Mahrai Ziller - Musings and fictions of a world, somewhere.

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MAHRAI ZILLER

Grief is a part of the process of love. At its most difficult points it becomes a method of self-destruction – and everyone who encounters grief (so. everyone) does this to some extent. But what’s important is turning grief back into love – it’s sacrificing part of you to be a better person and make a better world. THOR’S HAMMER EXPLAINED: MJOLNIR-CENTRISM! So, there we have it. Newton’s laws of motion seem to indicate that Mjolnir must occupy THE preferred reference frame in the universe, and since it must move the universe around itself, it therefore occupies (in the only way we could define it, I guess) its center.. Mjolnir-centrism. Somebody tell the Geocentrists they were right all along – they just have the wrong thing in the center of WORKING WITH THE CURVATURE OF A SPHERICAL EARTH mahraiziller says : February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am. Pythagoras can give you good approximations over short distances, but the main things to remember are that it falls apart over longer distances, and that flat Earthers routinely mistake the “drop” of the Earth away from you with the amount an object is “below” the horizon – as this article shows, they are 2 very different things. FLAT EARTH “THEORY” AND THE POLE STARS CONUNDUM Flat Earth “Theory” And The Pole Stars Conundum. About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper ( Rorycoopervids ), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid. We’ll call this “The Pole Stars

Conundrum”.

JUNE | 2015 | MAHRAI ZILLER THE DAILY GUANO. USE OF HYPERBOLIC LANGUAGE “MURDERING OUR CHILDREN WHILE THEY SLEEP”, SAYS SENIOR GOVERNMENT FIGURE. Today, somebody who does something in the government, that we can report is very important and makes them “senior”, has called out the growing use of hyperbolic language in society and the damaging effects it is

clearly having.

LOVE AND LOSS

MAHRAI ZILLER

himself has taken

BEACON OF CENTAURI

Another advisory body set up in the wake of the discovery (though later, after the visuals were presented) was the International Commission for the Analysis of Extraterrestrial Military Hardware. COMMENTS FOR MAHRAI ZILLER Integrated Sports events and campaigns have featured such superstars as Shaquille OвЂ Neil, Terry Bradshaw, Deion Sanders, Victor Cruz, Jimmy Connors, Chris Evert, Billy Jean King, Rafa Nadal, Mia Hamm, Willie Mays, Don Mattingly, Brett Gardner, Henrik Lundquist, Derek Jeter, Kristaps Porzingis and many more! Long term, personal relationships with these celebrities enables our team to bring

MAHRAI ZILLER

Conundrum”.

clearly having.

LOVE AND LOSS

MAHRAI ZILLER

himself has taken

BEACON OF CENTAURI

MAHRAI ZILLER

This is a weird day. That seems an understatement. It would be a weird day even without living through a pandemic. For the obvious, this is the first birthday I’m not with you – both as in the first birthday you aren’t here alive next to me, but also the first birthday I’m not physically next to you at all because the pandemic means I’m not allowed to be by your grave. WHERE IT ALL (DIDN’T ACTUALLY) BEGIN I'm sat in the beer garden where the appearance of things going wrong began. That's so different from where they actually began to go wrong, because that source is something I'll never know (and what makes the process of grief so difficult). My phone had THOR’S HAMMER EXPLAINED: MJOLNIR-CENTRISM! So, there we have it. Newton’s laws of motion seem to indicate that Mjolnir must occupy THE preferred reference frame in the universe, and since it must move the universe around itself, it therefore occupies (in the only way we could define it, I guess) its center.. Mjolnir-centrism. Somebody tell the Geocentrists they were right all along – they just have the wrong thing in the center of

INTEGRATED SPORTS

The arguments against integrating sports seem to come from the idea that all or some sports are solely strength based, and male physiology typically overpowers female physiology. Now, there’s a lot to unpack in that latter argument itself, but I’m yet to find any sport that is SOLELY strength based anyway. Literally all sports involve WORKING WITH THE CURVATURE OF A SPHERICAL EARTH mahraiziller says : February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am. Pythagoras can give you good approximations over short distances, but the main things to remember are that it falls apart over longer distances, and that flat Earthers routinely mistake the “drop” of the Earth away from you with the amount an object is “below” the horizon – as this article shows, they are 2 very different things. FLAT EARTH “THEORY” AND THE POLE STARS CONUNDUM Flat Earth “Theory” And The Pole Stars Conundum. About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper ( Rorycoopervids ), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid. We’ll call this “The Pole Stars

Conundrum”.

THE SCHWARZENEGGER RADIUS The radius of someone's ability, such that, if their entire ego was compressed into that space, nothing - not even charisma - could escape. Given the equation: Rs = (2G*e)/c^2 (Rs = the Schwarzenegger Radius, G = the person's constant ability to be a THE STAR WARS REVIEW THE FANS DON’T WANT YOU TO SEE Spoiler: I realise that I'm going to lose many friends over this, because we all know that you can't touch the sacred "trilogy of trilogies". The response you get is akin to watching a toddler being told they can't have ice cream and mars bar with chicken nuggets for dinner. In fact, I know that JUNE | 2015 | MAHRAI ZILLER THE DAILY GUANO. USE OF HYPERBOLIC LANGUAGE “MURDERING OUR CHILDREN WHILE THEY SLEEP”, SAYS SENIOR GOVERNMENT FIGURE. Today, somebody who does something in the government, that we can report is very important and makes them “senior”, has called out the growing use of hyperbolic language in society and the damaging effects it is

clearly having.

NIGEL FARAGE BLAMES LEFT-WING MEDIA FOR NOT ANNOUNCING HIS THE DAILY GUANO NIGEL FARAGE BLAMES THE UK'S BIASED LEFT-WING MEDIA FOR NOT ANNOUNCING HIS PARTY'S STUNNING ELECTION VICTORY As polls came in thick and fast last night, showing a landslide victory for everyone who wasn't a UKIP candidate, Nigel Far Right Farage laid into the entire media industry of the UK for it's blatant

MAHRAI ZILLER

Grief is a part of the process of love. At its most difficult points it becomes a method of self-destruction – and everyone who encounters grief (so. everyone) does this to some extent. But what’s important is turning grief back into love – it’s sacrificing part of you to be a better person and make a better world. WORKING WITH THE CURVATURE OF A SPHERICAL EARTH mahraiziller says : February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am. Pythagoras can give you good approximations over short distances, but the main things to remember are that it falls apart over longer distances, and that flat Earthers routinely mistake the “drop” of the Earth away from you with the amount an object is “below” the horizon – as this article shows, they are 2 very different things. FLAT EARTH “THEORY” AND THE POLE STARS CONUNDUM Flat Earth “Theory” And The Pole Stars Conundum. About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper ( Rorycoopervids ), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid. We’ll call this “The Pole Stars

Conundrum”.

