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Kate
LIFE BEFORE SMARTPHONES What Was Life Like Before Smartphones? The ancients tell of a time when we weren’t all connected. Photo: Victor Berzukov One of the reasons creative people in the public eye are paid so well is the number of mind-numbing media events they have to endure where they are asked the same questions over and over and attempt to answer as if it is the first time the thought has ever occurred to them. TAYLOR SWIFT'S ANALOGIES, IN ORDER OF Taylor Swift’s Analogies, In Order Of Incomprehensibility. by Julie Beck. 23. You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard.. 22. The moon like a spotlight on the lake.. 21. Today was a fairytale.. 20. I need you like a heartbeat.. 19. THE ADULTS WHO LOVE DISNEY The Adults Who Love Disney. Between Disneybounding and the D23 Expo, it’s clear that there’s no age limit on Walt’s empire. Most adults go on vacation to get away from the stressors that plague our everyday lives. Brian Boneau, on the other hand, actively seeks it out. In his 28 years, Boneau has spent his precious vacation time atDisney
NEGRONI SEASON
I became louder and more adamant about how a) it was motherfucking Negroni season and b) I was super “fun” and could drink Negronis till dawn. Blah, blah, drunken blah, you don’t know shit about me, buddy, I love Negroni Season. I wait all year for the Negroni. He THE INTERNET IS KILLING YOU AND YOU'RE BEGGING FOR MORE The Internet makes you depressed by showing you how you and everyone around you look at your worst, which is how you and everyone around you look most of the time. The Internet is a mirror that reveals the worst things about us, because it’s a mirror, and we are mostly worst things. So Andrew Sullivan has some thoughts on this. CAMERON TODD WILLINGHAM'S REAL LAST WORDS I recently finished The Lost City of Z, David Grann’s account of the British explorer Percy Fawcett’s final journey in the Amazon basin, where Fawcett disappeared in 1925.Meticulously researched, staunchly reported and beautifully written, it covers the history of London’s Royal Geographic Society, to which Percy belonged, and the 300-year quest for the mythical golden city, El Dorado HOW TO "DOUBLE-DELETE" YOUR EMAIL, BY MAJOR BOOK Apple et al ( PDF ), the lawsuit filed by the Department of Justice against ebook sellers for conspiracy to fix prices with Apple, so as to undermine Amazon. (Fun fact: the defendants in the case account for a full half of Amazon’s ebook revenue.) “Double-deletion” of email is the apparently common practice of deleting an email in your GERMANS AND AMERICANS BOTH LOVE THEIR DAMN LAWNS For just as Germans believe (and we most certainly do not) that there is a universal right to health care, they also believe there is a near-universal right to a goddamned lawn, even if you live in a seventh-floor walkup in a factory building not zoned for residence. As our American Unpräsident ’s behavior slides further into King Lear THE BRITISH INVASION... AGAIN: SCOUTING THE OLD LOCATIONS The British Invasion Again: Scouting The Old Locations. by The Awl August 23, 2012. by Robert Sullivan. Day two in a series exploring how the trail of the Battle of Brooklyn, beginning with the British landing on August 22, 1776, would pass across modern-day New York. Shown above, the hills of Greenwood Cemetery. THE MIRACULOUS EXPLOITS OF PRINCESS MICHAEL OF KENT The Miraculous Exploits Of Princess Michael Of Kent. by The Awl January 9, 2013. by Emma Garman. A series dedicated to explaining Britain’s manufactured celebrities to an American audience. To the index of woes humanity was blessedly spared last year — the Mayan apocalypse, a Romney-Ryan administration, the fiscal cliff, photos ofKate
LIFE BEFORE SMARTPHONES What Was Life Like Before Smartphones? The ancients tell of a time when we weren’t all connected. Photo: Victor Berzukov One of the reasons creative people in the public eye are paid so well is the number of mind-numbing media events they have to endure where they are asked the same questions over and over and attempt to answer as if it is the first time the thought has ever occurred to them. TAYLOR SWIFT'S ANALOGIES, IN ORDER OF Taylor Swift’s Analogies, In Order Of Incomprehensibility. by Julie Beck. 23. You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard.. 22. The moon like a spotlight on the lake.. 21. Today was a fairytale.. 20. I need you like a heartbeat.. 19. THE ADULTS WHO LOVE DISNEY The Adults Who Love Disney. Between Disneybounding and the D23 Expo, it’s clear that there’s no age limit on Walt’s empire. Most adults go on vacation to get away from the stressors that plague our everyday lives. Brian Boneau, on the other hand, actively seeks it out. In his 28 years, Boneau has spent his precious vacation time atDisney
