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THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : AN OPEN LETTER TO THE An open letter to the people of the world. Dear human race, First of all, you’re welcome. In the last few days I’ve been overwhelmed by your letters and calls expressing your gratitude to Apple, and mostly to me personally, for inventing yet another life-changing, mind-altering product. All I THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : THERE IS NO SPOON There’s a two-part answer: 1, there is no real reality, and 2, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is which reality our customers will choose to adopt as their own. Of course most people would rather live in a reality where everything works and there are no problems. And now, thanks to me, that reality exists. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : THIS SITE CREEPS ME OUT A commenter dropped a link to this site, which is called “all about steve,” with about a zillion photographs of me, and I just have to say this: Dude, you are creeping me out. Can you imagine some lunatic sitting around all day gathering up photos of me and putting them onhis website, like
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS Recently I got some heat when I said that I don’t want to see us descend into a nation of bloggers. I was called clueless because hey, blogs are the future, right? THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : BILL GATES, SUPER FREAK Bill Gates, super freak. Perez Hilton is reporting that the Beastmaster was getting freaky at Sundance with the young lady in the photo above. And Perez (aka Mario Incontinentia) is acting all surprised, I guess because Bill is an elderly sourpuss geek and Perez can’t imagine that THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2010 : FEBRUARY It’s true that we’ve found a few cases where some of our suppliers have hired underage workers in China. To our credit, we published this information ourselves, on our Web site.Also, let’s be clear — we’re talking about 15-year-old kids, who lied about their age and pretended to be 16 so they could get a job. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2007 : OCTOBER Check out this story from Fast Company in which some filthy hack tells about spending the last two years working in menial retail jobs and tries to pass this off as some kind of George Plimpton “Paper Lion” participatory journalism project. “In what wound up as a two-year undercover project, I took a series of entry-level retail jobs I did it to better understand the world of THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : EVIL GOOGZILLA Evil Googzilla disrespects Aboriginal people and their sacred flag. So Google had some contest in Australia, asking schoolkids to create a Google logo. The kid who won the contest used the Aboriginal flag in her logo. The guy who designed the flag holds a copyright on the image, and he wanted to be paid. Apparently he did not get the memoabout
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : MY LUNCH WITH NANCY PELOSI Okay, so I can’t say much. But here’s the skinny. One day last week I pick up the phone and I hear Gore’s frigtard Southern voice and I’m 90% tempted to do that thing where you pretend you’re the voice mail system, and say, “Sorry but I’m either away from my desk or on the other line, but if you leave a message I’ll call youright back.”
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBSRABID FANBOY HOMEPAGEOLDER ENTRIESPOEMVIDEOSGREATEST HITS * Stock in private tech startups has risen 54% in the past six months. * A company that makes a wristband for using your iPod Nano as a wristwatch has raised nearly $1 million in venture funding. * A company that makes pants — that’s right, fucking pants — just raised $18.5 million. On top of the $7.7 million they’d raisedpreviously.
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : AN OPEN LETTER TO THE An open letter to the people of the world. Dear human race, First of all, you’re welcome. In the last few days I’ve been overwhelmed by your letters and calls expressing your gratitude to Apple, and mostly to me personally, for inventing yet another life-changing, mind-altering product. All I THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : THIS SITE CREEPS ME OUT A commenter dropped a link to this site, which is called “all about steve,” with about a zillion photographs of me, and I just have to say this: Dude, you are creeping me out. Can you imagine some lunatic sitting around all day gathering up photos of me and putting them onhis website, like
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : THERE IS NO SPOON It’s a pretty safe assumption that if you’re reading this blog, you’ve seen “The Matrix.” And you may or may not remember the scene where a kid explains to Neo that the trick to bending a spoon with your mind is simply to remember that, “There is no spoon.” So it is with marketing. One THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS Recently I got some heat when I said that I don’t want to see us descend into a nation of bloggers. I was called clueless because hey, blogs are the future, right? THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : BILL GATES, SUPER FREAK Bill Gates, super freak. Perez Hilton is reporting that the Beastmaster was getting freaky at Sundance with the young lady in the photo above. And Perez (aka Mario Incontinentia) is acting all surprised, I guess because Bill is an elderly sourpuss geek and Perez can’t imagine that THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2010 : FEBRUARY It’s true that we’ve found a few cases where some of our suppliers have hired underage workers in China. To our credit, we published this information ourselves, on our Web site.Also, let’s be clear — we’re talking about 15-year-old kids, who lied about their age and pretended to be 16 so they could get a job. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2007 : OCTOBER Check out this story from Fast Company in which some filthy hack tells about spending the last two years working in menial retail jobs and tries to pass this off as some kind of George Plimpton “Paper Lion” participatory journalism project. “In what wound up as a two-year undercover project, I took a series of entry-level retail jobs I did it to better understand the world of THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : EVIL GOOGZILLA Evil Googzilla disrespects Aboriginal people and their sacred flag. So Google had some contest in Australia, asking schoolkids to create a Google logo. The kid who won the contest used the Aboriginal flag in her logo. The guy who designed the flag holds a copyright on the image, and he wanted to be paid. Apparently he did not get the memoabout
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : MY LUNCH WITH NANCY PELOSI Okay, so I can’t say much. But here’s the skinny. One day last week I pick up the phone and I hear Gore’s frigtard Southern voice and I’m 90% tempted to do that thing where you pretend you’re the voice mail system, and say, “Sorry but I’m either away from my desk or on the other line, but if you leave a message I’ll call youright back.”
