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SPARKNOTES
rambles, success, and failuresMenu
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POEM: FULL SPEED, BUT HALF STEPS Ah shit here we go. Welcome to the next Episode! It’ been a minute and I needed a second to recollect. Clock’s ticking, but i’m gonna use all the time I was saving frommy tax haven.
Let’s start with the bad news. I’ve been in a mood. Welcome to the valley of negativity where coolio crept and walked. I’ve just been burnt out. “oh great back on the blog, and his depressed already, this ain’tnew”
Wait up dude. I actually got hired at my temp job and Ryan became acop.
Wesley got a new Job, after all that gloom. Brian’s back to school and Elf on the shelf is at it too. Jorge is pursuing a masters while Kirby’s getting fatter (and in nursing school *also jk kirby ur not fat chill foo*) Felis and Nicole act like the oldies in that balloon pixar movie. The waves were rocky, but the shore is starting to show in thehorizon.
I’ve become an accounting clown, but I’m juggling decent paying djgigs.
This is why I’m drained. A blessing in disguise as I sport eye bags, sweats, and dress shoes. Floodgates of emotion open and I’m smokin an imaginary cuban on a beach chair with tupac and michael jackson. lmao i actually just finished binge watching this and i feel like i am simultaneously Sam and guy.latenightpancakes
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November 24, 2019
1 Minute
POEM: SAN JOSE
Waves of dopamine whenever I hear the city name. I wish I had talked to you a little more, but I’m lame. I got too hasty and wasted. Crushing and drunk off of Ciroq or rum. I sipped on a concoction of cognac and gingerale. Tipsy asf, but sobered up as soon as she looked at my direction. Making her way to my vicinity and lighting up this dimly lit club. Swooned too soon from the shine of her dress to the silly personality. My heart warms like hands holding a cup of coffee on a winter morning. Who knew an awkward milly rock was enough to make me want to getcuffed.
Sporting a lovely Septum piercing and bleached orange hair. It’s so rare for me to seriously fall like this. I get the wind knocked out of me from life in general, but this was apleasant surprise.
I’ve only met you twice and I only ask can you be my wife? I’m only kidding, but I know I’m just an artist starving mostly for a deeper conversation with you. Yeah its been a minute since I wrote something really dope so here is something. Is this based on true story some of it, but the feelingsare real lol.
latenightpancakes
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July 28, 2019
1 Minute
POEM: MID-SUMMER
Do I have what it takes? To push past my mistakes and keep breakin and trying to improve. To keep mixing even though no one is listening? I’ve got nothing to lose still at the young age of 24, but when willi know.
I know now I should do it for myself and for a minute I haven’t. Last summer was about playing parties to get girls to twerk this time around I want to just play music I love and listen to. I’m doing way better mentally and physically compared to last summer and I’m finally able to distinguish the devil on my shoulder.latenightpancakes
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July 24, 2019
1
Minute
POEM: THIS SUMMER
I’m getting airflares and no way am I going to let this slip. I might trip and dip into a pool of madness, but I’ll achieve thisgoal of mine.
I hold it close to my heart like the otter and his oyster. Being a complete person means to be an adult and a child at the sametime.
You have to stay focused walking on a thin line. You stray away you will get faded or jaded into oblivion. I spent too long running from all of my problems. Procrastinating on the next issue that needs to be solved. I spent too long not being consistent. Flip flopping and pissing off everyone that I said yes too. This summer is a big task, so I’ll focus on the day to day. If I can stay on this path I know I’ll be okay. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpUqskzO8tE _All in all I’m just trying to work on my dance, get healthy again, and hold down a job and do well at it. Get better at djing as well. _latenightpancakes
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June 21, 2019
1
Minute
POEM: WATER
Drip down hearing puddles splash. Rain has hit LA again. Back to back like a Toronto native playing drake tracks. I spent too long without the Agua.I need the water.
I fill my flask with alkaline water.I like water.
latenightpancakes
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May
28, 2019 1
Minute
POEM: ITS A JUNGLE SOMETIMES I’ve been hurting from regret and impulsive pursuits. Never taking the time to reflect in droplets of water. I found the oasis in a jungle of partying and procrastination. I continued to run from the truth to find the truth. It was humid and as I got entangled by vines and webs.I felt overwhelmed
I looked down and quicksand was up to my knees!A slow death.
Until a Toucan perched onto the top of my head. Singing a tune that resonates with me. The sand reaches my neck and I decide to lean my head back. I fall deeper into the sand and as I continue to sink. I see nothing. I see the darkness that I tried to escape. I experience a different outcome that didn’t involve death orhomelessness.
I spit out sand and open my eyes in front of a little paradise. Finding the finest sand in this world between my toes. A little oasis with palm trees and fresh water bluer than the sky. I step to look into the water and see the younger version of myself. The version that didn’t let cynicism and nihilism rule hisdecisions.