NEGRONI SEASON
I became louder and more adamant about how a) it was motherfucking Negroni season and b) I was super “fun” and could drink Negronis till dawn. Blah, blah, drunken blah, you don’t know shit about me, buddy, I love Negroni Season. I wait all year for the Negroni. He THE INTERNET IS KILLING YOU AND YOU'RE BEGGING FOR MORE The Internet makes you depressed by showing you how you and everyone around you look at your worst, which is how you and everyone around you look most of the time. The Internet is a mirror that reveals the worst things about us, because it’s a mirror, and we are mostly worst things. So Andrew Sullivan has some thoughts on this. CAMERON TODD WILLINGHAM'S REAL LAST WORDS I recently finished The Lost City of Z, David Grann’s account of the British explorer Percy Fawcett’s final journey in the Amazon basin, where Fawcett disappeared in 1925.Meticulously researched, staunchly reported and beautifully written, it covers the history of London’s Royal Geographic Society, to which Percy belonged, and the 300-year quest for the mythical golden city, El Dorado HOW TO "DOUBLE-DELETE" YOUR EMAIL, BY MAJOR BOOK Apple et al ( PDF ), the lawsuit filed by the Department of Justice against ebook sellers for conspiracy to fix prices with Apple, so as to undermine Amazon. (Fun fact: the defendants in the case account for a full half of Amazon’s ebook revenue.) “Double-deletion” of email is the apparently common practice of deleting an email in your GERMANS AND AMERICANS BOTH LOVE THEIR DAMN LAWNS For just as Germans believe (and we most certainly do not) that there is a universal right to health care, they also believe there is a near-universal right to a goddamned lawn, even if you live in a seventh-floor walkup in a factory building not zoned for residence. As our American Unpräsident ’s behavior slides further into King Lear THE ADULTS WHO LOVE DISNEY The Adults Who Love Disney. Between Disneybounding and the D23 Expo, it’s clear that there’s no age limit on Walt’s empire. Most adults go on vacation to get away from the stressors that plague our everyday lives. Brian Boneau, on the other hand, actively seeks it out. In his 28 years, Boneau has spent his precious vacation time atDisney
THE LAST OF AMERICA'S SLAVE TAGS The slave hire tag, number “805,” is currently for sale at the Early American store for $2,995.00, and they attest to its authenticity. For occupation, the tag reads “servant.”. Alexis Coe’s work has appeared in the Atlantic, Slate, The Millions, The Hairpin, SF Weekly, The Toast, and other publications. She holds an MAin history
"IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW" IS A VERY WEIRD The third single from Céline Dion’s 1996 “Falling into You,” is a ballad for a corpse. On July 30, 1996, Céline Dion released the third single from her incredibly successful album, “Falling into You.”. The single, “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” was a hit, ultimately peaking at CHEMICAL APPLE PIE: APPLE PIE WITHOUT THE APPLES 2 tablespoons butter. First! Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. Take the two pie crusts out of the box and set them aside. Bring water to a boil in a large saucepan. This is so easy you could practically get your 6-year-old son to do it while you watch Youtube videos of starfish crawling along the sea floor. THINGS TO HAVE NAMED AFTER YOU, IN ORDER OF by Eric Spiegelman51. a Wi-Fi network 50. a star 49. an online publication 48. your son 47. your daughter 46. your company 45. your band 44. an autobiography 43. a public square in Los Angeles 42. aburger, drink,
CAMERON TODD WILLINGHAM'S REAL LAST WORDS I recently finished The Lost City of Z, David Grann’s account of the British explorer Percy Fawcett’s final journey in the Amazon basin, where Fawcett disappeared in 1925.Meticulously researched, staunchly reported and beautifully written, it covers the history of London’s Royal Geographic Society, to which Percy belonged, and the 300-year quest for the mythical golden city, El Dorado "THE THETAN TEMPLAR," A NEW NOVEL BY DAN BROWN 11:44 A.M. Nate “Shirky” Stryker looked over the NYU courtyard beneath his office balcony. There were 32,000 cobblestones in that perfect rectangle, or a thousand for each of the 32 degrees of Islamic-Rite Masonry, an organization that officially didn’t even exist. Stryker ran his left hand through his graying, dignified templehair.