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS Apparently some analyst at Goldman Sachs recently said Microsoft should spin out its consumer unit, and Ballmer just got up at some conference and said this is the “the second most crazy idea I have ever heard.” (Hat tips to BizInsider and Financial Times.). That of course got everyone wondering what Ballmer’s number one most crazyidea might be.
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : WE DID NOT BREAK INTO THE It was our private investigators, not us. And they didn’t break in. They just tried to. Actually what happened is they showed up and attempted to intimidate the kid into letting them search through his stuff. Perfectly legal. Perfectly acceptable behavior. There is no law, in California or THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : THIS IS WHY WE HATE Check out this video of a British reporter harassing Phil Schiller. This is exactly why I’m totally against having any kind of event where reporters can just walk up with a camera and start firing questions at us. What are we supposed to do? Just answer them? Jesus friggin Christ. What’s next? People calling up THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2010 : JANUARY That’s the word here.In a statement on the Kindle Community site, they laid it out. Dear Customers: Macmillan, one of the “big six” publishers, has clearly communicated to us that, regardless of our viewpoint, they are committed to switching to an agency model and charging $12.99 to $14.99 for e-book versions of bestsellers and mosthardcover releases.
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2006 : OCTOBER Birthday Cake at TGIF – $25.00. Dinner with friends and family – $97.55. Catching my sister with a “Cock Sucker’s Cramp” in a photo – priceless. Kristalogy: “Make a wish, Sergey.”. “I wish Fake Steve would die, I wish Fake Steve would die”. Anonymous. Sergey: “Darn it, I THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2007 : OCTOBER Check out this story from Fast Company in which some filthy hack tells about spending the last two years working in menial retail jobs and tries to pass this off as some kind of George Plimpton “Paper Lion” participatory journalism project. “In what wound up as a two-year undercover project, I took a series of entry-level retail jobs I did it to better understand the world of THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : GOOGLE ERIC SCHMIDT IS EVIL The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs : Google Eric Schmidt is evil. Heil, Schmidt! You know, a company is only as good or as bad as the people behind it. And right now, Google is clearly schizophrenic. Sergey and Larry, they’re still idealists, they really believe their company can be good, not evil, while the guy running the operation for them THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : SOME LAST-MINUTE THOUGHTS Obviously we will be following Operation Chokehold today and hope to bring you up-to-the-minute coverage of events as they are unfolding around the nation. To do that, we’ll need your help. We need you to send in reports, updates, photos — whatever. The guys who organized the Facebook page, who call themselves The Three Musketeers, THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : WHY THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs : Why the mainstream media is dying. Every once in a while you get to see a mainstream outlet cover a story right alongside a blog, so you can put them up against each other and see why one was so much better than the other. This week TechCrunch and the New York Times (photo) provided just such a lesson. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2009 : AUGUST First it was options backdating. Then it was the FCC giving us shit about Google Voice. Now the dicks at the SEC are sniffing around about insider trading.Of course these inquiries are all just Borg-funded fishing expeditions designed to slow us down. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBSRABID FANBOY HOMEPAGEOLDER ENTRIESPOEMVIDEOSGREATEST HITS * Stock in private tech startups has risen 54% in the past six months. * A company that makes a wristband for using your iPod Nano as a wristwatch has raised nearly $1 million in venture funding. * A company that makes pants — that’s right, fucking pants — just raised $18.5 million. On top of the $7.7 million they’d raisedpreviously.
