DEAR WENDY — A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SITEADVICEABOUTARCHIVESCATEGORIESSUPPORT DWCONTACT A relationship advice site. It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now.Today we hear from “Not So Transparent,” who wondered whether she should tell her boyfriend that her friend Nick is trans. She wrote: “He doesn’t know that Nick is trans, which HOW FAR WOULD/DID YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE? This column from earlier in the week prompted some thoughts about how far people are going in the first couple of dates. (It also prompted at least one person to leave the site for good, but that’s another story.) The LW didn’t kiss on the first date, and we can assume from her letter and her update, that that’s probably normal for her.. Obviously, she was thrown for a loop when her date “I WANT TO MOVE AND MY WIFE DOES NOT. WILL THIS END OUR I read the column, “My Husband and I Can’t Agree on Where to Move”, as it’s applicable to my situation. My wife and I live in the San Francisco Bay area. My daughter and family live less than 45 minutes away (driving time), with the rest of wife’s family about an hour’s drive away. My “CAN I SKIP MY NIECE’S WEDDING?” I am torn about whether to attend my 30-year-old old niece’s wedding. I love her very much and I’ve always figured I would attend all of my niece’s and nephew’s weddings. I’ve always loved children and, since we don’t have any, I’ve tried to spend as much time as possible with them. Some history: When “AFTER 40 YEARS, I CAN’T STAND MY HUSBAND” “domestic science” used to be a real thing! although i like “domestic art”. and fun fact: “domestic science” is the way that women were first allowed into science. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. she was allowed to study chemistry because she was a woman studying how to

clean better.

DEAR WENDY: “I’M 18 AND MY BOYFRIEND IS 30” You can help them accept your boyfriend by having plenty of reasons of why you love him and why you’re good together. You’ll need to be prepared to answer whatever questions they have, like where you met, how serious you are, and why he isn’t dating someone his own age. “MY WIFE CAN’T REMEMBER IF SHE CHEATED ON ME” My wife then said, “I am sorry, but I don’t remember any of this or what happened.”. Well, I’m sorry, but unless a person has cheated a godly number of times, I think there would be some recollection of at least the early portion of the evening before the booze took its full effect. Now, I will add to this. YOUR TURN: “HOW CAN I FORGIVE HIM FOR SEXTING OTHER WOMEN?” New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), or submit a question for advice. In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, “MY BOYFRIEND IS ALWAYS NAKED IN HIS MOM’S HOUSE” My boyfriend is 22 and ever since I have known him, he has been very comfortable being naked or semi-naked in front of his family, which consists of his older sister and his mother. We have been dating for two years and I live with my parents. A while back I pointed out how

odd

“I WASN’T INVITED TO MY SISTER-IN-LAW’S PARTY SO MY My husband has been invited to a small 40th birthday dinner for his sister in Chicago (we live in Boston). I have not been invited nor has the absence of my invitation been addressed. My question: is this acceptable? I feel strongly that my husband should decline a family invitation when I am excluded — DEAR WENDY — A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SITEADVICEABOUTARCHIVESCATEGORIESSUPPORT DWCONTACT A relationship advice site. It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now.Today we hear from “Not So Transparent,” who wondered whether she should tell her boyfriend that her friend Nick is trans. She wrote: “He doesn’t know that Nick is trans, which HOW FAR WOULD/DID YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE? This column from earlier in the week prompted some thoughts about how far people are going in the first couple of dates. (It also prompted at least one person to leave the site for good, but that’s another story.) The LW didn’t kiss on the first date, and we can assume from her letter and her update, that that’s probably normal for her.. Obviously, she was thrown for a loop when her date “I WANT TO MOVE AND MY WIFE DOES NOT. WILL THIS END OUR I read the column, “My Husband and I Can’t Agree on Where to Move”, as it’s applicable to my situation. My wife and I live in the San Francisco Bay area. My daughter and family live less than 45 minutes away (driving time), with the rest of wife’s family about an hour’s drive away. My “CAN I SKIP MY NIECE’S WEDDING?” I am torn about whether to attend my 30-year-old old niece’s wedding. I love her very much and I’ve always figured I would attend all of my niece’s and nephew’s weddings. I’ve always loved children and, since we don’t have any, I’ve tried to spend as much time as possible with them. Some history: When “AFTER 40 YEARS, I CAN’T STAND MY HUSBAND” “domestic science” used to be a real thing! although i like “domestic art”. and fun fact: “domestic science” is the way that women were first allowed into science. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. she was allowed to study chemistry because she was a woman studying how to

clean better.

DEAR WENDY: “I’M 18 AND MY BOYFRIEND IS 30” You can help them accept your boyfriend by having plenty of reasons of why you love him and why you’re good together. You’ll need to be prepared to answer whatever questions they have, like where you met, how serious you are, and why he isn’t dating someone his own age. “MY WIFE CAN’T REMEMBER IF SHE CHEATED ON ME” My wife then said, “I am sorry, but I don’t remember any of this or what happened.”. Well, I’m sorry, but unless a person has cheated a godly number of times, I think there would be some recollection of at least the early portion of the evening before the booze took its full effect. Now, I will add to this. YOUR TURN: “HOW CAN I FORGIVE HIM FOR SEXTING OTHER WOMEN?” New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), or submit a question for advice. In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, “MY BOYFRIEND IS ALWAYS NAKED IN HIS MOM’S HOUSE” My boyfriend is 22 and ever since I have known him, he has been very comfortable being naked or semi-naked in front of his family, which consists of his older sister and his mother. We have been dating for two years and I live with my parents. A while back I pointed out how

