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NATASHA
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Self Improvement
FEELING LONELY & ISOLATED? HERE’S HOW TO DEAL WITH LONELINESSMarch 31, 2020
Loneliness is a vicious cycle. It happens when we feel like we can’texpress our truth.
Whenever I find myself out of a situation where I was constantly critiqued (in a _destructive_, non-constructive way) and consistently seeking validation, there is a part of me that feels such _relief – _even if I’m heartbroken over the ending. It’s just like stretching an inflexible body. Of course, it’s going to feel uncomfortable to stretch at first (it may even feel painful at times). But as you are stretching, there are certain muscles that finally, get to _relax _amidst the ones that are causing temporary discomfort from being stretched. When it comes to your emotional muscles, unplugging from chaos is the ultimate exhale, however, the surrounding muscles (your triggers) will get tested
and cause pain. And if you don’t know how to give that pain a purpose, you’ll start feeling lonely and depressed; like you are socially isolated even when surrounded by talkative people. This quarantine has literally unplugged you from life as you knew it. It has removed much of the chaos of our daily lives and replaced it with the kind of uncertainty that would make _any_one miss even the most dysfunctional aspects of an existence that temporarily, does notexist.
Yet, somewhere, deep down… there is a relief to be found, a certainty to implement, and peace to be experienced. There is a light within that no matter how much your fear, other people’s bullsh*t, and your insecurities try to dim, it can never be fully extinguished. The purpose of this post is to get you to amplify that light. I can’t do it for you. Neither can your friends and family, a course, a seminar, or a TED Talk. Only you can do this.Continue Reading
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Relationships
RED FLAGS IN A RELATIONSHIP & DATING: THE ULTIMATE GUIDEMarch 15, 2020
When it comes to red flags in a relationship, in dating, and even inyour friendships…
Have you ever heard the saying “where there’s smoke, there’sfire”?
A red flag is the smoke that no matter how much you try to fan away, choose to identify as fog, or spray with the air freshener of denial and keep walking through, it will always lead you to fire. You may be able to see past the smoke and keep moving for a while, but fire is one thing that we all can agree, you will never be able to move through or ignore into extinguishment. All you can do is tend to your burns by adjusting your boundaries , understand that ignoring the red flags of others is a major red flag of your own, and make the decision to stop normalizing and personalizing smoke signals when theyappear.
THE EMOTIONAL TOOLBELT YOU WERE BORN WITH DID NOT COME WITH A HOSE TO PUT OUT THE FIRES OF RELATIONAL ARSONISTS. And their fires/red flags are not meant for you to extinguish, take ownership of, or be “good enough” to change the color. They are meant for you to get away from. The problem with red flags in a relationship is that they are the easiest to identify in every relationship but our own. And when it comes to the red flags in our own relationships… They only seem to be the most visible in hindsight. Continue Reading29 Comments
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Self Improvement
17 IMPORTANT LIFE LESSONS THAT LITERALLY SAVED MY LIFEFebruary 26, 2020
With so much tragedy in the news lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about life, death, and life lessons. I’ve also been thinking about what saved my life years ago. There have been times in my life where I wanted to die. I think we’ve all been there.I hated myself to
the core. I hated that I was so desperate for crumbs from toxic people and I hated that as an adult, I was _still _trying to be one of thecool kids.
I was also ashamed of how little I valued the good people in my life. As a result, I committed emotional suicide and adopted unhealthy habits that allowed me to gradually, contribute to my own physicaldeath.
LOOKING BACK, THIS IS WHAT I NOW KNOW: When I wanted to die, I wasn’t implementing any of these lifelessons.
