Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
More Annotations
A complete backup of https://competens.se
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of https://pixel-creativo.blogspot.com
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of https://honarionline.com
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of https://clasificadoselectronicos.com
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of https://mildrage.com
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of https://region29.ru
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of https://steuersoftware-tests.de
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of https://green-parking.co.uk
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of https://streams.us
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of https://hablamexico.com
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of https://nfl-stream.com
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of https://aik-historik.blogspot.com
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
Favourite Annotations
A complete backup of www.hindustantimes.com/cricket/south-africa-vs-australia-1st-t20i-in-johannesburg-live-cricket-score-and-up
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of www.hindustantimes.com/cricket/south-africa-vs-australia-1st-t20i-in-johannesburg-live-cricket-score-and-up
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
A complete backup of www.jagran.com/news/education-ctet-2020-registration-for-july-5-exam-to-close-soon-check-how-to-apply-at-ct
Are you over 18 and want to see adult content?
Text
birthday party.
TARGET SHOPPING FOR WATER AND BATTERIES So remember last year when Storm Alfred came to Connecticut and destroyed everyone’s life?. We lost power for ten days and I learned some tough lessons.. So this time I am going to be better prepared. First things first, last year I washed my hair the night before we lost power and woke up with no ability to fix the situation, minus a hairdryer and flatiron.KIDS AND TECHNOLOGY
Today we spent the day at the tree farm – (which historically has proven to be quite detrimental to our marriage.) After a day that went off without a hitch, we headed home. Thrilled that we were all still on speaking terms, and home at an acceptable hour, I threw the kids’ wet clothes in the wash, made some hot chocolate and set them up to write their letters to Santa. AMAZING GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE RECIPE A couple of years ago when we signed up Michael for a running program, we quickly realized that our 3-year-old would likely become the next Michael Johnson.. At the end of this program when he was participating in the local 5k road race, we realized as we walked towards the starting line-up that one of us would have to actually run with thekid.
MOMS BEING CRAFTY
Anyways – Carol, Christa and Chanda, while I admire your tenacity and ambition, let’s face facts. Your invention is a thinly veiled attempt at “creating magic for children,” when in fact what you have actually done is create yet another guilt-inducer for mothersacross America.
MEXICO | LADY GOO GOO GAGA A year ago when I was depressed and drinking vats of onion soup during storm after storm in snowy Connecticut, I decided to book a long weekend in Mexico for the following year.. That long weekend was last weekend. After the hustle bustle of the holidays it was here before we knew it. We were to leave on Friday so I dedicated Thursday to packing, doing laundry and shaving and waxing my entire PREGNANT WOMEN DRINKING BEER Thanks so much to everyone who commented and read my blog for the last two weeks! Three years ago, today, I started this blog. I had toyed with the idea a bit after struggling with having anyone who I could relate to as I navigated the first years of motherhood. BEER HATS | LADY GOO GOO GAGA I am famous for slacking off in the summer as a parent. I am present diligent focused doting a good parent for the most part from September through June. Come July all bets are off. We follow the rules for food, school, sports, bed time, reading lists, appropriate screen times, etc. during the year and in the summer it’s time to letthings slide.
DRUNK MOMS | LADY GOO GOO GAGA 2 – In February, just when I was starting to doubt Jesus and his almighty powers, I was saved and all was made right in the universe when Kim Kardashian was impregnated by Kanye West.. I still find it shocking that Kim wants to be wrapped up with this narcissistic asshole but I guess she will eventually figure this out the hard way.. BIRTHDAY ELF BOYCOTT The other day I was just minding my own business helping my kids pick out books at Barnes and Noble. As they perused the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid book and some Star Wars Origami books - I looked longingly at the picture book section. Now that they are both great readers the MODERN FAMILY I AM GOING TO KILL YOU It takes a lot to make a household run smoothly. It takes a lot of remembering. Remembering to launder baseball and soccer uniforms so that they are readily available, remember putting money into your child’s folder for a class gift, remember to pick up a birthday gift for your child’s friend, remember to bring your child to saidbirthday party.
TARGET SHOPPING FOR WATER AND BATTERIES So remember last year when Storm Alfred came to Connecticut and destroyed everyone’s life?. We lost power for ten days and I learned some tough lessons.. So this time I am going to be better prepared. First things first, last year I washed my hair the night before we lost power and woke up with no ability to fix the situation, minus a hairdryer and flatiron.KIDS AND TECHNOLOGY
Today we spent the day at the tree farm – (which historically has proven to be quite detrimental to our marriage.) After a day that went off without a hitch, we headed home. Thrilled that we were all still on speaking terms, and home at an acceptable hour, I threw the kids’ wet clothes in the wash, made some hot chocolate and set them up to write their letters to Santa. AMAZING GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE RECIPE A couple of years ago when we signed up Michael for a running program, we quickly realized that our 3-year-old would likely become the next Michael Johnson.. At the end of this program when he was participating in the local 5k road race, we realized as we walked towards the starting line-up that one of us would have to actually run with thekid.
MOMS BEING CRAFTY
Anyways – Carol, Christa and Chanda, while I admire your tenacity and ambition, let’s face facts. Your invention is a thinly veiled attempt at “creating magic for children,” when in fact what you have actually done is create yet another guilt-inducer for mothersacross America.
MEXICO | LADY GOO GOO GAGA A year ago when I was depressed and drinking vats of onion soup during storm after storm in snowy Connecticut, I decided to book a long weekend in Mexico for the following year.. That long weekend was last weekend. After the hustle bustle of the holidays it was here before we knew it. We were to leave on Friday so I dedicated Thursday to packing, doing laundry and shaving and waxing my entire PREGNANT WOMEN DRINKING BEER Thanks so much to everyone who commented and read my blog for the last two weeks! Three years ago, today, I started this blog. I had toyed with the idea a bit after struggling with having anyone who I could relate to as I navigated the first years of motherhood. BEER HATS | LADY GOO GOO GAGA I am famous for slacking off in the summer as a parent. I am present diligent focused doting a good parent for the most part from September through June. Come July all bets are off. We follow the rules for food, school, sports, bed time, reading lists, appropriate screen times, etc. during the year and in the summer it’s time to letthings slide.
DRUNK MOMS | LADY GOO GOO GAGA 2 – In February, just when I was starting to doubt Jesus and his almighty powers, I was saved and all was made right in the universe when Kim Kardashian was impregnated by Kanye West.. I still find it shocking that Kim wants to be wrapped up with this narcissistic asshole but I guess she will eventually figure this out the hard way.. BIRTHDAY ELF BOYCOTT The other day I was just minding my own business helping my kids pick out books at Barnes and Noble. As they perused the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid book and some Star Wars Origami books - I looked longingly at the picture book section. Now that they are both great readers theBREASTFEEDING SUCKS
Posts about breastfeeding sucks written by Lady Googoogaga. Everyone is just spilling every bean they own lately. First Al Roker decided to bust the news, years after the fact, that he pooped his pants at the White House during a press conference.MOMS BEING CRAFTY
Anyways – Carol, Christa and Chanda, while I admire your tenacity and ambition, let’s face facts. Your invention is a thinly veiled attempt at “creating magic for children,” when in fact what you have actually done is create yet another guilt-inducer for mothersacross America.
DANBURY | LADY GOO GOO GAGA My book club recently chose the book “Orange is the New Black” as our book pick. I was interested in reading this and watching the series based on a woman who is sent to a Danbury, Connecticut prison for a drug trafficking crime she committed during college, ten yearsafter the fact.