MAHRAI ZILLER

LOVE AND LOSS

DAILY GUANO

THE DAILY GUANO HUMAN BODY NOT DESIGNED FOR BREATHING, SAYS MEXICAN CHURCH Since proclaiming that the human body is not designed for homosexuality, earlier in the week, the Catholic webshite Desde la fe (Latin for “we’re a bunch of scientifically illiterate, out of date, bigoted fuckwits who frankly are past our use by date and COMMENTS FOR MAHRAI ZILLER Integrated Sports events and campaigns have featured such superstars as Shaquille OвЂ Neil, Terry Bradshaw, Deion Sanders, Victor Cruz, Jimmy Connors, Chris Evert, Billy Jean King, Rafa Nadal, Mia Hamm, Willie Mays, Don Mattingly, Brett Gardner, Henrik Lundquist, Derek Jeter, Kristaps Porzingis and many more! Long term, personal relationships with these celebrities enables our team to bring HUMOUR – MAHRAI ZILLER THE DAILY GUANO “NOT HAVING CHILDREN IS SELFISH”, SAYS MAN WHO TOOK A VOW NEVER TO HAVE CHILDREN The entire planet was left agasp in a fit of irony, as Pope Francis – the head of the Catholic church, which requires all its clergy to take a vow of celibacy, and who

himself has taken

UNCATEGORIZED

Community social media groups have outlived their usefulness. That’s a bold statement to make, but let me clarify. They are largely run by admins who:Pretend what they choose is and isn’t “political” isn’t actually a political choice;Have no knowledge or training in the nuanced ways that extremists use community social media groups,

and flat out

BEACON OF CENTAURI

Another advisory body set up in the wake of the discovery (though later, after the visuals were presented) was the International Commission for the Analysis of Extraterrestrial Military Hardware.

MAHRAI ZILLER

Grief is a part of the process of love. At its most difficult points it becomes a method of self-destruction – and everyone who encounters grief (so. everyone) does this to some extent. But what’s important is turning grief back into love – it’s sacrificing part of you to be a better person and make a better world. WORKING WITH THE CURVATURE OF A SPHERICAL EARTH mahraiziller says : February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am. Pythagoras can give you good approximations over short distances, but the main things to remember are that it falls apart over longer distances, and that flat Earthers routinely mistake the “drop” of the Earth away from you with the amount an object is “below” the horizon – as this article shows, they are 2 very different things. FLAT EARTH “THEORY” AND THE POLE STARS CONUNDUM Flat Earth “Theory” And The Pole Stars Conundum. About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper ( Rorycoopervids ), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid. We’ll call this “The Pole Stars

Conundrum”.

MAHRAI ZILLER

LOVE AND LOSS

DAILY GUANO

himself has taken

UNCATEGORIZED

and flat out

BEACON OF CENTAURI

Another advisory body set up in the wake of the discovery (though later, after the visuals were presented) was the International Commission for the Analysis of Extraterrestrial Military Hardware.

MAHRAI ZILLER

WHAT IS GRIEVING?

I thought once that grief is something you go through, as if you come out the other side. This is because grief is often described as a “process”, as if it’s something you go through, as if it has some end point. That idea is exacerbated by the misinterpreted idea that there are “stages” of DISCUSSION | MAHRAI ZILLER This ends this weekend. My alcoholism both corrupted the life with the person I loved and lost, and has defined my existence after that loss. I can’t think of not being an alcoholic and bettering MH existence because the person I love won’t get to enjoy that reality. FLAT EARTH “THEORY” AND THE POLE STARS CONUNDUM Flat Earth “Theory” And The Pole Stars Conundum. About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper ( Rorycoopervids ), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid. We’ll call this “The Pole Stars

Conundrum”.

ARGUMENTS | MAHRAI ZILLER Posts about Arguments written by mahraiziller. I propose a new rule in debates and discussions: Anyone who blithely throws around the accusation of someone being a troll, just because they disagree with them – or more likely, can’t answer the points – has automatically lost the debate. WORKING WITH THE CURVATURE OF A SPHERICAL EARTH mahraiziller says : February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am. Pythagoras can give you good approximations over short distances, but the main things to remember are that it falls apart over longer distances, and that flat Earthers routinely mistake the “drop” of the Earth away from you with the amount an object is “below” the horizon – as this article shows, they are 2 very different things. WHY I CAN SAY WITH ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY THAT THERE IS NO Okay, so apart from their being no evidence yet for space faring ETs roaming around the place, it is apparently a scenario that gets explored not only in the imaginations of story-tellers, but also by many in the scientific community – and even some within government and military circles have reportedly looked into it.. As a massive fan boy of both the SETI project and science-fiction TED CRUZ | MAHRAI ZILLER Cruz, T the Clown’s presidential bid has impressed people in comas all over the country. When asked about what they thought, John Burrage – a man who has been in a vegetative state for the past decade after a vicious gerbil attack – dribbled slightly down his left cheek. JUNE | 2015 | MAHRAI ZILLER THE DAILY GUANO. USE OF HYPERBOLIC LANGUAGE “MURDERING OUR CHILDREN WHILE THEY SLEEP”, SAYS SENIOR GOVERNMENT FIGURE. Today, somebody who does something in the government, that we can report is very important and makes them “senior”, has called out the growing use of hyperbolic language in society and the damaging effects it is

clearly having.

MAHRAI ZILLER

Grief is a part of the process of love. At its most difficult points it becomes a method of self-destruction – and everyone who encounters grief (so. everyone) does this to some extent. But what’s important is turning grief back into love – it’s sacrificing part of you to be a better person and make a better world. WORKING WITH THE CURVATURE OF A SPHERICAL EARTH mahraiziller says : February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am. Pythagoras can give you good approximations over short distances, but the main things to remember are that it falls apart over longer distances, and that flat Earthers routinely mistake the “drop” of the Earth away from you with the amount an object is “below” the horizon – as this article shows, they are 2 very different things. FLAT EARTH “THEORY” AND THE POLE STARS CONUNDUM Flat Earth “Theory” And The Pole Stars Conundum. About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper ( Rorycoopervids ), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid. We’ll call this “The Pole Stars

Conundrum”.

MAHRAI ZILLER

Grief is a part of the process of love. At its most difficult points it becomes a method of self-destruction – and everyone who encounters grief (so. everyone) does this to some extent. But what’s important is turning grief back into love – it’s sacrificing part of you to be a better person and make a better world. WORKING WITH THE CURVATURE OF A SPHERICAL EARTH mahraiziller says : February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am. Pythagoras can give you good approximations over short distances, but the main things to remember are that it falls apart over longer distances, and that flat Earthers routinely mistake the “drop” of the Earth away from you with the amount an object is “below” the horizon – as this article shows, they are 2 very different things. FLAT EARTH “THEORY” AND THE POLE STARS CONUNDUM Flat Earth “Theory” And The Pole Stars Conundum. About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper ( Rorycoopervids ), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid. We’ll call this “The Pole Stars

Conundrum”.

MAHRAI ZILLER

LOVE AND LOSS

DAILY GUANO

himself has taken

UNCATEGORIZED

and flat out

BEACON OF CENTAURI

Another advisory body set up in the wake of the discovery (though later, after the visuals were presented) was the International Commission for the Analysis of Extraterrestrial Military Hardware.

MAHRAI ZILLER

WHAT IS GRIEVING?

