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HEY EPIPHORA
Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018. How I know squirting is real (and also not pee) Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide. Banter. Banter. Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes andTrue
SEX TOY REVIEWS
The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites. SEX TOY GIVEAWAYS: FREE SEX TOYS FOR YOU! In the past I have also given away bunches of self-thrusting toys, the best wand vibrator, several wooden dildos and a wooden butt plug, a custom silicone dildo, tons of gift cards, swanky glass dildos, the best G-spot toy on earth, a luxurious dual-density dildo, porn DVDs,THE DUAL ORGASM
I have discovered it: orgasmic utopia. It first happened on October 5th; I wrote, “I have discovered the dual, synchronized orgasm.G-spot and clitoral at the same time. Life will never be the same.” I can’t think of a fancy name for it, and dual is just what it is. Annie Sprinkle calls it a “combination-gasm.”One of my Twitter followers offered, “I’d call it a miracle!” REVIEW: L'AMOUROSE ROSA AND ROSA ROUGE VIBRATORS The Rosa comes in two versions: the original ($180) and the Rosa Rouge (a heated version — $240). First notable thing: these toys are really fucking expensive. $180 for a rechargeable insertable toy is unusual enough, 1 and tacking on $60 for the heating element is nearing highway robbery. With no track record of manufacturing quality REVIEW: WE-VIBE TOUCH X + TANGO X VIBRATORS Stuff that folks tended to forgive because it gave them such stupefying pleasure. The most important “under the hood” change to the Tango/Touch X is the battery. It is now a lithium-ion battery, the same one used in We-Vibe’s other products. Fingers crossed, but it should give the toys a longer and more reliable life. BUZZY VS. RUMBLY: THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF A VIBRATOR The majority of sex toys fall on the buzzy end of the spectrum, especially battery-operated ones. Buzzy vibrations are surface-level, shallow, even sharp at times. Sometimes you can hear them more than you can feel them, and they tend to have a grating high-pitched timbre, like a bee zipping by.They’re the kind of vibrations that can cause temporary numbness, and with it, something even STRONIC » HEY EPIPHORA A line of sex toys from Fun Factory characterized by their unique back-and-forth thrusting motion. My fave is the Stronic G, followed by the Stronic Surf. I hate the Bi Stronic Fusion.REVIEW: TINY DILDOS
Unlike the others, they are not modeled after any of the typically-sized dildos the company makes — which is a bit of a marketing fail if you ask me. Tiny dildos should cause a yearning for their larger doppelgangers, but these do not. Nor do they cause a yearning for flesh-and-blood dicks. (Although, to be fair, not much makes me crave those.) WHY I DON'T LIKE STRAPLESS STRAP-ON DILDOS The ShareVibe was the only dildo we tried that was actually worse in a harness. Threaded through the Joque’ s O-ring, the curve of its shaft became so severe (“it’s gonna penetrate my own bellybutton!”) that most positions were uncomfortable — even impossible — for the receiver. Aerie was on top of me on the couch, normally a favorable position, and they had to lean into me toHEY EPIPHORA
Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018. How I know squirting is real (and also not pee) Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide. Banter. Banter. Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes andTrue
SEX TOY REVIEWS
The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites. SEX TOY GIVEAWAYS: FREE SEX TOYS FOR YOU! In the past I have also given away bunches of self-thrusting toys, the best wand vibrator, several wooden dildos and a wooden butt plug, a custom silicone dildo, tons of gift cards, swanky glass dildos, the best G-spot toy on earth, a luxurious dual-density dildo, porn DVDs,THE DUAL ORGASM
I have discovered it: orgasmic utopia. It first happened on October 5th; I wrote, “I have discovered the dual, synchronized orgasm.G-spot and clitoral at the same time. Life will never be the same.” I can’t think of a fancy name for it, and dual is just what it is. Annie Sprinkle calls it a “combination-gasm.”One of my Twitter followers offered, “I’d call it a miracle!” REVIEW: L'AMOUROSE ROSA AND ROSA ROUGE VIBRATORS The Rosa comes in two versions: the original ($180) and the Rosa Rouge (a heated version — $240). First notable thing: these toys are really fucking expensive. $180 for a rechargeable insertable toy is unusual enough, 1 and tacking on $60 for the heating element is nearing highway robbery. With no track