KIDS AND TECHNOLOGY
Today we spent the day at the tree farm – (which historically has proven to be quite detrimental to our marriage.) After a day that went off without a hitch, we headed home. Thrilled that we were all still on speaking terms, and home at an acceptable hour, I threw the kids’ wet clothes in the wash, made some hot chocolate and set them up to write their letters to Santa. MEXICO | LADY GOO GOO GAGA A year ago when I was depressed and drinking vats of onion soup during storm after storm in snowy Connecticut, I decided to book a long weekend in Mexico for the following year.. That long weekend was last weekend. After the hustle bustle of the holidays it was here before we knew it. We were to leave on Friday so I dedicated Thursday to packing, doing laundry and shaving and waxing my entire COMMON CORE REPORT CARDS ARE STUPID When I was in fourth grade, I received my first bad grade. It was on a science test that I was completely unprepared for and my grade was a 52 % or a “U” which stood for “unsatisfactory.” PREGNANT WOMEN DRINKING BEER Thanks so much to everyone who commented and read my blog for the last two weeks! Three years ago, today, I started this blog. I had toyed with the idea a bit after struggling with having anyone who I could relate to as I navigated the first years of motherhood. STAYCATION | LADY GOO GOO GAGA #2 – STAYCATION: I am a big fan of the staycation – which many people fault me for. People think that being well-traveled is important. People think it is very important to see the world and learn about other cultures and lands. BEV FROM THE GOLDBERGS One time I slept at a friend’s house and we ended up in a room over her garage drinking Purple Passion and calling boys to come over. A boy who I had been in love with since he moved to my street in the fourth grade agreed to come with some of his friends. BEER HATS | LADY GOO GOO GAGA I am famous for slacking off in the summer as a parent. I am present diligent focused doting a good parent for the most part from September through June. Come July all bets are off. We follow the rules for food, school, sports, bed time, reading lists, appropriate screen times, etc. during the year and in the summer it’s time to letthings slide.
MODERN FAMILY I AM GOING TO KILL YOU It takes a lot to make a household run smoothly. It takes a lot of remembering. Remembering to launder baseball and soccer uniforms so that they are readily available, remember putting money into your child’s folder for a class gift, remember to pick up a birthday gift for your child’s friend, remember to bring your child to saidbirthday party.
TARGET SHOPPING FOR WATER AND BATTERIES So remember last year when Storm Alfred came to Connecticut and destroyed everyone’s life?. We lost power for ten days and I learned some tough lessons.. So this time I am going to be better prepared. First things first, last year I washed my hair the night before we lost power and woke up with no ability to fix the situation, minus a hairdryer and flatiron.KIDS AND TECHNOLOGY
Today we spent the day at the tree farm – (which historically has proven to be quite detrimental to our marriage.) After a day that went off without a hitch, we headed home. Thrilled that we were all still on speaking terms, and home at an acceptable hour, I threw the kids’ wet clothes in the wash, made some hot chocolate and set them up to write their letters to Santa. AMAZING GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE RECIPE A couple of years ago when we signed up Michael for a running program, we quickly realized that our 3-year-old would likely become the next Michael Johnson.. At the end of this program when he was participating in the local 5k road race, we realized as we walked towards the starting line-up that one of us would have to actually run with thekid.
MOMS BEING CRAFTY
Anyways – Carol, Christa and Chanda, while I admire your tenacity and ambition, let’s face facts. Your invention is a thinly veiled attempt at “creating magic for children,” when in fact what you have actually done is create yet another guilt-inducer for mothersacross America.
MEXICO | LADY GOO GOO GAGA A year ago when I was depressed and drinking vats of onion soup during storm after storm in snowy Connecticut, I decided to book a long weekend in Mexico for the following year.. That long weekend was last weekend. After the hustle bustle of the holidays it was here before we knew it. We were to leave on Friday so I dedicated Thursday to packing, doing laundry and shaving and waxing my entire PREGNANT WOMEN DRINKING BEER Thanks so much to everyone who commented and read my blog for the last two weeks! Three years ago, today, I started this blog. I had toyed with the idea a bit after struggling with having anyone who I could relate to as I navigated the first years of motherhood. BEER HATS | LADY GOO GOO GAGA I am famous for slacking off in the summer as a parent. I am present diligent focused doting a good parent for the most part from September through June. Come July all bets are off. We follow the rules for food, school, sports, bed time, reading lists, appropriate screen times, etc. during the year and in the summer it’s time to letthings slide.
DRUNK MOMS | LADY GOO GOO GAGA 2 – In February, just when I was starting to doubt Jesus and his almighty powers, I was saved and all was made right in the universe when Kim Kardashian was impregnated by Kanye West.. I still find it shocking that Kim wants to be wrapped up with this narcissistic asshole but I guess she will eventually figure this out the hard way.. BIRTHDAY ELF BOYCOTT The other day I was just minding my own business helping my kids pick out books at Barnes and Noble. As they perused the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid book and some Star Wars Origami books - I looked longingly at the picture book section. Now that they are both great readers the MODERN FAMILY I AM GOING TO KILL YOU It takes a lot to make a household run smoothly. It takes a lot of remembering. Remembering to launder baseball and soccer uniforms so that they are readily available, remember putting money into your child’s folder for a class gift, remember to pick up a birthday gift for your child’s friend, remember to bring your child to saidbirthday party.
TARGET SHOPPING FOR WATER AND BATTERIES So remember last year when Storm Alfred came to Connecticut and destroyed everyone’s life?. We lost power for ten days and I learned some tough lessons.. So this time I am going to be better prepared. First things first, last year I washed my hair the night before we lost power and woke up with no ability to fix the situation, minus a hairdryer and flatiron.KIDS AND TECHNOLOGY
Today we spent the day at the tree farm – (which historically has proven to be quite detrimental to our marriage.) After a day that went off without a hitch, we headed home. Thrilled that we were all still on speaking terms, and home at an acceptable hour, I threw the kids’ wet clothes in the wash, made some hot chocolate and set them up to write their letters to Santa. AMAZING GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE RECIPE A couple of years ago when we signed up Michael for a running program, we quickly realized that our 3-year-old would likely become the next Michael Johnson.. At the end of this program when he was participating in the local 5k road race, we realized as we walked towards the starting line-up that one of us would have to actually run with thekid.
MOMS BEING CRAFTY
Anyways – Carol, Christa and Chanda, while I admire your tenacity and ambition, let’s face facts. Your invention is a thinly veiled attempt at “creating magic for children,” when in fact what you have actually done is create yet another guilt-inducer for mothersacross America.
MEXICO | LADY GOO GOO GAGA A year ago when I was depressed and drinking vats of onion soup during storm after storm in snowy Connecticut, I decided to book a long weekend in Mexico for the following year.. That long weekend was last weekend. After the hustle bustle of the holidays it was here before we knew it. We were to leave on Friday so I dedicated Thursday to packing, doing laundry and shaving and waxing my entire PREGNANT WOMEN DRINKING BEER Thanks so much to everyone who commented and read my blog for the last two weeks! Three years ago, today, I started this blog. I had toyed with the idea a bit after struggling with having anyone who I could relate to as I navigated the first years of motherhood. BEER HATS | LADY GOO GOO GAGA I am famous for slacking off in the summer as a parent. I am present diligent focused doting a good parent for the most part from September through June. Come July all bets are off. We follow the rules for food, school, sports, bed time, reading lists, appropriate screen times, etc. during the year and in the summer it’s time to letthings slide.
DRUNK MOMS | LADY GOO GOO GAGA 2 – In February, just when I was starting to doubt Jesus and his almighty powers, I was saved and all was made right in the universe when Kim Kardashian was impregnated by Kanye West.. I still find it shocking that Kim wants to be wrapped up with this narcissistic asshole but I guess she will eventually figure this out the hard way.. BIRTHDAY ELF BOYCOTT The other day I was just minding my own business helping my kids pick out books at Barnes and Noble. As they perused the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid book and some Star Wars Origami books - I looked longingly at the picture book section. Now that they are both great readers theBREASTFEEDING SUCKS
Posts about breastfeeding sucks written by Lady Googoogaga. Everyone is just spilling every bean they own lately. First Al Roker decided to bust the news, years after the fact, that he pooped his pants at the White House during a press conference.MOMS BEING CRAFTY
Anyways – Carol, Christa and Chanda, while I admire your tenacity and ambition, let’s face facts. Your invention is a thinly veiled attempt at “creating magic for children,” when in fact what you have actually done is create yet another guilt-inducer for mothersacross America.
