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FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. — Bill Clinton. Some of my best friends are Oscar Wilde. — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. I once killed a man for snoring too loudly. — Gandhi. Rumors of my wit have been greatlyexaggerated.
FUNNY2 - WHAT WOMEN SAY (AND WHAT THEY MEAN) What Women Say (And What They Mean) ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those"arguments.
FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK Employee Handbook DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takesit to
FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1. My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to Delores Maldeos) Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time. FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. — Bill Clinton. Some of my best friends are Oscar Wilde. — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. I once killed a man for snoring too loudly. — Gandhi. Rumors of my wit have been greatlyexaggerated.
FUNNY2 - WHAT WOMEN SAY (AND WHAT THEY MEAN) What Women Say (And What They Mean) ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those"arguments.
FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK Employee Handbook DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takesit to
FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1. My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to Delores Maldeos) Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time. FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - WHAT WOMEN SAY (AND WHAT THEY MEAN) What Women Say (And What They Mean) ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those"arguments.
FUNNY2 - TEACHING MATH 4. Teaching Math In 1980. A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Math In 1995. A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or thepreservation of our
FUNNY2 - OLD CHINESE PROVERBS Old Chinese Proverbs. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground. One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him. Man who streaks is unsuited for his work. Girl who does FUNNY2 - A PERFECT DAY A Perfect Day. The Perfect Day for Her: 8:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses. 8:30 Weigh in: 5lbs lighter than yesterday! 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants. 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil. 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer. 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo andcomb out.
FUNNY2 - MEN'S RULES 1 Men's Rules 1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! FUNNY2 - AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER TALK 1 A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach." Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waitingfor start
FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES 18 Mitch Hedberg Quotes 18. Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! I need to buy a safe that looks like a Spray 'N Wash can. "Hey, Mitch, can I use the Spray 'N Wash?" FUNNY2 - MEN VS. WOMEN: HOW TO CHANGE OIL 1 Men vs. Women: How to Change Oil 1 WOMEN: 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube or Valvoline Instant Oil Change when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change. FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. — Bill Clinton. Some of my best friends are Oscar Wilde. — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. I once killed a man for snoring too loudly. — Gandhi. Rumors of my wit have been greatlyexaggerated.
FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - WHAT WOMEN SAY (AND WHAT THEY MEAN) What Women Say (And What They Mean) ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those"arguments.
FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK Employee Handbook DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takesit to
FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1. My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to Delores Maldeos) Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time. FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. — Bill Clinton. Some of my best friends are Oscar Wilde. — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. I once killed a man for snoring too loudly. — Gandhi. Rumors of my wit have been greatlyexaggerated.
FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - WHAT WOMEN SAY (AND WHAT THEY MEAN) What Women Say (And What They Mean) ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those"arguments.
FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK Employee Handbook DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takesit to
FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1. My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to Delores Maldeos) Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time. FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - WHAT WOMEN SAY (AND WHAT THEY MEAN) What Women Say (And What They Mean) ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those"arguments.
FUNNY2 - TEACHING MATH 4. Teaching Math In 1980. A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Math In 1995. A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or thepreservation of our
FUNNY2 - OLD CHINESE PROVERBS Old Chinese Proverbs. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground. One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him. Man who streaks is unsuited for his work. Girl who does FUNNY2 - A PERFECT DAY A Perfect Day. The Perfect Day for Her: 8:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses. 8:30 Weigh in: 5lbs lighter than yesterday! 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants. 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil. 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer. 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo andcomb out.
FUNNY2 - MEN'S RULES 1 Men's Rules 1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! FUNNY2 - AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER TALK 1 A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach." Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waitingfor start
FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES 18 Mitch Hedberg Quotes 18. Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! I need to buy a safe that looks like a Spray 'N Wash can. "Hey, Mitch, can I use the Spray 'N Wash?" FUNNY2 - MEN VS. WOMEN: HOW TO CHANGE OIL 1 Men vs. Women: How to Change Oil 1 WOMEN: 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube or Valvoline Instant Oil Change when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change. FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. — Bill Clinton. Some of my best friends are Oscar Wilde. — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. I once killed a man for snoring too loudly. — Gandhi. Rumors of my wit have been greatlyexaggerated.
FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - TEACHING MATH 4. Teaching Math In 1980. A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Math In 1995. A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or thepreservation of our
FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK Employee Handbook DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - MEN'S RULES 1 Men's Rules 1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takesit to
FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1. My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to Delores Maldeos) Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time. FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. — Bill Clinton. Some of my best friends are Oscar Wilde. — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. I once killed a man for snoring too loudly. — Gandhi. Rumors of my wit have been greatlyexaggerated.
FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - TEACHING MATH 4. Teaching Math In 1980. A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Math In 1995. A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or thepreservation of our
FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK Employee Handbook DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - MEN'S RULES 1 Men's Rules 1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takesit to
FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1. My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to Delores Maldeos) Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time. FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - WHY? 1
Why? 1. Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know what time it is, but they don't point to their pants when they need to ask where the restroom is? Why is is it called a roach clip? It should be called a pot holder. (thanks to Lonnie Challet) FUNNY2 - WHAT YOU LEARN IN COLLEGE 1 What You Learn in College 1 Quarters are like gold. Flip-flops become as important as soap, and shampoo. FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takesit to
FUNNY2 - MEN'S RULES 1 Men's Rules 1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! FUNNY2 - FRUITCAKE RECIPE Fruitcake Recipe Ingredients: 1 cup water 1 cup sugar 4 large eggs 2 cups candied fruit 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 1 cup brownsugar
FUNNY2 - FALSE FACTS 2 False Facts 2. To combat global warming, the United States government is suggesting that when Daylight Savings time ends, Americans set the clocks and thermometers back. The lead role for the movie "Gandhi" originally was offered to Burt Reynolds. If you notify the flight attendant that it's your birthday, most airlines will let you exit the FUNNY2 - DOCTOR'S NOTES Doctor's Notes. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day, the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993. FUNNY2 - MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES 18 Mitch Hedberg Quotes 18. Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! I need to buy a safe that looks like a Spray 'N Wash can. "Hey, Mitch, can I use the Spray 'N Wash?" FUNNY2 - MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES 2 Mitch Hedberg Quotes 2. I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!" Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great. I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle. This one commercial said, "Forget everything you know aboutslipcovers." So I
FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store THE HUSBAND STORE A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose ahusband.
FUNNY2 - TEACHING MATH Teaching Math (over the years) 1. Teaching Math In 1950 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of theprice.
FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds are 1 Odds of bowling a 300 game: 11,500 to 1 Odds of getting a hole in one: 5,000 to 1 Odds of getting canonized: 20,000,000 to 1 FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Fake Quotes The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source. — George Washington I hate it when people quote me on the internet, claiming I said things that I never actually said.Rev. FUNNY2 - EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK Employee Handbook DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Wife & Girlfriend Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0, and found that it’s a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. FUNNY2 - MEN'S RULES 1 Men's Rules 1 Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1 My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to DeloresMaldeos)
FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store THE HUSBAND STORE A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose ahusband.
FUNNY2 - TEACHING MATH Teaching Math (over the years) 1. Teaching Math In 1950 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of theprice.
FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds are 1 Odds of bowling a 300 game: 11,500 to 1 Odds of getting a hole in one: 5,000 to 1 Odds of getting canonized: 20,000,000 to 1 FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Fake Quotes The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source. — George Washington I hate it when people quote me on the internet, claiming I said things that I never actually said.Rev. FUNNY2 - EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK Employee Handbook DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Wife & Girlfriend Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0, and found that it’s a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. FUNNY2 - MEN'S RULES 1 Men's Rules 1 Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1 My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to DeloresMaldeos)
FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Fake Quotes The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source. — George Washington I hate it when people quote me on the internet, claiming I said things that I never actually said.Rev. FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds are 1 Odds of bowling a 300 game: 11,500 to 1 Odds of getting a hole in one: 5,000 to 1 Odds of getting canonized: 20,000,000 to 1 FUNNY2 - WHAT YOU LEARN IN COLLEGE 1 What You Learn in College 1 Quarters are like gold. Flip-flops become as important as soap, and shampoo. FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. FUNNY2 - MEN'S RULES 1 Men's Rules 1 Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. FUNNY2 - FRUITCAKE RECIPE Fruitcake Recipe Ingredients: 1 cup water 1 cup sugar 4 large eggs 2 cups candied fruit 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 1 cup brownsugar
FUNNY2 - FALSE FACTS 2 False Facts 2 To combat global warming, the United States government is suggesting that when Daylight Savings time ends, Americans set the clocks and thermometers back. FUNNY2 - DOCTOR'S NOTES Doctor's Notes Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day, the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely. FUNNY2 - MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES 18 Mitch Hedberg Quotes 18 Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! FUNNY2 - MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES 6 Mitch Hedberg Quotes 6 Imagine if an bow and arrow killed you. That would suck. An arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. FUNNY2 - TEACHING MATH 4. Teaching Math In 1980. A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Math In 1995. A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or thepreservation of our
FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. — Bill Clinton. Some of my best friends are Oscar Wilde. — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. I once killed a man for snoring too loudly. — Gandhi. Rumors of my wit have been greatlyexaggerated.
FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - OLD CHINESE PROVERBS Old Chinese Proverbs. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground. One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him. Man who streaks is unsuited for his work. Girl who does FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takesit to
FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1. My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to Delores Maldeos) Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time. FUNNY2 - TEACHING MATH 4. Teaching Math In 1980. A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Math In 1995. A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or thepreservation of our
FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. — Bill Clinton. Some of my best friends are Oscar Wilde. — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. I once killed a man for snoring too loudly. — Gandhi. Rumors of my wit have been greatlyexaggerated.
FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - OLD CHINESE PROVERBS Old Chinese Proverbs. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground. One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him. Man who streaks is unsuited for his work. Girl who does FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takesit to
FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1. My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to Delores Maldeos) Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time. FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - ACTUAL COUNTRY/WESTERN SONGS 3 Actual Country/Western Songs 3 Touch Me With More Than Your Hands The Last Word In Lonesome Is "Me" Do You Love As Good As You Look FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK Employee Handbook DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. FUNNY2 - MEN'S RULES 1 Men's Rules 1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! FUNNY2 - HENNY YOUNGMAN JOKES 7 Henny Youngman Jokes 7. My wife is an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!" Take my wife, please! I've been married for 49 years. FUNNY2 - AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER TALK 1 A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach." Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waitingfor start
FUNNY2 - WILL ROGERS QUOTES Never squat while wearing your spurs. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Always drink upstream from the herd. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. The quickest way to double your money is to fold FUNNY2 - MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES 6 Mitch Hedberg Quotes 6. Imagine if an bow and arrow killed you. That would suck. An arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. "Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way." Pizza Hut will accept other pizzeria's coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place. FUNNY2 - TEACHING MATH 4. Teaching Math In 1980. A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Math In 1995. A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or thepreservation of our
FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. — Bill Clinton. Some of my best friends are Oscar Wilde. — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. I once killed a man for snoring too loudly. — Gandhi. Rumors of my wit have been greatlyexaggerated.
FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - OLD CHINESE PROVERBS Old Chinese Proverbs. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground. One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him. Man who streaks is unsuited for his work. Girl who does FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takesit to
FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1. My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to Delores Maldeos) Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time. FUNNY2 - TEACHING MATH 4. Teaching Math In 1980. A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Math In 1995. A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or thepreservation of our
FUNNY2 - FAKE QUOTES Behind every great man there stands a great woman. Behind every great woman is a great behind. — Bill Clinton. Some of my best friends are Oscar Wilde. — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. I once killed a man for snoring too loudly. — Gandhi. Rumors of my wit have been greatlyexaggerated.
FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - OLD CHINESE PROVERBS Old Chinese Proverbs. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground. One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him. Man who streaks is unsuited for his work. Girl who does FUNNY2 - DAFFYNITIONS 1 Daffynitions 1 Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach. Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they weredesigned to solve.
FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - THE AMERICAN BARBECUE The American Barbecue. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion: 1. The woman buys the food. 2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takesit to
FUNNY2 - WIFE & GIRLFRIEND Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files withinyour
FUNNY2 - SCHOOL EXCUSES (FROM PARENTS) 1 School Excuses (from PARENTS) 1. My son is under a doctor's care and shouldn't take PE today. Please execute him. (thanks to Delores Maldeos) Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess time. FUNNY2 - ACTUAL COUNTRY/WESTERN SONGS 3 Actual Country/Western Songs 3 Touch Me With More Than Your Hands The Last Word In Lonesome Is "Me" Do You Love As Good As You Look FUNNY2 - SHOPPING MALL FACTS Shopping Mall Facts Mall of America facts: The Mall of America near Minneapolis, MN has over 500 stores. It does not have a heatingsystem.
FUNNY2 - HUSBAND/WIFE STORE Husband/Wife Store. THE HUSBAND STORE. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 1 Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2. Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1. Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1. Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1. Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to1.
FUNNY2 - EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK Employee Handbook DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. FUNNY2 - MOTHER TAUGHT ME 2 Mother Taught Me 2. My mother taught me about ENVY. “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to FUNNY2 - MEN'S RULES 1 Men's Rules 1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! FUNNY2 - ODDS ARE... 2 Odds are 2 Odds of being the victim of serious crime in your lifetime: 20 to 1 Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1 FUNNY2 - MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES 6 Mitch Hedberg Quotes 6. Imagine if an bow and arrow killed you. That would suck. An arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. "Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way." Pizza Hut will accept other pizzeria's coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place. FUNNY2 - WILL ROGERS QUOTES Never squat while wearing your spurs. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Always drink upstream from the herd. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. The quickest way to double your money is to foldNAVIGATION
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