Conundrum”.

clearly having.

MAHRAI ZILLER

Grief is a part of the process of love. At its most difficult points it becomes a method of self-destruction – and everyone who encounters grief (so. everyone) does this to some extent. But what’s important is turning grief back into love – it’s sacrificing part of you to be a better person and make a better world. VIDEOS | MAHRAI ZILLER Posts about Videos written by mahraiziller. A video response to Flat Earth proponent “Freeanergy”, who claims that flight plans from Cape Town to Aukland and Sydney to Rio prove a Flat Earth. WORKING WITH THE CURVATURE OF A SPHERICAL EARTH mahraiziller says : February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am. Pythagoras can give you good approximations over short distances, but the main things to remember are that it falls apart over longer distances, and that flat Earthers routinely mistake the “drop” of the Earth away from you with the amount an object is “below” the horizon – as this article shows, they are 2 very different things. FLAT EARTH “THEORY” AND THE POLE STARS CONUNDUM Flat Earth “Theory” And The Pole Stars Conundum. About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper ( Rorycoopervids ), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid. We’ll call this “The Pole Stars

Conundrum”.

MAHRAI ZILLER

LOVE AND LOSS

DAILY GUANO

himself has taken

BEACON OF CENTAURI

Another advisory body set up in the wake of the discovery (though later, after the visuals were presented) was the International Commission for the Analysis of Extraterrestrial Military Hardware.

MAHRAI ZILLER

Grief is a part of the process of love. At its most difficult points it becomes a method of self-destruction – and everyone who encounters grief (so. everyone) does this to some extent. But what’s important is turning grief back into love – it’s sacrificing part of you to be a better person and make a better world. VIDEOS | MAHRAI ZILLER Posts about Videos written by mahraiziller. A video response to Flat Earth proponent “Freeanergy”, who claims that flight plans from Cape Town to Aukland and Sydney to Rio prove a Flat Earth. WORKING WITH THE CURVATURE OF A SPHERICAL EARTH mahraiziller says : February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am. Pythagoras can give you good approximations over short distances, but the main things to remember are that it falls apart over longer distances, and that flat Earthers routinely mistake the “drop” of the Earth away from you with the amount an object is “below” the horizon – as this article shows, they are 2 very different things. FLAT EARTH “THEORY” AND THE POLE STARS CONUNDUM Flat Earth “Theory” And The Pole Stars Conundum. About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper ( Rorycoopervids ), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid. We’ll call this “The Pole Stars

Conundrum”.

MAHRAI ZILLER

LOVE AND LOSS

DAILY GUANO

himself has taken

BEACON OF CENTAURI

Another advisory body set up in the wake of the discovery (though later, after the visuals were presented) was the International Commission for the Analysis of Extraterrestrial Military Hardware.

MAHRAI ZILLER

WHAT IS GRIEVING?

I thought once that grief is something you go through, as if you come out the other side. This is because grief is often described as a “process”, as if it’s something you go through, as if it has some end point. That idea is exacerbated by the misinterpreted idea that there are “stages” of WHERE IT ALL (DIDN’T ACTUALLY) BEGIN I'm sat in the beer garden where the appearance of things going wrong began. That's so different from where they actually began to go wrong, because that source is something I'll never know (and what makes the process of grief so difficult). My phone had FLAT EARTH “THEORY” AND THE POLE STARS CONUNDUM Flat Earth “Theory” And The Pole Stars Conundum. About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper ( Rorycoopervids ), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid. We’ll call this “The Pole Stars

Conundrum”.

DISCUSSION | MAHRAI ZILLER This ends this weekend. My alcoholism both corrupted the life with the person I loved and lost, and has defined my existence after that loss. I can’t think of not being an alcoholic and bettering MH existence because the person I love won’t get to enjoy that reality. ARGUMENTS | MAHRAI ZILLER Posts about Arguments written by mahraiziller. I propose a new rule in debates and discussions: Anyone who blithely throws around the accusation of someone being a troll, just because they disagree with them – or more likely, can’t answer the points – has automatically lost the debate. WORKING WITH THE CURVATURE OF A SPHERICAL EARTH mahraiziller says : February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am. Pythagoras can give you good approximations over short distances, but the main things to remember are that it falls apart over longer distances, and that flat Earthers routinely mistake the “drop” of the Earth away from you with the amount an object is “below” the horizon – as this article shows, they are 2 very different things. ON EVOLUTION, HOW WE TALK ABOUT IT INCORRECTLY, AND WHEN Many people today think of evolution and natural selection entirely incorrectly. We often repeat the idea that individuals compete to pass on their genes and through this process, coupled with advantageous mutations passed down to their offspring, those individuals or their offspring “evolve”. It’s painted as “survival of the fittest”, whereby only the healthiest and JUNE | 2015 | MAHRAI ZILLER THE DAILY GUANO. USE OF HYPERBOLIC LANGUAGE “MURDERING OUR CHILDREN WHILE THEY SLEEP”, SAYS SENIOR GOVERNMENT FIGURE. Today, somebody who does something in the government, that we can report is very important and makes them “senior”, has called out the growing use of hyperbolic language in society and the damaging effects it is

clearly having.

MAHRAI ZILLER

this disease

FLAT EARTH “THEORY” AND THE POLE STARS CONUNDUM Flat Earth “Theory” And The Pole Stars Conundum. About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper ( Rorycoopervids ), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid. We’ll call this “The Pole Stars

Conundrum”.

WORKING WITH THE CURVATURE OF A SPHERICAL EARTH mahraiziller says : February 21, 2016 at 5:08 am. Pythagoras can give you good approximations over short distances, but the main things to remember are that it falls apart over longer distances, and that flat Earthers routinely mistake the “drop” of the Earth away from you with the amount an object is “below” the horizon – as this article shows, they are 2 very different things. MJOLNIR | MAHRAI ZILLER Posts about Mjolnir written by mahraiziller. Having a conversation with my friend, Wolf (yes, that is his name – I’m not just getting high and talking to wild animals, pretending they are conversing with me, though I can understand why someone may think that given my relationship with my dog), we got on to the inevitable subject that all Marvel comics fans do at least several times a year

LOVE AND LOSS

MAHRAI ZILLER

DAILY GUANO

himself has taken

MAHRAI ZILLER

this disease

Conundrum”.