odd

“I WASN’T INVITED TO MY SISTER-IN-LAW’S PARTY SO MY My husband has been invited to a small 40th birthday dinner for his sister in Chicago (we live in Boston). I have not been invited nor has the absence of my invitation been addressed. My question: is this acceptable? I feel strongly that my husband should decline a family invitation when I am excluded — “I DON’T LIKE MY BOYFRIEND’S DAUGHTER. SHOULD I BREAK UP Should I leave my wonderful boyfriend, “Peter,” (48) because his teenager daughter is so, so difficult? Peter is my best friend and, frankly, the kindest man I have ever met. He’s a fantastic partner who is loving, attentive, very successful, accomplished, “MY BOYFRIEND TREATS HIS DAUGHTER LIKE SHE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND” So, he is either in the me phase or in the daughter phase. In short, he treats his 18-year-old daughter like a girlfriend (minus the sexual side of it, which he doesn’t feel – believe me, I checked all the signs). I confronted him about this, and he went to therapy. But the therapist blah-blah-blah’d about dealing with divorce and didn “MY BOYFRIEND SLEPT WITH A PROSTITUTE AND THE CONDOM BROKE” My boyfriend of six years, the father of our two amazing children, came home and told me that he went to a massage parlor for a “rub-and-tug,” and when the lady/prostitute offered him “more,” he said “yes,” and then the condom broke. I have

always been

15 THINGS COUPLES SHOULD DO BEFORE MOVING IN TOGETHER Yesterday, we had a letter from a young woman who had some concerns — mostly financial — about moving in with her boyfriend of a year. For those of you who are also considering a similar move forward in your relationship and hope to avoid some common pitfalls and a potentially disastrous living situation (and even a breakup), here is a list of 15 things you and your significant other MORNING QUICKIE: “MY HUSBAND WANTS TO MOVE, BUT I DON’T” Morning Quickie: “My Husband Wants to Move, But I Don’t”. I have been married twelve years and my husband is the stepfather of my now adult children. I adore my kids. But my husband wants to move up north to a warmer all-year-round climate. He is much older than I am and I am a young person by nature and I love young people. “I TOLD HIM I LOVE HIM AND HE SAID HE DOESN’T FEEL THE I told him this past weekend that I loved him, and he said he did not feel the same way back. He acts like he does, and everybody around me was completely shocked that he did not say it in return. What I do know is his ex broke up with him a year and a half ago and that was the only person he had ever been close to/loved. “MY NEW BOYFRIEND IS MAD THAT MY MALE ROOMMATES SEE ME NAKED” I’ve lived with my two guy friends for about two and a half years. They’re my best friends in the world, and although we argue and fight sometimes, they’re still my family. We’ve supported each other through everything from broken hearts, to getting fired, to the loss of a parent. When I first moved in “MY WIFE LIED ABOUT HER SEXUAL HISTORY” My wife and I have been together for twenty years, married going on seventeen years. We have a good marriage and two beautiful kids. When began dating, she was always open about her sexual past as was I about mine. We work in an environment where she knew that is was inevitable

that I would

YOUR TURN: “MY HUSBAND’S DAUGHTER DIDN’T INVITE ME TO HER I just have to say that I think your husband made a terrible mistake by not attending his own daughter’s wedding. She is pregnant. This was a thrown together shot gun wedding that included only her parents, not some elaborate affair that was planned for a year in “MY BOYFRIEND HAS NAKED PICTURES OF HIS BEST FRIEND’S WIFE!” My boyfriend recently let me borrow his iPad, I snooped, and found forty-seven pictures he took a year ago (before we started dating) of his best friend’s wife. In the pictures she was passed out naked and drunk next to his best friend.They don’t know he took the pictures. I also found a video he DEAR WENDY — A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SITEADVICEABOUTARCHIVESCATEGORIESSUPPORT DWCONTACT It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now.Today we hear from “Not So Transparent,” who wondered whether she should tell her boyfriend that her friend Nick is trans. She wrote: “He doesn’t know that Nick is trans, which doesn’t matter except I feel “I WANT TO MOVE AND MY WIFE DOES NOT. WILL THIS END OUR I read the column, “My Husband and I Can’t Agree on Where to Move”, as it’s applicable to my situation. My wife and I live in the San Francisco Bay area. My daughter and family live less than 45 minutes away (driving time), with the rest of wife’s family about an hour’s drive away. My “CAN I SKIP MY NIECE’S WEDDING?” I am torn about whether to attend my 30-year-old old niece’s wedding. I love her very much and I’ve always figured I would attend all of my niece’s and nephew’s weddings. I’ve always loved children and, since we don’t have any, I’ve tried to spend as much time as possible with them. Some history: When “AFTER 40 YEARS, I CAN’T STAND MY HUSBAND” “domestic science” used to be a real thing! although i like “domestic art”. and fun fact: “domestic science” is the way that women were first allowed into science. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. she was allowed to study chemistry because she was a woman studying how to

clean better.