HOW AMAZON SOLVED THE PROBLEM OF WORK How Amazon Solved the Problem of Work. On Wednesday, October 8th, the Supreme Court heard oral arguments in the case of Integrity Staffing Solutions v. Busk. The case pits warehouse workers Jesse Busk and Laurie Castro against their former employer. The issue at hand is time: Should minutes spent waiting to be screened at the end of theworkday
THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF WHITE MUSIC STOLEN BY BLACK PEOPLE The Definitive List Of White Music Stolen By Black People. Last week, Onion A.V. Club writer Noel Murray complained about the trend of people rejecting things — food, films, music — as being “ for white people .” “The ‘white people are square and bland’ gagis an old one,
MEGHAN KEANE: 'THE OFFICE' IS THE MOST DEPRESSING SHOW ON Now Jim has developed into the most depressing archetype: a mediocre man who has already realized his full potential. Gone is Jim’s charming lack of enthusiasm for his job. Now he’s proving exactly where a lack of drive is likely to lead you-to the mediocrity of middle management, where one is gripped by the fear of losing whatevercorner
And Now It's Dead
THE AWL, 2009-2018
by Alex Balk
the primacy of capital over labor FELIX SALMON, "FUSION MONEY," AND FLOATING UPWARDNow You Know
THE AWL STORIES YOU NEVER SAWfood feelings
> “My problem is that I know what I want, but there isn’t an > adequate, efficient way to explain it.”>
weather reviews
NEW YORK CITY, JANUARY 30, 2018by Tom Scocca
★★★★ Even through the blinds, to eyes without contact lenses, the world was newly brightened all around—not inherently bright, with dawn still under the pall of the gentle storm, but evenly bright, the gray-blue light of the sky shining back from the roofs and the balcony rails and the parked cars. The snow traced the branching, multiplying twigs of the still-bare trees, narrowing yet holding on all the way out to the tips, and it stuck to the sides of balcony railings, for now. None of it would last; the streets and sidewalks had remained black and clear. Things moved on their usual paths. The flakes were almost too tiny to see individually in the early dimness, but they hid the river and brought the city down to the near and middle distance. An upright dark line floated in the sky, like a hawk perched on nothing. It took the binoculars to sort it out: It was the center post atop a water tower, left alone on a blank background as the conical roof below had gone white and vanished. For years the tank roof must have been in view, peeking out of its rectangular bulkhead on the apartment building, unnoticeable until it disappeared. Outside, after the luminous blue had gone over to gray, there were still prettily swirling little flakes. Forty-five minutes later, they could be felt but barely seen. Warmth from the ground had carried up the vertical pickets of the low fences around the tree-planting beds, melting the snow on the plain flat top rail at intervals, so the surviving humps of white marched along in rhythm with the pattern of the city’s approved Type “B” tree guard design. A bit of cloud caught on the spire of the Empire State Building, giving a measurement to the blurry sky. The morning snow was due to be over, yet still there were little flakes showing against dark backgrounds. The barber ran clippers through the neglected thatch of hair around the ears and when it had fallen away, in the mix of daylight and shop light, a little unambiguous spot of silver stayed there, bright and sure as a dime. Someone came in the door and the air that had followed them made the warmth of the hot towel ebb quickly. The snow had truly stopped now below the Flatiron, and patches of sunshine and blue were glimmering into being, yet back uptown the gray had settled in again, and a few new minuscule flakes were on the air. One might somehow have veered between the buttons of the flannel shirt, a ghostly fleck of sharp cold. The ears, meanwhile, were getting chilled steadily. Some of the accumulated snow had slipped away but it still clung to the face of the television on the luxury roof deck. Snowflakes blew more thickly for a while, then subsided as the sky lightened. When it darkened again, what was falling looked like rain. Or was it snow? An arm thrust out the window caught