DANBURY | LADY GOO GOO GAGA My book club recently chose the book “Orange is the New Black” as our book pick. I was interested in reading this and watching the series based on a woman who is sent to a Danbury, Connecticut prison for a drug trafficking crime she committed during college, ten yearsafter the fact.
KIDS AND TECHNOLOGY
Today we spent the day at the tree farm – (which historically has proven to be quite detrimental to our marriage.) After a day that went off without a hitch, we headed home. Thrilled that we were all still on speaking terms, and home at an acceptable hour, I threw the kids’ wet clothes in the wash, made some hot chocolate and set them up to write their letters to Santa. MEXICO | LADY GOO GOO GAGA A year ago when I was depressed and drinking vats of onion soup during storm after storm in snowy Connecticut, I decided to book a long weekend in Mexico for the following year.. That long weekend was last weekend. After the hustle bustle of the holidays it was here before we knew it. We were to leave on Friday so I dedicated Thursday to packing, doing laundry and shaving and waxing my entire COMMON CORE REPORT CARDS ARE STUPID When I was in fourth grade, I received my first bad grade. It was on a science test that I was completely unprepared for and my grade was a 52 % or a “U” which stood for “unsatisfactory.” PREGNANT WOMEN DRINKING BEER Thanks so much to everyone who commented and read my blog for the last two weeks! Three years ago, today, I started this blog. I had toyed with the idea a bit after struggling with having anyone who I could relate to as I navigated the first years of motherhood. STAYCATION | LADY GOO GOO GAGA #2 – STAYCATION: I am a big fan of the staycation – which many people fault me for. People think that being well-traveled is important. People think it is very important to see the world and learn about other cultures and lands. BEV FROM THE GOLDBERGS One time I slept at a friend’s house and we ended up in a room over her garage drinking Purple Passion and calling boys to come over. A boy who I had been in love with since he moved to my street in the fourth grade agreed to come with some of his friends. BEER HATS | LADY GOO GOO GAGA I am famous for slacking off in the summer as a parent. I am present diligent focused doting a good parent for the most part from September through June. Come July all bets are off. We follow the rules for food, school, sports, bed time, reading lists, appropriate screen times, etc. during the year and in the summer it’s time to letthings slide.
MODERN FAMILY I AM GOING TO KILL YOU It takes a lot to make a household run smoothly. It takes a lot of remembering. Remembering to launder baseball and soccer uniforms so that they are readily available, remember putting money into your child’s folder for a class gift, remember to pick up a birthday gift for your child’s friend, remember to bring your child to saidbirthday party.
THE FLOOR IS NOT CLEAN I had a great idea for tonight’s blog post – I would offer all of you some mothering pearls of wisdom! I decided to check in with my children to see what worldly andSHIT HAPPENS…..
So last week I was preparing to leave for a very important work-related project. I had to figure out all of the child-care for 4 days and 4 nights. I also had to scramble about gathering necessary information and supplies for work. I also had to deal with my older son being diagnosed with strep REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recently I was chatting with friends and I prefaced a story with “Even though I blog about how crazy moms areI am secretly a helicopter mother myself sometimes.” TODAY SHOW MOTHER’S DAY GIFTS You might not have noticed but I am not exactly warm and fuzzy. It’s a blessing and a curse. As a mother, I find that it can be difficult to interact with small children when you are blunt, enjoy swearing andcall kids assholes.
BEV FROM THE GOLDBERGS One time I slept at a friend’s house and we ended up in a room over her garage drinking Purple Passion and calling boys to come over. A boy who I had been in love with since he moved to my street in the fourth grade agreed to come with some of his friends. SUN AND SMOKING CAUSE WRINKLES So last summer – I had an angry “11” in between my eyebrows that was WHITE!!!! When a wrinkle is so deep it can’t get tan..It’stime.
GILDA RADNER BAD HAIR So remember last year when Storm Alfred came to Connecticut and destroyed everyone’s life?. We lost power for ten days and I learned some tough lessons.. So this time I am going to be better prepared. First things first, last year I washed my hair the night before we lost power and woke up with no ability to fix the situation, minus a hairdryer and flatiron. FAT PEOPLE IN DISNEY WORLD DRINKING HUGE SODAS 2 – In February, just when I was starting to doubt Jesus and his almighty powers, I was saved and all was made right in the universe when Kim Kardashian was impregnated by Kanye West.. I still find it shocking that Kim wants to be wrapped up with this narcissistic asshole but I guess she will eventually figure this out the hard way.. FIRST_COMMUNION_TONGUE I told you I didn’t want to wear this headpiece MOTHER!! I look like a WHORE! When I grow up I am being a Scientologist. MODERN FAMILY I AM GOING TO KILL YOU It takes a lot to make a household run smoothly. It takes a lot of remembering. Remembering to launder baseball and soccer uniforms so that they are readily available, remember putting money into your child’s folder for a class gift, remember to pick up a birthday gift for your child’s friend, remember to bring your child to saidbirthday party.
THE FLOOR IS NOT CLEAN I had a great idea for tonight’s blog post – I would offer all of you some mothering pearls of wisdom! I decided to check in with my children to see what worldly andSHIT HAPPENS…..
So last week I was preparing to leave for a very important work-related project. I had to figure out all of the child-care for 4 days and 4 nights. I also had to scramble about gathering necessary information and supplies for work. I also had to deal with my older son being diagnosed with strep REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK Recently I was chatting with friends and I prefaced a story with “Even though I blog about how crazy moms areI am secretly a helicopter mother myself sometimes.” TODAY SHOW MOTHER’S DAY GIFTS You might not have noticed but I am not exactly warm and fuzzy. It’s a blessing and a curse. As a mother, I find that it can be difficult to interact with small children when you are blunt, enjoy swearing andcall kids assholes.
LADY GOOGOOGAGA
Finally the doorbell rang again. A man wearing a t-shirt that was supposed to look like a tuxedo was on my front steps. There was a big truck that said something like “We love tuxedos and dryers” on itin my driveway.
AMAZING GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE RECIPE A couple of years ago when we signed up Michael for a running program, we quickly realized that our 3-year-old would likely become the next Michael Johnson.. At the end of this program when he was participating in the local 5k road race, we realized as we walked towards the starting line-up that one of us would have to actually run with thekid.
TAG ARCHIVES: CYMBALTA AD Posts about cymbalta ad written by Lady Googoogaga. Here’s a little back story on Lady G. I went to a prestigious New England prep school for highschool, where my horizons were broadened and I found a great appreciation for learning. TAG ARCHIVES: GILDA RADNER HAIR I am giving one of you a Laura Mercier Gel Liner in Violet ($20) this week and I am throwing in a Laura Mercier gift with samples including a Blush Lip Glace just because I love you(see below for details!). This is the one week a year I spread good cheer on this blog – Don’t worry I will be back to regular business of calling children assholes next week for sure!!! A STORY ABOUT A MUSIC CLASS WITH NO August brings some of the best days of the summer. Thankfully, my parents have a beach house - that we invite ourselves to and refuse to leave. Nothing beats long beach days followed by refreshing summer cocktails on the deck, while blissfully ignoring my children. But this year - even as I happily apply my suntan BAD MOTHER | LADY GOO GOO GAGA Time to get back into the swing of things. And by "back," I mean the kids went to school for two days and then we skipped Friday to take a long weekend at the beach. I mean how much school can someone take in August? Anyways - I was a bit concerned that all of TEACHING KIDS ABOUT BRUCE JENNER The Gaga household is a fairly open household. I really don't keep much to myself in general (your welcome - blog enjoyers) and at home I am a pretty open book. If I feel like talking to someone and only the kids are home if I am watching something inappropriate with the children the kids ask PARENTS NOT VACCINATING THEIR CHILDREN We don’t know the answers. We aren’t pretending to be scientists or doctors. We are scared! We are riddled with guilt and worry. If I hear Jenny tell a story about her perfectly healthy son who got vaccinated and then could no longer speak or respond appropriately, I am going to consider this. BETHENNEY FRANKEL WITH BRYNN Meanwhile, another mother witnessed the illegal parking of Ski Bunny Mom. After probably years of dealing with entitled behaviors from the mothers and children in this town, she couldn’t take it anymore (or maybe she just feels strongly about illegal handicapped parking) – either way she thought to herself “I’m going to teach Ski Bunnymom a lesson.”