LOVE AND LOSS

MAHRAI ZILLER

DAILY GUANO

himself has taken

COMMENTS FOR MAHRAI ZILLER Integrated Sports events and campaigns have featured such superstars as Shaquille OвЂ Neil, Terry Bradshaw, Deion Sanders, Victor Cruz, Jimmy Connors, Chris Evert, Billy Jean King, Rafa Nadal, Mia Hamm, Willie Mays, Don Mattingly, Brett Gardner, Henrik Lundquist, Derek Jeter, Kristaps Porzingis and many more! Long term, personal relationships with these celebrities enables our team to bring ABOUT ME | MAHRAI ZILLER About Me. No, that’s not me. Although I’m often almost as hairy and would give anything for the carefree attitude exhibited by my dog. I’m a traveler; ex-publican; amateur astronomer; worker in the festival world; tree planter; day dreamer; and someone attempting to GEOMETRY | MAHRAI ZILLER About a month ago, that titan of modern cosmology and philosophy, Rory Cooper (Rorycoopervids), decided to take on what is possibly the greatest proof possible for anybody unable to leave the surface of the Earth, that the Earth is a spheroid.We’ll call this “The Pole Stars Conundrum”.. Anybody able to use the photosensitive ganglion cells in their retinas, together with all the other THOR’S HAMMER EXPLAINED: MJOLNIR-CENTRISM! So, there we have it. Newton’s laws of motion seem to indicate that Mjolnir must occupy THE preferred reference frame in the universe, and since it must move the universe around itself, it therefore occupies (in the only way we could define it, I guess) its center.. Mjolnir-centrism. Somebody tell the Geocentrists they were right all along – they just have the wrong thing in the center of

ON HOMELESSNESS

These are some of the biggest #HomelessIssues faced by homeless people in the uk. Share and spread the #HomelessAwareness! (This list is, sadly, not exhaustive. But whenever you spot an issue related here, please use the associated hashtag, so that we can get these issues trending and push them into the public consciousness. And if THE NON-FUTURE OF HOMELESSNESS Generations to come will not know homelessness. They will look back and read homeless stories like we read Dickens novels talking about children sweeping chimneys. This is my dream. “A map of the world that does not include Utopia is not worth even glancing at, for it leaves out the one country at which Humanity EARTH | MAHRAI ZILLER I apologize right now for the horrendous amount of geometry involved in this post. Somebody recently asked me to check their work relating to the curvature of the Earth, which prompted me to make this post – not just in answer to them, but also because I’ve seen a lot of people talk about the curvature of the Earth, most of whom don’t really get the whole picture correct. JUNE | 2019 | MAHRAI ZILLER Every pro-homeless thing I post gets support from my friends, and I love you for it. Even 10 year’s ago it would be almost unthinkable to post pro-homeless things with MAY | 2015 | MAHRAI ZILLER 5 posts published by mahraiziller during May 2015. As polls came in thick and fast last night, showing a landslide victory for everyone who wasn’t a UKIP candidate, Nigel Far Right Farage laid into the entire media industry of the UK for it’s blatant left-wing bias in not pronouncing him the next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.. After being laughed out of the counting hall, Mr Fat JUNE | 2016 | MAHRAI ZILLER THE DAILY GUANO The political right wing of the UK wins dramatic vote against the political right wing of the UK. Today, the electorate of the United Kingdom took part in a dramatic vote, favouring the right wing over the right wing. NIGEL FARAGE BLAMES LEFT-WING MEDIA FOR NOT ANNOUNCING HIS THE DAILY GUANO NIGEL FARAGE BLAMES THE UK'S BIASED LEFT-WING MEDIA FOR NOT ANNOUNCING HIS PARTY'S STUNNING ELECTION VICTORY As polls came in thick and fast last night, showing a landslide victory for everyone who wasn't a UKIP candidate, Nigel Far Right Farage laid into the entire media industry of the UK for it's blatant

MAHRAI ZILLER

INTEGRATED SPORTS

LOVE AND LOSS

MAHRAI ZILLER

himself has taken

DAILY GUANO

HOMELESS/TRANSIENCE

Every pro-homeless thing I post gets support from my friends, and I love you for it. Even 10 year’s ago it would be almost unthinkable to post pro-homeless things with

MAHRAI ZILLER

INTEGRATED SPORTS

LOVE AND LOSS

MAHRAI ZILLER

himself has taken

DAILY GUANO

HOMELESS/TRANSIENCE

Every pro-homeless thing I post gets support from my friends, and I love you for it. Even 10 year’s ago it would be almost unthinkable to post pro-homeless things with ABOUT ME | MAHRAI ZILLER About Me. No, that’s not me. Although I’m often almost as hairy and would give anything for the carefree attitude exhibited by my dog. I’m a traveler; ex-publican; amateur astronomer; worker in the festival world; tree planter; day dreamer; and someone attempting to

ON HOMELESSNESS

These are some of the biggest #HomelessIssues faced by homeless people in the uk. Share and spread the #HomelessAwareness! (This list is, sadly, not exhaustive. But whenever you spot an issue related here, please use the associated hashtag, so that we can get these issues trending and push them into the public consciousness. And if THE NON-FUTURE OF HOMELESSNESS Generations to come will not know homelessness. They will look back and read homeless stories like we read Dickens novels talking about children sweeping chimneys. This is my dream. “A map of the world that does not include Utopia is not worth even glancing at, for it leaves out the one country at which Humanity THE SCHWARZENEGGER RADIUS The radius of someone's ability, such that, if their entire ego was compressed into that space, nothing - not even charisma - could escape. Given the equation: Rs = (2G*e)/c^2 (Rs = the Schwarzenegger Radius, G = the person's constant ability to be a MAY | 2019 | MAHRAI ZILLER Looking at media, there are some troubling tropes around the portrayal of homeless people. Tv tropes itself doesn’t tend to deal with the more negative tropes involving homeless people, and definitely doesn’t recognise these harmful tropes, so I thought I’d share them and talk about them: JUNE | 2019 | MAHRAI ZILLER Every pro-homeless thing I post gets support from my friends, and I love you for it. Even 10 year’s ago it would be almost unthinkable to post pro-homeless things with SYSTEMIC HOMELESS STARVATION Anti-homeless policies are evolving to target both those who provide relief to the homeless and the ability for homeless people to survive. DECEMBER | 2018 | MAHRAI ZILLER Here’s the problem with “innocent until proven guilty” when it comes to accusations of rape or sexual assault: It’s not that it’s wrong, but that people only talk about the accused and don’t accept the fact that the accusers are also innocent of false accusations until proven guilty. JUNE | 2016 | MAHRAI ZILLER THE DAILY GUANO The political right wing of the UK wins dramatic vote against the political right wing of the UK. Today, the electorate of the United Kingdom took part in a dramatic vote, favouring the right wing over the right wing. USE OF HYPERBOLIC LANGUAGE “MURDERING OUR CHILDREN WHILE THE DAILY GUANO. USE OF HYPERBOLIC LANGUAGE “MURDERING OUR CHILDREN WHILE THEY SLEEP”, SAYS SENIOR GOVERNMENT FIGURE. Today, somebody who does something in the government, that we can report is very important and makes them “senior”, has called out the growing use of hyperbolic language in society and the damaging effects it is

clearly having.

MAHRAI ZILLER

Musings and fictions of a world, somewhere.