record of manufacturing quality REVIEW: WE-VIBE TOUCH X + TANGO X VIBRATORS Stuff that folks tended to forgive because it gave them such stupefying pleasure. The most important “under the hood” change to the Tango/Touch X is the battery. It is now a lithium-ion battery, the same one used in We-Vibe’s other products. Fingers crossed, but it should give the toys a longer and more reliable life. BUZZY VS. RUMBLY: THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF A VIBRATOR The majority of sex toys fall on the buzzy end of the spectrum, especially battery-operated ones. Buzzy vibrations are surface-level, shallow, even sharp at times. Sometimes you can hear them more than you can feel them, and they tend to have a grating high-pitched timbre, like a bee zipping by.They’re the kind of vibrations that can cause temporary numbness, and with it, something even STRONIC » HEY EPIPHORA A line of sex toys from Fun Factory characterized by their unique back-and-forth thrusting motion. My fave is the Stronic G, followed by the Stronic Surf. I hate the Bi Stronic Fusion.REVIEW: TINY DILDOS
Unlike the others, they are not modeled after any of the typically-sized dildos the company makes — which is a bit of a marketing fail if you ask me. Tiny dildos should cause a yearning for their larger doppelgangers, but these do not. Nor do they cause a yearning for flesh-and-blood dicks. (Although, to be fair, not much makes me crave those.) WHY I DON'T LIKE STRAPLESS STRAP-ON DILDOS The ShareVibe was the only dildo we tried that was actually worse in a harness. Threaded through the Joque’ s O-ring, the curve of its shaft became so severe (“it’s gonna penetrate my own bellybutton!”) that most positions were uncomfortable — even impossible — for the receiver. Aerie was on top of me on the couch, normally a favorable position, and they had to lean into me to REVIEW: WE-VIBE TOUCH X + TANGO X VIBRATORS Stuff that folks tended to forgive because it gave them such stupefying pleasure. The most important “under the hood” change to the Tango/Touch X is the battery. It is now a lithium-ion battery, the same one used in We-Vibe’s other products. Fingers crossed, but it should give the toys a longer and more reliable life. PEEK INSIDE MY SEX TOY STORAGE Peek inside my sex toy storage. I know you wanna creep. Let me help you. I already told you about my awesome plastic storage drawers, but y’all are creepers, so I figured you’d want to snoop inside the actual drawers. When I attempted to organize my toys into these drawers, I wasn’t sure how to go about it. I didn’t want toorganize
MY VAGINA IS A BLACK HOLE: HOW I LEARNED TO LOVE A few weeks ago, I dusted the literal dust off a 2″-thick hunk of stainless steel, put on some porn, held a vibe to my clit, and easily slipped the big end of the 2.75-pound dildo into my vagina.. Every so often, I check to make sure this is true. I am always slightly surprised when it is, REVIEW: PUSSY A GO GO Review: Pussy a Go Go. Pussy a Go Go is a fake documentary about a traveling burlesque carnival show — or, rather, the (often sexual) exploits that go on behind the scenes. It is stuffed with interviews, hilarious character names, psychedelic video effects, and rambunctious music, all edited together into a fast-paced conglomeration REVIEW: NJOY PURE PLUGS (MEDIUM AND LARGE) SheVibe graciously sent me both the medium and large Pure Plugs, so I could compare. I didn’t ask for the small one, because my ass is too much of a boss for such folly. Each is slightly longer, wider, and heavier than the one before it, with the large clocking in REVIEW: WAHL ALL-BODY MASSAGER VIBRATOR The Wahl is easily lost in the shuffle — usually only mentioned in the same breath as the Hitachi as another once-innocent body massager that has been perverted. But since the Hitachi has been more universally perverted, the Wahl tends to be forgotten. Now that I have tried the Wahl, I feel that this is a grave injustice. UM, NO: "HOW TO MAKE A HOMEMADE DILDO" A new use for toilet paper rolls. How very creepy the term “anal beads” can sound when applied to frozen water. A quite compelling argument for why making ice dildos for your lady is super-duper chivalrous. “Spice is the, uh, variety of life.”. What will easily become your new mantra: “wet ’em before you use ’em.”. REVIEW: VIXEN CREATIONS MAVERICK DILDO Maverick’s shaft is slightly curved, but it straightens out when held by the base. The base can also function as a suction cup, and it works astoundingly well. Like some Vixen Creations toys, Maverick comes in a plastic tube. Despite its large size, Maverick is definitely a realistic dildo, all the way down to the pee hole andskin texture.