“I DON’T LIKE MY BOYFRIEND’S DAUGHTER. SHOULD I BREAK UP Should I leave my wonderful boyfriend, “Peter,” (48) because his teenager daughter is so, so difficult? Peter is my best friend and, frankly, the kindest man I have ever met. He’s a fantastic partner who is loving, attentive, very successful, accomplished, MORNING QUICKIE: “MY HUSBAND WANTS TO MOVE, BUT I DON’T” Morning Quickie: “My Husband Wants to Move, But I Don’t”. I have been married twelve years and my husband is the stepfather of my now adult children. I adore my kids. But my husband wants to move up north to a warmer all-year-round climate. He is much older than I am and I am a young person by nature and I love young people. 15 THINGS COUPLES SHOULD DO BEFORE MOVING IN TOGETHER Yesterday, we had a letter from a young woman who had some concerns — mostly financial — about moving in with her boyfriend of a year. For those of you who are also considering a similar move forward in your relationship and hope to avoid some common pitfalls and a potentially disastrous living situation (and even a breakup), here is a list of 15 things you and your significant other “MY WIFE CAN’T REMEMBER IF SHE CHEATED ON ME” My wife then said, “I am sorry, but I don’t remember any of this or what happened.”. Well, I’m sorry, but unless a person has cheated a godly number of times, I think there would be some recollection of at least the early portion of the evening before the booze took its full effect. Now, I will add to this. “MY BOYFRIEND IS ALWAYS NAKED IN HIS MOM’S HOUSE” My boyfriend is 22 and ever since I have known him, he has been very comfortable being naked or semi-naked in front of his family, which consists of his older sister and his mother. We have been dating for two years and I live with my parents. A while back I pointed out how

odd

“MY NEIGHBORS KEEP COMPLAINING TO US ABOUT NOISE” From the forums: I live in a two-family home (think two-story row houses) in a big city and I’m having some problems with my upstairs neighbors. My boyfriend and I live in the one-bedroom apartment on the first floor, and a family with two children, 5 DEAR WENDY — A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SITEADVICEABOUTARCHIVESCATEGORIESSUPPORT DWCONTACT It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now.Today we hear from “Not So Transparent,” who wondered whether she should tell her boyfriend that her friend Nick is trans. She wrote: “He doesn’t know that Nick is trans, which doesn’t matter except I feel “I WANT TO MOVE AND MY WIFE DOES NOT. WILL THIS END OUR I read the column, “My Husband and I Can’t Agree on Where to Move”, as it’s applicable to my situation. My wife and I live in the San Francisco Bay area. My daughter and family live less than 45 minutes away (driving time), with the rest of wife’s family about an hour’s drive away. My “CAN I SKIP MY NIECE’S WEDDING?” I am torn about whether to attend my 30-year-old old niece’s wedding. I love her very much and I’ve always figured I would attend all of my niece’s and nephew’s weddings. I’ve always loved children and, since we don’t have any, I’ve tried to spend as much time as possible with them. Some history: When “AFTER 40 YEARS, I CAN’T STAND MY HUSBAND” “domestic science” used to be a real thing! although i like “domestic art”. and fun fact: “domestic science” is the way that women were first allowed into science. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. she was allowed to study chemistry because she was a woman studying how to

clean better.

“I DON’T LIKE MY BOYFRIEND’S DAUGHTER. SHOULD I BREAK UP Should I leave my wonderful boyfriend, “Peter,” (48) because his teenager daughter is so, so difficult? Peter is my best friend and, frankly, the kindest man I have ever met. He’s a fantastic partner who is loving, attentive, very successful, accomplished, MORNING QUICKIE: “MY HUSBAND WANTS TO MOVE, BUT I DON’T” Morning Quickie: “My Husband Wants to Move, But I Don’t”. I have been married twelve years and my husband is the stepfather of my now adult children. I adore my kids. But my husband wants to move up north to a warmer all-year-round climate. He is much older than I am and I am a young person by nature and I love young people. 15 THINGS COUPLES SHOULD DO BEFORE MOVING IN TOGETHER Yesterday, we had a letter from a young woman who had some concerns — mostly financial — about moving in with her boyfriend of a year. For those of you who are also considering a similar move forward in your relationship and hope to avoid some common pitfalls and a potentially disastrous living situation (and even a breakup), here is a list of 15 things you and your significant other “MY WIFE CAN’T REMEMBER IF SHE CHEATED ON ME” My wife then said, “I am sorry, but I don’t remember any of this or what happened.”. Well, I’m sorry, but unless a person has cheated a godly number of times, I think there would be some recollection of at least the early portion of the evening before the booze took its full effect. Now, I will add to this. “MY BOYFRIEND IS ALWAYS NAKED IN HIS MOM’S HOUSE” My boyfriend is 22 and ever since I have known him, he has been very comfortable being naked or semi-naked in front of his family, which consists of his older sister and his mother. We have been dating for two years and I live with my parents. A while back I pointed out how