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : THIS SITE CREEPS ME OUT A commenter dropped a link to this site, which is called “all about steve,” with about a zillion photographs of me, and I just have to say this: Dude, you are creeping me out. Can you imagine some lunatic sitting around all day gathering up photos of me and putting them onhis website, like
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : AN OPEN LETTER TO THE An open letter to the people of the world. Dear human race, First of all, you’re welcome. In the last few days I’ve been overwhelmed by your letters and calls expressing your gratitude to Apple, and mostly to me personally, for inventing yet another life-changing, mind-altering product. All I THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2010 : FEBRUARY It’s true that we’ve found a few cases where some of our suppliers have hired underage workers in China. To our credit, we published this information ourselves, on our Web site.Also, let’s be clear — we’re talking about 15-year-old kids, who lied about their age and pretended to be 16 so they could get a job. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2008 : JANUARY Regarding this U2 smash-and-grab attempt, please consider the following: “How to Dismantle an Atom Bomb” was released in 2004. In 2002 they did a greatest hits album and before that, in 2000, was “All That You Can’t Leave Behind.” THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : BILL GATES, SUPER FREAK Bill Gates, super freak. Perez Hilton is reporting that the Beastmaster was getting freaky at Sundance with the young lady in the photo above. And Perez (aka Mario Incontinentia) is acting all surprised, I guess because Bill is an elderly sourpuss geek and Perez can’t imagine that THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : EVIL GOOGZILLA Evil Googzilla disrespects Aboriginal people and their sacred flag. So Google had some contest in Australia, asking schoolkids to create a Google logo. The kid who won the contest used the Aboriginal flag in her logo. The guy who designed the flag holds a copyright on the image, and he wanted to be paid. Apparently he did not get the memoabout
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : GOOGLE ERIC SCHMIDT IS EVIL The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs : Google Eric Schmidt is evil. Heil, Schmidt! You know, a company is only as good or as bad as the people behind it. And right now, Google is clearly schizophrenic. Sergey and Larry, they’re still idealists, they really believe their company can be good, not evil, while the guy running the operation for them THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : OUR NEW SPIN ON THE Working together with our colleagues in the PRC’s propaganda ministry we have developed a great new counter-narrative that we’ve been pushing pretty hard in background conversations with friendly hacks. Basically it’s the notion that Foxconn’s suicide rate is actually below the national average of China, meaning that if you’re working at Foxconn you’re actually less THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : WHY THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs : Why the mainstream media is dying. Every once in a while you get to see a mainstream outlet cover a story right alongside a blog, so you can put them up against each other and see why one was so much better than the other. This week TechCrunch and the New York Times (photo) provided just such a lesson. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBSRABID FANBOY HOMEPAGEOLDER ENTRIESPOEMVIDEOSGREATEST HITS * Stock in private tech startups has risen 54% in the past six months. * A company that makes a wristband for using your iPod Nano as a wristwatch has raised nearly $1 million in venture funding. * A company that makes pants — that’s right, fucking pants — just raised $18.5 million. On top of the $7.7 million they’d raisedpreviously.