CARRYING A WATERMELON AND OTHER THINGS I DON’T WANT TO DO This week I am reposting my Independence Day post from last year. I am taking off this week but I will have plenty of material for next week. Before I married Mr. Gaga, (because we are complete opposites) there were a few things we needed toTwitter Facebook
RSS
Feed
* Skip to navigation * Skip to main content * Skip to secondary content* Skip to footer
LADY GOO GOO GAGA
This is not my mother's motherhood…..* Home
* About Lady Goo Goo Gaga * Best of Goo Goo Gaga MUCH NEEDED MAKEOVER!! Posted on October 27, 2015by Lady Googoogaga
i
5 Votes
I have gotten so far with this little blog!! I finally decided it was time for a move and a makeover! From now on you can hear all the very important things I have to say about modern day motherhood at http://www.ladygoogoogaga.net Thank you all for four years of loyal following!! xo, Lady Goo Goo GagaAdvertisements
Report this ad
Advertisements
Report this ad
LIKE THIS:
Like Loading...
1 Comment
Posted in Mother .
Bookmark the permalink.
WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS…. Posted on October 4, 2015by Lady Googoogaga
i
9 Votes
Sunday the coffeepot was broken. My father-in-law had stayed over Saturday night, and left to his own devices Sunday early in the morning, he had somehow ripped the entire top off of the device. Coffee could be made but it had grounds in it. I added “Get new coffeepot” to my to-do list. Tuesday there was talk of a hurricane, and for us a lot of rain. We have been around this torture-chamber they call Connecticut, long enough to know, that when the forecast shows little graphics of sideways rain – chances are we are totally screwed. In particular, our basement has been known to have a flood or two, so
we are usually on high alert when there are big rainstorms. There is a little pit in the basement that sometimes fills with water, (we call it the “pit of doom”) and a sump pump chugs the water out when water comes in. At 4 AM Tuesday, Mr. Gaga woke up to the sound of torrential downpours and when downstairs to check out the precarious situation. The sumppump was blown.
When the rain woke me around 6:30, I wandered downstairs to find that Mr. Gaga had transformed into a “human sump pump.” He was using the wet-vac to suck up the water as it filled up the “pit of doom” and then dumping it out in the sink. Over and over again, ultimately until an emergency worker could come replace the pump. It was extremely muggy and musty which didn’thelp matters.
Mr. Gaga was dripping with sweat, shirtless and late for work. There wasn’t much I could do to help except poor coffee filled withgrounds for him.
Finally the rain tapered off and someone installed a new pump. I had a bunch of soaking wet towels that we had used to dry up the floor, plus my regular mountain of dirty clothes to contend with. When I threw my first load of clean wet towels into the dryer, the machine started to smoke and make weird noises. It wasn’t drying the clothes or turning. It was broken. I stared at the pile of clothing and could already smell the mold and mildew that would shortly start to grow. The sump pump situation would cost a couple thousand dollars, and I needed a new coffeepot and now a dryer. This was shaping up to be an annoying and expensive week. I peeled out and headed to Sears to buy a dryer. Between the basement status, soccer and baseball, there was a very small window of time that I could live without a dryer. Meanwhile, it was my day off and I had a lot more important things planned for that day! My plans were foiled and I headed into Sears disgruntled. I stormed over to the dryer section. I saw that they ranged from$900 to $400.
“I just want dry clothes, sir.” I demanded of a nearby Sears employee, “I need a dryer that will dry clothes and that can be delivered tomorrow.” Let me show you some different options! “No dude. Just get me the cheapest dryer you have and make sure it can be drying my clothes by tomorrow.” I cut him off. We quickly established that there was a Whirlpool dryer for $400. “I’ll take it.” “Ok, ma’am,” and he started to drone on about Whirlpool and the features of this dryer compared to others. “Ok – whatever,” I cut him off. He started to type up my order. “So how long will this machine last?” I asked impatiently. It depends on how you take care of it! “Hmmm…ok well I am going to take shin guards and peep cups and a million towels and throw them into the dryer in the morning and then I am going to walk away..How does that sound?” Ma’am get the cheapest one we have…Do you want a warranty protection plan for $200. “What do you think?” I asked sarcastically. He laughed and started my order. I stood there while he processed my order for what seemed like an hour. I wandered the aisles for a minute and quickly grabbed a coffeepot. “Can you add this too…my life is horrible.” I asked shoving the coffeepot box in front of him. This is a great coffeepot – would you like to buy a warranty for this? It could break and we always recommend getting the warranty for an extra $80 a year! Finally I left with my coffeepot in tow, with the promise of a new dryer the next day arriving between 9-12. I had to just pray that it came on the early side because I was supposed to go to work. The next morning, I felt better about my life. Even though I was out thousands of dollars, at least things would be working. I went to go make coffee in my new pot. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How am I supposed to live like this!!! I was trapped home waiting for my dryer. The kids went off to school and I wandered around the house grumpily. I was wearing a bra and wife-beater, but I threw on another wife beater so to not be too scantily clad when the dryer arrived. My hair was in a bun and I had no makeup on. I was too tired from not having caffeine to get up the energy to get dressed properly. I decided to make dinner – since I would be going to work late and coming home late. I poured oil in some pans and started frying up pork cutlets. The doorbell rang. Excitedly, I answered the doorexpecting my dryer.
I had forgotten that I had scheduled a chimney cleaning weeks ago. “We are here to clean your chimney.” a man said at the door. “Ugh – ok – but I don’t even know why I scheduled this…is it really necessary?” I answered with disgust. He started droning on about the importance of chimney cleaning and basically told me the whole house would be burnt to a crisp if I didn’t let him in. “Fine – apparently this is Mary Poppins – I don’t even know what you are talking about – just do it I guess,” I said as I let him in and went back to making dinner. After about a half an hour, Burt the chimney sweep returned. “Um..ma’am, I just want to speak to you about a few things.” I had taken a break to read a magazine while dinner was cooking. Now this guy was interrupting a great US Weekly article to talk to me about some chimney bullshit. I was in no mood. “I went onto your roof and you have a big problem….he started to talk about chimneys and flues and I think he might have even said _“supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” _……but I wasn’t at all interested in anything he was saying….” I took some pictures to show you….You have a huge hole in yourchimney”
And also apparently someone at some point tried to fix this with what appears to be rubber cement….. I had to schmooze this guy as he started writing up an estimate that would surely be thousands. I was really regretting my appearance and my choice of tank-top apparel. The original estimate was $650. I tried to flirt and offered him some cutlets….in the end he agreed to do it for $500. I said I would call him later and shut the door behind him, anxiouslyawaiting my dryer.
I texted Mr. Gaga to give him an update on yet another householdexpense.
He knows me well…… Finally the doorbell rang again. A man wearing a t-shirt that was supposed to look like a tuxedo was on my front steps. There was a big truck that said something like “We love tuxedos and dryers” on itin my driveway.
“I am here with your dryer.” he said matter-of-factly. “But why isn’t it a Sears truck? I didn’t order the dryer from “We love Tuxedos and Dryers” – Do you have identification?” Iasked nervously.