odd

“MY NEIGHBORS KEEP COMPLAINING TO US ABOUT NOISE” From the forums: I live in a two-family home (think two-story row houses) in a big city and I’m having some problems with my upstairs neighbors. My boyfriend and I live in the one-bedroom apartment on the first floor, and a family with two children, 5 ARCHIVES - DEAR WENDY Archives. ‘A’ is for Awesome, A-A-Awesome. “A Co-Worker’s Girlfriend Is Telling People I’m the Office Slut”. “A Friend Groped My Wife At a New Year’s Party”. “A Man at Church Told Me I Should Be a Geisha”. “After 40 Years, I Can’t Stand My Husband”. “After My Miscarriages, My HOW FAR WOULD/DID YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE? This column from earlier in the week prompted some thoughts about how far people are going in the first couple of dates. (It also prompted at least one person to leave the site for good, but that’s another story.) The LW didn’t kiss on the first date, and we can assume from her letter and her update, that that’s probably normal for her.. Obviously, she was thrown for a loop when her date “MY BOYFRIEND TREATS HIS DAUGHTER LIKE SHE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND” My partner,”Bob,” has an 18-year-old daughter from his previous marriage. Bob and I are not married, but we are aiming to live together along with with my 12-year-old son with whom Bob has an amazing relationship. The problem here is Bob’s daughter. First of all, Bob and I were in abusive marriages prior to our “MY BOYFRIEND SLEPT WITH A PROSTITUTE AND THE CONDOM BROKE” My boyfriend of six years, the father of our two amazing children, came home and told me that he went to a massage parlor for a “rub-and-tug,” and when the lady/prostitute offered him “more,” he said “yes,” and then the condom broke. I have

always been

“I TOLD HIM I LOVE HIM AND HE SAID HE DOESN’T FEEL THE I told him this past weekend that I loved him, and he said he did not feel the same way back. He acts like he does, and everybody around me was completely shocked that he did not say it in return. What I do know is his ex broke up with him a year and a half ago and that was the only person he had ever been close to/loved. YOUR TURN: “IF HE LOVED ME, HE’D MOVE FOR ME” I’m taking a day off today to enjoy some down time with Drew, so I present this “Your Turn,” without commentary from me: I am in a serious long-distance relationship with someone I met in college. I moved back to my hometown, across the country, a year after we met, and we then started dating “MY NEW BOYFRIEND IS MAD THAT MY MALE ROOMMATES SEE ME NAKED” I’ve lived with my two guy friends for about two and a half years. They’re my best friends in the world, and although we argue and fight sometimes, they’re still my family. We’ve supported each other through everything from broken hearts, to getting fired, to the loss of a parent. When I first moved in “MY BOYFRIEND HAS NAKED PICTURES OF HIS BEST FRIEND’S WIFE!” My boyfriend recently let me borrow his iPad, I snooped, and found forty-seven pictures he took a year ago (before we started dating) of his best friend’s wife. In the pictures she was passed out naked and drunk next to his best friend.They don’t know he took the pictures. I also found a video he YOUR TURN: “HOW CAN I FORGIVE HIM FOR SEXTING OTHER WOMEN?” New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), or submit a question for advice. In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, “I WASN’T INVITED TO MY SISTER-IN-LAW’S PARTY SO MY My husband has been invited to a small 40th birthday dinner for his sister in Chicago (we live in Boston). I have not been invited nor has the absence of my invitation been addressed. My question: is this acceptable? I feel strongly that my husband should decline a family invitation when I am excluded — DEAR WENDY — A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SITEADVICEABOUTARCHIVESCATEGORIESSUPPORT DWCONTACT A relationship advice site. I don’t know about you, but as the season changes, the school year – this awful, stressful school year – finally starts drawing to a close (31 days to go here in NYC), and life once again begins to return to something resembling normal, I feel my mood lift and my energy shift. HOW FAR WOULD/DID YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE? This column from earlier in the week prompted some thoughts about how far people are going in the first couple of dates. (It also prompted at least one person to leave the site for good, but that’s another story.) The LW didn’t kiss on the first date, and we can assume from her letter and her update, that that’s probably normal for her.. Obviously, she was thrown for a loop when her date “MY BOYFRIEND TREATS HIS DAUGHTER LIKE SHE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND” So, he is either in the me phase or in the daughter phase. In short, he treats his 18-year-old daughter like a girlfriend (minus the sexual side of it, which he doesn’t feel – believe me, I checked all the signs). I confronted him about this, and he went to therapy. But the therapist blah-blah-blah’d about dealing with divorce and didn “AFTER 40 YEARS, I CAN’T STAND MY HUSBAND” “domestic science” used to be a real thing! although i like “domestic art”. and fun fact: “domestic science” is the way that women were first allowed into science. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. she was allowed to study chemistry because she was a woman studying how to

clean better.

MORNING QUICKIE: “MY HUSBAND WANTS TO MOVE, BUT I DON’T” Morning Quickie: “My Husband Wants to Move, But I Don’t”. I have been married twelve years and my husband is the stepfather of my now adult children. I adore my kids. But my husband wants to move up north to a warmer all-year-round climate. He is much older than I am and I am a young person by nature and I love young people. “CAN I SKIP MY NIECE’S WEDDING?” I am torn about whether to attend my 30-year-old old niece’s wedding. I love her very much and I’ve always figured I would attend all of my niece’s and nephew’s weddings. I’ve always loved children and, since we don’t have any, I’ve tried to spend as much time as possible with them. Some history: When “MY FRIEND BECAME A LIBERAL AND NOW REFUSES TO TALK TO ME” I’ve been very close friends with both “Molly” and “Sarah” for over fifteen years. Sarah is married to Molly’s brother, so they are both friends and sisters-in-law. We are very close to each other and with each others’ families. About two years ago, Molly moved

