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MEMORIAL DAY JOKES
The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1. The 2012 film Lincoln is doing well in theaters, historically this has not been true. Let us remember as we fall asleep this Memorial Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom. NATIONAL PAUL BUNYAN DAY JOKES Is you dad Paul Bunyan, cuz baby you giving me wood. Ohanother Paul Bunyan joke, I should've saw that one coming. National Paul Bunyan Day is celebrated annually on June 28th. Lumberjack Jokes. NATIONAL PICNIC DAY JOKES National Picnic Day is every April 23rd and is a day for everyone to enjoy a meal outside. I asked my Canadian friend "Did you have a good Summer? He replied "Yes indeed, we had a great picnic that afternoon!" Company Picnic. A wife took her husband to the company picnic and started berating him. NATIONAL SANGRIA DAY JOKES A guy offers a girl a glass of sangria, but the girl says wine is bad for her legs, The guy ask "Do they swell?" The girl replies "No they spread". A woman walks up to an obnoxious drunk at a bar and tells him, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your drink." The man replies, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." KNOCK KNOCK RELIGIOUS JOKES Dubai! Dubai who? I know your Muslim, but would you allow me Dubai you a drink? Knock Knock. Who's there? Heaven! Heaven who? Heaven seen you in ages! Knock Knock.LAND ROVER JOKES
A girl who swallows is like owning a Range Rover, You don't need it, but it's nice to have. A lady walks into a Land Rover dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Range Rover and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.RED SKELTON JOKES
Red Skelton Jokes. Back to: People Jokes : Comedian Jokes. Red Skelton Stand Up Jokes. "All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. ". "I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up." "Congress: Bingo with billions". She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too latefor the
GOLFING WITH WIFE JOKES Golfing with Wife Jokes. A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it willtake to
SKODA JOKES
My Skoda's just marking it's territory." "You might own a SKODA if you keep getting sympathy cards from the dept of transport." "I could never keep a Skoda under me, I was always under the Skoda." "Friends don't let friends drive a Skoda." "I'd rather push a Ford then drive a Skoda." Skoda One Liners. NATIONAL FUDGE DAY JOKES National Fudge day is celebrated annually on June 16th. A Guyanese and a Jamaican walk into a store, the guyanese tief a fudge brownie and when they left the store he said "yuh see dat?" mi tief three fudge brownie bars. "nobody cya tief like me!", and the jamaican said " mek wi go back to the store,me ago show yuh a who a the real tief".MEMORIAL DAY JOKES
The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1. The 2012 film Lincoln is doing well in theaters, historically this has not been true. Let us remember as we fall asleep this Memorial Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom. NATIONAL PAUL BUNYAN DAY JOKES Is you dad Paul Bunyan, cuz baby you giving me wood. Ohanother Paul Bunyan joke, I should've saw that one coming. National Paul Bunyan Day is celebrated annually on June 28th. Lumberjack Jokes. NATIONAL PICNIC DAY JOKES National Picnic Day is every April 23rd and is a day for everyone to enjoy a meal outside. I asked my Canadian friend "Did you have a good Summer? He replied "Yes indeed, we had a great picnic that afternoon!" Company Picnic. A wife took her husband to the company picnic and started berating him. NATIONAL SANGRIA DAY JOKES A guy offers a girl a glass of sangria, but the girl says wine is bad for her legs, The guy ask "Do they swell?" The girl replies "No they spread". A woman walks up to an obnoxious drunk at a bar and tells him, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your drink." The man replies, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." KNOCK KNOCK RELIGIOUS JOKES Dubai! Dubai who? I know your Muslim, but would you allow me Dubai you a drink? Knock Knock. Who's there? Heaven! Heaven who? Heaven seen you in ages! Knock Knock.LAND ROVER JOKES
A girl who swallows is like owning a Range Rover, You don't need it, but it's nice to have. A lady walks into a Land Rover dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Range Rover and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.RED SKELTON JOKES
Red Skelton Jokes. Back to: People Jokes : Comedian Jokes. Red Skelton Stand Up Jokes. "All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. ". "I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up." "Congress: Bingo with billions". She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too latefor the
GOLFING WITH WIFE JOKES Golfing with Wife Jokes. A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it willtake to
SKODA JOKES