* About Me

* Science

* Fiction

* Beacon Of Centauri

* Daily Guano

* Love And Loss

* Homeless/Transience

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January 3, 2020

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WHERE IT ALL (ACTUALLY) BEGAN It’s the morning of January 3rd 2012. The day before, I’d been on the phone asking a woman if I could come to her house to view a pup I’d seen online – the cutest photo of her sat on a chair looking down as if trying to figure out how to reach the floor – with a view to leave a deposit if I chose to take her on and to come back in a few days after that to bring her home. My parents don’t know what’s happening. They’re about to go to France on the 4th, so I’m waiting until the 5th before I bring her back if I decide it’s right. She’s a husky/malamute/rough collie. I’ve worked with rescue dogs most of my adult life, but I know that huskies can be a tough breed (at least, I’m told that by husky owners), so as beautiful as she is I don’t know if I’m right for her until we meet. I drive an hour down the motorway to the Wirral, just a mile or so from where my first fiancé lived. On the drive there I run through memories of driving to my fiancé’s house to go on adventures or bring her back to Manchester. I’m driving through the past and the future and the present all at

once.

The most significant part of my past (with the first love of my life – someone who taught me how to love) with the most significant part of my future (with the love of my life to come – someone who would go on to completely define me and teach me so much about the world), both fused into one in that journey – the most significant journey of my past, present and future. I arrive at the house and ring the doorbell. The lady is expecting me and welcomes me in. We chat for a few moments as three dogs run around us. Then there’s a tumbling sound coming down the stairs. A light brown/red and white pup scurries in and runs around me once as I stand there, before sitting down by my right foot. As I look down, she looks up and flashes me the biggest, cutest grin

I’ve ever seen.

The lady and I look back at each other. She says, “well, I think she’s made her mind up.” I went there to decide if I was going to get a pup. That’s not at all how it worked. I went there and a pup decided she was going to get me. That one moment redefined how I deal with dogs. It defined the relationship we would have together. I wasn’t getting a dog. I’d never again think of dogs as creatures that we have and look

after.

It was the start of a relationship. In two days time I wouldn’t be picking up a dog. I’d be bringing a member of my family home, and spending my life

loving them.

The lady asks if I’ve thought of a name for her. I tell her I have, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. It’s

“Cadagan”.

She flashed me an odd look. It’s a strange name. I picked it because it’s unique and because it sounds fairly celtic. I thought I made it up. I’d find out later that it’s actually a Welsh name. More than that, it’s the name of a Welsh prince who invaded England

– a celtic hero.

Oddly fitting for a pup born in the Wirral. I go to hold her paws, and the lady looks oddly at me again, but Cadagan looks happy. She isn’t trying to get away or bite me. She’s just looking into my eyes and smiling. I already know we’re going to be together. I know she’s chosen this – and she’ll confirm it in two days time when I pick her up and carry her out of the house to my van with no protest, just absolute comfort in my arms and never once looking back. Just

snuggling up to me.

The entire future of my life from this moment is set. She is in my heart and always will be, forever. I bring this moment up because it is the 8 year anniversary of our meeting, but also because this blog is about grief, and grief begins the moment you meet the person you love. Your entire life together and everything it entails – including the grief of loss – begins exactly at that moment. And that moment is one of pure unadulterated joy and companionship.

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December 2, 2019

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DENIAL ISN’T ALWAYS WHAT YOU THINK During my period of grief, 2 of the 4 “stages/phases” have stuck out bold and clear as I’ve bounced between them both, bargaining and

anger.

One that seemed noticeably absent was denial. I began to wonder if this was something so universal in grief, and if so why wasn’t I

experiencing it?

But then it hit me: I’ve been going through denial all along, and

still am.

Denial isn’t just when you consciously and overtly believe and express how the one you love can’t possibly be dead, as it’s always portrayed in films and tv shows. Everyone goes through it, but for most of us it is something so subtle we might not recognise it for what it is. Ever since I lost my pup, I’ve had moments where I wake up and think the blurry mound of clothes on the floor in the dim morning light is her – sometimes my mind even thinks it sees a tail wagging for a

moment.

I quickly come to and realise it’s not, but what my brain is doing is going through that denial stage. It’s the moments when I’m finishing work and half wait around to find her so we can go home. It’s the times I don’t want to go home because she won’t be there, as if that will stop it being true – or when I don’t want to leave work without her even when I know that’s impossible now. It’s the moments I’m walking along and look down to my side expecting to see her, even though I know she’s not going to be

there.

It’s the times I fall on my knees by my bed crying uncontrollably and hug my duvet because I just want to hug her. It’s why I haven’t cleaned my room for a month because I get to come home and still smell something of her, and I have nothing else but that smell – fittingly the scent that meant so much to her –

to remember her by.

It’s why even as my home life is collapsing and I need to find somewhere new to live tomorrow, I can’t leave, precisely because that room is the only place I still smell her. It’s the times I ask the wind “why aren’t you here, my

sweetheart?”

It’s also the times I’m putting off dealing with the trauma of her death. Dealing with losing her is taking all my energy, and in response I’m often putting off going through that moment she died in my arms so unexpectedly. It’s part of her death that my mind is trying to deny at times because dealing with the loss is hard enough, but going back through that one moment will just destroy me. You may think you’re not experiencing denial while you grieve because you know they’re gone and you’re not pretending they’ll

come back.

But you are going through it, every time your brain thinks you see them out of the corner of your eye, or when you’re doing something you used to do together and for just a moment you stop to wait for

them.

Denial comes in many different forms. It’s not just someone disbelieving their loved one is dead, or continuing their daily routine as if they’re still alive. It’s often more subtle than that Hollywood trope. It also underpins a lot of your bargaining and anger, which is why when the “stages” of grief were incorrectly categorised as actual “stages” through a linear process that you go through, it was the

first stage.

We now know better about how all those “stages” occur sometimes simultaneously, sometimes out of the original sequence, but that they are features of grief rather than the structure of grief. We know now that you don’t begin by denying the loss, then bargaining for it not happen, then be angry that it did, and then accepting it. Rather, you do actually go through all of those processes, but in no general order and you don’t magically finish with one “stage” and get to the other. ————————

But back to denial:

You may consciously know they’re gone, but your subconscious hasn’t yet accepted it. You still want them to be around, and you’ve loved and been with them for so long that your brain isn’t yet able to process the world for you without them being there – it’s why your brain keeps inserting them in your vision, desperately trying to form them out of abstract images and movements in your periphery. Your brain is trying to cope with rewriting the inputs from the world around it in which they no longer physically exist. Even if you think you aren’t living through the denial stage, because it’s not what you were taught it to be, you are. When you lose someone you love it takes time for you to mentally live in a world where they are no longer physically here. It doesn’t look like what you’re told, but it is something you will go through in some form. Just remember that denial isn’t always what you think it is, but it’s healthy. It’s part of your brain coming to terms with everything and with the loss.

November 16, 2019

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WHERE IT ALL (DIDN’T ACTUALLY) BEGIN I’m sat in the beer garden where the appearance of things going

wrong began.

That’s so different from where they actually began to go wrong, because that source is something I’ll never know (and what makes the process of grief so difficult). My phone had officially died on me the night before, and today I bought a laptop (to replace the one that died around a year ago), because I had a replacement phone already ordered and on its way. At the table, my love whimpers. I think I’ve just done something stupid like not extinguishing a cigarette butt, and she’s stepped on it.

I check her over.

No sign of anything. She’s licking her paw but soon stops. We leave the pub garden and she’s not even limping. But from this day on, she will begin to lick and bite at her paw sporadically and appear to be distressed.