“No.” he answered impatiently, “Do you want the dryer?” I needed that fucking dryer. “But what if you kill me?” I asked him point-blank.He wasn’t amused.
“Do you want to reschedule the delivery?” he asked starting to walk back to the truck. “NO!!! I need to dry towels!!!” I shrieked. Earlier I had tried to open the hatch to the basement and I couldn’t get the latch open. This tuxedoed man was going to have to come into the basement and open it for me in order to get the old dryer out andthe new one in.
“At least if he kills me – they will say on the news that I was simply trying to have dry non-moldy clothes for my family,” I thought staring at his tuxedo shirt. “Ok – come in.” I gambled. I was at the end of my rope. As I stood behind him in the basement, I realized things could get pretty dicey so I snapped some pics for evidence before my murder. And then later when he asked me to sign for the new dryer – I snapped a quick pic of his shirt instead of signing. “Ma’am what are you doing?” he asked. “Nothing! I hit a button my phone!” I said as to not anger this tuxedo wearing maniac. Finally all of the transactions were complete. I went to work and when I came home I just wanted to relax and calm down and not have to think or worry about all of the pressures of homeownership.
“Remember when I said that I only want to drink on the weekends?” I asked Mr. Gaga when he came home. “Yeah – I changed my mind.” This is a new week and I have coffee, a coffeepot, a dryer, a dry basement and a chimney that hasn’t exploded or caught fire yet….Life is good.
_PLEASE CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO VOTE FOR ME AS THE BEST HOUSEKEEPER IN AMERICA – I MEAN BEST MOM- OR BEST WIFE – OR FUNNIEST – OR ALL OF THE ABOVE;) XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA_LIKE THIS:
Like Loading...
9 Comments
Posted in Mother
and tagged Connecticut mom blog, home
ownership troubles
,
karen from will and grace,
mary poppins ,
sears delivery
,
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Bookmark the permalink.
DEAR SOCCER MOM,
Posted on September 27, 2015by
Lady Googoogaga
i
5 Votes
Dear Soccer Mom,
You are the worst.
Admittedly, we are not “Soccer People.” We are new to this whole world of soccer and we are not impressed. Mr. Gaga was an all-star athlete. He was drafted. He once led NY State in hitting a baseball. He and his parents never behaved like you maniacs. The irony is not lost on me that the term “Soccer Mom” refers to a middle-class suburban woman who spends a significant amount of her time transporting her school-age children to their youth sporting events or other activities. But take note, it’s not called a “Baseball mom.” It’s not called a “Gymnastics mom.” It’s not even a “Football Mom.” Now I understand why America has chosen the term “soccer” as the preface for the douchiest moms in the US. Is it perhaps because soccer people are the douchiest on the planet? It started with the “try-out.” I stood in the pouring rain so that my son could “try-out” for your precious travel team. We all stood on the sidelines ruining our shoes in the mud while our children danced around with soccer balls ina Nor’easter.
I’m assuming that tryout wasn’t rained out – because “real” soccer players aren’t afraid of a little rain. I peered out for 2 hours watching my child try his best despite the weather, and saw that not ONE person who was in charge of “accessing the children” even looked his way. Nobody even had a clipboard or a pen – to pretend as though they were taking notes. I am assuming this is because the teams were already chosen, and this so-called “try-out” was a farce. The soccer “try-out” is just a technicality that has to be performed to pacify the masses. I know you “Soccer Moms” who have an “in” are happy to stand in the rain and cheer for your children – but we aren’t fucking stupid. We know that this is a bunch of political bullshit. At the end of all of this “pretend trying out,” the “coaches” called all of the parents and children onto the field. A man who apparently believes himself to be Lionel Messi, declared that he only wanted “soccer players.” He shouted out to the crowd, “If you love baseball, then play baseball! I only want soccerplayers!”
What a fucking dick. These children are 9. This is not Argentina.Calm down.
When I got into my car with my sweaty, muddy child, I turned to himand broke the news.
“You will not make the travel team.” I said calmly as we pulled away from the field. “Why not?” he demanded. He had played his heart out. He was bigger and stronger and faster than many of the children that wereplaying.
“You won’t make it – because not one “coach” even looked your way for 2 solid hours.” He couldn’t understand and nor could I explain or rationalize the behavior of grown-ass adults pretending that they are recruiting players for the World Cup – when in fact they are washed up old men in suburban Connecticut looking at 9 and 10-year-old soccer players. We moved forward and signed up for our town “rec” league. Here we were met with less intense and somewhat more coddling andbizarre behaviors.
I received an email request from the “Team Mom” for cut-up oranges at half-time. I had to put down my pizza and vodka to die withlaughter.
I’m sorry – are the children going to get scurvy from all of thisball dribbling?
Is it because they ran 30 yards a couple of times in the fresh air of Connecticut? Are they going to die? Are they going to throw up? Are they going to be sad?? I mean – if I am being completely honest – Unless Johnny Depp has come and held my child hostage for a significant amount of time on some sort of pirate ship – I ain’t cutting up any citrus fruits….. This child needs oranges for sure…this child is in some deep shit.Fuck off.
I am not cutting an orange…..Ever.
Maybe.
Maybe…..I will fill a water bottle for my child. Maybe…..I will remember it and not leave it on the kitchen counter. That’s the best we can hope for Did you also know that of all of the varsity highschool players in the US – less than 10 percent of them will get a soccer scholarship? Do you think that your little angel is going to be one of those 8percenters?
Keep cutting up those oranges!! You might make it happen with vitaminC alone!!
In closing, I am happy that I am not a “soccer mom.” I am happy that there are women like you who seem to enjoy this role. And thank you for making it very clear to all of us – what your actual identity is…in case we missed your “Cut-up orangesemail.”
Thank you.
Yours truly,
Lady Goo Goo Gaga
_YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO SHARE THIS ON FACEBOOK SO ALL OF THE SOCCER MOMS CAN SEND ME HATE MAIL!!! XO, LADY GOO GOOGAGA_
LIKE THIS:
Like Loading...
21 Comments
Posted in Mother .
Bookmark the permalink.
FEED YOUR CHILDREN
Posted on September 20, 2015by
Lady Googoogaga
i
4 Votes
I should’ve known when I was breastfeeding my first child that I wasdoomed.
I would spend hours upon hours with my boob in this baby’s mouth only to go to the pediatrician’s office to be told that he was underweight. Sometimes entire days would go by where I would spend every hour feeding this beast. I was tired and miserable and my nipples were raw and the child could not be satisfied. “Oh, that’s called cluster-feeding!” the breastfeeding nazi would tell me gently as I described the horror that my life hadbecome.
“This child is never satisfied. I think it needs like cereal or something.” I snapped. “Oh no – it’s soothing and nourishing for the baby to cluster feed.” she answered softly. _“_Well can’t I just give it a snickers? I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to die. “ I think he’s starving to death,” I would say with my tit in the baby’s mouth while I gazednumbly at her face.
She would pick up my skeletal baby and place it on the scale, and find that he was severly underweight. “It’s ok, just keep doing what you’re doing!” she said and suggested a vitamin drop supplement. At the six month mark I couldn’t take it anymore and started loading the baby up with pureed bananas and cereal. Things improved. Yet he was never ever satisfied. Even though breastfeeding was very glamourous and exciting…. I threw my pump into the nearest fire and told Mr. Gaga I would no longer be available in the middle of the night to feed the baby. I never looked back.But guess what.