My Skoda's just marking it's territory." "You might own a SKODA if you keep getting sympathy cards from the dept of transport." "I could never keep a Skoda under me, I was always under the Skoda." "Friends don't let friends drive a Skoda." "I'd rather push a Ford then drive a Skoda." Skoda One Liners.JOKES4US.COM
Jokes4us.com - Adult Jokes, Dirty Jokes, Pick Up Lines, Funny Jokes,Blonde Jokes
NATIONAL PICNIC DAY JOKES National Picnic Day is every April 23rd and is a day for everyone to enjoy a meal outside. I asked my Canadian friend "Did you have a good Summer? He replied "Yes indeed, we had a great picnic that afternoon!" Company Picnic. A wife took her husband to the company picnic and started berating him.TANNING JOKES
I just turned my brightness all the way up on the iPhone & got a nice little tan. Fake tan. Fake boobs. Fake nails. Fake hair. Tell us again how you want a real man. There is a fine line between a tan and looking like you rolled around in a bag of doritos. NATIONAL LICORICE DAY JOKES National Licorice Day is observed each year on April 12. It celebrates black licorice history and health benefits. A guy walks into the doctor's office. A twizzlers stuck in one of his ears, a jolly rancher in the other ear, and a M&M stuck in one nostril. The man says, "Doc,this is terrible.
MONTREAL CANADIENS JOKES A: Because the cup's always in Detroit! Q: Why did the Canadiens enforcer retire early? A: He was ice fishing and got run over by the zamboni! Q: What do you call 5 Montreal Canadiens players standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel. Q: Why are the Canadiens like grizzly bears? A: Every fall they go into hibernation.SUNDERLAND JOKES
Reckless Driver. A Newcastle United fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Black Cats supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Sunderland jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them. One day while driving along,he saw a priest.
LANDLORD JOKES
St. Peter then says to the apartment manager, "I want you to sleep on it and meet me back here in the morning to let me know your decision." The next morning he comes back and says to St. Peter, "Heaven is very nice and all, but hell looks great, so I've decided that I want to go to hell". So St. Peter puts him on the escalator down to hell. TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS JOKES The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Maple Leafs fan." "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why I'm proud to be a Philadelphia Flyers fan.", boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Flyers fan.CATERPILLAR JOKES
in Caterloges. I felt so guilty after I stepped on that caterpillar this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed. Movies. A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a colorful caterpillar sitting next to him. "Are you a caterpillar?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes."BASSOON JOKES
Bassoon Jokes. Back to: Miscellaneous Jokes : Music Jokes. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the bassoon recital. Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? A: The bassoon burns longer. Q: What is a burning oboe good for? A: Setting a bassoon on fire. Q: Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon?JOKES4US.COM
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MEMORIAL DAY JOKES
The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1. The 2012 film Lincoln is doing well in theaters, historically this has not been true. Let us remember as we fall asleep this Memorial Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom. KNOCK KNOCK RELIGIOUS JOKES Dubai! Dubai who? I know your Muslim, but would you allow me Dubai you a drink? Knock Knock. Who's there? Heaven! Heaven who? Heaven seen you in ages! Knock Knock. TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS JOKES The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Maple Leafs fan." "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why I'm proud to be a Philadelphia Flyers fan.", boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Flyers fan.LAND ROVER JOKES
A girl who swallows is like owning a Range Rover, You don't need it, but it's nice to have. A lady walks into a Land Rover dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Range Rover and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.RED SKELTON JOKES
Red Skelton Jokes. Back to: People Jokes : Comedian Jokes. Red Skelton Stand Up Jokes. "All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. ". "I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up." "Congress: Bingo with billions". She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too latefor the
TANNING JOKES
I just turned my brightness all the way up on the iPhone & got a nice little tan. Fake tan. Fake boobs. Fake nails. Fake hair. Tell us again how you want a real man. There is a fine line between a tan and looking like you rolled around in a bag of doritos.CATHOLIC JOKES