away to a

“I HAD SEX WITH HIM AND NOW HE’S GHOSTING ME” I’m not sure either of these scenarios was the case for you, but that doesn’t mean you’re doomed at this point. Here’s what you should do: Be direct in your communication with the guy. Tell him you’ve noticed that he’s been less responsive recently and you

were wondering if

“MY NEW BOYFRIEND IS MAD THAT MY MALE ROOMMATES SEE ME … I’ve lived with my two guy friends for about two and a half years. They’re my best friends in the world, and although we argue and fight sometimes, they’re still my family. We’ve supported each other through everything from broken hearts, to getting fired, to the loss of a parent. When I first moved in SHORTCUTS: “WHY DOES MY EX STILL HAVE PICTURES OF ME ON It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. I have an ex-girlfriend DEAR WENDY — A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SITEADVICEABOUTARCHIVESCATEGORIESSUPPORT DWCONTACT A relationship advice site. I don’t know about you, but as the season changes, the school year – this awful, stressful school year – finally starts drawing to a close (31 days to go here in NYC), and life once again begins to return to something resembling normal, I feel my mood lift and my energy shift. HOW FAR WOULD/DID YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE? This column from earlier in the week prompted some thoughts about how far people are going in the first couple of dates. (It also prompted at least one person to leave the site for good, but that’s another story.) The LW didn’t kiss on the first date, and we can assume from her letter and her update, that that’s probably normal for her.. Obviously, she was thrown for a loop when her date “MY BOYFRIEND TREATS HIS DAUGHTER LIKE SHE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND” So, he is either in the me phase or in the daughter phase. In short, he treats his 18-year-old daughter like a girlfriend (minus the sexual side of it, which he doesn’t feel – believe me, I checked all the signs). I confronted him about this, and he went to therapy. But the therapist blah-blah-blah’d about dealing with divorce and didn “AFTER 40 YEARS, I CAN’T STAND MY HUSBAND” “domestic science” used to be a real thing! although i like “domestic art”. and fun fact: “domestic science” is the way that women were first allowed into science. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. she was allowed to study chemistry because she was a woman studying how to

clean better.

MORNING QUICKIE: “MY HUSBAND WANTS TO MOVE, BUT I DON’T” Morning Quickie: “My Husband Wants to Move, But I Don’t”. I have been married twelve years and my husband is the stepfather of my now adult children. I adore my kids. But my husband wants to move up north to a warmer all-year-round climate. He is much older than I am and I am a young person by nature and I love young people. “CAN I SKIP MY NIECE’S WEDDING?” I am torn about whether to attend my 30-year-old old niece’s wedding. I love her very much and I’ve always figured I would attend all of my niece’s and nephew’s weddings. I’ve always loved children and, since we don’t have any, I’ve tried to spend as much time as possible with them. Some history: When “MY FRIEND BECAME A LIBERAL AND NOW REFUSES TO TALK TO ME” I’ve been very close friends with both “Molly” and “Sarah” for over fifteen years. Sarah is married to Molly’s brother, so they are both friends and sisters-in-law. We are very close to each other and with each others’ families. About two years ago, Molly moved

away to a

“I HAD SEX WITH HIM AND NOW HE’S GHOSTING ME” I’m not sure either of these scenarios was the case for you, but that doesn’t mean you’re doomed at this point. Here’s what you should do: Be direct in your communication with the guy. Tell him you’ve noticed that he’s been less responsive recently and you

were wondering if

“MY NEW BOYFRIEND IS MAD THAT MY MALE ROOMMATES SEE ME … I’ve lived with my two guy friends for about two and a half years. They’re my best friends in the world, and although we argue and fight sometimes, they’re still my family. We’ve supported each other through everything from broken hearts, to getting fired, to the loss of a parent. When I first moved in SHORTCUTS: “WHY DOES MY EX STILL HAVE PICTURES OF ME ON It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. I have an ex-girlfriend ARCHIVES - DEAR WENDY Archives. ‘A’ is for Awesome, A-A-Awesome. “A Co-Worker’s Girlfriend Is Telling People I’m the Office Slut”. “A Friend Groped My Wife At a New Year’s Party”. “A Man at Church Told Me I Should Be a Geisha”. “After 40 Years, I Can’t Stand My Husband”. “After My Miscarriages, My “MY HUSBAND SPENDS ALL HIS TIME WITH HIS FRIENDS INSTEAD My husband and I have been married two years this coming November and it’s been great! We rarely fight about the things most couples fight about (money, sex) and we don’t have children to fight over (yet)but we do fight about his friends. We live two hours from any of my friends or family, and, “MY BIRTH DAUGHTER FOUND ME, BUT I DON’T WANT TO MEET HER” Put it in a letter. Give it to your husband to give to her when they meet. Let her know that you love her and that, to survive the pain of giving her up 23 years ago, you had to bottle emotions, emotions you are afraid of confronting now. The introduction of your birth daughter to your family now after all these years is a big deal, whether you “I TOLD HIM I LOVE HIM AND HE SAID HE DOESN’T FEEL THE I told him this past weekend that I loved him, and he said he did not feel the same way back. He acts like he does, and everybody around me was completely shocked that he did not say it in return. What I do know is his ex broke up with him a year and a half ago and that was the only person he had ever been close to/loved. “HE’S SLEEPING WITH ME BUT DATING SOMEONE ELSE” First, I’m sorry about the loss of your husband, and I hope you’ve had a good support system as you grieve and re-build your life. Second, your letter is a good reminder, to those of us who don’t yet have the years of experience and wisdom you’ve surely gained, that many of the feelings we have when single and dating are universal, despite age, circumstances, culture, and lifestyle. “I DON’T LIKE MY BOYFRIEND’S DAUGHTER. SHOULD I BREAK UP Should I leave my wonderful boyfriend, “Peter,” (48) because his teenager daughter is so, so difficult? Peter is my best friend and, frankly, the kindest man I have ever met. He’s a fantastic partner who is loving, attentive, very successful, accomplished, “MY WIFE TOLD ME OUR KIDS AREN’T BIOLOGICALLY MINE” In 2003 she got her dream job and, unbeknownst to me, she also met her dream dude at the new job. It was not until 2012 that she finally told me about the relationship (even though I suspected something) but, as she told me about this person. she added that my two kids, ages 3 and 4 at the time, were not biologically mine but the other guy’s. “MY NEIGHBORS KEEP COMPLAINING TO US ABOUT NOISE” From the forums: I live in a two-family home (think two-story row houses) in a big city and I’m having some problems with my upstairs neighbors. My boyfriend and I live in the one-bedroom apartment on the first floor, and a family with two children, 5 SHOULD COUPLES CONSULT EACH OTHER WHEN MAKING TRAVEL PLANS? I posted and replied to this letter in the forums from a 23-year-old woman who was pissed that her boyfriend planned a trip to Israel over NYE without consulting her or considering her. She said a NYE kiss wasn’t important to her boyfriend but it was to her, and she wrote: “He didn’t take my DO ALL GUYS GO TO STRIP CLUBS? Jarek: Ah, the strip club debate — one of many in which men and women will never see eye-to-eye, like picking bathroom tiles or the health benefits of beer. Guys don’t go to strip clubs to fulfill some sort of emotional or sexual gap in their lives. We go because we like seeing naked women and it’s a way to see them without being