REVIEW: JIMMYJANE RUMBLE SEAT VIBRATING SEX CHAIR The orgasms I have from it are good. Yes. Fine. I’ll give you that. As an AC-powered device, the Rumble Seat is a powerful beast, capable of resonating through my whole genital complex, and there’s a certain thrill in achieving a hands-free orgasm.But the orgasms are also followed by me struggling to peel myself off the seat, my knees pocked with debris, my thighs itchy, my body sore. REVIEW: TRISTAN TAORMINO'S EXPERT GUIDE TO ANAL PLEASURE First, Penny’s pornstar fingernails have to be dealt with, so Tristan puts tufts of cottonball in each finger of a pair of gloves. Penny starts slowly fingering Devin’s ass while Tristan talks to her about relaxation and build up.HEY EPIPHORA
Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018. How I know squirting is real (and also not pee) Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide. Banter. Banter. Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes andTrue
SEX TOY REVIEWS
The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites. SEX TOY GIVEAWAYS: FREE SEX TOYS FOR YOU! In the past I have also given away bunches of self-thrusting toys, the best wand vibrator, several wooden dildos and a wooden butt plug, a custom silicone dildo, tons of gift cards, swanky glass dildos, the best G-spot toy on earth, a luxurious dual-density dildo, porn DVDs,THE DUAL ORGASM
I have discovered it: orgasmic utopia. It first happened on October 5th; I wrote, “I have discovered the dual, synchronized orgasm.G-spot and clitoral at the same time. Life will never be the same.” I can’t think of a fancy name for it, and dual is just what it is. Annie Sprinkle calls it a “combination-gasm.”One of my Twitter followers offered, “I’d call it a miracle!” REVIEW: L'AMOUROSE ROSA AND ROSA ROUGE VIBRATORS The Rosa comes in two versions: the original ($180) and the Rosa Rouge (a heated version — $240). First notable thing: these toys are really fucking expensive. $180 for a rechargeable insertable toy is unusual enough, 1 and tacking on $60 for the heating element is nearing highway robbery. With no track record of manufacturing quality REVIEW: WE-VIBE TOUCH X + TANGO X VIBRATORS Stuff that folks tended to forgive because it gave them such stupefying pleasure. The most important “under the hood” change to the Tango/Touch X is the battery. It is now a lithium-ion battery, the same one used in We-Vibe’s other products. Fingers crossed, but it should give the toys a longer and more reliable life. BUZZY VS. RUMBLY: THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF A VIBRATOR The majority of sex toys fall on the buzzy end of the spectrum, especially battery-operated ones. Buzzy vibrations are surface-level, shallow, even sharp at times. Sometimes you can hear them more than you can feel them, and they tend to have a grating high-pitched timbre, like a bee zipping by.They’re the kind of vibrations that can cause temporary numbness, and with it, something even STRONIC » HEY EPIPHORA A line of sex toys from Fun Factory characterized by their unique back-and-forth thrusting motion. My fave is the Stronic G, followed by the Stronic Surf. I hate the Bi Stronic Fusion.HEY EPIPHORA
Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018. How I know squirting is real (and also not pee) Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide. Banter. Banter. Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes andTrue
SEX TOY REVIEWS
The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites. SEX TOY GIVEAWAYS: FREE SEX TOYS FOR YOU! In the past I have also given away bunches of self-thrusting toys, the best wand vibrator, several wooden dildos and a wooden butt plug, a custom silicone dildo, tons of gift cards, swanky glass dildos, the best G-spot toy on earth, a luxurious dual-density dildo, porn DVDs,THE DUAL ORGASM
I have discovered it: orgasmic utopia. It first happened on October 5th; I wrote, “I have discovered the dual, synchronized orgasm.G-spot and clitoral at the same time. Life will never be the same.” I can’t think of a fancy name for it, and dual is just what it is. Annie Sprinkle calls it a “combination-gasm.”One of my Twitter followers offered, “I’d call it a miracle!” REVIEW: L'AMOUROSE ROSA AND ROSA ROUGE VIBRATORS The Rosa comes in two versions: the original ($180) and the Rosa Rouge (a heated version — $240). First notable thing: these toys are really fucking expensive. $180 for a rechargeable insertable toy is unusual enough, 1 and tacking on $60 for the heating element is nearing highway robbery. With no track record of manufacturing quality REVIEW: WE-VIBE TOUCH X + TANGO X VIBRATORS Stuff that folks tended to forgive because it gave them such stupefying pleasure. The most important “under the hood” change to the Tango/Touch X is the battery. It is now a lithium-ion battery, the same one used in We-Vibe’s other products. Fingers crossed, but it should give the toys a longer and more reliable life. BUZZY VS. RUMBLY: THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF A VIBRATOR The majority of sex toys fall on the buzzy end of the spectrum, especially battery-operated ones. Buzzy vibrations are surface-level, shallow, even sharp at times. Sometimes you can hear them more than you can feel them, and they tend to have a grating high-pitched timbre, like a bee zipping by.They’re the kind of vibrations that can cause temporary numbness, and with it, something even STRONIC » HEY EPIPHORA A line of sex toys from Fun Factory characterized by their unique back-and-forth thrusting motion. My fave is the Stronic G, followed by the Stronic Surf. I hate the Bi Stronic Fusion.REVIEW: TINY DILDOS
Unlike the others, they are not modeled after any of the typically-sized dildos the company makes — which is a bit of a marketing fail if you ask me. Tiny dildos should cause a yearning for their larger doppelgangers, but these do not. Nor do they cause a yearning for flesh-and-blood dicks. (Although, to be fair, not much makes me crave those.) WHY I DON'T LIKE STRAPLESS STRAP-ON DILDOS The ShareVibe was the only dildo we tried that was actually worse in a harness. Threaded through the Joque’ s O-ring, the curve of its shaft became so severe (“it’s gonna penetrate my own bellybutton!”) that most positions were uncomfortable — even impossible — for the receiver. Aerie was on top of me on the couch, normally a favorable position, and they had to lean into me to REVIEW: WE-VIBE TOUCH X + TANGO X VIBRATORS Stuff that folks tended to forgive because it gave them such stupefying pleasure. The most important “under the hood” change to the Tango/Touch X is the battery. It is now a lithium-ion battery, the same one used in We-Vibe’s other products. Fingers crossed, but it should give the toys a longer and more reliable life. PEEK INSIDE MY SEX TOY STORAGE Peek inside my sex toy storage. I know you wanna creep. Let me help you. I already told you about my awesome plastic storage drawers, but y’all are creepers, so I figured you’d want to snoop inside the actual drawers. When I attempted to organize my toys into these drawers, I wasn’t sure how to go about it. I didn’t want toorganize
MY VAGINA IS A BLACK HOLE: HOW I LEARNED TO LOVE A few weeks ago, I dusted the literal dust off a 2″-thick hunk of stainless steel, put on some porn, held a vibe to my clit, and easily slipped the big end of the 2.75-pound dildo into my vagina.. Every so often, I check to make sure this is true. I am always slightly surprised when it is, REVIEW: PUSSY A GO GO Review: Pussy a Go Go. Pussy a Go Go is a fake documentary about a traveling burlesque carnival show — or, rather, the (often sexual) exploits that go on behind the scenes. It is stuffed with interviews, hilarious character names, psychedelic video effects, and rambunctious music, all edited together into a fast-paced conglomeration REVIEW: NJOY PURE PLUGS (MEDIUM AND LARGE) SheVibe graciously sent me both the medium and large Pure Plugs, so I could compare. I didn’t ask for the small one, because my ass is too much of a boss for such folly. Each is slightly longer, wider, and heavier than the one before it, with the large clocking in REVIEW: WAHL ALL-BODY MASSAGER VIBRATOR The Wahl is easily lost in the shuffle — usually only mentioned in the same breath as the Hitachi as another once-innocent body massager that has been perverted. But since the Hitachi has been more universally perverted, the Wahl tends to be forgotten. Now that I have tried the Wahl, I feel that this is a grave injustice. UM, NO: "HOW TO MAKE A HOMEMADE DILDO" A new use for toilet paper rolls. How very creepy the term “anal beads” can sound when applied to frozen water. A quite compelling argument for why making ice dildos for your lady is super-duper chivalrous. “Spice is the, uh, variety of life.”. What will easily become your new mantra: “wet ’em before you use ’em.”. REVIEW: VIXEN CREATIONS MAVERICK DILDO Maverick’s shaft is slightly curved, but it straightens out when held by the base. The base can also function as a suction cup, and it works astoundingly well. Like some Vixen Creations toys, Maverick comes in a plastic tube. Despite its large size, Maverick is definitely a realistic dildo, all the way down to the pee hole andskin texture.