Catholic Jokes. A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?" Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter? A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand. Q: Why couldn't the Virgin Mary sleep? A: Because Jesus cries (christ). Q: Why did the sponge go to church? MANCHESTER CITY F.C. JOKES Manchester City Football Club Jokes. Q: How many MCFC supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus? A: Never enough. Q: What's the difference between Manuel Pellegrini and God? A: God doesn't think he's Manuel Pellegrini. Q: What do you call a Sky Blues fan with no arms and legs? A: Trustworthy.VETERINARIAN JOKES
Boy: Awful. Clinic. A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he. lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."JOKES4US.COM
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MEMORIAL DAY JOKES
The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1. The 2012 film Lincoln is doing well in theaters, historically this has not been true. Let us remember as we fall asleep this Memorial Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom. KNOCK KNOCK RELIGIOUS JOKES Dubai! Dubai who? I know your Muslim, but would you allow me Dubai you a drink? Knock Knock. Who's there? Heaven! Heaven who? Heaven seen you in ages! Knock Knock. TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS JOKES The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Maple Leafs fan." "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why I'm proud to be a Philadelphia Flyers fan.", boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Flyers fan.LAND ROVER JOKES
A girl who swallows is like owning a Range Rover, You don't need it, but it's nice to have. A lady walks into a Land Rover dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Range Rover and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.RED SKELTON JOKES
Red Skelton Jokes. Back to: People Jokes : Comedian Jokes. Red Skelton Stand Up Jokes. "All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. ". "I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up." "Congress: Bingo with billions". She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too latefor the
TANNING JOKES
I just turned my brightness all the way up on the iPhone & got a nice little tan. Fake tan. Fake boobs. Fake nails. Fake hair. Tell us again how you want a real man. There is a fine line between a tan and looking like you rolled around in a bag of doritos.CATHOLIC JOKES
Catholic Jokes. A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?" Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter? A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand. Q: Why couldn't the Virgin Mary sleep? A: Because Jesus cries (christ). Q: Why did the sponge go to church? MANCHESTER CITY F.C. JOKES Manchester City Football Club Jokes. Q: How many MCFC supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus? A: Never enough. Q: What's the difference between Manuel Pellegrini and God? A: God doesn't think he's Manuel Pellegrini. Q: What do you call a Sky Blues fan with no arms and legs? A: Trustworthy.VETERINARIAN JOKES
Boy: Awful. Clinic. A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he. lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."JOKES4US.COM
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NATIONAL FUDGE DAY JOKES National Fudge day is celebrated annually on June 16th. A Guyanese and a Jamaican walk into a store, the guyanese tief a fudge brownie and when they left the store he said "yuh see dat?" mi tief three fudge brownie bars. "nobody cya tief like me!", and the jamaican said " mek wi go back to the store,me ago show yuh a who a the real tief".CORONAVIRUS JOKES
Coronavirus jokes are spreading. Toilet paper jokes are not my favorite but they are a solid #2. Coronavirus jokes are rapidly becoming a pun-demic. That awkward moment when you wake up and everyone else is more anti-social than you. The coronavirus lastsFATHER'S DAY JOKES
Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me. Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one can be very rough. Father's Day is just like Mother's Day, except on Father's Day you buy a cheaper gift. KNOCK KNOCK BUSINESS JOKES Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice! Knock Knock. Who's there? Perth! Perth who? I control the Perth (purse) strings in this house. Knock Knock. Who's there?TANNING JOKES
I just turned my brightness all the way up on the iPhone & got a nice little tan. Fake tan. Fake boobs. Fake nails. Fake hair. Tell us again how you want a real man. There is a fine line between a tan and looking like you rolled around in a bag of doritos.SOUTHERN JOKES
Roses are red, mud is brown, country music up, tailgate down. Country Girls aren't afraid to love a man. They ain't afraid to shoot one neither. Furthermore, country girls don't retreat, they reload. You might be from the south if your diet mainly consists of Fried Chickenand Sweet Tea.