little bits of it in the wrist hairs—some sort of granules, more like snow to look at but falling straight down. At last that went away, too. The trees had lost their tracery, and the furniture of the luxury roof deck, its white covering worn away, lay scattered like debris. The water-tower roof was dark again, with one last streak of white on it. The edge of a metal vent gleamed, and windows cast bright spots on neighboring bricks. Every fugitive bit of light might be the last one. A ray of sun sparkled on lumpy ice on the neighbor’s balcony, crossed over to cut through the living room, and hit the inmost corner of the children’s bunk bed. It lit the magnetic words in disarray on the blank side of the filing cabinet, “she will was us want as has by sun.” That beam thinned as the sun began to descend behind a patch of cloud. Not far below the cloud were the new towers downriver, waiting their turn to shut it off. Sundown proper was colorless and indistinct. There was light, and then it went dark. The children set their alarm: before the next sunrise, they would be up looking for the lunar eclipse.And Now It's Dead
THE AWL, 2009-2018
by Alex Balk
The Awl was born of the following thoughts: What if there were a website with a wealth of resonant, weird, important, frightening and amusing bits of news and ideas? What if it weren’t so invested in giving you the “counterintuitive take” that it actually stopped making sense? What if it were run by people who actually didn’t care about the way we all allegedly live now? We believed that there was a great big Internet out there on which we all lived, and that too often its curios and oddities were ignored in favor of the most obvious and easy stories. We believed that there was an audience of intelligent readers who were poorly served by being delivered those same stories in numbing repetition to the detriment of their reading diet. We believed that there was no topic unworthy of scrutiny, so long as it was approached from an intelligent angle. We believed that there was no such thing as too long or too short for the Internet, that stories should use as many words as they needed to be to say what they had to say, and no more. We believed we could make a place where these organizing principles would find a community thatfelt the same way.
How’d we do?
READ MORE
All In The Family
JARED KUSHNER SELLS GIRL SCOUT COOKIESby Luke Mazur
Image: David & Margie Hill via Flickr _JARED, who has a black eye, is looking for an Overton window to jump out of, as his DAUGHTER is happily doling out the Girl Scout cookies she sold earlier this term. The STAFF is lining up to receive their orders. It’s the most crowded the White House has been since that one time BARACK OBAMA invited SANTANA over to celebrate MICHELLE’s birthday, and JOE BIDEN ended up singing the Rob Thomas parts of “Smooth.” EVERYONE, even staff who’ve been fired, even staff who’ve resigned in disgrace, even staff who don’t usually come in on Wednesdays, is here to pick up cookies. NO ONE is much talking about the State of the Union, so little do they care about the state of the Union and so focused are they on gobbling up Thin Mints. _ HOPE HICKS : She sent me a paragraph-long text earlier. I couldn’t get into it right then. I mean, a fucking paragraph? What is this, The Supreme Court? I was like, I will get you the promotion code as soon as I get back to my desk. Like how hard is that for you to fucking get? I’m not glued to my desk all fucking— KUSHNER DAUGHTER : If you have your payment cards out and ready, the line willmove much faster.
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the parent rap
HOLDING ON
by Laura June
I remember the first time I held my daughter’s hand. She was just minutes old, and I knew nothing about babies, so I was impressed to find that even a newborn could hold on. “Look, she’s holding my hand!” I exclaimed to myself, to the air, to anyone in the room. That she could cling to me and me to her was the most natural thing in the world, it turned out. It comes to us from the unknown depths of our biology, pre-birth. Our first skill is hanging on, no practice necessary. What I didn’t know yet was that learning to let go would _also_ come easily, maybe naturally, to her. That she would master itquicker than me.