——————-

HOLY SHIT.

I literally just stubbed my cigarette out whilst typing this and checked she wasn’t under the table at the time, despite her being dead for over a week. ——————– But back to that day…. We go back home and nothing seems wrong beyond her licking her paw occasionally, which I put down to her have an injury that has happened

today.

The kicker is, that probably was what happened, or it probably wasn’t and it was a symptom of an underlying issue that needed to be addressed. But I’ll go on to find out that neither truth, nor my response to it, could have saved the one I love. I’ll then spend every day after she died trying to understand that

fact.

Nothing at that point looked life threatening for her. What killed her may not have even had anything to do with that. But I love her and at that point she was uncomfortable and I wanted to help her, and the past two months began at that moment. And also, for any “wannabe vets” reading this: I’ve gone through

it all.

I’ve looked at all of her symptoms, and everything I *could* have done to save the one I love, and there’s nothing. I’ll talk more about this and what it means for the process of grief another day, but suffice to say I’ve killed myself over and again concerning how I could have saved her – and especially concerning identifying what killed her. I’ve even gone through the thought processes of how I might have killed her – and I’ll get to that emotional black hole another day. Here’s what I’ve found out:

I couldn’t.

Whatever took her was something that even trained vets wouldn’t have spotted, and even if they had her survival rate would have been 1% or less. In fact, it’s something they DIDN’T spot. If they didn’t,

how could I?

I’m not saying any of this to find absolution. It’s actually comforting to know you could have done something, because you can learn how to save someone next time and you can tell yourself that the fate of the person you love was always in your

hands.

That’s what we always want to believe. It just isn’t true, and dealing with that fact is so difficult that I’m still comparing her symptoms online to see if I can understand why she’s gone. Breaking news: that will never happen. I still do it, because it is actually a healthy part of the grieving process, as long as it doesn’t become an obsession – and everyone will do it even when we know there is no answer we can find – because that’s exactly what you do when someone you love dies suddenly and unexpectedly (especially in your arms). You want to know why, because you love them. And this is one of the hardest parts of grief: you will explore every avenue EVEN IF YOU KNOW YOU WON’T FIND AN ANSWER AND EVEN IF YOU

KNOW YOU KNOW THAT.

Being forearmed about this part of grief can’t prevent you going through it. You will put yourself through it, and no amount of people telling you it’s natural and how you don’t need to will stop you from doing it (and don’t listen to people saying you don’t need to, because as well meaning as they’re being, it just makes you feel

worse).

It’s not a bug of the grieving process. It’s a feature. It’s a testament to how much you loved that person and how much losing them affects you. Remember: you’re grieving for a reason (for the best reason ever, because it is a process all about love – and never forget the fact that grief only exists because of the love you have and have experienced), and that process will and must happen whether you understand the process or not. And these are the important lessons to learn about grief: 1) Understanding the process doesn’t ever make it easier or faster

to go through;

2) This process is about love, and because of that you should always remember that what you’re going through is a healthy process. You may need support to prevent that process becoming unhealthy, and if you do you should feel ok about jumping into that support. But the fact that you are going through this process is a healthy thing. In fact, what you’re going through is a healing process. And just as not all physical wounds can heal in a healthy manner and may need professional attention, not all emotional wounds can heal in a healthy manner and may need professional attention. If you cut your hand, it’s natural for it to hurt and for your body to try to heal that wound. But sometimes your body can’t do it correctly, for a variety of reasons way beyond your control. Likewise, when you lose somebody you love, it’s natural for it to hurt and for your body to try to heal that wound. But sometimes your body can’t do it correctly, for a variety of reasons beyond your

control.

It’s not the pain and the process that’s a problem. It’s actually the only path to healing. It’s where that process malfunctions and ends up doing more damage that’s the problem. But even with that, always feel able to seek help. After all, who would suffer having an arm cut off without asking someone to stop the bleeding and clean the wound, even when they know their red blood cells are already trying to clot and stop them

bleeding out?

A grim picture, but don’t ever think that grief can’t become as grim and fatal as physical pain. People die from grief. It’s necessary for you to understand what you’re going through and why, and why it’s always correct and necessary to seek and get help

through it.

You’re going through this process because you lost someone you love. Not because you should also be lost to those who love – and will ever in the future get to love – you. I’ll talk more later on about how guilt is a part of bargaining in grief, and about how grief is a process that we have evolved in order to retain love for those we lost without feeling we’re betraying them when we finally accept they’re gone – a process we’ve developed in order to deal with losing a loved one whilst keeping them with us always, as we always wanted to, and becoming able to continue living in a world that no longer involves their physical involvement

in our lives.

Suffice to say, you can never – even with all the knowledge of the grieving process available to you – not go through it when you lose

your love.

It will happen. And for those of you who understand the process, that’s especially difficult to deal with. But knowing psychology doesn’t inoculate you from its affects, just as knowing how pathogens work doesn’t inoculate you from the flu.

It will happen.

You’ll feel shit.

You’ll feel as bad as those without a scientific understanding of

what’s going on.

You’ll probably feel worse because that scientific understanding doesn’t make it better. There isn’t a one glove fits all to any wound, especially grief. Because grief is a very specific process that you have to endure, and is inherently painful to endure no matter how much you understand it, because losing people you love hurts and is meant to hurt. It wouldn’t hurt if you didn’t love them. Cut my hand and put iodine on it to clean it, and I know what’s happened and how much it will hurt SCIENTIFICALLY. But I’ll still run around and scream and cry no matter how much I understand what’s

happening.

Grief is a healing process. Don’t shy from it. Don’t feel bad for going through it. Don’t ever feel that you shouldn’t request help

to get through it.

November 14, 2019

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GRIEVING MY DOG IS MADE TO FEEL INFERIOR TO GRIEVING A PERSON We have an underlying understanding in our society that if you lose someone you love, who’s a human, it’s a big deal. But if you lose a dog, it should at most take you a couple of days to

get over it.

But that’s not true, as many dog companions would tell you. For one thing, I lost my companion right next to me in a sudden and tragic incident. An incident that will traumatise me for the rest of my life, because I literally watched someone I love die within seconds next to me with nothing I could do to stop it. But for another thing, I spent literally every minute of every hour with my pup. I spent more time by her side than any parents spend with

their kids.

I was never separated from her for years. I took jobs that allowed us to always be together, even whilst I worked. It’s a fair argument that your offspring mean so much to you as to make loss unbearable. But so is the argument where you spend every hour of every day being with the one you love. This is NOT to say that I loved my pup more than people love their kids. On the contrary, it is to dispel the myth that those of us with canine companions can’t possibly know the love and loss of a family member, or justify our feelings after they’re gone as such. Imagine always being with the one you love, 24/7 – literally, no

hours off.

Then you understand who I lost, the relationship I had, and why it hurts to lose her so much. Neither grief is superior or inferior. We love who we love. And when they leave us, we grieve them. That’s all that matters – that we love them and grieve them.

