 7, and within a block, I was careening into 8. I can’t even adequately describe how much it hurt to regain feeling in a toe than had just had it’s nail _yanked_ off. It was the kind of crippling pain that so overwhelms your senses that you forget to breathe and end up desperately gasping for air between agonized screams. And believe me– I screamed. I screamed, I cried, and I swore like a sailor the whole drive home. We stopped only long enough for my mom to run into a drug store to get my T3 prescription filled. Unfortunately, this actually turned out to be the time I discovered that I was allergic Codine- a key ingredient in T3s. Rotten luck, eh? On the bright side, the resulting sensation that I’d swallowed a capsule of acid which was slowly burning a hole though my stomach _did_ effectively distract me from the pain of my toe for a bit… To this day, I can’t decide whether the worst pain I’ve endured was that drive home post-nail avulsion, or taking the T3 afterwards. Safe to say, I did not end up going to work that night. THIS LITTLE PIGGY GETS HIS PICTURE TAKEN A few weeks later, Dr. Abao sent me to get some x-rays in an attempt to find out what had caused the mysterious cartilage growth that had necessitated the nail removal. The results weren’t good. It might not look like much to the un-trained eye, but on the end of my big toe, there is a white dot. That dot is actually a bone spur, which had been growing vertically off of my toe bone, and pushed up into my nail bed. The mysterious cartilage was actually my body attempting to _protect_ this rogue bone! Why did I have this bone spur in the first place? We don’t know. Bone spurs show up at random, like those uninvited assholes at a party who drink all your drinks, insult your roommates, and puke on your couch. He needed to go. THIS LITTLE PIGGY MEETS THE DRILL We had to meet Dr. Abao at a specialty clinic out of town for my bone spur removal, as the procedure required a device that was terrifyingly named a “Bone Drill”, which Dr. Abao didn’t have. I was awake, but didn’t see, hear, or feel any of the procedure, thanks to lots of anesthetic, a carefully placed TV screen, giant noise-cancelling headphones, and a blue curtain across my waist, prevented me from seeing around the screen, if I’d had the desire or strength of

stomach to do so.

Of course, that’s not to say I wasn’t sitting in constant, white-knuckled terror that I _might_ hear, see, or feel something, and as such, I have absolutely no idea what movie was playing. But my terror didn’t prevent me from instructing my mother to take photos

for me!

Only the awesomest doctors wear Spongebob and Patrick! My leg is extending towards the bottom left corner of the picture. You can see how well-protected I was from witnessing the horror going on. Removing the nail…. again. I’m so glad I couldn’t hear/see/feel this… All the bone/cartilage that was removed The resulting toe crater THIS LITTLE PIGGY GOES ON VACATION In stark contrast to the emotionally scarring experience of the first procedure, I don’t remember much of the recovery from this one, which leads me to believe it wasn’t as bad. They gave me some non-codine pain killers, which

helped immensely.

I also had an added incentive to not succumb to my pain, because I had just turned 21 and already had plans for a trip to Vegas! Despite Dr. Abao’s reservations about the likelihood that I’d maintain proper post-operative care while travelling, we went anyway. I even took a picture of her handy-work hanging over the Grand Canyon for her! I thought I’d give it to her as a final thank you, since I wouldn’t be seeing much of her, now that my bone spur was removed.

Or so I thought…

THIS LITTLE PIGGY IS RETARDED It became clear in the months that followed that my toe would never look the same, but I’d been warned that removed nails often grow back different. What I had _not_ been warned about, and what none of us had anticipated, was that my toenail would come back retarded, and having completely forgotten how to be a toenail. It grew back completely curved, and began growing _into_ my toe. I went back to Dr. Abao to see what could be done, and she said the best option was to remove the edges of the nail, and burn the nail bed with a chemical to prevent those spots from growing back. This sounded downright awful, so I put it off for months. THIS LITTLE PIGGY GETS COOKED I put it off until last week, when the pain in my toe began preventing me from wearing close-toed shoes. I knew I could delay it no longer. I made an appointment for a Saturday, to allow myself lots of recovery

time.