With a silly smile he begins to reach out and I feel myself sinkingagain.
I hear the words “Its Okay” before I get back to the jungle. Somehow the humidity has become a little more bearable. shit i still need to watch this LOL. Also Arianna is seeing someone lul well honestly god/universe has its way of working things out and i’m a little bummed out yet alsorelieved lol.
latenightpancakes
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May 27, 2019
1 Minute
BLOG: A RANT ON ANIME There is just nothing good to watch fugk.The end.
im going to go read a fucking bookpeace out
latenightpancakes
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May 15, 2019
1
Minute
POEM: SARA
Years of what-ifs.
Multiple poems with themes of regret. Drenched, Drowned and dowsed with alcohol.Drownched.
Since I was a teen I only ever liked one girl. She was my first poem in freshmen year college english 101. The reason I created a hidden blog. I was like Helga from Hey Arnorld! and wordpress was the statute. I decided to run from how I felt and it built a complex so vast andwide.
Yesterday was the time I finally got off this ride. Thinking I can best my feeling by never confessing. It fucked me up for so long it made me messier than dressing (s/o kirby’s finsta for that beautiful line LOL) Actual love can’t be amputated or compartmentalized. You have to make the dive or roll the fucking dice Sink or swim and odds or evens. Prolonging, Thanos, the Inevitable. Is impossible and it would take a story breaking quantum theory to re-do actual hurt from love. Well I told her how I felt and It’s finally over. I can finally move on. _mfw she replied also thank you for reading jorge and janis. Also, this is honestly my most vulnerable post lol i’m just omg i liked this girl for so long and just hid this crush from the world and now i can just move on. I want to leave my twenties with as little regret on major parts as much as posible_latenightpancakes
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May
12, 2019 1
Minute
POEM: ARE WE THERE YET? Let me pull out the map and show you where we at. It’s not far from the past, but time is relative and the older youget it seems fast.
We get lost not just in sauce, but in various activities good and bad. The twenties has so much uncertainty. No one is safe and behind the perfect posts we have to face the personas when batteries run out. During late nights and times when we just can’t take a necessarystep.
We get distracted easily because it’s easier to procrastinate than answer impossible questions. Time is ticking and I spent days and drunken nights talking with olderpeople.
A life without a clear purpose leads to a dead end and we all areunder a deadline.
Observing and asking family, friends, bosses, strangers, and myself. “How do they behave?” “What moves them in life?” The picture only gets clearer after every little decision. I’m where I need to be and the momentum of this mill is ready toflare lol.
Thanks for reading~ This Clip Relates This poem wasn’t too metaphorical or used imagery that I am so very fond of. I wanted to be more frank because I am trying to reply to a friend’s poem with this poem. They wrote about how they were feeling overwhelmed and tired of the question of “What are you going to do next?”. I was in his shoes two years ago and I want to let them know through this poem one way to figure out an answer is to ask people what they are doing lol. Everyone comes to their own conclusion and this was mine. It was by looking at other people’s life and interviewing them with an intense curiosity about their boring, exciting, and sad life. All these “interviews” helped me find what values resonate with me. What also helped was figuring out what was distracting me from growth as anAdult.
The biggest trap in the twenties for me was distraction in short-term excitement. A lot of my early twenties 21-23 was spent in partying, drinking, chasing low quality women, hanging out with friends that i outgrew, and even in some ways bboying (more on this in a later blog). In some weird way djing was what helped gave me insight on myself. I spent a lot of time as well being an extremely likable yes man, so I fell into many different crowds trying to be everything when in reality I’m just a dancer. (Which is also why i was such a flake hehehe) Also, the belief that if I choose something I close my doors on an infinite opportunities in other pursuits in life. The reality is you can only choose a couple things in life to get good at as a career or hobby and that was the paralyzing decision for me. I tried to be so many types of artists at the same time I just became crappy at everything and my dance suffered for it, but the trade-off was a perspective on what it takes to be an working artist. Djing obviously is a part of my identity now, but I still feel like a fake because I never truly wanted to pursue it to begin with. This decision came from a place of wanting to avoid being a true adult. I’m not saying adult’s can’t have hobbies or being a full time DJ isn’t a career, but deep down during my anxious/panicky moment was a want to escape the responsibility of holding down a career job. I used Djing as a justification from serious progression in my career as an Accountant (or school if I decided to go back) and as an Adult. I hope this little post didn’t come off preachy or sound like a know it all because i’m still taking steps into the right direction and you know from experience how much of drunkard i could be and was lol. You are a smart fellow and really analytical so sometimes you might over think steps to far ahead, so take a little time to just focus without distraction idk shut yourself from the world somehow for a day or something, but then start to make decisions towards a certain place you want to be later on (in love,work, etc.) no matter how small that step maybe. Adulthood started as soon as we left high school and i’ve met plenty of people who thought otherwise and I know you have met and seen these people too. We can both agree its very depressing and easily avoidable if we start taking the initiative now to shape the life we want to live. I love ya dude. I can confidently say you were one of my closest friends during a time I was going through some shi mentally during my post/end of college. Thank god your not an alcoholic like Kirby and I. Just keep making healthy decisions that you make already and keep applying to more marketing related work/internships that actually interest you somewhat, you genuinely happy with cho girl i’d say keep dat too, and finally just stay away from jaztine okay jk LMAOlatenightpancakes