November 14, 2019

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FIRST DAY BACK AT WORK I woke up 2 hours before work. I was still half an hour late. Dragging myself out of bed isn’t easy when it’s cold at the best

of times.

I’ve cried everyday since it happened. And not just a bit of a well-up. I’ve sobbed uncontrollably. I’ve held the covers of my bed, my knees on the floor, and kissed my duvet as I hold it as if it’s her. Like I used to kneel at the bed and cuddle her and kiss her before I got her up for the day. It’s nearly a week and I’m still crying uncontrollably for my

love.

I stood at the gate of work having to will myself in, like I had to physically force myself back into my bedroom the day she left. I get hugs from my workmates. It’s a testament to how we’re not just colleagues, but family. More than that, they all send her their love, which shows how she touched everyone she met. She wasn’t just a dog. She was part of their family too. On the board I see I might be driving the van in which she died next

to me.

I freeze.

It all comes back, but I don’t want the first thing my friends deal with in the morning to be me collapsing in grief. It’s the first day I’m back. I don’t want them to start the day with a breakdown. It’s not on purpose. It’s just up on the board naturally. It’s the job I’d have been doing if none of this happened. There’s a note on the calendar to call Phil.

I do.

We have a conversation where we talk about what’s going on today, what I need and what I can do and what jobs we need to do. He coaxed it out of me that I’m not ready for that yet, and

rearranged the day.

I know I’ve got to face it soon.

I just can’t now.

I was going to bite it, but he pulls it out of me that I can’t. It’s not just grieving for a lost dog. It’s not even just grieving for a lost loved one and my kid. That’s where it happened. In that vehicle, next to me as I was driving, she dropped dead without

warning.

Zero warning.

She was ok, apart from being sick. She sat up next to me and looked

fine.

And then she wasn’t.

Then she died.

In less time than it takes me to physically say that small sentence. I have no way of understanding that moment, let alone dealing with it. It’s the trauma of that moment that’s hitting me, and I’ve had it on loop since it happened.

He knows.

He understands.

He doesn’t want me near power tools or driving without supervision. Not just because I could have an accident, but because he doesn’t want to put me in that situation. We agree on a job that needs doing that I can face – building a set of shelves for the back office. I’ve been trying to get round to it for months, but other duties have got in the way. It’s a job that should take half a day, at most. I barely finish in time to go home. I’m not to work with cutting tools today, for my own safety. I need to build some shelves. My timber manager cuts them to my specifications. I can’t cut them, but I’m eager to get things done as fast as we can, so I labour as a chippy’s mate like I’ve never done before. Every moment of the day I’m reminded of her: running around the yard, lying in the canteen floor, sitting in the office, skanking food during lunch (she always tried to tell people I never fed her). Then I get reminded of her in a different way. I put some cut pieces of timber on a tarp covered table with a pool of water on it, and the water moves to where the wood lies, and it reminds me of her vomit on the seat as we drove just before she died, and the both of us trying to keep her away from it until I can stop

and clean it up.

I stop and begin to breakdown. I pick up some 8×1 pieces of timber and they weigh as much as she did when I carried her out of the van. I stop and begin to breakdown. I put some timber on the woodwork table, and I remember laying her

down in the vets.

I stop and begin to breakdown. I push the timber on the table, and remember my hands rubbing her belly whilst I was on the phone to my sister, telling her “she’s so cold, she’s so cold” over and over again. I stop and begin to breakdown. I make my way out for a cigarette. All I can see is that day. The last sound she made was a whimper, after she collapsed and I pulled her up whilst driving. I need to hear her being happy. I put on a video of her playing in the snow, and one of her running in the park as a puppy, coming back for strokes behind the ear. I stop and breakdown.

I go back in.

Our life together runs on loop. The moment I lost her runs on loop. At around lunchtime I’m asked if I can do a delivery – not in the vehicle it happened in. I don’t think I can drive safely, but before I even say anything it’s sorted out and somebody else is stepping in. (I don’t know this and watch someone load the vehicle it happened in, thinking “it’s ok, they don’t know, but shit this will be hard”, to then find out they’ve got it sorted). Throughout the day I see her. I’m hyperventilating and I’ve not eaten. I see her walking next to me, running to have a wee in the yard, waiting for someone to throw a stick or play with a ball. Every time I go to the yard to get timber, I feel her walking next to me. Playing in the puddles and waiting for me to kick the water so we could play together. And I see her as a puppy, walking next to me in the woods, always trying to be near me. And I see her collapsing. And I see her in my arms as I run her into the vets. And I see her on the table as I can’t stop caressing her in the way she loved even though she was already gone. And I see her cradled in my arms as I stand in her grave and lower her down to rest in peace. And I finish the job. I’ve only had a total of 30 minutes break, even though my boss said take all the breaks you need. But it’s a job that took twice as long. But I’ve finished it.

The shelves are up.

It’s time to go home. The tree crews are coming back, and I’m getting hugs and handshakes and messages of love for both her and myself. I get a card from the folks in the office. I try not to stop and breakdown. My friend stops me before I go and asks how I am. She’s been checking on me throughout the day. I tell her it’s been tough, and that whilst I have to go home I neither want to leave work, stay at work or go back home. I assure her I’ll be safe. I drive home and park up, and I get out of the car and walk. I walk like a zombie, and every moment of the day she died gets replayed in my head, and I stop at a pub and I bawl like a child and I

can’t stop.

It feels like yesterday. I’m still trying to stop it happening. In my head I’m still trying to stop it happening and I can’t, and I can’t stop crying. I know I don’t just have grief for a lost loved one. I have ptsd

from what happened.

I don’t know how to get through this. I just know I miss my love.

November 14, 2019

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LOSING A LOVED ONE

I recently lost a companion who defined my life. It happened very suddenly and in a very traumatic way. Every loss is different, because every relationship is different, but I thought I’d start a blog about dealing with both my loss and the trauma it involved – both to help me deal with it and to help others dealing with something similar. The blog will start with my first day back at work. It could have started with the day my love died next to me, but then it could have started with the day we first met. On neither occasion was I ever in the mind to start this blog, but I thought I’d start this blog talking about the day that I started it. I’ll always be going back to everything from the day we met to the day she died and beyond – and trying to pretend there is anything linear about the lives we live with our loved ones doesn’t actually fit with how grief works. Grief is more…. Tralfamadorian. It makes us paint a landscape where time is just another spatial dimension. And so where we dip into it – or often choose to drown ourselves in it – and even where we choose to begin to talk about it has little to do with chronology in its strictest sense. We’re reliving the life of the person we lost, and we naturally begin that narrative at the point that we can begin that narrative. We also naturally don’t dip into the narrative of a lost loved one in any chronological sense. Instead we dip in and out of our lives together, remembering moments of joy and tragedy, in a manner that has little regard with the sequence of events as they happened. We live, through our grief, those moments in both a sequenced and causal way, but also – and most often – in a completely unsequenced path devoid of causality. So why should I start this blog at any point other than the day I chose to start this blog? No other moment holds greater merit. No other moment claims proprietary in terms of narrative as I recall our life together. No other moment can be said to be more important to begin with. Because it’s not about grading moments by their importance. It’s about how we build our stories of those we loved throughout our process of grieving their loss. No matter where I begin this story it probably won’t begin at the beginning, and nor will it continue linearly from there. It will begin where I begin it, and it will flutter around our lives together weaving the tapestry of a life that once made me whole. So this blog starts at a certain point after my loved one has died. It doesn’t start at her death, nor does it start at her birth. But it will contain both points and everything in between. Like a Tralfamadorian, both you and I shall experience her life and death and my dealing with the aftermath in a nonlinear way. I lived with the love of my life, and she has been lost to me. So it

goes.