In my early twenties, when I was boundary-less, smoking cigarettes, needing a cocktail just to have enough confidence to carry a basic conversation, and not taking care of my health… I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons. When I was involved in fake friendships , situationships, and toxic romantic relationships,
I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons.When I would …
* Engage in petty gossip * Need an opposing forcejust to feel
motivated enough to take action * Compulsively lie to compensate for myinsecurities
* Create drama just to feel significant for a hot minute … I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons. When I blamed myself for being emotionally orphaned by a well-intended yet unavailable parent… I wasn’t implementing any of these life lessons. None of the above ever turned out well or felt good. Obviously. SO WHY DID I CONTINUE? Because I couldn’t bank on the unpredictability of happiness. Every time I did, the other shoe always dropped. My own misery was at the very least, predictable. So here they are, some life lessons that saved me from robbing myself of my own life. I would be dead if I hadn’t implemented and acted onthese.
HERE ARE 17 IMPORTANT LIFE LESSONS THAT LITERALLY SAVED MY LIFEContinue Reading
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Relationships
HOW TO STOP GASLIGHTING IN RELATIONSHIPS: 7 SIGNS TO LOOK FORFebruary 10, 2020
Hindsight can only be 20/20 if you are viewing it through a filter of reality and honesty. But what if your sense of reality was taken away from you? What if you no longer knew what to believe or who to trust? I first
experienced gaslighting in relationships with friends and family members when I was a child; I just didn’t know there was a term for it. And as long as you don’t know what gaslighting is, you’ll not only think that *you* are the problem, but you’ll be dependent on whoever is gaslighting you, to be your eyes, ears, and mental healthassessor.
Gaslighting is something that I have experienced in romantic relationships, friendships , familial relationships, and in business. I’ve coached thousands of people all over the world who are victims of gaslighting. And even when they are able to take a step back and see the manipulation for what it is, it’s still incredibly hard to accept. WHAT IS GASLIGHTING AND WHERE DOES THE TERM COME FROM? Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into questioning your mental health and reality. The term originated from the 1938 play, _Gas Light _(which has two film adaptions). It centers around a husband who attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights in their home (the lights were powered by gas at the time). When the wife notices and points out the dimmed lights, her husband denies that the lights have changed. The most horrific example of gaslighting that I have ever seen depicted on-screen was in the movie, _Rosemary’s Baby. _Rosemary is gaslight from the conception of her child (where she was drugged and raped but led to believe that she got drunk and sexually aggressive with her husband) to the birth… by an _entire_ community (including her husband and neighbors; even her doctor). This doesn’t just happen in the movies. Gaslighting happens everywhere, every day. _How_does this happen?
Unfortunately, very easily. I speak from personal experience when I say that once you’ve been gaslight, you start to allow the cynical audience in your own head to gaslight _you_. This starts an internal war with your intuition, which leaves you feeling completely helpless (and even more of a sitting duck for anyone whose egoic meal ticket is total control over your emotional weather). This is something that I still struggle with every day. I have to remind myself that the proverbial light has actually been dimmed and that I’m not just imagining things – as heartbreaking as it is to remind myself of. Continue Reading71 Comments
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Relationships
HOW TO GET OVER SOMEONE WHO GHOSTED YOUJanuary 23, 2020
You thought that you and the person you were dating had a great connection. You made each other laugh, the chemistry was there, the conversation flowed naturally, and you both talked about the future. After a few weeks/months, however, the constant back-and-forth texts between the two of you started to peter off. You’d be left hanging for hours without a response. They suddenly seemed to be a lot busier and more unavailable. You felt a disconnect but chalked it up to “overthinking.” And then one day… the communication stopped altogether. They ghosted you. Getting abandoned out of the blue by someone you care about, being met with radio silence, and left _without _an explanation is one of the most awful feelings. All of our un-dealt with trauma gets brought back up while we obsessively rehash a past that doesn’t support the pain/reality of the present moment in any way. _“How did this happen?”_ _“What did I do wrong?”_ _“How will I ever be able to trust again?”_