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : THIS SITE CREEPS ME OUT A commenter dropped a link to this site, which is called “all about steve,” with about a zillion photographs of me, and I just have to say this: Dude, you are creeping me out. Can you imagine some lunatic sitting around all day gathering up photos of me and putting them onhis website, like
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : AN OPEN LETTER TO THE An open letter to the people of the world. Dear human race, First of all, you’re welcome. In the last few days I’ve been overwhelmed by your letters and calls expressing your gratitude to Apple, and mostly to me personally, for inventing yet another life-changing, mind-altering product. All I THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2010 : FEBRUARY It’s true that we’ve found a few cases where some of our suppliers have hired underage workers in China. To our credit, we published this information ourselves, on our Web site.Also, let’s be clear — we’re talking about 15-year-old kids, who lied about their age and pretended to be 16 so they could get a job. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2008 : JANUARY Regarding this U2 smash-and-grab attempt, please consider the following: “How to Dismantle an Atom Bomb” was released in 2004. In 2002 they did a greatest hits album and before that, in 2000, was “All That You Can’t Leave Behind.” THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : BILL GATES, SUPER FREAK Bill Gates, super freak. Perez Hilton is reporting that the Beastmaster was getting freaky at Sundance with the young lady in the photo above. And Perez (aka Mario Incontinentia) is acting all surprised, I guess because Bill is an elderly sourpuss geek and Perez can’t imagine that THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : EVIL GOOGZILLA Evil Googzilla disrespects Aboriginal people and their sacred flag. So Google had some contest in Australia, asking schoolkids to create a Google logo. The kid who won the contest used the Aboriginal flag in her logo. The guy who designed the flag holds a copyright on the image, and he wanted to be paid. Apparently he did not get the memoabout
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : GOOGLE ERIC SCHMIDT IS EVIL The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs : Google Eric Schmidt is evil. Heil, Schmidt! You know, a company is only as good or as bad as the people behind it. And right now, Google is clearly schizophrenic. Sergey and Larry, they’re still idealists, they really believe their company can be good, not evil, while the guy running the operation for them THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : OUR NEW SPIN ON THE Working together with our colleagues in the PRC’s propaganda ministry we have developed a great new counter-narrative that we’ve been pushing pretty hard in background conversations with friendly hacks. Basically it’s the notion that Foxconn’s suicide rate is actually below the national average of China, meaning that if you’re working at Foxconn you’re actually less THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : WHY THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs : Why the mainstream media is dying. Every once in a while you get to see a mainstream outlet cover a story right alongside a blog, so you can put them up against each other and see why one was so much better than the other. This week TechCrunch and the New York Times (photo) provided just such a lesson. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2010 : FEBRUARY It’s true that we’ve found a few cases where some of our suppliers have hired underage workers in China. To our credit, we published this information ourselves, on our Web site.Also, let’s be clear — we’re talking about 15-year-old kids, who lied about their age and pretended to be 16 so they could get a job. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : THERE IS NO SPOON It’s a pretty safe assumption that if you’re reading this blog, you’ve seen “The Matrix.” And you may or may not remember the scene where a kid explains to Neo that the trick to bending a spoon with your mind is simply to remember that, “There is no spoon.” So it is with marketing. One THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : WHY THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs : Why the mainstream media is dying. Every once in a while you get to see a mainstream outlet cover a story right alongside a blog, so you can put them up against each other and see why one was so much better than the other. This week TechCrunch and the New York Times (photo) provided just such a lesson. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2007 : OCTOBER Check out this story from Fast Company in which some filthy hack tells about spending the last two years working in menial retail jobs and tries to pass this off as some kind of George Plimpton “Paper Lion” participatory journalism project. “In what wound up as a two-year undercover project, I took a series of entry-level retail jobs I did it to better understand the world of THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : 2010 : JUNE Well the extortionists at Gizmodo are working overtime to create the impression that there is a genuine problem with reception on iPhone 4. Check out this lame “article,” for example, which includes the photo at right. They’re suggesting people should do things like wrap a rubber band around the phone or paint some nail polish on the stainless steel band or put some tape there. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : AND THE EVIL RIGHT-WING Jeff Jacoby of the Boston Globe, who published this angry screed about Ted Kennedy in which he basically called Kennedy a political hack and insisted Kennedy should resign from the Senate — just two days before Kennedy died. Whoops. In case you’d like to learn more about the biggest dickbreath hack in America, you can THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : HAITI Hope For Haiti Now happens tonight (8pm ET/PT) to raise funds for the disaster in Haiti. The benefit features Bono, Sting, Bruce, Christina Aguilera, Stevie Wonder, and more. Check your local listings- it’s on just about every USA network there is. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : WHAT AN APPLE JOB OFFER What an Apple job offer looks like. Here are some photos that are guaranteed to give you wet dreams, my little Kool-Aid drinkers. Just FYI, the dude who got this, and who was stupid enough to put it all up online, will not be coming to Apple after all. I’m really not surewhich part
THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : I HATE TO SEEM PETTY, BUT Look, I voted for the guy. I supported him. I agree with a lot of what he’s done in office. Except Afghanistan, and bailing out the car guys and the investment banks, and being a pussy on health care and climate change and Gitmo, and being a complete two-faced bastard on gays in the military. THE SECRET DIARY OF STEVE JOBS : BLITZER PANICS, SAYS I’m kidding. This is a screen grab from last night on The Situation Room. From what I can see on the Facebook page for the O.C. group, it’s hard to tell whether anything is happening. Some believe they’re seeing a slowdown, but others are getting superfast downloads. Also: The leader of the Facebook movement (one THURSDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2011 ONE LAST THING: R.I.P., STEVE JOBS Rest in peace, Steve Jobs.O shaman,
O wizard,
O golden son of Zeus and mortal woman, you defied the gods, stole fire & gave it to mankind. For this they struck you down.Bastards!