October 5, 2019

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CHANNEL REBIRTH

Just set up a patreon page. Go to https://www.patreon.com/MahraiZiller to become a patreon and support the rebirth of the channel. New videos getting scripted now.

Topics include:

Eratosthenes

The Complex geometry behind the curvature of the Horizon The Cavendish experiment and the gravitational constant explained

Terraforming

SETI

Astrophysics

Homeless and transient issues and rights Spend $2 or more per month and get your name in the credits on videos plus interaction including suggesting new video topics. Spend $5 or more per month and get early viewing of new videos. More benefits to come. Possibly to be suggested and/or voted on.

August 24, 2019

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INTEGRATED SPORTS

The arguments against integrating sports seem to come from the idea that all or some sports are solely strength based, and male physiology typically overpowers female physiology. Now, there’s a lot to unpack in that latter argument itself, but I’m yet to find any sport that is SOLELY strength based anyway. Literally all sports involve an amount of skill and innovation. We’ve seen many times how somebody less strong than someone else still manages to beat them by using skill and creative techniques. I mean, the only reason the high jump got to the record breaking feats we see today is because someone had the mental acuity to watch other high jumpers and creatively come up with a method that beat them. And anybody else recall the “super bike” incident of 1996, where Chris Boardman won by a margin beyond the accepted difference between male and female cyclists? Literally any of the top flight female cyclists at the time would have won the men’s gold medal on that

bike.

Perhaps that method is now fixed physiologically, somehow (because one thing I’ve learned from looking at the human race is that physiology and morphology is completely fixed and doesn’t change at all and everyone is the exact same as everyone else down gender or sex lines despite that not being the case in biology at all), such that brute strength really is all that matters. But very few sports are like that at all. When anybody watches football, they talk about individual skill and group tactics – often marvelling at a weaker team or individual besting an opponent. But for some reason we think that only works down gendered lines, without any evidence to demonstrate it. We’re also assuming that a status quo for humanity now will forever be true, despite that not being how evolution works and how our attempt to enforce it might actually be what perpetuates it. Nature is full of animals whose females can outperform the males in

every way.

They weren’t created like that. They didn’t poof into existence like that. They evolved like that. Environmental pressures made them like that. It’s not “natural” that females will always be weaker than men – in many species they are bigger and stronger. So I just don’t get the arguments against integrating sports. They mostly come from misogynistic interpretations of both physiology and mental capacity. To be fair, I get the argument for certain sports at the top flight of those sports, given our current “typical” physiology, being segregated in order to allow top flight female athletes to shine. Segregated runners, weightlifters, high jumpers, etc, fine…. ish (because I don’t think you can really identify physiology into a clean binary based on gender or sex, neither of which is a true binary. Seriously get over yourselves and learn the basic facts that nature isn’t as clean as you want, unless you intend to ban hermaphrodites from sports because their existence makes your tiny heads explode. Like for fucks sake how fragile does your worldview have to be to base it on pretending actual living people don’t exist in order to perpetuate it? IT’S 2019 you remedial biologically illiterate dipsh…..) But I don’t agree with even this being set in stone in a manner that either accidentally or actively seeks to make this a permanent feature

of humanity.

Rant over.

TL;DR maybe people should stay awake during biology classes ffs

July 30, 2019

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THE DEBATE ABOUT THE EU IS SHIT I’d love to say why I think the EU is fucked, but it would be taken the wrong way by everyone – bigots would pretend that my story justifies their bullshit, and middle-class remainer-zealots would pretend that I’m just being a bigot by strawmanning my experience. None of what I experienced as a street-homeless person in Europe ever told me we should leave the EU. It told me that the EU – as it currently stands – doesn’t give a shit about homeless people beyond us being a political football among the member states and the EU as a whole (and the far right parties desperate to eradicate us. I lived on the streets in Nuremberg when Neo-Nazi groups were killing homeless people, and I saw it PERSONALLY. So yeah, fuck you, I’ve lived on the streets in Europe and experienced people targeting me for death.) It taught me that the EU needs to be opened up to give a shit about its poor and homeless, in the exact same way that none of its member states do individually, including the UK. It taught me that those member states need to be FORCED to give a shit about us, but instead their indifference, negligence and even animosity has been encouraged. The fact is that my experience requires nuance at a level beyond what I’d have been able to deal with without going through it, and at a level that few in the discussion have ever demonstrated. I’m so sorry about that. About the fact that most people’s privilege has protected them from the experiences that I’ve had. About the fact that most people are sheltered from the things I’ve seen and the choices I’ve had to make, and the agonising nuance of reality you never ever get to understand without that experience. I’m so sorry about that. And there’s a reason why I always ask what people think the knock-on effect of any decision will be regarding homeless people. It’s because I LIVED IT.

You don’t.

You never have.

To you, speeches and words are absolute and sincere (as long as they come from people you vaguely agree with). To me they aren’t.

I lived it.

I’ve seen that they aren’t. Trying to persuade me that they will be this time is disingenuous. Especially when you try to use such rhetoric in order to pretend you shouldn’t take the only action that will produce change. I lived sleeping with my hand grasped around a knife under my pillow as I slept under a bridge in Strasbourg because I couldn’t get a job or a home, because nobody I turned to ever gave me the option to be

anywhere else.

But NONE of you on either side are answering this. The right wing don’t give a shit, but to the left: has anybody in labour stated that the right to habitable shelter trumps all other

rights?

No.

None of Corbyn or anyone else has. Why do I keep asking how homeless and transient people will be affected by your party’s policies? It’s because your party (all parties) have never comprised of people with my experience and have never addressed anything us homeless have

experienced.

If your policy doesn’t include – or , to be honest, have as a FUNDAMENTAL TENET – “ensuring nobody sleeps on the street”, in the way we demonstrably can prove will make that a reality, I don’t

care.

And as a remainer who actually lived as a street homeless person in

the EU:

CAN WE STOP FUCKING PRETENDING NOBODY HAS ANY POSSIBLE REASON BEYOND RACISM TO HATE HOW IT WORKS? If you can’t accept that, I welcome you to try to live street homeless in the EU outside Britain.

July 10, 2019

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WHY CAPITALISM IS SHIT AND NEEDS REPLACING Someone mass produces a shitty kinder egg toy, pays their workers crap and earns millions from the profit. Someone goes out to feed and clothe people in destitution, gets paid nothing because it’s what they do to volunteer their services to

humanity.

According to capitalism everything here is ok, because it only values one thing – and it’s not humanity.

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