The hunger never ends. I had another hungry monster child soon thereafter. I tried to keep them fed while consciously attempting to not become another obese statistic. After a few pediatrician visits with underweight children, the doctor asked what I was feeding the kids. “Well, mostly bananas and apples…..grilled cheese and then carrots and grilled chicken and yogurt.” He stared at me blankly. “No pasta? No pizza?” he asked incredulously. “Well isn’t there like an obesity epidemic?” I asked innocently. “You cannot have these children on the Atkins diet.” he answered sternly. He ordered a menu heavy in carbs and said they would grow brain power if fed grains and carbs. I listened to this directive and started feeding them macaroni and cheese and pasta and sandwiches and pizza and bagels. (A menu that I started dipping into as well and found that it is not advisable for 30-somethings that don’t want to be obese.) Things were better. The children were satisfied. Suddenly this summer, we have reached a point similar to when theywere babies.
Nobody is satisfied.No food is safe.
I would find myself working all day and dreaming of coming home to eat a leftover fajita or a turkey sandwich and then get home completely famished, open the fridge and find tumbleweeds. The children would eat every morsel of food they could lay their hands on. These children have become beasts that cannot be satiated. One dinner is not enough. They come back an hour later and tell me theyare starving.
I try to tell them they will become fat obesity statistics, but there is no stopping them. They shovel food into their mouths with reckless abandon…. I find myself spending millions in the grocery store. I stock my refridgerator shelves and everything is gone in 2 days. I work like a dog. I don’t want to spend all of my money in thegrocery store.
There are Louis Vuitton Bags that I want, there’s $300 Madonna concert tickets to consider college savings funds that need my hard-earned dollars. So I cannot spend all!! of my money on FOOD!!! for these animals. I was lucky enough recently to benefit from the generosity of Costco and it was an answer to my prayers. We received some amazing snacks in massive size containers and suddenly people could just dig into pretzels filled with peanut butter and they weren’t hungry anymore. And then Costco sent me a strange thing. Apple sauce in weird pouches. This box is filled with pouches of pureed apples. The pouch has a cap that you can open and squirt said pureed organic fruit into yourmouth.
I kicked the box aside assuming it was for people in geriatric facilities with no teeth. I pictured nurses coming over to old men in wheelchairs and squirting the apples into their mouths. There was no way my kids would eat this shit. Fast forward- two days later. The apple sauce squirters were gone!! My neice and nephew (5 & 2 years-old) had been here and helped, but still, they were a huge hit. Anytime they were hungry they grabbed these organic snacks that contained 100 percent of the daily allowance of vitamin C! Apparently they don’t mind squirting pureed items directly into their mouths! This was a total score. Another major piece of the puzzle for me to keep these monsters at bay is bars. Any bar can keep them satisfied in between meals. These bars sent by Costco were a hit…. Other Costco staples that I have found help me survive motherhood include huge vats of coffee, huge boxes of Tampons,huge
boxes of Band-Aids
, huge
boxes of macaroni and cheese, huge boxes of chicken tenders, huge boxes of goldfish and huge packages of American cheese. Consider yourselves forewarned cluster-feeding mothers. This doesn’t end well. _COSTCO WAS KIND ENOUGH TO SEND ME SOME DELIGHTFUL FREE FOODS TO TRY – BUT EVERY OPINION HERE IS MY OWN! THANK YOU COSTCO!!!_LIKE THIS:
Like Loading...
4 Comments
Posted in Mother .
Bookmark the permalink.
GOO GOO GAGA FASHION WEEK Posted on September 13, 2015by Lady Googoogaga
i
5 Votes
This week is Mercedes Benz Fashion Week in NYC. All of the fabulous fashionistas are in town to ooh and aah over the latest fashion trends right off the runway. I’m here to break it down for the regular folk…particularly themoms.
In the olden days before I was fat and tired – I would have very enthusiastically attempted some of these fun trends – but as a weathered mother – I have to be careful. TREND #1 – OVER THE KNEE BOOT So, post-Pretty Woman – I think we all kind of imagined that we could pull off this look and look sexy. Sadly, unless you are in fact, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman – this probably isn’t going to work out as well as you hoped. At the very least you should be approximately 20 years old. Anyone who says they didn’t want to wear this outfit in the 90’s– is lying…..
But I think this is one trend definitely that most moms should skip. This is not a look that would bode well at school pick-up.UGGS:
Speaking of boots – I don’t want to admit this …. but this infamously ugly, yet magically comfortable boot was missing from the NY runways. I think we have run this thing into the ground. Believe me when I tell you – nobody is more upset about this thanme.
I lived in these things for the past five years and I often thought that God knew that I was pregnant and had babies and created this divine intervention to keep me fabulously sane. As a former fashionista – it allowed me comfort and style at the same time while I was in the trenches of lugging infant carriers to the library andpreschool drop-off.
Yet – I think it’s time to let this go. We cannot spend the rest of our lives wearing these hideous things. And let’s be honest. You know when that cold day comes and you go to pull out your UGGS – they are not a fresh pristine pair. They have salt stains all over them, the fur is matted and dingy. The boot that was fucking hideous when you got it fresh and sparkly out of the Nordstrom box, is now a beaten up piece of shit. And some of you tried to spiff things up by buying the pair with the bows or the glitter or the sequins.No.
Let it go people.
2 – THE “ROMANTIC BLOUSE” Things aren’t that “romantic” around here when I need to get dressed to go somewhere. It’s more like me trying things on and throwing them all over my room and asking Mr. Gaga if I look fat 500times.
There’s a lot of cursing. There’s a lot of complaining that I need a better closet. There’s always that realization that my entire closet is a sea of black and that maybe I should shop outsideof my comfort zone.
So this trend is just completely foreign to me…. I went to Marshalls on Friday night while the kids were at birthday parties and baseball practice – determined to try on blouses and find one that I liked. Every single one I tried on was worse than the next. I think this might work for some moms – but it really depends on your personality. I am not a romantic, flowy, flowery, kind of gal. So every time I tried one on and looked in the mirror – this is whatI saw:
90’S GRUNGE:
So when I gave up on the pretty puffy blouses – I ventured around and was met with some alarming choices. Apparently we are supposed to be wearing sweaters and button-down shirts like dudes. Not just a regular old gray knit from the BananaRepublic.
We are meant to be wearing all sorts of plaids and prints I was so confused by the selection of shirts that I sent a quick text to a very chic personal stylist and shopper that I know…Fuck.
But how does a mom wear these fashions without looking like alunatic??
The plaid shirt that looks chic and fabulous on Kurt Cobain and Kylie Jenner -suddenly turned me into a trucker from the 80’s… So I’m ready for a girl’s night out! Come pick me up! Each one I tried on seemed more ridiculous than the next – I am just not sure I am ready to go back into this 90’s grunge style….NAVAJO CAPES:
A great solution to all of this is just to throw on jeans with some sort of navajo blanket or “tribal cape.” I tried a bunch on and realized quickly that this is also not a trendfor every woman.
What looks cute on Cindy Crawford rapidly turned me into Sacagawea about to go on an expedition. If not a size 2 – this trend can make women look pregnant or homeless – so we have to tread lightly here too. WHEN IN DOUBT – BLACK: I finally gave up on trying to be cool. I went back to my comfort zone.Thanks Wangs.
I just know where I belong.In a sea of black.
From head to toe.
_HOPE AT THE VERY LEAST THIS POST HELPS YOU THROW THOSE UGGS IN THEGARBAGE!_
_ XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA_LIKE THIS:
Like Loading...
10 Comments
Posted in Mother
and tagged 90's grunge style, are uggs
over , cindy
crawford ,
cindy crawford navajo cape,
fall fashion 2015
, fashion
week 2015 ,
jerry seinfeld puffy shirt,
julia roberts pretty woman,
olsen twins fashion show,
olsen twins wearing black,
over the knee boots
, roseanne
, roseanne plaid
shirt ,
UGGS . Bookmark the
permalink
.
5 REASONS TO LOOK FORWARD TO FALL… Posted on September 7, 2015by Lady Googoogaga
i
2 Votes
I can feel the fall coming. Even though I am not mentally prepared for the end of summer….it’sunavoidable.