“One more thing.” That was catch phrase. Or was it the one about putting a dent in the universe?I like them both,
but you have to admit, “One more thing” is punchier. Jon Ive says you inspired people but you could also be difficult at times. A bit unkind of him, I think. What genius isn’t difficult? Picasso was a jerk. So were Tolstoy and Beethoven. So was Michelangelo, I bet,though to be honest
I really don’t know anything about Michelangelo because I missed class on the day we discussed him. But based on his work I’d bet he was a total dick. What beauty can ever be created without pain? What great art has ever been produced without suffering? And don’t say “Seinfeld” because (a) that wasn’t as easy as it looked & (b) twenty years later it really hasn’t held up as well as everyone thought it would, has it. What you did, however,now that
will be remembered forever. I don’t mean the products. The Mac, the iPod, the iPhone, the iPad. Yes, you invented them & yes, we have heard of thembut no, Steve Jobs,
your greatest accomplishment was not some piece of hardware not some lines of code not the mouse and the graphical user interface which let’s face it you really kind of just borrowed from Xerox PARC & “borrowed” might not be excactly the right word for what you guys did but on this day of all days let’s not quibbleabout word choice.
No, Steve Jobs, your greatest accomplishment is what you did to us.You gave us joy.
You restored our sense of childlike wonder. You enabled us to live in a world where we always believed that something amazing & magical was just around the corner and that the future would be better than the pastbecause in fact,
as long as you were alive,it was.
Your name, old friend, is the definition of hope. Not literally, I mean, not if you look up “hope” in the dictionary, but you know what I’m trying to say. And now, with you gone,what happens to us?
Have we reached our peak? Our zenith? Our apogee? Or some other word that means the highest pointyou can reach?
I think maybe we have. Because here’s what I see.I see
America in decline:
a civilization unsure of itself, adrift, confused, puffed up with phony patriotism, an empire run by number crunchers, by MBAs & investment bankers by quick-flippers & angel investorswho make nothing
who build nothing.
But you, Steve–
you flew in the face of that. You were the one who invented,who created,
who said no,
that’s not good enough,go do it again.
Go make it amazing
astounding
profound
perfect
& stop being such a whiny little bitch because your kid is in a school play & and you don’t want to work late. People call you a visionary. I believe that was literally true. I believe you had a vision, way backin the early days,
of where everything was headed & once you’d had this vision you set out to make it real, the way a sculptor sees a finished statue inside a block of marble& slowly chips away
until everything unnecessaryhas been removed
& the vision becomes real.Steve, I’m sorry.
I wrote this lame-ass poema while ago
because I believed that when this day came my mind would go blank & I would not be able to write & all I would want to do would be to go out walking in the woodsalone
by myself
not talking to anyone.I was right.
That’s all I want to do. In fact that’s where I am right now. I’m out in the deep woodswhere there is
no sound
except
the wind moving through the trees shaking the high branches the leaves letting go drifting to the ground. I hear my footsteps on the wet path.I hear my breath
I think of nothing.
I do not want to talk or write or sing your praise. I do not want to cry or mourn. I will not say that life is pointless or empty without you, because the truth is, no matter what happens,life is good.
Too short, of course.But always good.
So anyway.
Here in the woods, alone, I make peace with your leaving.I offer you
one last namaste. I pressmy hands together,
& bow to honor
the divine inside you.I pray you will
forgive me
for going on too long, & now I promise: no more words. Because words mean nothing.Words fall short.
Words scatter like dry leaves, stirred by the wind, swirling, rising upward, tangling with each other, like some incantation gone awry, unable to bring you back. Posted by Steve at 10:01 am| 118 Comments
| Links to this post MONDAY, JANUARY 17, 2011 I’M TOTALLY FINE, BUT GOODBYE FOR NOW No doubt you’ve seen the news.