NATIONAL LICORICE DAY JOKES National Licorice Day is observed each year on April 12. It celebrates black licorice history and health benefits. A guy walks into the doctor's office. A twizzlers stuck in one of his ears, a jolly rancher in the other ear, and a M&M stuck in one nostril. The man says, "Doc,this is terrible.
SKODA JOKES
My Skoda's just marking it's territory." "You might own a SKODA if you keep getting sympathy cards from the dept of transport." "I could never keep a Skoda under me, I was always under the Skoda." "Friends don't let friends drive a Skoda." "I'd rather push a Ford then drive a Skoda." Skoda One Liners.ADAM & EVE JOKES
Love. One day adam was asking god questions, he says to god "Lord, why did you make eve so beautiful" god said," so you would love her". Adam asks "Lord,why did you make her feel so soft and nice" god said "so you would love her". Adam said, "But lord,why did you make her soMEMORIAL DAY JOKES
The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1. The 2012 film Lincoln is doing well in theaters, historically this has not been true. Let us remember as we fall asleep this Memorial Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom. NATIONAL FUDGE DAY JOKES National Fudge day is celebrated annually on June 16th. A Guyanese and a Jamaican walk into a store, the guyanese tief a fudge brownie and when they left the store he said "yuh see dat?" mi tief three fudge brownie bars. "nobody cya tief like me!", and the jamaican said " mek wi go back to the store,me ago show yuh a who a the real tief". NATIONAL PICNIC DAY JOKES National Picnic Day is every April 23rd and is a day for everyone to enjoy a meal outside. I asked my Canadian friend "Did you have a good Summer? He replied "Yes indeed, we had a great picnic that afternoon!" Company Picnic. A wife took her husband to the company picnic and started berating him. NATIONAL PAUL BUNYAN DAY JOKES Is you dad Paul Bunyan, cuz baby you giving me wood. Ohanother Paul Bunyan joke, I should've saw that one coming. National Paul Bunyan Day is celebrated annually on June 28th. Lumberjack Jokes. NATIONAL SANGRIA DAY JOKES A guy offers a girl a glass of sangria, but the girl says wine is bad for her legs, The guy ask "Do they swell?" The girl replies "No they spread". A woman walks up to an obnoxious drunk at a bar and tells him, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your drink." The man replies, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."LAND ROVER JOKES
A girl who swallows is like owning a Range Rover, You don't need it, but it's nice to have. A lady walks into a Land Rover dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Range Rover and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind. TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS JOKES The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Maple Leafs fan." "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why I'm proud to be a Philadelphia Flyers fan.", boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Flyers fan.BENTLEY JOKES
A girl who swallows is like owning a Bentley, You don't need it, but it's nice to have. A lady walks into a Bentley dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Bentley Continental GT and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.RED SKELTON JOKES
Red Skelton Jokes. Back to: People Jokes : Comedian Jokes. Red Skelton Stand Up Jokes. "All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. ". "I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up." "Congress: Bingo with billions". She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too latefor the
GOLFING WITH WIFE JOKES Golfing with Wife Jokes. A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it willtake to
MEMORIAL DAY JOKES
The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1. The 2012 film Lincoln is doing well in theaters, historically this has not been true. Let us remember as we fall asleep this Memorial Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom. NATIONAL FUDGE DAY JOKES National Fudge day is celebrated annually on June 16th. A Guyanese and a Jamaican walk into a store, the guyanese tief a fudge brownie and when they left the store he said "yuh see dat?" mi tief three fudge brownie bars. "nobody cya tief like me!", and the jamaican said " mek wi go back to the store,me ago show yuh a who a the real tief". NATIONAL PICNIC DAY JOKES National Picnic Day is every April 23rd and is a day for everyone to enjoy a meal outside. I asked my Canadian friend "Did you have a good Summer? He replied "Yes indeed, we had a great picnic that afternoon!" Company Picnic. A wife took her husband to the company picnic and started berating him. NATIONAL PAUL BUNYAN DAY JOKES Is you dad Paul Bunyan, cuz baby you giving me wood. Ohanother Paul Bunyan joke, I should've saw that one coming. National Paul Bunyan Day is celebrated annually on June 28th. Lumberjack Jokes. NATIONAL SANGRIA DAY JOKES A guy offers a girl a glass of sangria, but the girl says wine is bad for her legs, The guy ask "Do they swell?" The girl replies "No they spread". A woman walks up to an obnoxious drunk at a bar and tells him, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your drink." The man replies, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."LAND ROVER JOKES