You want closure but it’s nowhere to be found. You need to know how to get over someone who ghosted you, ASAP.Continue Reading
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Relationships , SelfImprovement
ARE YOU CODEPENDENT? 3 WAYS TO OVERCOME CODEPENDENCYJanuary 5, 2020
Have you reached a point where your patterns and behavior have become so painfully clear, embarrassing, and destructive… you start to lose hope? And because you don’t know how to get out of the cycle, you accept that your intuition will never be something that you’ll have the self-esteem to actually befriend and _act_ on. All you know how to do is prosecute your intuition down to nothing and turn a blind eye via self-blame. I know I’ve been there. But for most of my life, every time I thought I had reached the point of BFF status with my intuition, I’d somehow find myself in a vastly different situation with the same damn outcome: heartbreak, unnecessary drama, insecurity, jealousy, lies , blaming myself for everything, and being crazy-labeled. Years later, I found out that these symptoms of my relationships were all signs of codependency. _“Am I codependent?”_ I thought. I didn’t even know what codependency was. All I knew was that I was in pain. The kind of pain that is so over-powering, you become convinced that without a toxic partner to save you, you’ll never find a way out. IF THE HEALING OF YOUR PAIN IS _COMPLETELY_ DEPENDENT ON THE DECISIONS, ACTIONS, AND BEHAVIORS OF OTHER PEOPLE, YOU _COMPLETELY _DISQUALIFY YOURSELF FROM BEING AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT IN YOUR OWN HEALING (AND LIFE). BY DOING THIS, YOU COMMUNICATE TO THE UNIVERSE THAT YOU’RE MORE COMFORTABLE BEING IN A DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP (WITH YOUR TRIGGERS, THE CYNICAL AUDIENCE IN YOUR OWN HEAD, AND OTHER PEOPLE) THAN YOU ARE ADDRESSING YOUR CODEPENDENTPERSONALITY.
FOR ME, THE _IDEA_ OF OVERCOMING CODEPENDENCY SOUNDED SO MUCH BETTER THAN ACTUALLY GETTING BETTER. Getting better was too scary. I didn’t know where to even beginsorting myself out.
Denial and avoidance were so much easier. And since the universe has a way of always bringing back to us what we put out, I just kept getting more and more of the same. At that point, I had abandoned myself for so long, my life had become nothing more than micromanaging the “please don’t abandon me,” of every relationship I had and every opportunity that ultimately, I sabotaged. I was so thirsty for validation; so
busy trying to secure acceptance, there was no room for genuine connection or meaning in my relationships – starting with the relationship I had with myself. And as long as you don’t know who the f*ck you are, you will always look to toxic people/bankrupt sources to tell you who are and what you’re worth. This was my reality for over 20 years of my life. Wash, rinse and humiliatingly, repeat. WHAT IS CODEPENDENCY? Codependent relationships are always one-sided. They have the highest highs and the absolute lowest lows. Although these relationships can feel very intimate (because an “us against the world” mentality is needed for survival), they are the opposite of what true intimacy isall about.
Codependency is when you have an excessive, unhealthy emotional and psychological reliance on your partner. It’s when you sacrifice your own needs and mental health to serve theirs. In your servitude, you live outside of yourself but are always able to quickly shift gears and make your partner’s behavior all about how you are somehow,never enough.
It’s where one (dysfunctional) person enables another (dysfunctional) person’s poor mental health, addiction, narcissism, immaturity, irresponsibility, gaslighting,
sociopathy ,
avoidance, etc.
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PMS, at its core, is about relationships – how to better your romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships, and how to better the most significant, exciting and necessary relationship that you will ever have (and that you will never be able to live without) – the one that you have with yourself. Read more →* __
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Self Improvement
FEELING LONELY &…
March 31, 2020
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Relationships
RED FLAGS IN…
March 15, 2020
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Self Improvement
17 IMPORTANT LIFE…February 26, 2020
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Relationships
HOW TO STOP…
February 10, 2020
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HOW TO GET…
January 23, 2020
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Relationships , SelfImprovement
ARE YOU CODEPENDENT?…January 5, 2020
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