intimate.

DEAR WENDY — A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SITEADVICEABOUTARCHIVESCATEGORIESSUPPORT DWCONTACT A relationship advice site. I don’t know about you, but as the season changes, the school year – this awful, stressful school year – finally starts drawing to a close (31 days to go here in NYC), and life once again begins to return to something resembling normal, I feel my mood lift and my energy shift. HOW FAR WOULD/DID YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE? This column from earlier in the week prompted some thoughts about how far people are going in the first couple of dates. (It also prompted at least one person to leave the site for good, but that’s another story.) The LW didn’t kiss on the first date, and we can assume from her letter and her update, that that’s probably normal for her.. Obviously, she was thrown for a loop when her date “MY BOYFRIEND TREATS HIS DAUGHTER LIKE SHE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND” So, he is either in the me phase or in the daughter phase. In short, he treats his 18-year-old daughter like a girlfriend (minus the sexual side of it, which he doesn’t feel – believe me, I checked all the signs). I confronted him about this, and he went to therapy. But the therapist blah-blah-blah’d about dealing with divorce and didn “AFTER 40 YEARS, I CAN’T STAND MY HUSBAND” “domestic science” used to be a real thing! although i like “domestic art”. and fun fact: “domestic science” is the way that women were first allowed into science. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. she was allowed to study chemistry because she was a woman studying how to

clean better.

MORNING QUICKIE: “MY HUSBAND WANTS TO MOVE, BUT I DON’T” Morning Quickie: “My Husband Wants to Move, But I Don’t”. I have been married twelve years and my husband is the stepfather of my now adult children. I adore my kids. But my husband wants to move up north to a warmer all-year-round climate. He is much older than I am and I am a young person by nature and I love young people. “CAN I SKIP MY NIECE’S WEDDING?” I am torn about whether to attend my 30-year-old old niece’s wedding. I love her very much and I’ve always figured I would attend all of my niece’s and nephew’s weddings. I’ve always loved children and, since we don’t have any, I’ve tried to spend as much time as possible with them. Some history: When “MY FRIEND BECAME A LIBERAL AND NOW REFUSES TO TALK TO ME” I’ve been very close friends with both “Molly” and “Sarah” for over fifteen years. Sarah is married to Molly’s brother, so they are both friends and sisters-in-law. We are very close to each other and with each others’ families. About two years ago, Molly moved

away to a

“I HAD SEX WITH HIM AND NOW HE’S GHOSTING ME” I’m not sure either of these scenarios was the case for you, but that doesn’t mean you’re doomed at this point. Here’s what you should do: Be direct in your communication with the guy. Tell him you’ve noticed that he’s been less responsive recently and you