A girl who swallows is like owning a Range Rover, You don't need it, but it's nice to have. A lady walks into a Land Rover dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Range Rover and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind. TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS JOKES The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Maple Leafs fan." "Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" "Why I'm proud to be a Philadelphia Flyers fan.", boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Flyers fan.BENTLEY JOKES
A girl who swallows is like owning a Bentley, You don't need it, but it's nice to have. A lady walks into a Bentley dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Bentley Continental GT and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.RED SKELTON JOKES
Red Skelton Jokes. Back to: People Jokes : Comedian Jokes. Red Skelton Stand Up Jokes. "All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. ". "I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up." "Congress: Bingo with billions". She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too latefor the
GOLFING WITH WIFE JOKES Golfing with Wife Jokes. A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it willtake to
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NATIONAL PICNIC DAY JOKES National Picnic Day is every April 23rd and is a day for everyone to enjoy a meal outside. I asked my Canadian friend "Did you have a good Summer? He replied "Yes indeed, we had a great picnic that afternoon!" Company Picnic. A wife took her husband to the company picnic and started berating him. NATIONAL LICORICE DAY JOKES National Licorice Day is observed each year on April 12. It celebrates black licorice history and health benefits. A guy walks into the doctor's office. A twizzlers stuck in one of his ears, a jolly rancher in the other ear, and a M&M stuck in one nostril. The man says, "Doc,this is terrible.
ZOO JOKES - ANIMAL JOKES A kangaroo keeps escaping from his enclosure at a zoo. The blonde zookeeper decides to add a meter to the wall of the enclosure. But it doesn't work, the kangaroo escapes again. So the zookeeper adds 3 meters to the wall. Still nothing, the kangaroo escapes again. The zookeeper adds 5 meters to the wall. LOST SOCK MEMORIAL DAY JOKES Lost Sock Memorial Day is celebrated annually on May 9. Joey was a great guy with wonderful qualities except for unbelievably stinky feet. Sharon was a fabulous gal with everything going for her except her terrible breath. Because of these qualities neither dared to date anyone. When they met, however, they knew they were right for eachother.
KNOCK KNOCK BUSINESS JOKES Opportunity. Don't be silly - opportunity doesn't knock twice! Knock Knock. Who's there? Perth! Perth who? I control the Perth (purse) strings in this house. Knock Knock. Who's there? NATIONAL GINGERBREAD HOUSE DAY JOKES National Gingerbread House day is observed annually on December 12th. God Is Watching. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."TANNING JOKES
I just turned my brightness all the way up on the iPhone & got a nice little tan. Fake tan. Fake boobs. Fake nails. Fake hair. Tell us again how you want a real man. There is a fine line between a tan and looking like you rolled around in a bag of doritos.ALIEN JOKES
Mork: Because it's hard to stack oatmeal. Mork: Wait a minute, I've got to show you something. I've already picked out my bumper sticker. Todd Norman Taylor aka TNT: "Aliens makebetter lovers".
PARSNIP JOKES
A: Children will eat their snot! Two parsnips. One day two parsnips, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured parsnip called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able.* Animal Jokes
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SHORT DIRTY JOKES
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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"FLASLIGHT
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"SEXUAL EXHAUSTION
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."BLOWJOBS FOR MONEY
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on$800 a year!!!"