REVIEW: JIMMYJANE RUMBLE SEAT VIBRATING SEX CHAIR The orgasms I have from it are good. Yes. Fine. I’ll give you that. As an AC-powered device, the Rumble Seat is a powerful beast, capable of resonating through my whole genital complex, and there’s a certain thrill in achieving a hands-free orgasm.But the orgasms are also followed by me struggling to peel myself off the seat, my knees pocked with debris, my thighs itchy, my body sore. REVIEW: TRISTAN TAORMINO'S EXPERT GUIDE TO ANAL PLEASURE First, Penny’s pornstar fingernails have to be dealt with, so Tristan puts tufts of cottonball in each finger of a pair of gloves. Penny starts slowly fingering Devin’s ass while Tristan talks to her about relaxation and build up.*
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HI, I’M PIPH , AND I HAVE A VERY DISCERNING VAGINA. Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over adecade , I’ve
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PIPH LIBS™: MAD LIBS FOR DISCERNING PERVERTSApril 1, 2021
Traditional mad libs are not nearly filthy enough for me. That’s why I created Piph Libs™. It’s the latest party game to play with your perverted friends, with stories all about masturbation, sex shops, porn, sex parties, squirting, and other X-rated hijinks! Eight titillating stories available in both online and printable form, so you can play however you desire. Fun for (not at all) the whole family! My inspiration for Piph Libs™ was a lack of truly risqué mad libs ... Keep Reading Giveaways Hi, I love youSex Toy
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REVIEW: WE-VIBE TOUCH X + TANGO XFebruary 18, 2021
Is it a sign things are finally looking up? Fuck, I’ll take anything. A pair of legendary vibrators, cult classics, revamped and enhanced 10 years after their initial release. They... Keep ReadingAnnouncements
SEX TOY BLACK FRIDAY + CYBER MONDAY SALES!November 25, 2020
GOBBLE GOBBLE, peeps. This is it: my annual list of the best sex toy deals for Black Friday and Cyber Monday! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo,... Keep ReadingHi, I love you
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REVIEW: DAME KIP AND POMNovember 15, 2020
Sometimes companies surprise you. When Dame hit the scene with their zealously-crowdfunded initial effort, the “hands-free” labia-clinging Eva, I pegged them as a company that would focus more on (heterosexual)... Keep ReadingGiveaways
SEX TOY SURVIVAL KITS FOR THE APOCALYPSE WINNERS!November 1, 2020
Somehow it’s November already, and with it comes the conclusion of my sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse giveaway. Will the actual apocalypse happen this week? Who knows! We’ll... Keep Readingmore recent posts__
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Favorite sex toys EVER I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.REVIEW: VOLTA
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I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud. REVIEW: TURN ME ON VIBRATING PANTIES Sometimes, even almighty sex toy reviewers make dumb mistakes. I made a huge one when I saw the Booty Parlor Turn Me On Vibrating Panties...Keep Reading
REVIEW: FASCINATOR SHAG THROE A while back, after I learned to squirt, I pleaded for someone, anyone, to buy me a Liberator Fascinator Throe. My juices were soaking through... Keep Reading THE GIRL I CALL AERIE Aerie greets me at the airport with a bouquet of hand-drawn sex toys. Eleven toys, all of them my favorites, with green pipe cleaner stems.On... Keep Reading
WHAT, YOU DON’T WANT A DILDO WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND’S FACE ON IT? Why wouldn’t you want this smug bastard smiling at you while you masturbate? He looks like the kind of guy who works in sales. Or...Keep Reading
THE THINGS WE’VE BUILT GAY BEACH GIRLFROND FUNTIMES SUPERBLORPS. That’s what our shared calendar said. We planned the trip on a whim: several nights at the coast, in an... Keep Reading THE WORLD’S FIRST AND ONLY REAL G-SPOT TOY! EVER!!! Revolutionary! Game-changing! The best! The first! The only! Companies have been wailing such nonsense since the beginning of time. Sex toy manufacturers in particular love to employ... KeepReading
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