For obvious reasons I won’t be blogging here anymore, though I will leave the archives up. I hope you’ll pray to whatever God you believe in, and heap endless scorn and abuse on the first goddamn hack that dares to try snooping around to find out what’s wrong. I mean it. No staking out the hospital, no asking around among my friends. No calling doctors and asking them to speculate on what might be going on. Anyone who does that is lower than dog shit stuck to a shoe, and I hope that when you see stories like that — because you will — you use their comment strings to express your outrage for being the kind of scumbags who would put their own hunger for unique visitors and pageviews ahead of a man’s right to privacy. Katie says she will be keeping a list. So, consider yourselves warned. For now, peace out. Much love. Namaste. Posted by Steve at 6:28 am| 114 Comments
| Links to this post WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 12, 2011APOLOGY
Yesterday’s post with the two photos was in poor taste. Many readers wrote in to point this out. They’re right. I was wrong. I have taken it down. I apologize for causing offense. Posted by Steve at 9:31 am| 59 Comments
|
Links to this post
MONDAY, JANUARY 10, 2011 MY TALK WITH A LEFT-WING HACK So I had the opportunity, over the weekend, to speak to a hack from a top-tier news outlet. This guy leans left, as do almost all of the hackery, no matter what they might claim about being neutral or unbiased or not taking sides. And this guy was talking about Gabrielle Giffords and tut-tutting and blaming Palin and Limbaugh. I was like, Dude, do you not realize that you are part of the problem? Yes, even you. All of you. Your whole friggin industry. The guy was dumbstruck. Like, honestly, this had never occurred to him.So I explained.
The problem in media goes much wider than Palin and Limbaugh and Beck. The entire media business needs to do some soul-searching. News in general, in all forms, has become so debased and vulgar and unserious. Now all of us are paying the price. Because maybe it sounds pious to say that news is important to a culture. We’ve all had our fill of hacks who take themselves and their “profession” too seriously. But on the other hand, there was a time, in the days of Walter Cronkite, say, when reporting news was something that people took seriously, and maybe I’m just an “old,” but you know what? We were better off in those days. The problem began when news became tied to profits. The networks at one time used to run news as a loss leader, subsidized by entertainment. When that changed, and news started chasing ratings (and dollars), the problem began. When dollars started to dry up, things only got worse. Networks became desperate and resorted to making the news more like entertainment. The Internet made things worse, in two ways. First, the Internet exacerbated the decline in revenues, and heightened the desperation in the news business. Trust me, I’m in a position to know, because I’m in the business of seeing just how far I can make news people bend in order to keep getting my advertising dollars. That influence is stronger now than it has ever been. The TV networks and magazines and newspapers are desperate and terrified. Stuff that 10 years ago they would have thrown back in our face they now do willingly — in fact, they don’t even wait for us to suggest it. They suggest itthemselves.
But second, and more important, the Internet created an outlet for competing and often crazy voices. It gave birth to a new kind of “news.” Despite what the new-media pundits claim, the much-celebrated “citizen journalism” was all too often just noisy crap and propaganda. The first example of this that I can remember is DailyKos. That was the first political site that really took off on the Internet. Remember how powerful that site once was? I was always struck by how coarse and vulgar it was. Bush and other right-wing pols were demonized, compared to Hitler, and so forth. I mean, I hated Bush as much as anyone, but Hitler? Okay. Let’s all take a deep breath. But Kos became a kind of template for other political coverage online. Drudge on the right was just as unfair and slanted and crappy as Kos on the left. But then, to make things worse, the mainstream media began copying the Internet, and this kind of noisy, personal, ugly kind of news spread onto cable TV. Fox News came first. MSNBC becameits mirror image.
So today much of what we call “news” is really entertainment, and entertainment of the worst sort. Beck, O’Reilly, Limbaugh, Olbermann, Ed Schultz. It’s not right or left. It’s both. It’s shouting, and name-calling, and demonization, and it’s all fun and games until someone gets shot. As for the Internet, let’s just be honest: Much of what we now call “news” online isn’t even entertainment, it’s garbage.There. I said it.
It’s garbage precisely because online news sites are not primarily created to report news. They’re created to make money. Problem is, it’s nearly impossible to make money doing what they do. So they resort to ever more desperate tricks. Why is so much online “news” reported in slideshow format? To gin up clicks. Not because it is a better way to consume news, because, please. Why is HuffPo so crowded with sensationalistic tabloid junk about celebrity boobs and fluffy “lists” of “the deadliest ice creams.” (And just about everyone else, too. ) Why is so much online news just driven by whatever SEO crap the portals (MSNBC, Yahoo) happen to want at any given moment? Why do journalists now start their day looking at Google search results to see what’s “hot” and then deciding what to write about based onthat?