POLICE OFFICER
A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"OLD COUPLE
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup."THREE GIRLFRIENDS
Your best friend has three girlfriends. Their names are Doe, Ray, andMe.
All 3 wants to do something special so they set up some dates. Three days ago Doe kisses him. Two days ago Ray gives him vaginal sex. Yesterday, who sucks his dick? A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?" Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches yourpussy say "stop"?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don't stop" A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. 'Do you want a bag?', the cashier asks 'No', the guy says, 'she's not that ugly' Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy. Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran infront of the bus?A: He got tired
Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist! Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath andcalling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection? A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese. Q: What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common? A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Q: How do you make an old woman start cursing? A: Just scream BINGO! Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed? A: Because their plugged into a genius! Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? Q: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit. A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue. Q: What has got two legs and bleeds?A: Half a dog!
Q: What do you call an afghan virgin A: Mever bin laid on Q: Why is santa so jolly? A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. Q: Why did God give men penises? A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaurA: A lickalotopis
Q.When do you kick a dwarf in the balls? A.When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice Q:Why did Tigger look in the toilet? A:Because he was looking for Pooh If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off? Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?A: Ate something
If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass. Q: What kind of bees produce milk?A: Boobies
Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant. Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don't have balls to scratch. Q: What do bread and autistic kids have in common? A: They both have special needs Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me! One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me asister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother." Q; Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader? A: They both suck for four quarters. Q; What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? A: A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off Q: Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer? A: The grass tickles their balls Q: What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown? A: A cheater, cheater, woman beater. Q: What is pink, goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?A: Bubble Gum.
Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25year old doesn't?
A: Her navel.
Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common? A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back! Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs? A: He doesn't want anyone knowing he's been fucking the chickens! Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken. Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbit just died? A: Yeah I heard she was on the freeway and some dick cut her off. Q: When does a cub become a boy scout? A: When he eats his first Brownie. Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?A: Wiped his ass.
Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck ? A: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in. Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in theU.S.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?A: Halfway
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Q: What do u call a bunny with a bent dick?A: FUCKS FUNNY
Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?A: Snowballs.
Q: What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. Q: What's 6 inches long and starts with a p? A: ........... a shit (think about it) Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job? A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?A: Miracle Whip.
Q: What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common? A: They both only change their pads after every third period! Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak. Q: Whats the best thing about a 18 year old girl in the shower? A: Slick her hair back she looks 15.. Q: What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman? A: The back of my hand. Q: What do you call a bookworm who gets eaten by a cannibal? A: "Reader's Digest." Q: What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?A: The PGA tour.
Q: How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry. Q: How man Sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two, One to screw it in, and one to take a picture. Q: How do you kill a retard? A: Give him a knife and say "Who's special?" Q: What does a gangbanger have in common with a soda machine? A: They both don't work and always take your money. Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral? A: There are only two handles on a garbage can. Q: How do they say "fuck you" in Los Angeles?A: Trust me.
Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100? A: Pull some strings. Q: Why can't Jesus eat m&m's? A: Because he has holes in his hands. Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on? A: Because they can't stand up for themselves Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done... Q: What would happen if you cut off your left side? A: You would be all right. Q: What is Superman's greatest weakness?A: A bucking horse.
Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide? A: He got the gas bill. Q: What is a crack head's favorite song?A: I wanna rock!
Q: How do you get retards out of a tree?A: Wave to them!
Q: What do you call a gangbanger behind bars? A: Anything you want. Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? A: He didn't have any arms. Q: What's sicker than a pile of dead babies? A: The one alive in the middle chewing it's way out. Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? A: Pick him up and suck on his cock! Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? A: Because his pecker is on his head! Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A: He needed to get to the bottom! Q: What did the penis say to the condom? A: Cover me im going in! Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah? A: About three inches. Q: What's worse than spiders on your piano? A: Crabs on your organ. Q: Why did the Mafia cross the road?A: Forget about it.
