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Concept: a _D&D_-style fantasy setting where humanity’s weird thing is that we’re the only sapient species that reproduces organically. * Dwarves carve each other out of rock. In theory this can be managed alone, but in practice, few dwarves have mastered all of the necessary skills. Most commonly, it’s a collaborative effort by three to eight individuals. The new dwarf’s body is covered with runes that are in part a recounting of the crafters’ respective lineages, and in part an elaboration of the rights and duties of a member of dwarven society; each dwarf is thus a living legal argument establishing theirown existence.
* Elves aren’t made, but educated. An elf who wishes to produce offspring selects an ordinary animal and begins teaching it, starting with house-breaking, and progressing through years of increasingly sophisticated lessons. By gradual degrees the animal in question develops reasoning, speech, tool use, and finally the ability to assume a humanoid form at will. Most elves are derived from terrestrial mammals, but there’s at least one community that favours octopuses and squid as its root stock. * Goblins were created by alchemy as servants for an evil wizard, but immediately stole their own formula and rebelled. New goblins are brewed in big brass cauldrons full of exotic reagents; each village keeps a single cauldron in a central location, and emerging goblings are raised by the whole community, with no concept of parentage or lineage. Sometimes they like to add stuff to the goblin soup just to see what happens – there are a _lot_ of weird goblins. * Halflings reproduce via tall tales. Making up fanciful stories about the adventures of fictitious cousins is halfling culture’s main amusement; if a given individual’s story is passed around and elaborated upon by enough people, a halfling answering to that individual’s description just shows up one day. They won’t _necessarily_ possess any truly outlandish abilities that have been attributed to them – mostly you get the sort of person of whom the stories could be plausible exaggerations. To address the obvious question, yes, this means that dwarves have no cultural notion of childhood, at least not one that humans would recognise as such. Elves and goblins do, though it’s kind of a weird childhood in the case of elves, while with halflings it’s a toss-up; mostly they instantiate as the equivalent of a human 12–14-year-old, and are promptly adopted by a loose affiliation of self-appointed aunts and uncles, though there are outliers in either direction.Expand
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It's OVER!
* AZIRAPHALE: We're not friends. I don't even like you. It's over. * CROWLEY: Fine. I'm leaving. Goodbye forever! * (literally the next day) * CROWLEY: I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I miss you so much! Come with me, let's run away together! * AZIRAPHALE: I forgive you! But I can't come with you. * CROWLEY: Fine, I'm leaving and I'm never even going to THINK aboutyou again!
* (literally that same afternoon) * CROWLEY: He's not answering his phone. He needs me! Wait - fire - he's dead! I can't smell him! Dead forever and ever! There's no point in going on. I'm going to drink whiskey until the world ends and IDIE.
* AZIRAPHALE: You alright there mate? * CROWLEY: ;_; m y l o v e ;_; where are you i will come to you no matter where you are i would destroy galaxies to protect you * AZIRAPHALE: I need a body. Too bad I can't use yours.* CROWLEY: NGK
* AZIRAPHALE: Just get to Tadfield air base. * CROWLEY: I would and will drive through a literal wall of fire to be with you. Anything is possible when we're together. * (literally like an hour later) * CROWLEY: That's it, it's over, end of the world, we're all going to die, goodbye reality, goodbye everything, this is the END of ALL THINGS it is LITERALLY SATAN here to kill us * AZIRAPHALE: Fix it or I'll never talk to you again. * CROWLEY: * M * I * R * A * C * L * E *Expand
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Don’t be fooled! He is a real killer :Dawwcutepets
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* VIRGIL *HOLDING REMUS*: Stinky * DECEIT: Stop! Don’t be mean! * VIRGIL *WAVING REMUS IN THE AIR*: Stinky bastard man! * ROMAN *WITHOUT LOOKING UP FROM HIS CRAFTING*: Naughty boy. Bastardman.
* DECEIT: NO!
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Sanders Sides Remus TsRemusintrusive thoughts
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*
* BARBARA: No, I can’t just “hook something up”. The entire telephone network is down! * JASON: What about a mobile connection? * BARBARA, FRUSTRATED: The ENTIRE. Telephone. Network. Is DOWN! * TIM: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string——everything, absolutely everything! No phones, phones allbroken!
* TIM, MIMING HOLDING A PHONE: Hello? Anyone there? * TIM: No, ‘cause the phones aren’t working!incorrectbatfam
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