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April 29, 2019
4
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BLOG: 4 MONTHS INTO 2019 It feels like home! Coming back to wordpress to type up how my life is going and has been a long as time since I last actually wrote a piece. Catching up with an empty audience (and jorge LOL). So, this intro is short I’m not going to spazz write about a girl or dj gig or some silly work thing that happened. (REDJACKET THO) ACCOUNTING FOR 6 MONTHS I was working full time for 6 months in accounting operations for a 30 mill revenue company. The company was westlake financial services and it tested my ability in every aspect of my life besides the job lol. I was working with a lot of data entry and different types of software. It was fast paced and required a lot of multitasking. It required an attention to detail as well because if a name would be misspelled in let’s say a check for a title loan. It could get escalated to a supervisor, to a manager, to then the CFO and your head will be a on a chopping board. I made many mistakes at this job that were necessary for me to become a better accountant/business admin. worker. This job required all hands on deck and if you needed to stay longer or figure out a way to do the job faster (efficiently) you had to adapt. Expectations were high and honestly I enjoyed it at around the 3rd month. I saw self-improvement and surprised myself that I could understand certain processes that looked completely foreign to me on the first day of work. To understand what goes into a car loan and how it gets funded and how these loan accounts are being sold to other financial companies etc. I got so close to my co-workers I felt them actually becoming my second family as cliche as that sounds. We all were under the same amount of stress and faced similar challenges, but helped each other when we could or provided emotional support. There was also office politics that I had to learn how to maneuver between different departments and my own. Honestly, though my past self post graduate would of hated this place and got depressed so fast, but after my period of being a babysitter, partying, and overall running away from adulthood. This time I decided to dive into adulthood head on. To maintain a job with due diligence despite not being overall passionate about the career of being an accountant. I did extremely well got good reviews from my supervisor, co-workers, and eventually being accepted by the coordinator of accounting who offered me a full time position. Everything to get me to the point was humility and hunger to improve myself. The last step was having to train a new person while maintaining current work duties and learning new ones that would have higher rates of escalations if done incorrectly. This transition took a lot out of me and I got pretty burnt out. Whatever I had in my spirit in beginning of working here had disappeared and I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking I forgot something I had to do. Work had fully consumed my life and I started to look at dancing/djing fondly missing that aspect of my life. At that moment I realized I didn’t want to be here, not because I disliked the place or the people. I still wanted to DJ and have time for dance not necessarily quit accounting entirely. WHAT I REALIZED. . . I realized so much from working as an accountant and a dj. The best type of soul searching for me wasn’t travel or experiencing new types of food, but in trying to execute a task well. Traveling/partying for a while was a form of distracting myself from facing adulthood, after figuring that out I began to only chase perfection in a job well done. that is what I found in djing/dancing, so enjoyable besides the fame/clout and accounting as well. My boss helped me realize that if your going to do something you have to do it well and put your soul into it. What is a life just half-assing your work be it djing or accounting. So this job gave me the blu-print and I’m gonna try my hardest to be a better accountant and a DJ. I also realized what kind of girl I want. She has to be 40% ratchet 60% wholesome. A girl who has a career and stands up for a cause. A girl who eventually wants to have a family and is family minded. She could speak her mind and knows what she wants. There are some characteristics I need to work on myself. We also have to have similar views on religion and politics. The things this girl has to have are they things I want ? I could confidently say eventually one day I want to have a family, a house, and a business either in the Philippines or in America. I may not go to church, but I do want to help people younger than me in dancing or djing either by teaching or connecting them with the right people.IN CONCLUSION..
That 6 months i spent in work was extremely beneficial to me for my career and figuring out what I want in life. Despite the stress and hardship I had to deal with I think it only made me tougher. I still will stay in accounting maybe pick up on a some computer language. I will stay dancing and djing for sure ! I think i’ll start hanging with this one girl a little more because she sees value in what I do and i see that in her as well. Thanks for reading and also life is kind of going better for me now I got use to being an adult Iguess lol
latenightpancakes
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April 21, 2019
4 Minutes
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