I know every time I’ve let go of Zelda, in fact, what’s actually happened is that _she_ let go of me, and I simply allowed it, overcoming my natural inclinations to cling, to hold tight. I felt her pull away from me as she stood up on her fat wobbly legs to walk for the first time, and I worried that she would fall. She did, of course, fall down, and though she cried real tears of failure and frustration, and though she looked over at me, she didn’t reach for me. She didn’t need me, not right that second. She told me then what I didn’t want, couldn’t stand to hear, not yet, not yet: “Sometimes, I need you; sometimes I do not.”READ MORE
Now You Know
THE AWL STORIES YOU NEVER SAWby Alex Balk
As the end rapidly approaches it seems as good a time as any to unburden myself of some of the ideas that I’ve wanted to see on the site but that for one reason or another never came to fruition. Shortly before he bolted Choire Sicha delivered his own list ofunwritten work
and reading it now in comparison to mine it is pretty clear (if his leaving didn’t already make it obvious) which one of us was the smart one. That said, I still feel like some of these things could have turned out okay, so I will share them with you now. I am about to be out of work so if you wind up using one of them at your organization please send me some money.READ MORE
the primacy of capital over labor FELIX SALMON, "FUSION MONEY," AND FLOATING UPWARD by Silvia Killingsworth Last Friday, just after 2pm, the financial journalist Felix Salmon posted a blog titled “Why I’m Leaving Fusion.”It
was a very short post indeed: So, that is a provocative shruggie,
is it not? At the very least it implies a cheeky “I don’t know (I know)” along with a dash of womp-womp (“not of my own volition!”). Salmon was most recently “working to develop and launch a new project that will explore the world of philanthropy, activism, social entrepreneurship, and spotlighting those working to try and make the world a better place,” on Fusion’s Rise Up “social impact” team, and before that, he had been a Senior Editor since the time he joined Fusion in 2014. For years, there has been rampant speculation among media types (loser dorks) about how much money the “hybrid television and digital media outlet” was paying to poach high-profile digital editors.
But two weeks ago, the growing resentment within the Gizmodo Media Group newsroom toward Salmon and his significant salary—which because of a clerical error in 2016 had become an open secret in the newsroom—boiled over.READ MORE
Now You Know
BEARS, BRITAIN, BUNGA-BUNGA: BYEby Alex Balk
While it has been nice to see the kind words said about this site since we announced its shuttering a couple of weeks ago I feel as though we have not gotten enough credit for some of the things we pioneered in this corner of the Internet over the years. I am specifically talking about our affection for bears and wanting to die. But while many of our other content-area obsessions have gone unnoticed or fallen by the wayside, I am happy to note that the people of Britain remain a foul and pestilent congregation of stab-crazy louts, the moon is still our greatest enemy and Silvio Berlusconi isback, baby
.
There is sometimes comfort in permanence.Culture (and TV)
STEELY DAN, "EVERYTHING MUST GO"by Alex Balk
Is it obnoxious to choose, as The Awl’s final morning selection, a song from a band for whom almost everyone under 40 has a depressing and inexplicable distaste? A song that is not even from that band’s widely acknowledged golden era? A song that _begins_ with a minute-long saxophone solo? Is that obnoxious? Good morning. Here’smusic. Enjoy.
weather reviews
NEW YORK CITY, JANUARY 29, 2018by Tom Scocca
★★ A wide band of pale blue separated the sharp purple hills at the horizon from the frayed purple edge of the cloud sheet above. The hills stayed purple while the clouds became wrinkled and dimpled gray. Perfect clarity took over for a spell, but then the lid came down again, with murky tints of brown and orange on it. A wind blew insistently, then forcefully, from uptown. Only the gaudiest athletic-green accents stood out on the clothes and gear of the children on the dim playground. classical music hourA FINALE
by Fran Hoepfner
Image: Martin Thomas via Flickr Towards the end of last year, I asked people what they wanted me to cover in this column in 2018, a bold and ultimately fruitless thing to do, given I would only have about five or six more editions of this column to write. Nevertheless, friend of the column Casey Morell said: “I have always wondered why there isn’t a good piece that’s basically, ‘so you’re interested in listening to classical music? Here’s how you start.’” While I am not sure I am the person to write a _good _piece on that very topic, I do know I am a person who can write _a _piece on that topic, which iswhat I will do now.
_So you’re interested in listening to classical music?_ you might be asking. Then start listening to classical music. That’s a smug, easy way of putting it, but I’m not entirely without justification. We have created a barrier to entry when it comes to classical music. In part because it’s old? I guess? And representative of a time in history that feels more and more alien to us by the day. And sometimes the pieces are, like, over an hour along. And also probably because it—like so much culture for so long—was dominated by stodgy white men who were always inexplicably feuding with one another. (Which, okay, on second thought, that’s basically the same as now.) But what I always feel is the most important thing to remind people is that classical music is _music_, and what’s more, it was popular music, honestly, truly, for a very long stretch of time. In turn, it was written to be listened to. It doesn’t want to alienate you. Challenge you, sure, but mostly welcome you into a theme, a melody, avariation, a mood.
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