It took FIVE injections of anesthetic to freeze my to, a phobia-activating experience which drained every drop of colour from my face, and had me terrifyingly close to puking all over Dr. Abao’s sterile equipment (but I didn’t!). As a result, I was thoroughly frozen for quite a few hours after the procedure, so the recovery was more of a tolerable throbbing than an excruciating pain. Akin to a bad headache, but in your foot… if that makes sense. So now, since my toe and resident nail just couldn’t get their shit together enough to function normally, we’re all doomed to look like this for the rest of our lives (minus the redness/whiteness of the healing burn sites): The red polish stands as a token from what was probably the last pedicure I’ll get without being totally self-conscious about my

stupid toe.

And that’s the story of how I came to need THREE “nail avulsions”, as they are formally known!

avulsion ,

bone spur ,

gross , ingrown

, Langley Foot

Clinic

,

nail , pain

, podiatrist

, surgery

, toe

, wtf

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16Apr2014

A WORD ON BURNING MAN. AND WHY IT SHOULD BE COMPULSORY.

Posted in Etc.

by

incendiaryblonde

> I’ve tried many times to write a post that accurately conveyed my > experience of Burning Man 2011. This one comes close.

Squelch & Whimsy

So my first real piece of writing for the year has to be about Burning Man. No questions. Why? Because this is easily the most inspiring thing to have happened in my life, ever. This piece has been percolating in my head for well over a year now, so well past time to spit it out. Not just due to my apparent ability to excel at procrastinating over writing, but also because it’s just so bloody difficult to capture the burningman-ness of it all and craft it together into a piece of prose that doesn’t end up making you feel frustrated that the person reading it still doesn’t get how incredible it is, AT ALL.

Love is all I got

The first glimpse of the Playa, 2012 It certainly seems that most of my friends and family still can’t wrap their heads around this thing that I do, this going and…

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3,110 more words

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TODAY, I’M A PROUD VANCOUVERITE!

Image Posted

on March 25, 2014

by incendiaryblonde

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17Mar2014

TIL THE SAD STORY BEHIND THE ACTRESS WHO VOICED DUCKY, IN “THE LAND

BEFORE TIME”.

Posted in /TodayILearned

by

incendiaryblonde

Ducky, from “The Land Before Time” The girl who voiced Ducky in “The Land Before Time

“, also voiced

Ann-Marie in “All Dogs Go To Heaven

“, another

childhood movie favourite of mine. The actress’ name was Judith Eva

Barsi , and she was

shot and killed by her own father at the tragic age of 10. By the age of 7, Judith was making about $100,000 a year, and was able to bring her mother and father off of welfare. It was said that Judith loved voice acting, and wanted to do it into adulthood, however, her father was an abusive alcoholic, whose condition only worsened as Judith’s career grew.

Judith Eva Barsi

On Monday, July 25, 1988, Judith missed an audition for a role in an upcoming TV cartoon series. Two days later, it was discovered that Judith’s father had shot her and her mother in their home, set the house on fire, and then shot himself. Judith and her mother were buried in unmarked graves in the Forest Lawn Cemetery, in Hollywood

Hills, California.

“All Dogs Go To Heaven

” wasn’t

completed until 2 years after Judith’s death, and the song that was used in the credits, “Love Survives”, was dedicated to her as a final farewell from the film’s cast and crew. In 2004, a marker was added to her grave. Along with the words, “Our Concrete Angel” the marker also featured Ducky’s signature phrase, as Judith always said that Ducky was her favourite role to play.

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12Mar2014

TIL THERE’S A HILARIOUS APP YOU NEED TO DOWNLOAD! Posted in /TodayILearned

,

Etc. by

incendiaryblonde

After reading some comments on a Reddit Thread

last

night, Boyfriend and I downloaded a game called SpaceTeam. You need

this app.

SpaceTeam is a multiplayer game available for iOS

and

Android

devices, which uses Bluetooth/Wifi to connect players within the same room onto a team of up to 4 people (“a SpaceTeam!”). Together, they must work together to repair a failing spaceship as it attempts to outfly an exploding star. Each teammate’s phone shows a different control panel, as well as an instruction along the top. The trick is, the instructions you receive, usually won’t match the control panel you see, so you’ll have to shout out the instruction to your teammates, until the person with the matching control panel fulfills the instruction. The more levels you beat, the less time you have for each instruction. Part of the hilarity of this game, is that you end up shouting absolutely ridiculous things, like “WIGGLE THE GIGGAPLEX!” and “FLUFF THE PILLOWS!” I imagine the game would be even more fun

with more people.