The news business has descended into the gutter in a pathetic attempt to stay alive. It’s been a horrible race to the bottom. This is turn has polluted our politics, and now we’re seeing the result of it. Fortunately for the world, we’re going to change all that, with iPad and the apps model. But that’s a story for another day. Posted by Steve at 10:33 am| 44 Comments
| Links to this post FRIDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2010 SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE * Stock in private tech startups has risen 54% in the past six months. * A company that makes a wristband for using your iPod Nano as a wristwatch has raised nearly $1 million in venture funding. * A company that makes pants — that’s right, fucking _pants_ — just raised $18.5 million. On top of the $7.7 million they’d raised previously. * Twitter is now worth $3.7 billion,
and Facebook is worth $45 billion but that’s a bargain because it will easily be worth $200 billion by 2015, and by 2020 could be the first company with a $1 zillion maket value, so buy-buy-buy, everybody! Right. And back in 2007, Fortune raved about how huge Second Life was going to be, and some visionary person who could see into the future because he knew so much about technology said: “In two years I think Second Life will be huge, probably as large as the entire gaming community is today.”Food for thought.
Posted by Steve at 6:55 am| 21
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| Links to this post MONDAY, DECEMBER 6, 2010 HATE-SPEWING “CHRISTIANS” NEED TO LISTEN UPYou
may have heard that a bunch of born-again idiots tried to sneak a gay-hating app into our App Store, and we pulled it, and now the wingnuts are protesting. See coverage on Catholic News Agencyand Newser
and ABC
.
Katie says I should just say nothing and let the whole thing fade away, which is what we usually do whenever organizations try to use our popularity to stir up “controversy” and attract attention for their causes. (Yes, I’m talking to you, Greenpeace.) But this time I just can’t hold back. I’m sorry, but there are a few things I’ve been wanting to say for a long time now, and this trumped-up “spat” gives me a chance to say them. Dear faux Christians, First of all, it’s my store, and I’ll sell what I want, and I will not sell what I don’t want to sell. That’s my definition of freedom — I’m free to do whatever the hell I want with my store. Second, your “religion” is a myth. It’s bogus. Jesus did not die and rise from the tomb and ascend into heaven. Okay? That. Did. Not. Happen. God did not take the form of a little bird and fly down and impregnate an unwed teenage virgin girl so that she could give birth to a half-human half-divine man-god. Immaculate conception, virgin birth, raising people from the dead, walking on water, loaves and fishes — great stories, but correctly filed under “fiction.” The sad fact is, what you call “faith” is a form of mental illness. It’s amazing enough that so many of you are running around in your mental case dream world. But it’s simply unacceptable when you start trying to impose your delusions upon the rest of us. Cynical politicians may feel the need to humor you and kowtow to your demands.I, however, do not.
Third, while Christianity is completely a myth, it would be useful if you actually understood the myth that you purport to be building your lives around. The sad fact is that you do not even understand the philosophy you claim to espouse. I do not know if you are intentionally misunderstanding the myth, or if you are just stupid and/or poorly educated. But your beliefs are not, in fact, Christian. Heck, if you’re a Roman Catholic, your entire organization is not Christian. It’s Roman paganism with the name of Christ grafted onto it. Ever seen the Vatican? Please explain how that jibes with anything Christ ever said or taught. Or here’s a fun exercise. Go to Rome, and visit the Forum, then walk across town and visit the Vatican. Wait for the bells to start going off in your head. Protestants moved in the right direction when they figured this out and broke away from Rome. But over the centuries they too have been corrupted, and in the last fifty years the nutso born-agains have twisted everything up and what they call their “religion” no longer has anything to do with anything Christ ever said or taught — it’s about using Christ’s name to gain secular power. Let me explain. Jesus Christ did not preach hate. He did not tell people to oppress other people. He did not ever say that he hated gay people. He did not tell his apostles to run for political office after he died so they could change the laws of Rome. I’m not even a Christian, and even I know this stuff. So let me take a moment to explain some of it to you. There was a story about a Good Samaritan. Have you heard of it? Do you understand it? The message isn’t that you should help strangers. That story is about violating taboos. The Samaritans and Jews weren’t strangers to each other — they hated each other. Like, seriously hated. Like, Jews weren’t supposed to talk to Samaritans or they’d be unclean and need cleansing or something. But wait, there’s more. One of the guys who wouldn’t touch the beaten Jew was a priest. The other guy was a Levite — meaning, a big deal super-duper high-class extra-holy Jew. You know why those two guys walked by the injured Jew and didn’t help? Because it was considered unclean to touch a dead body, and they figured that if they tried to help the guy and the guy turned out to be dead, they would be defiled.So they walked by.