Q: What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot15 times?
A: Worst case of suicide he had ever seen. Q: After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." A: She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." Q: What's black, white, and red all over and doesn't fit through arevolving door?
A: A nun with a spear through her head. Q: Why are pubic Hairs so curly? A: So they don't poke her eye out. Q. What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist? A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks hisfingers.
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?A: A bingo machine.
Q: Why do men like big tits and a tight ass? A: Because they've got big mouths and little dicks. Q: Whats long hard and full of seamen?A: A submarine
Q: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff?A: A Crane!
Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? A: They named him Sum Ting Wong. Q: Name the five great kings that have brought happiness in to peopleslives
A: Drinking Licking sucking fucking and wanking. Q: What's the difference between onions and prostitutes? A: I cry when I cut up onions... Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey? A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards. Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A: A trip without the kids! Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?A: Nacho Cheese.
Q: Why don't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?A: Wiped his ass.
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A. Call her and tell her. Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? A: Because they have cotton balls. Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?A: 45 lbs.
Q: Why was the African American girl quiet during the movie?A: She wasn't.
Q: Why do black people not like to go on cruises? A: They already fell for that trick once. Q: What's the job application to Hooters? A: They just give you a bra and say: Here, fill this out. Q: Whats the hardest part of rollerblading? A: Telling your parents that you are gay. Q: What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating aclown?
A: Does this taste funny to you? Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the shit out of their dogs! Q: What does D.A.M stand for? A: Mothers Against Dyslexia. Q: What do you get when you mix puppies and rabbits?A: Puppets.
Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? A: It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus. Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? A: It depends on how hard you throw them. Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? A: Spit, swallow, and gargle, Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? A: Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work. Q: Why do they call it the wonder bra? A: When you take it off you wonder where her tits went. Q: What's sicker than having sex with a pregnant woman? A: Having sex with a pregnant woman and getting a bj by the baby. Q: What do you call a teenage girl who doesn't masturbate?A: A liar.
Q: Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? A: You can drop them off anywhere. Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? A: "I'll see you next month." Q: Whats the best thing about Pocahontas in the shower? A: Slick her hair back and she looks 15... Q: What does a guy and a car have in common? A: They both have the ability to misfire. Q: What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit? A: If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts! Q: What's even better than winning the Special Olympics A: Not being a retard. Q: What do 9 out of 10 people consider to be a good time?A: Gang rape.
Q: What do you call a school bus full of white people?A: Twinkie.
Q: What did one tampon say to the other? A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches. Q: What do you call a retard in a tree with a brief case?A: Branch Manager.
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A: At least a zit waits until you're a teenager before it cums on yourface!
Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?A. Very satisfying.
Q: Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine? A: Line dancing at a nusing home. Q: What is the square root of 69?A: Ate something
Q: But do you know what 6.9 is? A: A good thing screwed up by a period. Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up. Q: What does a rubix cube and a Penis have in common? A: The more you play with it the harder it gets. Q: What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? A: Kermit the frogs finger Q: What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? A: Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12 Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken... Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus! A recent survey shows that sperm banks beat blood banks in contributions...HANDS DOWN! If you force sex on a prostitute, is it rape or shoplifting? youchoose.
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water? A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed. Q: What is Moby Dick's dad's name?A: Papa Boner
Q: What do you get when you cross a potato and corn?A: porn
Q: How do you eat a squirrel? A: You spread its little legs. Q: Ever had sex while camping? A: It's fucking intents. Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit. The bear was taking a shit in the woods when he asked the rabbit if he had problems with shit sticking to its fur. The rabbit said no so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. Scientists say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches. This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting. It would be a lot easier to be a hard worker if my company didn't block access to porn sites on the internet. How many guys can participate in a gang bang before it's gay? Friends are like balloons. If you stab them, they die. My Mexican friend wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it'smore of a wrap.
Diarrhea is hereditary, it runs in your jeans. Life is like a box of chocolates, It doesn't last too long for fatpeople.
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