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* About Me
* Breast Cancer Diagnosis – 2012 * Breast Cancer Recurrence 2016 – My Miracle in Progress Story * Healing Mindset Coaching* Recipes
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FEELING GRATITUDE WHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE August 29, 2019 By RachelLeave a
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Sometimes when things look really bleak and the light at the end of the tunnel is invisible, it is easy to get lost in the suffering. Another of my beautiful friends transitioned on yesterday. The losses lately have been coming too rapid fire for my liking and it is getting harder to just keep truckin’. When I hear this news, I always immediately think of my own mortality. It is not something I do intentionally, but most cancer patients, survivors, thrivers, caregivers, etc. would be kidding themselves if they say that isn’t the case. It is very standard for our brains/egos to go to thenegative first.
And that’s ok! It is perfectly normal to feel all the feelings. I allow myself the time to grieve. I grieve my friend while also celebrating their life as it should be. I also allow myself to grieve the thought that unfortunately the same fate is possible for me. But in order to not get stuck in that place, I put a limit on how long I stay there. I also have an amazing husband who does everything he can to cheer me up when he knows that is what I need. He will go downstairs at midnight to make me pancakes, just because I want them. Right now, I am having a very difficult time physically which ultimately messes with my emotional state as well. While I improve each and every day as far as the limits of what I can do, the steroids I am taking have me so swollen I am carrying an extra 20 lbs at least and my body is not accustomed to this extra weight. I am tired, cranky, and a pain in the ass (if you don’t believe me, just ask my poor husband). Thankfully, I am blessed to be surrounded by people who love me, and especially my husband Alec. –Continue Reading–THE WHAT IF GAME
August 15, 2019 By RachelLeave a
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I have been having a tough go lately. My life, which for over three months was very structured while I was at the clinic, has gone into a major sh*storm. We have been back home for a little over a month and I just have not been able to get back into the flow of a routine. This is partially due to the fact that we have been working day and night to get our home cleaned up and renovated a bit to be able to put it upfor sale.
We have decided that we would like to move back to Tijuana so I can be close to the medical care that I need. My physical ability has been limited after all of the medical setbacks as of late, but I am happy to report that through this process of working on the house, my physical strength is improving each day. My difficulties are also partially due to the fact that I think I just needed a break. I spent so much time holed up in the clinic trying to heal that I forgot what it was like to just be and do like everyone else. The entire time I was there, I only took one full day off and only a few afternoons when family was visiting. In my mind, I was there to get therapies and not on vacation. In retrospect, I should have given myself more time to explore. Regardless, I am not like everyone else, at least no one I know except my fellow cancer peeps. I most likely will never be “normal” and be able to live without being conscientious of how I eat, taking supplements, doing therapies, monitoring my thoughts, exercising, etc. It has also been especially difficult because several of my cancer compadres have transitioned on in the past several weeks. In the time I was at the clinic, I met so many people and unfortunately some of them came in worst off than others. Some of those have transitioned on to heaven, which is difficult to handle at times. Especially when I am not emotionally in a good place. Heaven gained another angel today, as my friend Kathy has left this earthly plane, and she will be deeply missed. The thing about surrounding yourself with cancer and people with cancer is the difficult news when they pass. You often start comparing yourself to them and what their protocol was and how this or that was probably different. But the reality is, for most of us, we are secretly thinking “OMG, what if I am next? What if I am not doing enough. What if I am doing this wrong or not enough of this or too much of that?” It is difficult not to fall in the pitfalls of “is all of this futile”? I have those days too. Especially when there is something new in pain or I have a setback. The other night, I made the mistake of “what ifs” and “did I make the right treatment choices”. Doubting what I have done and not done over the last 3 years and questioning what happened and why it turned aggressive so fast just wasn’t really a very positive exercise . I woke up today thinking to myself that really, none of us know how much time we have. Especially for us, we have to cherish every day with our loved ones and just trust that we are doing all we can to have more and more days on this earth. When it is our time, it will be our time. But in the meantime, we gotta live it up. Keep enjoying your beautiful family and pushing yourself to get better each day. That is what I have committed to. Am I gonna be perfect, not a chance, but I am going to try my damndest to remember how fleeting life is and that I have to wake up each day withgratitude.
BUTTERFLY EMERGING
June 19, 2019 By RachelLeave a
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Butterflies go through a metamorphosis process beginning with a caterpillar. During the chrysalis stage the wings are being developed. Once emerged, the butterfly must begin to start the process of learning to be a butterfly. Today I feel as though I have finally emerged from my 60+ day transformation inside the cancer cocoon where I was developing my miraculously beautiful wings. Once the butterflies complete this metamorphosis process they are very tired and need torest.
I am taking a cue from these gorgeous gifts of nature and allowing myself a hardening off period. Taking the appropriate amount of rest and then learnIng to fly. I am ready to hit the ground running and fly immediately, but my body has other plans. Like the butterfly, what goes on behind the scenes is far more complicated than meet the eye. Bottom lime, I am ready to “Fk fear and fly!” (One of my favorite quotes from The Brave Sparrow on IG. Of course my own motto Fear Less,Slay More.
THE PREVIOUS
COUNTDOWN MENTALITY
The day has arrived my friends!! After having been in Mexico for 60 days receiving treatment, we are approaching THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!! On Monday, I received my sixth and final IPT/chemo session. Next week, we will depart Hope4Cancer Treatment Centers and finally head back home to Michigan via a cross country road tour. While I GIVE UP? NOW? AFTER ALL OF THIS? People ask me all the time, “How do you do it?” “How do you stay positive?” Nearly seven years ago, the trajectory of my life changed without a moment’s notice. Fast foreword four years, and the really difficult times came. During each of those excruciatingly painful treatments I just kept looking forward. Visualizing that the FEARING THE FINISH LINE I am beginning my countdown to leaving this healing sanctuary and heading back home to resume life. I have witnessed so many people here at the clinic come and go. Some of them leave here with a new found exuberance, ready to conquer the world. Others are fearful. Afraid that they won’t be able to LOOKING PAIN IN THE EYES – FROM A CAREGIVER’S VIEW A long time ago when I was a teenager I went to Alaska to become a fisherman. I was lured by the adventure, the vast unknown and the promise of good pay. But the foundation of my main motive and purpose was derived from the trip I took a year before. That was the move THIS MOMENT IS PERFECT All we can do is make the decision for today. We are really only living in the now. If we think about the past and all that we have endured to get here, we are most likely going to feel depressed. If we think about the future and all that we desire to be, itABOUT THE BLOG
Hello My Fearless Slayers! My name is Rachel Bykovny. First and foremost, I am a wife, pet mama, cancer wellness advocate, and a mindset coach. My sole/soul mission in life is to help others navigate the messy waters of healing through cancer. I experience so much joy sharing the tools I utilize to maintain a Cancer Healing Mindset. Living with cancer does not have to be doom and gloom. With the right attitude and motto, you too will feel empowered to "Fear Less, Slay More" just as I do.Read More Food Advertising by Want more? Subscribe for updates! COOKBOOK FEATURING MY RECIPES LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?CATEGORIES
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