were wondering if

“MY NEW BOYFRIEND IS MAD THAT MY MALE ROOMMATES SEE ME … I’ve lived with my two guy friends for about two and a half years. They’re my best friends in the world, and although we argue and fight sometimes, they’re still my family. We’ve supported each other through everything from broken hearts, to getting fired, to the loss of a parent. When I first moved in SHORTCUTS: “WHY DOES MY EX STILL HAVE PICTURES OF ME ON It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. I have an ex-girlfriend DEAR WENDY — A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE SITEADVICEABOUTARCHIVESCATEGORIESSUPPORT DWCONTACT A relationship advice site. I don’t know about you, but as the season changes, the school year – this awful, stressful school year – finally starts drawing to a close (31 days to go here in NYC), and life once again begins to return to something resembling normal, I feel my mood lift and my energy shift. HOW FAR WOULD/DID YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE? This column from earlier in the week prompted some thoughts about how far people are going in the first couple of dates. (It also prompted at least one person to leave the site for good, but that’s another story.) The LW didn’t kiss on the first date, and we can assume from her letter and her update, that that’s probably normal for her.. Obviously, she was thrown for a loop when her date “MY BOYFRIEND TREATS HIS DAUGHTER LIKE SHE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND” So, he is either in the me phase or in the daughter phase. In short, he treats his 18-year-old daughter like a girlfriend (minus the sexual side of it, which he doesn’t feel – believe me, I checked all the signs). I confronted him about this, and he went to therapy. But the therapist blah-blah-blah’d about dealing with divorce and didn “AFTER 40 YEARS, I CAN’T STAND MY HUSBAND” “domestic science” used to be a real thing! although i like “domestic art”. and fun fact: “domestic science” is the way that women were first allowed into science. the first female graduate of MIT was admitted under the idea of domestic science. she was allowed to study chemistry because she was a woman studying how to

clean better.

MORNING QUICKIE: “MY HUSBAND WANTS TO MOVE, BUT I DON’T” Morning Quickie: “My Husband Wants to Move, But I Don’t”. I have been married twelve years and my husband is the stepfather of my now adult children. I adore my kids. But my husband wants to move up north to a warmer all-year-round climate. He is much older than I am and I am a young person by nature and I love young people. “CAN I SKIP MY NIECE’S WEDDING?” I am torn about whether to attend my 30-year-old old niece’s wedding. I love her very much and I’ve always figured I would attend all of my niece’s and nephew’s weddings. I’ve always loved children and, since we don’t have any, I’ve tried to spend as much time as possible with them. Some history: When “MY FRIEND BECAME A LIBERAL AND NOW REFUSES TO TALK TO ME” I’ve been very close friends with both “Molly” and “Sarah” for over fifteen years. Sarah is married to Molly’s brother, so they are both friends and sisters-in-law. We are very close to each other and with each others’ families. About two years ago, Molly moved

away to a

“I HAD SEX WITH HIM AND NOW HE’S GHOSTING ME” I’m not sure either of these scenarios was the case for you, but that doesn’t mean you’re doomed at this point. Here’s what you should do: Be direct in your communication with the guy. Tell him you’ve noticed that he’s been less responsive recently and you

were wondering if

“MY NEW BOYFRIEND IS MAD THAT MY MALE ROOMMATES SEE ME … I’ve lived with my two guy friends for about two and a half years. They’re my best friends in the world, and although we argue and fight sometimes, they’re still my family. We’ve supported each other through everything from broken hearts, to getting fired, to the loss of a parent. When I first moved in SHORTCUTS: “WHY DOES MY EX STILL HAVE PICTURES OF ME ON It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. I have an ex-girlfriend ARCHIVES - DEAR WENDY Archives. ‘A’ is for Awesome, A-A-Awesome. “A Co-Worker’s Girlfriend Is Telling People I’m the Office Slut”. “A Friend Groped My Wife At a New Year’s Party”. “A Man at Church Told Me I Should Be a Geisha”. “After 40 Years, I Can’t Stand My Husband”. “After My Miscarriages, My “MY HUSBAND SPENDS ALL HIS TIME WITH HIS FRIENDS INSTEAD My husband and I have been married two years this coming November and it’s been great! We rarely fight about the things most couples fight about (money, sex) and we don’t have children to fight over (yet)but we do fight about his friends. We live two hours from any of my friends or family, and, “MY BIRTH DAUGHTER FOUND ME, BUT I DON’T WANT TO MEET HER” Put it in a letter. Give it to your husband to give to her when they meet. Let her know that you love her and that, to survive the pain of giving her up 23 years ago, you had to bottle emotions, emotions you are afraid of confronting now. The introduction of your birth daughter to your family now after all these years is a big deal, whether you “I TOLD HIM I LOVE HIM AND HE SAID HE DOESN’T FEEL THE I told him this past weekend that I loved him, and he said he did not feel the same way back. He acts like he does, and everybody around me was completely shocked that he did not say it in return. What I do know is his ex broke up with him a year and a half ago and that was the only person he had ever been close to/loved. “HE’S SLEEPING WITH ME BUT DATING SOMEONE ELSE” First, I’m sorry about the loss of your husband, and I hope you’ve had a good support system as you grieve and re-build your life. Second, your letter is a good reminder, to those of us who don’t yet have the years of experience and wisdom you’ve surely gained, that many of the feelings we have when single and dating are universal, despite age, circumstances, culture, and lifestyle. “I DON’T LIKE MY BOYFRIEND’S DAUGHTER. SHOULD I BREAK UP Should I leave my wonderful boyfriend, “Peter,” (48) because his teenager daughter is so, so difficult? Peter is my best friend and, frankly, the kindest man I have ever met. He’s a fantastic partner who is loving, attentive, very successful, accomplished, “MY WIFE TOLD ME OUR KIDS AREN’T BIOLOGICALLY MINE” In 2003 she got her dream job and, unbeknownst to me, she also met her dream dude at the new job. It was not until 2012 that she finally told me about the relationship (even though I suspected something) but, as she told me about this person. she added that my two kids, ages 3 and 4 at the time, were not biologically mine but the other guy’s. “MY NEIGHBORS KEEP COMPLAINING TO US ABOUT NOISE” From the forums: I live in a two-family home (think two-story row houses) in a big city and I’m having some problems with my upstairs neighbors. My boyfriend and I live in the one-bedroom apartment on the first floor, and a family with two children, 5 SHOULD COUPLES CONSULT EACH OTHER WHEN MAKING TRAVEL PLANS? I posted and replied to this letter in the forums from a 23-year-old woman who was pissed that her boyfriend planned a trip to Israel over NYE without consulting her or considering her. She said a NYE kiss wasn’t important to her boyfriend but it was to her, and she wrote: “He didn’t take my DO ALL GUYS GO TO STRIP CLUBS? Jarek: Ah, the strip club debate — one of many in which men and women will never see eye-to-eye, like picking bathroom tiles or the health benefits of beer. Guys don’t go to strip clubs to fulfill some sort of emotional or sexual gap in their lives. We go because we like seeing naked women and it’s a way to see them without being