Do you get it now? Jesus, your big hero, was saying that if you have some rule or conventional wisdom that causes you to do harm to people, violate the goddamn rule. You probably cannot understand how shocking this story was when Jesus told it. Because this was really, really shocking. First, he’s saying that the priests and Levites are jerks; and second, he’s saying that Samaritans, the skankiest, nastiest, grossest, most reviled people in that part of the world, were better than priests and Levites. Continuing in this vein, check out the story about Jesus asking a Samaritan woman to pull him a bucket of water from her well. Again, total taboo breaking. First of all, he’s not supposed to talk to a woman in public. Second, he’s definitely not supposed to discuss theology with a woman. Third, he’s not supposed to drink water from a well that belongs to a skanky old Samaritan. Fourth, the woman is described as being a bit of a whore. Fifth, oh yeah — did I mention that she was a Samaritan? Taboo breaking happens all over the place in the Jesus myth. (And let’s be clear. This is all a myth. But it’s actually an instructive myth, if you understand it.) Jesus heals a woman who’s suffering from menstrual flow; she touches his robes. This makes him unclean. Does he get pissed off? No, he blesses her and calls her “daughter.” He heals the son (or possibly servant) of a centurion. He heals people on the Sabbath. Or let me digress to the story of the Prodigal Son, which you presumably also do not understand, despite your claim to be Christians. The point of that story is not that it’s great to forgive sinners like the younger son who asks for his inheritance, leaves, squanders it, and then returns in shame after tending pigs (a Jew tending pigs — get it? ) and falling on hard times. No, the point of that story is the older son. He’s the dipshit who thinks he’s such a great, obedient, law-abiding, straight-arrow goody-goody, and who gets all pissed when Dad celebrates the return of the younger son, and complains about this, because — pay attention — he’s a _hypocrite_. He follows the rules, and does everything he’s supposed to do. But you know what? He’s the bad guy in thisstory.
So let’s move on and return to our discussion of hating the homos. _Let him who is without sin cast the first stone?_ Ring any bells? Or how about this: _Judge not, lest ye be judged? _ Oh, and here’s one that you even put on your own Manhattan Declaration document, which
is ironic because you don’t seem to understand what it means and in fact what you’re doing is the exact opposite of what this statement intended: _Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s._ In other words, do not become entwined with the state. Focus on the next world, not on this one. Or, to be more blunt: Stay the hell out of politics, you boneheads. If a state or federal government wants to marry gay people, that’s their decision. Leave it alone. Gosay some prayers.
Yet somehow you’ve twisted this around and interpret it to mean that you should impose your will onto others by passing laws that would force other people who do not share your beliefs to be bound by the rules of your Bible, even though (a) your Bible is fiction and (b) you’re not even interpreting the fiction correctly. It’s bad enough that you’re hateful bigots. But to dress up your hate and bigotry as an expression of Christianity? That, my friends, is pure evil. If you want to go around hating people, fine. Go for it. It’s stupid, and pointless, but whatever. Go hate people. Just don’t go around saying Jesus told you to do it. So, listen up. You can’t put your bullshit in my app store. I’m sorry. But I won’t let you use my store to spread your hate. I don’t want any part in the spreading of your phony religion, either. There is no God. There is no heaven. There also is no hell, which is too bad, because if hell did exist, you would surely be spending eternity there, with red-hot pokers up your butts. And nothing wouldmake me happier.
Posted by Steve at 8:10 am| 291 Comments
| Links to this post MONDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2010 R.I.P., LESLIE NIELSEN Posted by Steve at 11:06 am| 8
Comments
| Links to this post TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2010 IN CASE YOU ARE TRAVELING THIS WEEK I’m told that people who don’t have their own jets are being forced to subject to some humiliating patdowns. If you’re among those people, I will pray for your soul. Posted by Steve at 12:44 pm| 0 Comments
| Links to this post THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010 I HAVE NO REASON TO RUN THIS PHOTO But I saw it on Gawker and found it inspirational. Apparently she is some kind of singer. I’ve asked my iTunes people to come up with some pretext for ameeting.
Posted by Steve at 12:24 pm| 20 Comments
| Links to this post WOZ BACKPEDALS, RIGHT ON CUE He claims to Engadget that he was misquoted. Just like we told him to say. He was like, How can I just go out today and say the exact opposite of what I just said yesterday? I told him, Easy, I do it all the time. Then Katie dialed the number for Engadget and held up his cue cards while he spoke. Doneand done.
Posted by Steve at 12:21 pm|
14 Comments
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