What can I do but succumb to the seasonal change? I have to just look for something positive in this…. So here are some reasons I am happy that the summer is over: I DON’T HAVE TO BE A NURSE: I mean I don’t recall thinking that when I allowed my husband to impregnate me that I would have to morph into a full-time nurse. My children wear flip-flops all summer and ride bikes and scooters at warp speeds, often ending in disaster. They get into fights at the park, they get ear infections and swimmer’s ear, they stub theirtoes.
They get eaten and bitten by bugs and jellyfish, they get poison ivy. The amount of injuries and rashes are obscene and disgusting. I now have a medical bag filled with various ointments, bandages and gauze wraps that would rival Florence Nightingale’s. Yet I don’t really have the stomach for all of this. I am ill-equipped for children that drive their bicycles at full-speed ahead into a stone wall….. Here’s Michael’s leg after he lost control of his bike. I also not prepared mentally for children that decide to go “crabbing in a creek” and come home the next day with a rash that is called impetigo. This is a rash that is the worst thing that you can ever find on WebMD. I won’t even show it here, because you will want to vomit. Like I do every day. So, some pants, closed toed shoes and sitting safely at desks all day might actually be nice for a change. I CAN STRIKE A POSE WITH HER MADGESTY: Every few years, the most magical thing happens. Madonna comes to town.My idol.
My cousin and I load up our arms with jelly bracelets and put on our Madonna concert t-shirts and enjoy the most amazing show in the world. It’s no matter that the Material Girl is in her late fifties – and it’s no matter that we are just some suburban housewives out for afun night….
Bitch …We’re Madonna! I CAN GO ON A HEALTH KICK Between day drinking on the Tropical Breeze,
and the endless barbecues, the pounds start to creep up. Harmless day drinking over fourth of July weekend out on the open sea, slowly turns into a nasty habit, and by August looks like this: Before I know it – inevitably by Labor Day, I can barely button mypants.
Sometimes in the summer, we enjoy happy hour so much that we forget to eat forget to feed our children enjoy a liquid dinner. It might look trashy – but it’s delicious and Mr. Gaga claims that his beverage is the “champagne of beers.” We eat ice cream and appetizers and fried clam dinners with recklessabandon.
After this weekend, Mr. Gaga and I are going to adhere to a strict diet of grilled chicken and water. We will be super skinny and healthy before we know it. I CAN PUT ON A BOOT AND A FLARE: Since I live in Connecticut, I know that even though I am wearing a bathing suit today, there is a very really possibility that I will be wearing a full puff coat and shoveling snow within weeks. After wearing skimpy clothes for months, I kind of look forward tofall clothes.
As a child, I remember wearing new clothes on the first day of school. It wouldn’t matter that it was 80 degrees out, I would choose my favorite fall outfit that my mother had purchased for me. Off I would go to school, wearing corduroys and a blazer, regardless of the stifling temperatures. Here I am in my favorite blazer on a warm September day….. I still have this enthusiasm for fall clothing. Also – as I was perusing my magazine on the beach I found out someexciting news.
The latest trends suggest I can throw out my leggings and my ballet flat and start wearing a flared jean with a heel. This is a look I very much enjoyed in college and am excited to do it again…. I CAN GO BACK TO HELICOPTERING: So what happens in the summer is, I lose interest in keeping the kidson lock-down.
We start off the summer well. I totally know where they are. I feed them dinner and lunch. They are eating fresh vegetables and fruit, getting fresh air and vitamin D, and reading their books atnight.
That all very quickly falls apart. Before I know it, I am throwing hot dogs onto paper plates and they have forgotten how to spell their last names. We have had a great summer at the beach, but now we are fat, (verytan) morons.
It’s time for me to buckle down as a mother and make them read and write and be upstanding members of society. The beach has been good for our souls and our mental health but it’s time for a reality check….. _THERE’S 287 DAYS UNTIL SUMMER 2016!!! PLEASE CLICK THE BANNER BELOW TO KEEP ME IN THE RUNNING AS THE FUNNIEST MOM IN AMERICA!!_LIKE THIS:
Like Loading...
3 Comments
Posted in Mother ,
nursing children's injuries,
stitches on leg after bike crash and tagged child's stitches, courtney
kardashian with mason,
end of summer ,
fall 2015 fashion
, fishers
island lemonade
,
heather and ramona on boat,
heathers movie
, labor day
weekend ,
madonna concert
, madonna
rebel heart tour 2015,
mason disick ,
miller high life
, nursing
child's injury
, real
housewives dressed up like madonna,
stitches on leg after bike crash.
Bookmark the permalink.
YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME!! OR…..YOU HATE ME. Posted on August 30, 2015by Lady Googoogaga
i
3 Votes
_I AM NOT SURE WHY – BUT LAST WEEK’S POST ABOUT THE “SEVEN MOMS TO AVOID ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL”REALLY
STRUCK A CHORD WITH MOTHERS AND FATHERS AND AUNTS? ACROSS AMERICA. THERE WAS A LOT OF TALK ABOUT ME BEING FAT AND JEALOUS, AND QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT GAVE ME THE RIGHT TO JUDGE. YOUR COMMENTS WERE VERY ENTERTAINING AND WELL THOUGHT-OUT – THE GRAMMAR POLICE SHOWED UP AND THERE WAS EVEN REFERENCE TO THE ASHLEY MADISON SCANDAL._ _IN THE MEANTIME, I ACTUALLY WENT TO MY CHILDREN’S FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL AND MOTHERS THAT WERE PRESENT, THAT KNOW OF MY SECRET IDENTITY, QUIETLY MENTIONED HOW THEY THOUGHT OF ME AS THEY DRESSED FOR THE FIRST DAY. SCORE!!! I AM SORRY ABOUT THAT GOOPVILLE MOMS…._ _I HAVE TO GIVE A SHOUT-OUT TO THE “PAJAMA-MOMS.” YOU WERE SOME OF THE MOST VOCAL – PROUDLY ANNOUNCING YOUR FREQUENT BRA-LESS PAJAMA OUTFITS WITH NO APOLOGIES – WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY ENJOYING MY BLOG AND LAUGHING AT YOURSELVES. THIS SHOWS ME THAT I HAVE SOLD THE PAJAMA MOMS SHORT AND THEY COULD VERY WELL BE AMONG MY CLOSEST FRIENDS IF I AM WILLING TO OVERLOOK THEIR NIPPLES IN THE MORNING. DULYNOTED._
_MANY OF YOU HATED ME THIS WEEK AND TOLD ME THAT I WAS JUDGY AND MEAN – AND I LOVE YOU ANYWAYS. I LOVE ANYONE WHO COMES TO THIS BLOG AND IS WILLING TO READ THROUGH A POST AND MAKE A COMMENT. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT THIS BLOG IS MEANT TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH AND I HAVE NEVER ONCE TRIED TO BE AN INSPIRATIONAL VOICE FOR MOMS. IF ANYTHING, I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT WE ARE ALL DOING OUR BEST TO NAVIGATE THIS CRAZY WORLD OF MODERN-DAY MOTHERHOOD. SOMETIMES IT RESULTS IN SOME FUNNY SHIT. ALSO, PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM THE FIRST PERSON TO THROW MYSELF UNDER THE BUS. I NEVER CLAIM TO KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. I CONSTANTLY FAIL AT BEING A “GOOD MOTHER” AND MY WAY OF DEALING WITH THIS ISTHROUGH LAUGHTER._
_BECAUSE LET’S FACE IT._ _IF WE DON’T LAUGH AT ALL OF THIS, THEN WE ALL BE ALCOHOLICS THAT CRY OURSELVES TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT._ _THANK YOU FOR READING – I READ EACH AND EVERY COMMENT AND APPRECIATE THEM ALL._ _IN CLOSING – EACH YEAR AT THIS TIME I POST MY SECOND MOST SHARED AND FAVORITED BLOG WHICH IS MY SATIRICAL TAKE ON SCHOOL LUNCHES AND THE LUNATIC MOTHERS THAT PREPARE THEM…_ _FOR SOME OF YOU LOYAL AND LOVING READERS THIS WILL BE A REPEAT FOR YOU -BUT I HAVE SO MANY NEW READERS THAT I JUST HAVE TO SHARE!!!_ _THANKS AGAIN TO ALL OF YOU FOR READING!! A BIG THANKS ALSO TO POPSUGAR MOMS FOR POSTING MY “7 MOMS TO AVOID” BLOG ON THEIR WEBSITE WITH POSSIBLY EVEN BETTER PICS THAN I USED!!!!_ _XO, LADY GOO GOO GAGA_ When I was very young, my mother decided that I was quite independentand capable.