One of the great things about this game is that Android users and iOS users can play  together, on the same team, as long as they share a Wifi connection. This would make a hilarious icebreaker at a party, or even as a team-building game for a company. Click Here to Download for iOS

or Click

Here to Download for Android

and

don’t forget to comment below with your thoughts once you’ve

played it!

Leave a comment

7Mar2014

“THE COPS NEVER SHOWED UP”: A STORY FOR ANYONE WHO’S ANTI-GUN Posted in Rantserpants

by

incendiaryblonde

Before I share what I just read, know that I’m Canadian and have NEVER been a fan of American gun laws– I’ve always opposed the idea that the average citizen should be able to carry a gun. That being said, I just read something that made me question my thinking. The following comment was posting on a Reddit Thread about people who’ve killed in self-defense. The author of this particular comment was not writing about killing someone, but instead about why he carries a gun. The author goes by the username of thndrchld , and his story is both terrifying and compelling:

!!TRIGGER WARNING!!

> I was raised in a very anti-gun house. My mother absolutely abhors > them, so I never had any experience with them, and didn’t really > see why we didn’t just pass a constitutional amendment to ban > them. Then something happened.

>

> Two years ago, I was standing next to my car, filling up my gas tank > at a gas station in a neighborhood that wasn’t great, but wasn’t > bad by any means. The friend that was with me was inside the store, > buying a snack or something, and taking his sweet-ass time.

>

> I saw a pretty girl walking along the road across the street. I > watched her for a few seconds because, hey, hot girl. A car pulled > up next to her and followed along slowly, like they were talking to

> her.

>

> Suddenly three big guys jump out and grab her. They shove her > screaming into the back seat, and pull around to the side of the > building they were in front of. Another car that was following > behind them pulled in and blocked the driveway. This was just before > twilight, and the shop was closed.

>

> From where I was, I could still see everything. I was close enough > that I could hear her.

>

> They took turns raping her right there in the car. Those not > actively involved watched from outside the car, laughing and mocking

> her struggles.

>

> The instant I realized what has going on, I called 911. I gave them > plate numbers, physical descriptions, locations, and a play by play > of what was happening, meanwhile, she’s in the back seat trying to > fight them off and screaming for help. Two years later, and those > screams are still burned into my memory.

>

> Eventually, everybody loaded back up in the cars, and took off down > the road at about 80, the poor girl still screaming in the back

> seat.

>

> I stayed on the phone with 911 the whole time they were raping her. > It was about 10 minutes. After they left, we stayed at the gas > station waiting for the police.

>

> They never showed.

>

> Let me say that again: I called the police about a violent gang rape > and kidnapping in progress, with an active witness giving plate > numbers and an exact location, and the goddamn cops never showed up. > The police station was only a few minutes away, and we were about > four miles from a college campus. You’re telling me nobody was > available to stop a fucking gang rape?

>

> That’s when I realized that we’re on our own. Nobody’s coming > to rescue us. The police, at their best, are only able to respond to > a crime. They can’t prevent it. When it comes down to it, we’re > responsible for our own protection.

>

> This poor girl, and I, learned that the hard way.

>

> I now have a carry permit and carry a loaded 9mm with me everywhere > I go. I will NEVER stand by and watch someone get hurt like that > again. I don’t care if it puts me at risk. It’s easy to say > “just call the cops, it’s not your fight” until you’re in > that position and have to hear the screams and watch her fight for > her life. It’s easy until you see the demented, mocking grins on > the faces of the subhuman scum that are brutalizing a helpless girl.

>

> Those screams haunted my dreams for months.

>

> I don’t want to be a hero. I don’t ever want to see and/or hear > something like that again. I don’t want to have to get involved. I > don’t want to have to draw my weapon. I don’t want to have to > fire. I don’t want to have to deal with the police, the court > case, and the possibility of going to prison because some jackass > district attorney is “tough on gun crime.” But I will. I will do > all that because it’s the right thing to do, and because I > wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I stood by helplessly > while another innocent life was destroyed.

>

> That’s why I carry. There you have it. Easily the most compelling case I’ve read in support of American gun laws. Kind of makes you think, doesn’t it? Comment with your thoughts.

American ,

Crime , Debate

, Gun

, Laws

, Police

, Rape

1 Comment

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