intimate.

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TOPIC OF THE DAY: HAS ANYONE SURPRISING REACHED OUT? By: Dear Wendy May 21, 2020

Columns

Early on in the quarantine…

5 comments

WEEKLY FORUM HIGHLIGHTS By: Dear Wendy May 20, 2020 weekly forum highlights Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums: HOW DO YOU HANDLE THE FLIRTY WOMAN IN YOUR HUSBAND’S FRIEND GROUP? HOW DO I GET MY DAUGHTER TO STOP CONTROLLING ME? BOYFRIEND’S FRIEND MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE FOUND OUT I’M THE OTHER WOMAN NEED CORONAVIRUS-RELATED ROOMMATE ADVICE I DON’T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO SOMETHING MY FRIEND JUST TOLD ME HOW DO I PROPERLY COMMUNICATE WITH WOMEN? CORONAVIRUS/ COVID-19/ AT-HOME SUPPORT THREAD _Follow along on Facebook and

Instagram

._

_If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com._

0 comments

“MY GIRLFRIEND WON’T LET ME COME OVER” By: Dear Wendy May 18, 2020

Columns

_Recently, thanks to all this virus stuff, my girlfriend and I have been separated, with me at my apartment and she at hers. Lately, since restrictions have been loosening, I’ve tried talking to her about letting me come over so we can hang out. She keeps saying no, that it’s too risky. I think, however, that she doesn’t understand my needs, and that I can’t be just limited to digital connections. I’m also getting a sneaking suspicion that there might be a greater reason why she won’t let me come over, but that’s just my worries getting the best of me, I hope. But I can’t deny it: I’m starting to think she might be cheating on me with someone else and trying to keep it from me. How can I get her to let me come over and to see my perspective? — FEELING ALONE_

12 comments

WEEKEND OPEN THREAD AND LINKS By: Dear Wendy May 16, 2020

Weekend Open Thread

This past week there’s been what has felt like a shift, at least here in Brooklyn, in the stages of grieving our old lives. Those of us who aren’t mourning lost loved ones seem to be moving from the acceptance stage of grieving our old normal into the next stage. We’re moving from survival mode – just getting through each day/ staying out of the hospital/ not leaving our homes – to a more sustainable kind of living. At least, it feels that way anyhow. I’ve been focused in the past few days on how to live a quality life with the limitations we have. For me, that means near daily walks (with a mask, socially distant, yada yada), engaging in some hobbies (gardening on the deck, doing jigsaw puzzles, reading books, taking zoom pilates classes, and watching Schitt’s Creek), calling or FaceTiming or texting with friends and family as often as I have energy for, having fresh flowers on the dining table, and eating well (I don’t consider cooking a hobby because at this point of my life, it’s more a chore than a pleasure, but I do try out new recipes and aim for healthy eating). Drew and I are also trying hard to make this as enjoyable an experience for the kids as possible, while still carving out some personal time for ourselves which, as any parent of kids under 10 right now can tell you, is a challenge, but we try our best which is all any of us can do. What’s it like where you are? Has there been any discernible shift, in behavior or attitude or energy, as the third month of this comes to a close? If you’re feeling quarantine fatigue, how are you dealing with that? If you live some place that is starting to re-open, what does that look like? Are people still respecting social distance

guidelines?

I hope however you spend it, the weekend is as good as it can be for you. Here are a few links you might find interesting: Parenting in Quarantine: NYTimes readers describe the parent-employee-teacher trifecta during the pandemic

.

Spoiler: there’s a lot of screen time these days. Maybe Don’t Listen to the News While You Work Out? Surrendering to Uncertainty Making relationships work during lockdown > “I knew a singalong wasn’t likely to become a neighborhood > pastime. I wanted to sing anyway.

>

> And so, one evening, I leaned out my bedroom window and started > singing a rendition of “New York, New York.” My voice was > ringing down the alley, and by the end of the song, neighbors were > applauding from their windows and calling for an encore. I sang for > my neighbors every night for the rest of the week. I had been so > alone in my apartment that it didn’t even occur to me there were > hundreds of other people, sitting alone in theirs, just a few feet

> away.”

— from a poignant collection of passages in The New York Times about what it’s like to live alone during the pandemic

.

20 comments

SHORTCUTS: “MY ONLINE BOYFRIEND SENT A RACIST ARTICLE” By: Dear Wendy May 15, 2020

Columns

It’s time again for Shortcuts . For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.

7 comments

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