Upon discovering my love of “doing things myself,” she rearranged her kitchen cabinets and moved all of the cereal to the lowest cabinet. She taught me how to pour milk and make a sandwich for lunch. Once the basic survival skills were mastered she informed me and my brother that she would no longer be available in the mornings. From that point on, we were responsible for getting ourselves up in the morning, getting dressed and ready for school, making breakfast and making ourselves lunch, and getting to the bus stop on time. To our credit (and hers) we managed to do this pretty much without incident. We never missed the bus and I don’t remember feeling neglected or abandoned in any way, even though the very first cereal I remember preparing for myself looked like this…. Fast forward to modern times when I have my own children and I have spent countless hours up at the crack of dawn preparing meals and snacks. Reflecting back on that time – it seems just a bitoutrageous.
It’s a topic of conversation that she doesn’t enjoy, yet my brother and I bring it up constantly. It usually goes like this…. “Mom – remember when you announced that you were never waking up again – and we had to make our own lunch?” She usually rolls her eyes…..”Oh – like you had such a bad life? I think you’re fine.” “Yes – I’m fine – but it was little ridiculous that you weren’t up with us…” “Oh, poor you…yes – you had it sooo bad. Did you have a good life? Did your father and I send you to college and give you a nicewedding?”
“Mom – that’s not the point – I am just saying – it was crazy to expect us to do everything by ourselves….we were like 2.” “I was helping you to become more independent…..Like it’s so hard to pour a bowl of cereal?” “Well it’s not – but when you are 4-years-old the gallon of milk is a little bit heavy.” Usually it’s by this point in the conversation that she has left the room or hung up on me. While I do think her morning routine was completely unacceptable, I am secretly envious of her 1970’s “laid back” parenting style. Imagine just simply not waking up in the morning and sleeping in with no worries about what your children will wear, eat for breakfast or eat for lunch? How luxurious! While I know that those days of parenting are long gone – never to return, I received full confirmation this week when I opened my POTTERY BARN KIDS FALL GEAR CATALOGUE. To start off I should have known I was in trouble when the catalogue started off with a picture of a preschooler carrying a backpack. The “_Pottery Barn people_” must have really brain-stormed to come up with an image of a child that everyone could relate to. It was only logical that they decided on a photo of a small child carrying 250 pounds of school supplies in a bag that is as big as he is, outside on the grounds of what appears to be……Harvard? Oh yeah – and of course his name is Penn…What else would it be? And I am sure we could all agree that yellow suede loafers are the obvious choice for 4-year-old boys. OK – so on to the lunch bag section of the catalogue. Of course modern-day parenting dictates that all snacks and lunches must be presented to children in fancy canvas totes with their names on it in bold text accompanied by an image of Darth Vader or Spider Man. Gone are the days of the brown paper lunch bag. Also, in the classic style of Pottery Barn, who historically since its inception seemed to make its mission as a company to make housewives and mothers feel badly about the state of things in their home……the “Pottery Barn People” have presented their impression of what a child’s lunch should look like. Apparently their idea of a “lunch” drastically differs from mine. Is this what my kids are supposed to see when they open their fancy lunch tote with 55 zippers and compartments? Because that will never happen…. Please note that the sandwich has been fashioned into some sort of exotic daisy and a dipping sauce has been made available as part of Blair’s very balanced meal….If the other kindergarteners had any doubts if Blair’s mother loved her – I think it will be very clearnow……
So …..here I am thinking I’m a great mother because I sometimes heat up Progresso soup in the morning and put it into a Batman thermosfor Michael.
Once again – I am wrong. I am not mother of the year – in fact I might be the worst mother in America – according to _Pottery BarnKids._
As I kept reading – it became clear that I am, as I suspected, a very, very bad mother. I might as well just stay in bed like my mother…..because I have not once shaped sandwiches into a tic tac toe game smartly utilizing carrot shreds and pieces of grapes. In the town where I grew up – If I ever opened up a lunch to reveal a tic tac toe game made out of sandwiches, I would get my ass kicked and my new name would be “Tic Tac” until I graduatedhighschool…..
Just when I was about to throw the catalogue in the garbage somethingcaught my eye.
Wait – could this be true? I know that good mothers are ones that send in little notes with their children’s lunch. I have been known to even send a note here orthere.
But could it be possible that Pottery Barn Kids is SELLING IN THEIR CATALOGUE, something called “_Lunch Box Love Notes_.” So – if you are too lazy or dumb to write out your own note to your child – no worries!! Pottery Barn has done it for you!!! Thank you Mom for sleeping the day away and never sending me to school with a miniature sandwich with a yellow tomato ball and a strange lovenote on top of it.
Please notice the green note in the bottom right-hand corner. So in case your kids is telling horrible stories at the lunch table – and the other kids are staring blankly at him – or saying something like “That story sucked,” – your note will be there tosave the day!!
God forbid the 6 hour school day goes by without these children receiving some undeserving accolades from their mother!! I actually perused the catalogue for a minute – thinking it would be nice to have the notes ready to go in the drawer in the morning. Maybe I would buy some, but I searched through the whole thing and couldn’t find any that were my kind of notes….. Really?? It’s not enough that this lunch consists of yuca chips and cherry tomatoes? If my mother ever put a note in my lunch that said I was a “kind person” I would kill her. I usually write things like: “Hope you are having a nice day Michael – by the way the shirt you’re wearing is from Nordstrom – so if you rip your clothes at recess again today you are punished for a week.”or
“Hi Love bug – don’t forget – if that bully bothers you again remember how Daddy told you to punch him right in the face!! Have agreat day :)”
or
“If your friend offers to share his fruit snacks today, you are not allowed to eat them. This is why he already had a root canal when he was 4 – you will thank me later :)” I guess I will be writing my own notes this school year….. _THANKS MOM FOR MAKING SURE I CAN POUR A MEAN BOWL OF CEREAL! AND PLEASE CLICK ON THE BANNER BELOW SINCE I HAVE BEEN MAKING THAT BOWL OF CEREAL SINCE I WAS 2….._SHARE THIS:
* Share
*
*
*
*
*
*
Save
*
LIKE THIS:
Like Loading...
22 Comments
Posted in Mother
and tagged 7 moms to avoid on the first day of school,
moms that wear pajamas to school,
mothers making lunches,
pajama moms ,
popsugar moms ,
Pottery Barn Kids
, pottery
barn kids catalogue is pressuring mothers,
pottery barn lunch boxes,
potterybarn lunches
. Bookmark
the permalink
.
← Older Posts
→
*
LIKE ME!!!
*
FOLLOW BLOG VIA EMAIL Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. Join 190 other followersFollow
*
*
HOLLA!!
Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.Lady Goo Goo Gaga
Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.Post to
Cancel
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use. To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: CookiePolicy
* Follow
*
* Lady Goo Goo Gaga
* Customize
* Follow
* Sign up
* Log in
* Report this content * Manage subscriptions* Collapse this bar
%d bloggers like this: Send to Email Address Your Name Your Email AddressCancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses! Email check failed, please try again Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.Details
Copyright © 2024 ArchiveBay.com. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | DMCA | 2021 | Feedback | Advertising | RSS 2.0